Love in the Dark
by letgolaughing
Summary: A request from Storybrookeoutlawqueen! Set in the Enchanted Forest right after Regina's halted execution and her "test" with Snow and the dagger, David confronts Regina in her cell about her reasons behind her bloody reign and he is faced with answers he did not expect.
1. Chapter 1

**This was a request on Instagram from the fabulous Storybrookeoutlawqueen! I don't recall the words exactly but it was something along the lines of "an Enchanted Forest story with lots of emotion!" And that is just right up my alley ;) I am sorry it took me so long to get it up but I do have another couple chapters for it just sitting and waiting to be put up too. I don't know how many chapters it will have but it is certainly not a one shot.**

 **And since it is EC Week I am going to do my best to spam you guys with lots of new things to read! But I must go before I run out of writing time!**

 **Enjoy! More feels to come! ;)**

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He had grown so tired of this feud. This war with the Evil Queen. It had been exhausting and he was coming to realize that it was not over. He had believed it had all finished when they had decided to banish her, when they had made a deal with Rumple that resulted in himself and Snow being physically protected from Regina's wrath. Physically. That was all.

It didn't take more than a few hours for him to realize this war was far from over and that his darling Snow was emotionally compromised. That despite Rumplestiltskin's assurances that no harm could be done by the queen's hand, Snow's heart and soul were still tortured by the dark woman. Mercilessly.

David never did understand Snow's obsession with Regina. Nor did he understand Regina's with Snow. But at least the queen's motives were not stemmed from illusion. She had her reasons and Snow was not hesitant to agree the woman's reasons held merit. But to rehabilitate the queen to recreate the idealistic image of the young woman idolized by a young girl's eyes...there was no hope for that. There was no way of knowing that that girl ever existed. Any child would be enamoured by their rescuer if they found themselves near death. They would hold no flaws in their eyes and despite the stories, David never did truly believe that Snow's depiction of Regina in their younger years had been entirely accurate.

How could he believe that this monster of a queen was once such an innocent and gentle creature?

He didn't. He never had and he doubted he ever would. But since the execution turned banishment, his Snow had fallen silent. She wouldn't speak, she would barely move, she was tormented by the loss of her stepmother and David was distressed. He couldn't make her feel better. No matter what he did he could barely get a smile from her on the best of days. Regina remained locked in her cell in the tower and Snow remained quiet and grieving. She had, after all, lost the person she held most dear.

He had accepted long ago that he came second to Regina in Snow's life. There was no mistaking it and no getting away from it it would seem. He didn't mind, he was used to it. Regina had been in Snow's life much longer and had clearly dug in to her heart much deeper than he. It wasn't going to change and he was learning that even when all hope was lost for her, Regina still took precedence over himself. It was nothing new.

It only made his curiosity stronger though and the need to know the truth was overwhelming. He needed to understand, he needed to know why Regina hated Snow so dearly and why Snow loved her so devastatingly in return. He needed to make sense of this debilitating war between these two women.

So he had left his tired and mourning wife-to-be in their chambers and called upon Rumplestiltskin once he was alone and secluded. The imp had appeared in moments and when David had asked for insight on the queen, the imp had laughed in his face. His glittery hands had waved about and his laugh had caused the hairs to rise on the back of David's neck but he insisted upon knowing. And the imp insisted it was a ridiculous and entirely pointless path to chase. A dead end. David didn't care. He needed to know.

It took persuasion but eventually the sparkly green man did surrender a ribbon to him. It was simple in appearance. A deep navy blue satin similar to that of the night sky, maybe two inches wide, and the length of his arm. Nothing special. Save for the fact it was infused with magic that would allow him to look in to the past of whomever's wrist he tied to his. Willing or not. He had made that requirement abundantly clear and Rumplestiltskin seemed to find it amusing. But David was done playing games, he just wanted answers. When he asked the price for such a piece of satin, he was answered with a shrill laugh and the assurance that the price would come in time but Rumple needn't any part in it. It had made David frown in confusion but when the imp questioned his resolution and offered to take the ribbon back, David's hand closed around it. And the gremlin of a man grinned.

It had been five full nights since the attempted execution turned banishment of the queen and on this sixth night David was climbing the stairs to the tower where the queen was kept. His thumb rubbing the smooth ribbon over and over again with each step he took. They were simply preparing for travel. Preparing to move the queen back to Snow's childhood castle where she would live out the rest of her days in banishment. Away from them and away from the people. But moving such a vicious and powerful sorceress without incident was not an easy feat by any means.

So the queen remained locked in her cell with Blue's spells containing the dark magic that flowed through her veins. However, despite her magic being restricted, her dark eyes were already focused on him the moment he came in to her line of sight. Like she was expecting him. He would be lying if he said it didn't send crude shivers down his spine or that the hairs on the back of his neck didn't raise, but he didn't let it show. His eyes remained hard while his mouth stayed in a tired scowl and with a few words he dismissed the guards and the queen smirked when they didn't obey until he scowled harder.

It was only when the three men left them unattended and David stood in front of her cage did she speak, "your men are loyal to your dear princess."

"They are her men."

"Hmm."

"Your tone suggests you think otherwise."

"Should a soldier not respect the orders of its hierarchy?"

"I am still but a shepherd until we are married. Their loyalty lies foremost with Snow. As it should."

"It bothers you though," she singsonged softly as she stepped right up to the bars with a smirk and her fingers curling around the cold metal.

"Why would it?" He argued and her lips twitched in to an amused smile for hardly a moment before her smirk returned and her eyes slowly and carefully studied him from head to toe. And then her shoulders lifted in to a bored shrug and she tilted her head, her eyes focused on his belt and travelling back up.

"You want to build something of your own," she reasoned plainly on a sigh.

"Like you did?"

"Well, you don't strike me as the bloodthirsty type, but," she quirked her head with a playful smile and looked him in the eye, "yes."

"Why did you do it?"

"You are going to have to be far more specific dear," she sighed as she rested her chin on the metal ledge that held the cold bars in place.

"I don't want your reasons for a specific incident. I want your reasons for this entire reign," he told her sharply and once more those lips of hers pulled in to a smile at his tone.

"The charming shepherd has a temper," she purred as she sunk in a little heavier to the bars, putting a slight arch in her back with the motion as he scowled at her.

"I am tired of your games, Regina. I want answers."

"Hmmm," she smirked with a light laugh as she tilted her head, "my reasons are my own, dear. Perhaps I simply am just a lunatic as they all say."

"You are far too smart to be a lunatic."

"You really are charming, aren't you," she grinned and he scowled harder.

"I assure you it was no compliment."

"What else could it have been?" She teased and when he gave her no answer, her lips split to show her teeth in a wildly amused grin. He was just too easy and she was having far too much fun. It had been growing incredibly boring in that cell of hers. His company was welcome entertainment.

"You may be mentally unstable, Regina, but that is not why you have brought so much suffering over this kingdom."

"No? What is then? Surely you have some preconceived idea or you would not be denying my explanation with such adamance."

"Snow speaks of you with too much love in her heart to make me believe it was so simple a reason," he told her and watched as the playfulness in her expression quickly morphed in to contempt.

"Why must all your conversations include that foolish girl. Have you no thoughts yourself?" She drawled out bitterly as she stepped back and turned away from the bars, turning her back to the shepherd. She had no desire to speak of Snow White.

"I resent that."

"Good for you," she retorted as she kept her back turned to him and began fiddling with the candle on her table. She really had nothing else to do.

Crossing his jaw to bite back his words, he went back to the topic at hand before he fell in to one of her traps. This conversation was his. Not hers. He wasn't going to let her take it from him, "she tells me you were good once. That you were one of the best. That the woman you once were is the woman she so desperately strives to become. And the one she is so intent on trying to find in you again."

"If the pair of you would truly talk with one another; I wouldn't have to repeat myself in saying that girl is gone. Snow White killed her."

"But you do acknowledge her existence," he noted as his curiosity spiked to new heights and her silence only encouraged it. She didn't say a word more and he knew he wasn't going to lure her closer again. So he slid the key in to the lock and her head turned over her shoulder just enough to see him open her cell door and step inside. She didn't know what to make of it. He could tell by the slight frown on her mouth and the tension between her eyebrows.

So he stepped inside a little further until her pride had her turning to face him. He was still so very wary of her. Even knowing she couldn't possibly hurt him, his senses were on high alert and his body was tight and ready to react should she try anything. He hated that even in rags she was beautiful. That even without her magic, her appearance remained flawless. Some part of him had always believed she was not a beautiful as they all claimed, that her magic was hiding her physical flaws. Perhaps a horrid complexion or an odd nose or even a couple bumps. But no. She was quite simply just a beautiful woman.

"Is that what you've come up here for?" She questioned with a raise of an eyebrow while her playful smirk made a comeback, "sent the guards away so no one would see or hear us?" She questioned and his confusion grew blatant. So she stepped forward and looked him up and down, "I don't open my legs for just anyone. But for you...well," she smirked and he scowled and harshly swatted her hand away when she tried to touch him.

"No."

"You sound so sure," she teased as she slunk just a little closer so she could rile him up a little more, "Snow would never have to know," she purred as her fingertips made contact with his abdomen. She was more than a little startled though when the gentle man snatched her wrist in his grip and flung her around so her back was pressed to the stone wall and his body kept her pinned there. He was furious over something more than her poking and she quickly recovered with a huffed exhale as she smiled and relaxed against the wall. Then she quirked her head to poke again, "Snow not rough enough for you, dear?"

He remained scowling and she was grinning once more as she hummed and took her time studying him, "I am not playing your games."

"So you keep saying," she replied plainly and her focus fell back on her wrist when his hand let go but it remained hanging up by her head. A dark satin ribbon had been looped around her wrist and she looked at it curiously as she flexed her fingers and smirked, "I recommend you take my clothes off before you tie my arms above my head, dear. Less hassle."

"I want answers, Regina," he snarled and she looked at him in boredom before she went back to examining the ribbon around her wrist, "this is your last chance to tell me your side of the story or I am finding it myself."

Regina looked to at him carefully and after a few moments of trying to figure out what he meant, she looked back at her wrist and turned it to study the ribbon further. There was nothing special about it. Not that she could tell in her current state anyway. The shepherd made her think otherwise though and her voice dipped dangerously in response, "what is this?"

"What turned you in to this monster?"

"Why do you suddenly care so much?"

"Because none of this makes any sense."

"Your conscience would remain clear if you continue to believe I am merely a psychopath."

"My conscience isn't clear. It has become abundantly clear to me these past few days that you are a very important figure in everyones' lives. I don't want to live through what happens if we simply toss you aside."

"Do not preach to me, shepherd," she scolded while she remained entirely relaxed between him and the wall with her wrist still strung up, "you are doing this in an attempt to pull your dear snowflake out of whatever misguided depression she has found herself in."

"It is not misguided to mourn the loss of someone you love."

"I already told you, Charming. She killed her long ago. You are doing this for you. You are trying to know me as a person because now it is in your best interest. Despite Snow White's constant pleas for you to try to see me as anything but the monster I am, you are only listening to her now because she has suddenly stopped asking. You are regretting not listening to her sooner. Now that there is truly no hope for me even in her eyes, you have come to realize that perhaps you were wrong in ignoring her. That perhaps there had been a person worth trying to save and your dear and charming conscience would not be able to cope with such a blow."

"Was I wrong?"

"I suppose we will never know, now will we."

"She tried so hard!" He shouted and she curled her lip back and raised to the fight, "she tried everything to help you! She wanted nothing more than to show you she still loved you but you wouldn't let her! Why?! Why are you so obsessed with ruining her?! What changed you?!"

"Do not pretend as though you can understand! There is no point to subjecting anyone else to the life I have lived! Not a week ago your wish to have me killed was nearly fulfilled and now you stand here before me trying to save me! Enlighten me on your reasons!"

"Snow stopped it! I want to know why! And I want to know why she came up here with a knife so completely trusting in that you wouldn't take it from her!"

"She has poor judgement."

"Tell me, Regina! Tell me why it took so long for her to give up on you!"

"You already have the answer to that. You told me yourself; she still loves me."

"I want to know why!"

"That is beyond my reach," she replied simply for it was mostly the truth, "she is holding on to the image of a person that no longer exists. It is not my fault we share a face."

He was so tired of her words, he was so tired of running in circles with her. It had been years of hell and she still wouldn't level with him. He couldn't tell if she was stubborn, proud, arrogant, or simply mad. But she wouldn't budge. So he swirled his wrist and the ribbon wrapped around him as well. He could feel the magic start to seep in to his system and at first it was uncomfortable but then it eased in to a smooth tug that began to build in warmth. The abrupt widening of Regina's eyes led him to believe she felt something similar.

"What are you-"

"Last chance. You tell me or I find out myself."

"Let go of me!" She shouted as her other hand came to try and claw the ribbon off her wrist. He was quick to take it and pin it to the wall behind her though and her heart started hammering in her chest as the foreign magic flooded her system and started picking through her mind. "David!" She cried out as she fought him but he kept her securely trapped between himself and the wall, "David, stop!"

By the time she realized what he was doing, the fast acting magic already had her crumbling and crying as memories of Leopold flooded her mind. Dark rooms, hot and rank pants against her skin, pain, violation, filth, hatred. Memories that she had worked so hard to bury and forget.

And then there were those of Cora. A strict hand, a sharp tongue, a cruel heart. Obsessive and repetitive. Chanting mantras on how she would be queen no matter the cost. Abuse, painful magic, cold eyes. The manipulation. The hand crushing her dear stable boy's heart. The love she still felt for her mother despite all she had put her through. She wanted her dead as much as she wanted her to love her in return. She hated her mother almost as much as she loved her.

Snow. The raw hatred and the blind rage. The pain and the wish to not love her. The betrayal, the secrets told. The countless attempts of redemption and the near successes of Snow's efforts. The need for Snow's death potent. It was poison, it was an obsession, it was dark. She needed it like she needed air. She hated the girl she loved, she hated the girl she saved, she hated the girl who caught her in the stables, she hated the girl that took everything from her and found it for herself. The child she was forced to dote on until she grew up and was chased from the palace only so she could find love in a poor shepherd boy that no one told her she couldn't be with.

Even with nothing that girl was still given everything. It made the anger burn hotter and the jealousy dig deeper. She needed Snow White dead, she needed her out of her life. She hated that there was a seed of love still buried deep in her heart that she knew would roar to life the moment she killed her. She knew as soon as Snow fell cold and dead and the celebrations came to an end, she would be left with regret and a broken heart the darkest shade of black. But she needed Snow White dead. She needed her heart in her hand, she needed to watch it turn to dust between her fingers so her anger could be quenched and make room for the heartbreak that it stemmed from.

After all, there was still a fondness to the memory of their first meeting. It was plagued with ill intent and loathing but it was still laced with light and love because of the woman she had once been when she chased down that runaway horse.

And then there was _Daniel_.

David didn't mean to drop her but when the spell had finished he had stumbled backwards and when the ribbon slipped from their wrists, the queen had collapsed to the floor in quiet but pained sobs. His eyes were wide in shock and his heart was racing while his lungs demanded he breathe lest he collapse next to the woman whose life spilled in to his mind. He had been expecting to see and hear her. He had not expected to feel it all too.

They were just flashes, just moments stitched together, but they were more than enough to send his mind in to chaos. Once his balance was regained, he was hurrying out of the cell and not worrying about the fact he left the door wide open. He simply told the guards to close it when he met them at the bottom of the stairs.

The fear in her eyes had been so real when she had begged him to stop.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two! And I'm still burning through some other stories for you guys! Stay posted! And please leave a review! I am so glad you guys are enjoying the story so far :)**

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When Snow had found David to be out of sorts she was concerned but she gave him space to work through whatever had plagued his mind that evening. But now it was morning and after waking up alone, she was more than concerned. David never secluded himself. Especially from her. So she searched for him and eventually she found him in the silence of the library just staring out the window.

When her hand met his arm he practically jumped out of his skin and that had her frowning even deeper as he let out a long exhale through his nose, "are you alright?

"Yes. You just scared me."

"What is on your mind?"

"Nothing, it's just...why does Regina hate you so much?"

"You keep asking that question."

"I haven't gotten the answer."

"I have answered it. I ruined her life, David. She has every right to-"

"But why would she spend the rest of her days ruining it further?"

"She believed it would only be better once I was gone from it. Never before," Snow answered and frowned while David was sucked back in to his head, "why is this bothering you so much all of a sudden?"

"I was wrong."

"About?"

"Her."

"...As nice as it is to hear such a thing from you, I do believe it is too late now."

"Why?"

"David, we have given her every chance-"

"But did we really?" He asked with a furrow of his brow as Regina's perspective on the last 'chance' they offered her flashed behind his eyes for just a moment. Just a reminder to how different they all saw the experiment.

"Yes, David. Wha-"

"The longer I think about it the more I see how truly unfair a chance that was. We left her alone in a room with you and a knife. Of course she was going to try and kill you. We practically handed her the knife. That was not fair to her. It would have been like trying to convince an alcoholic to go in to rehabilitation by opening a door but putting an open crate in their path full of their choice of liquor. We opened that door to her but we put you and a knife between her and a better life. What else was she supposed to do? You and I both know there was no chance she was strong enough to resist killing you."

"It was a test, David, and one I had hoped she would pass."

"But you knew she wouldn't. We stacked the odds so high against her, it was practically impossible for her to pass."

"Are you wanting to give her another chance?"

"I just want to know what would have happened had we not given her a knife."

"She would have tried to strangle me," she replied simply but her tone was full of sorrow and mourning, "she is gone, David. And just yesterday you were still trying to help me come to terms with that. What has changed your mind?"

"I don't know I just...I went to see her last night...and I crossed a line in our argument."

"...Regina wouldn't let anyone cross any lines in any argument. She is too good with words to allow anyone near a topic she didn't fancy speaking on," Snow noted with a frown and David remained silent and gazing out the window, "what did you do to her?"

The dismay in her small voice made his chest clench. He wouldn't answer her though. Refused to. He hated what he had done to Regina and he knew Snow would too. So he stayed quiet.

"David," Snow pleaded softly, worry and dread creeping in to her voice as her hand slid up his shoulder blade to rest upon the top of his shoulder, "what did you do?"

"I have to go talk to her," he told her quietly as he stood and her hand slipped away.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No. No, it is best I go alone."

...

When he had quietly made it to the top of the tower, she was not waiting for him like she was the night before. Her eyes never even looked away from their place on the wall ahead of her until she heard his voice, "leave us be."

The guards left with no hesitation that time. He believed it very likely had something to do with their misinterpretation of what he had left for them to find back at their post last night. An Evil Queen crying helplessly in to the cold stone floor. The queen was never touched, the queen never cried, but he had managed to hurt her and he didn't doubt the thought of him doing it again was approved by the men standing guard again tonight.

But that was not what he was there for. She sat at her table and watched him warily with a finger on the wooden spoon she had been aimlessly twirling on its rounded end. Warily but also with a boiling rage unheard of. She didn't want him anywhere near her and that was abundantly clear from his place four paces from her cell door. But he approached the cell anyway and she grew even more rigid and furious by the time he got to the door.

The very moment he slid the key in to the lock, she had stood from her seat and retreated to the corner of her cell furthest from him. She tried her hardest to make it look like irritation and intolerance but he knew better. She was scared of what he was going to do to her. What he could do to her. It was such a high contrast from how she was acting then as opposed to how she had been yesterday. Yesterday had been easy for her, she was enjoying herself while playing with him and her words. Right then she was standing in a corner tense and turned away from him. She wouldn't even look in his general direction let alone look him in the eye. But he knew if he got too close she would attack him tooth and nail. Regardless of Rumplestiltskin's protections spell, she would attack him with her bare hands and volition words.

"I am sorry, Regina," he apologized quietly but oh so earnestly. She refused to look at him. The only movement was the clenching of her jaw. "I didn't know. I didn't think it would hurt you like that," he continued but she remained tight and unchanged. "I just wanted answers," he breathed out in exhaustion but she remained unmoving. Until he risked a step closer and her body instinctively leaned even further away from him in fear before her eyes could meet him with that spewing anger she held. So he stopped.

"I didn't want to hurt you, Regina," he promised and she glared but it did very little to negate the fact she was practically cowering from him. The only thing it did was ensure he got no closer to her. "I didn't want to be like them. I know you see me as one of them now and I cannot blame you but I promise it was not intentional. Your mother pushed you despite your best efforts to get away...she killed the only light in your life," he shook his head and immediately her jaw was crossed and her eyes blinked over to the side so he couldn't quite see the extent of her tears.

"She was cruel to you. You fought for as long as you could but when there was nothing good left to fight for...I didn't want to make you live through those memories again," he frowned in guilt and she still didn't say a word and once again refused to look at him. "Snow betrayed you. She pulled you in to a life where there truly was no escape. Married you to a king with a side no one knew of. He hurt you in the worst way. And when he was done he would dress you up in gowns that hid the marks he left so he could put you back on a pedestal until next time," he shook his head and there were tears rolling down her cheeks. It broke his heart in a way he never thought he would ever feel toward her.

"Everyone you knew you should have been able to trust has hurt you in the worst ways. Your mother, the child you once adored, the king, your mentor. Even your father at times. I didn't intend to make it on to that list. But after what I did last night...I know that I am. I hurt you, Regina, I violated you in one of the worst ways a person can do and I am so sorry," he told her again and she still wouldn't look at him. But she didn't appear to be nearly as tense. He didn't believe anyone had ever given her an apology that actually meant something to her. But just because the tension in her frame was dissipating it didn't mean her fury was.

"I wish I could take it back. I truly do," he assured but she still remained silent and curled away from him. "I didn't realized how carefully they groomed you in to this," he told her quietly and was frowning when she looked at him.

"Don't you dare look at me in pity, shepherd," she snapped harshly through her teeth as she snarled.

"You, of all people, do not need to be pitied on top of everything else, your majesty," he assured softly, completely undeterred by her spitting venom, "perhaps compassion is what you are seeing. I don't imagine you have seen much of it during your reign."

"You?" She laughed bitterly and sharply under her breath but her falling tears didn't stop, "you are feeling compassion toward me?"

"I didn't expect it either," he agreed and she gave another short and bitter laugh before she looked away. But as she did she was working the vile tension from her jaw and he supposed she was trying to accept what he was saying. So he decided to leave it there. She was difficult to handle at the best of times and he didn't imagine he was getting anything more from her. Especially after how he had treated her the night before.

So he dipped his head and started to back away, "we will be taking you back to your palace the day after tomorrow. If you need anything, please tell your guards. On my way down I will make them aware that your requests will come straight to me so that I may fulfill them," he nodded and she watched him out of the corner of her eye. She didn't move though. She remained in her corner and watched as he left her cell and locked it behind him.

He did stop at the top of the stairs and turned to look at her though when her voice reached his ears.

"I want my horse, shepherd," she told him sharply and he listened, "I will kill any man who tries to put me in a cage to parade me across the kingdom. Or I will die in the process."

He couldn't help but smile just a little at that but he didn't doubt her for one moment. "I will have a hot bath and a change of clothes arranged and I will meet you with your stallion at the gates," he agreed and she nodded, "anything else?"

"No."

"I will see you outside then," he smiled and she looked him up and down with a scowl and tear stained cheeks before he turned his back to her and made his way down the stairs.

 **Two days later**

"David, what are you doing with Regina's horse?" Snow frowned as she walked up to him pulling her gloves on.

"She wanted to ride him."

"Is that a good idea?"

"Well I imagine it will work out far better than forcing her in to a barred cart for the people to gawk at. She said she'd kill those who tried and would happily die in the process. I believed her," he told her with a small raise of his brows and Snow contemplated.

"Probably true..."

"Mhm."

"Who will she ride with though?"

"Me," he answered simply and Snow looked at him curiously, "what?"

"Nothing, just...why? A week ago you were cheering on the archers at her execution. Now you've saddled her lunatic horse in his finest tack, arranged for her to receive a bath, given her a change of clothes, and now you are ready to personally escort her to her palace gates. It is quite a change of tune."

"Well she would be loathe to ride next to you and she could easily kill and escape any other escort. It only makes sense that I am the one to ride with her. She physically cannot kill me. As for the rest," he shrugged and Snow watched, "why shouldn't the queen go out with her pride intact. It would be cruel to throw anyone in rags and a rusty jail cart, let alone the queen."

"You are answering my questions but you are not being completely truthful," Snow told him and David shook his head, "are you ever going to tell me what happened between you two that night?"

"No," he answered quietly and she huffed but didn't protest more than that. So the topic was dropped and she stepped up to him and kissed his cheek.

"I am glad you are finally trying to treat her better," she told him with a small smile and a pat on his chest.

"I wish I had listened to you in the beginning."

"Better late than never I suppose."

"Not in this case," he whispered softly and Snow gave a sad smile and a long exhale as she patted her hands against his chest a few more times.

"Yeah..." She breathed with a frown and when David pulled her in to a hug she was quick to sink in to him and lay her head on his chest.

"I do hope this journey will not be ruined with constant reoccurrences of such mush," Regina commented bitterly as she walked past the couple.

"If I recall correctly, Regina," Snow started with a kind smile as she stood up tall and turned to face the woman looking back at her over her shoulder, "it was moments such as these you hold most dear when regarding your fiancé."

Snow hadn't meant it to come out so sharp. She had intended it to be tender and while it had, there was still a slight defensive edge to it that she knew Regina would solely focus on. Her suspicions were proved correct when the sparks in those dark irises were stoked in to a raging fire as she turned on her heels so she was fully facing her and stepping up to her.

"I may not be able to kill you, Snow White, but speak again and I will gladly make your life a living hell," she snarled and Snow took a breath to let out some form of meaningless apology or pointless excuse but the girl could barely finish speaking her name before David stepped between them. Truthfully, Regina hadn't noticed how close she had been to physically wringing the girl's neck until David wouldn't let her. It was even more infuriating.

"Enough, Regina," he instructed quietly and in a soft tone that he would have never believed he would ever use toward the woman. It was verging on tender really but it did give her pause and did catch her full attention. She stared at him for awhile as her clever mind worked through whatever question he had given her but after a few seconds she simply stepped toward him.

He thought for a moment she may do something drastic. Like kiss him. Or try to kill him. But she stayed in place a few inches away and then reached forward and took her stallion's reins from him. Then she turned and walked away with her mount and without a word. As soon as she was stepping away from him he let out the breath he had been holding.

"...What was that?" Snow asked quietly and David shook his head.

"I don't know," he sighed honestly and turned his head to give her half a smile before he turned them both and walked to their horses.

...

"You are a very good rider," David complimented as he walked up behind her. He simply was greeted with a scowl as her fingers paused in their detangling of her horse's mane. "It was a compliment, Regina," he assured in light amusement as he leaned against the trunk of a tree. She didn't acknowledge him any further though and went back to detangling the stallion's thick black mane.

"Did you know that of all the horrible things people say about you, there is one positive thing that everyone agrees upon unanimously?"

"That they would all happily climb in to my bed?" She sneered with a rather bored glance in his direction.

"Well, yes, that is true. But it wasn't what I was going to say," he replied and she gave a mild shake of her head and looked back at a stubborn knot. "They all compliment you on your horsemanship. Even the most bitter of people will begrudgingly agree that you have a way with horses," he told her and studied the horse in their company. He was a menace. He had no issue in battle whatsoever and would happily trample a man to death when given the chance. The stall they had kept him in after imprisoning his rider had been practically shredded by his hooves and he had nearly killed every groom that went near him. Several had bruises and bloody bite marks to show for their efforts.

He had been nowhere near as vicious that morning when David went to get him ready for Regina but he was still a piece of work. And now he stood silent and still. As though he were carved of ebony stone. His ordinarily high head was hanging low so his ears were no taller than Regina's head and his neck was well within reach for her to comb her fingers through his mane. No saddle, no bridle. He was calm and quiet and relaxed and David was baffled but incredibly impressed. He couldn't even excuse it for her magic because her magic was still restrained for their safety.

Even while she was riding him he would respond only to her and would obey the very instant she asked her most subtle cue. She was strict and she was strong and she was fluid. He had been fascinated by it while he rode beside her. "I had heard the rumours many times before but I had never gotten the chance to see you truly ride before until today. They don't give you enough credit."

"Why are you here, shepherd."

"You were alone."

"Did you ever stop to think that perhaps that was intentional?"

"Yes. But I also believe you are lonely."

"Did you pull that from my head or are you simply extrapolating," she drawled out bitterly as she finished the last piece of her stallion's mane.

"Mostly extrapolating," he replied and she gave a disdainful smile in response.

"Go back to your company, shepherd."

"Why haven't you tried to run off?"

"And where would I go, dear?" She questioned with a slightly higher pitch that made it sound all the more dangerous. And then it dipped back down again, "I either go home alone and without my magic, or I let you all escort me home and I get my magic back. Now, if you would be so kind; go away."

"Why isn't your father over here with you? Surely he would wish to keep your company?"

"He knows better than to be in my presence when I am angry," she snapped and he hummed shortly with a nod of his head but didn't say anything more. She tried to go back to tending to her horse but it was hard to focus when David still stood against the tree in her peripheral. Watching her. Studying her.

She hated it. It put her on edge and made her skin crawl in agitation. She wanted him to go away and she wanted so badly to fling him across the forest with a mere flick of her finger. But her magic wouldn't leave her veins. "Is there something else you need, shepherd?!" She snapped harshly and he shook his head but didn't make any movement to leave.

"No," he answered simply and watched the anger boil within her. It was mere boyish entertainment that kept him there. To poke the bear just to see what would happen. She was absolutely livid and he just kept standing there wondering what on earth had made the woman so touchy. Even after being in her head he couldn't quite say why she was so incredibly bothered by his presence. He remained standing there nonetheless.

"Why are you here?" She bit harshly and he shrugged.

"I find you...curious."

"Curious?"

"Yes."

"Go be curious somewhere else," she snarled but he still remained unmoving and she snapped, "what the hell do you want?!"

"Temper temper."

"You have yet to see the extent of my temper, you dense oaf," she snarled as she stepped away from her horse but David simply pushed himself off the tree and followed her.

"An all out war with hundreds, if not thousands, of people dead is not the full extent of your temper?" He questioned as he put a few skips in his step to keep up with her. Their entire travel company was watching them now. Curious and debating whether or not the queen was trying to escape.

"No."

"Huh. Wonder what it is then."

"Go to hell," she bit and he chuckled behind her which only further infuriated her. She was absolutely vibrating with her anger and her magic was burning inside her but it couldn't escape. He was incessant, he was a pest, he was pushing her, he had hurt her, he was crawling under her skin, and she wanted to be rid of him. She wanted to be alone.

"Regina," he called with a light laugh to try and get her to stop but all she did was keep storming through their camp and all eyes were on them, "hey, Regina," he tried again as he jogged a couple steps and gently took her upper arm in his hand.

It was the last straw; his hand on her arm. In one fluid movement she grabbed the closest thing to her and whirled around and the charming shepherd's head fell victim to a warmed cast iron skillet. "Don't you dare touch me!" She screamed as he stumbled away from her and her voice as the low twang of metal echoed through the now silent camp. Her anger was not quelled though, not even remotely. So she attacked him again, wailing on him over and over and over again with her cast iron pan as she yelled at him at the top of her lungs, "you don't get to touch me! You lost that courtesy in that cell! You _bastard_!" She shouted and then emphasized each of her next words with the metallic twang of the cast iron pan hitting his curled body, "never touch me again!"

Her screaming was silenced when David managed to get ahold of her and rip the pan from her hand as he spun her around with her arms twisted and locked behind her back in his strong grip. It hurt and it pissed her off even more that there were tears pricking her eyes because of her complete and utter rage.

"Are you quite finished?" He huffed against her ear as he held her tight with her back against his chest and her arms still twisted behind her in his grip. She was shaking with her fury, he could feel her vibrating against him and he wondered how a person could ever be so angry. But she was and her chest heaved against her leather corset with every sharp breath through her nose. Rumplestiltskin's magic seemed to have protected him against significant injury but he'd be damned if it hadn't still hurt like a motherfucker with every swing of that heavy frying pan. Now he was just about as furious as she was and when she didn't answer him, he twisted her arm further and she gave a pained whimper as her knees buckled just enough to make her fall back in to his chest a little heavier.

"I will never be finished with you, you self righteous bastard," she huffed and snarled and he seethed a breath next to her ear. She was even further infuriated by everyone's wide eyes focused on the pair of them fighting. Especially Snow's. She so dearly wanted to throttle that stupid girl.

"You are _impossible_ , woman," he growled furiously and she tried to pull free from his grip but he only tightened it and left her in further discomfort.

"Let go of me."

"Are you going to attack me with a skillet again?"

"No."

"Good," he replied and proceeded to let go of her. The very moment she was free, she was spinning around and her right fist connected harshly with his jaw in a hard punch that sent him stumbling to the side once more. "For god's _sake_!" He roared furiously as his hand instinctively came to his jaw to cradle it and she marched furiously off in the direction they had come from. Back to her horse.

"God damn it!" He hissed under his breath as he turned and watched her storm off and jump on to her stallion's back and take off at a gallop, leaving all her tack behind.

"Follow her!"

"Let her go!" David yelled back and the guard hesitated.

"But Sir-!"

"Let her go! We are the only ones who can restore her ability to use her magic, she will be back by morning," he instructed bitterly and the guard stayed put and watched Regina ride off.

"David, are you okay?!" Snow fussed as she hurried up to him.

"I'm fine."

"That didn't look fine!"

"Rumplestiltskin's spell keeps us unharmed. The pain only lasts a few seconds," he told her simply and then went back to watching Regina's horse disappear in the trees as Snow worried over him. "Bitch," he huffed furiously and Snow gave a light laugh of agreement with a nod and a raise of her brow while her fingers studiously examined his cheek and jaw.


	3. Chapter 3

**One more chapter and then the real shit begins! ;) lol! I'm so glad you guys are enjoying the story so far! There is lots more to come. So please leave a review!**

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She had returned much sooner than he thought she was going to. Granted, most of their company had long since gone to sleep, but he was still awake when she had rode back in to the perimeter of their camp. He left her alone but he watched her curiously from a distance as she halted and slid off her black stallion's back. The pair of them were simply shadows under the moonlight. The stallion with his black shining coat and the queen in her black leather and green velvet. They were nearly invisible against the backdrop of the forest but the full moon lent just enough light for David to watch them.

They were silent as they moved; the queen precise and smooth with her footsteps and the stallion easily mirroring his rider's fluid movement through the dark. She was looking for something, David realized and it had his brow furrowing in curiosity as he watched her search in the dark. Every once in awhile she would stop to pick something up and her horse would stop behind her for a moment and then continue to follow her when she moved forward again. It was truly a curious sight.

And it continued for several minutes. Gathering something he could not see so far away in the dark with her horse patiently and happily following her around of his own accord. And then she retreated to the area he had first approached her while she was combing her horse's mane but this time she crouched to the forest floor and her horse stood tall and proud over her. David was frowning as he watched her, unsure of what he was seeing until a minute or so later when her face was lit up with a flickering orange. She had been gathering wood and had built a fire.

He didn't truly know why he was so surprised by such a thing but he was. He honestly hadn't expected her to know how to start a fire. She could ride, throw a punch, build a fire, and judging by her skills with an iron skillet, she could likely handle a sword quite well too. He was impressed. She was not simply a spoiled royal with a potent bloodlust and powerful magic to do all her bidding. She could handle herself. It was curious. She by no means fit in the forest life but she was fully capable and he found that incredibly baffling. He had expected her to view such things as below her.

He continued to watch her for several minutes. He watched her sit and he watched the fire flicker on her features from his place roughly a hundred feet away and he wondered about her. He wondered why she had come back so soon, he wondered why she was so adamant on being alone, wondered why she had attacked him so viciously, and he wondered why she was being so cooperative now. So quiet now.

He wandered for a moment through what memories of hers still lingered in his mind but he could not find the answers he wanted. He got pieces, but not full answers. So he continued to watch her until she became perfectly still and then he got up and walked deeper in to their camp toward his saddle and once he retrieved what he needed, he dared to approach the queen.

She was instantly furious when he straddled the log she sat on and he responded with a long sigh out his nose as he got comfortable. Her body grew more rigid with every passing second and he quietly studied the anger in the profile of her face as she stared furiously in to her fire. She truly was beautiful. "May I see your hand?" He asked her politely and she ignored him and continued to stare at the snapping orange flames in front of her. So he let it go for now and attempted to burrow his way through her walls rather than shout at them or try to force them open. She was a challenge to say the least.

"Why fire?" He inquired and she stared at her fire for awhile longer before she gave in and looked at him with a scowl that demanded he elaborate his question. So he reined in the small smile at his small victory and elaborated, "you always summon fire to your palm whenever you are ready to kill someone. Why fire?"

"Would butterflies be more threatening?"

"Fair point," he laughed softly and she continued to scowl at him. She wasn't as tight though. He supposed that was progress. He truly didn't know why he was trying so hard to talk with her. It would be so much easier to leave her to her own devices and throw her in her castle to rot away in her misery. And yet he was there straddling a log in the middle of the night fascinated by the way the fire reflected in her dark eyes.

"May I see your hand?" He asked again and her lip curled back in a vicious snarl that made him want to give up and walk away.

"Don't touch me," she threatened harshly and he huffed a long breath out his nose.

"Please," he added and she shot him a good and hard glare that promised his death before she looked back at the fire. With a bitter and irritated clench of his jaw, he started digging in to pockets, "it has recently dawned on me that I once had a horse just like you. She was a foul creature. Beautiful but bitter. My father brought her home in one of his drunken stupors after being convinced she was exactly what our farm needed."

"What a charming story," she drawled and ignored his movement beside her. She didn't care what he was doing.

"It's not finished yet," he told her plainly and she rolled her eyes. "My mother was furious and I was curious. The mare tried to kill anything and anyone who got within striking distance of her and we tried everything to break her of it. We couldn't sell her after all. No one would ever take her. We nearly put the beast down just so we didn't have to deal with her any longer. But one day my father disappeared on another drinking spree and my mother wouldn't dare deal with the mare which meant I was left with her. I was maybe thirteen, probably twelve, and I spent an entire day just watching her," he continued and when he was confident she was pulled in to his tale, he reached forward and took her forearm in his grip.

She hissed furiously and tried to rip her arm out of his hand but his grip merely tightened and kept her where he wanted her. He was quick and smooth and she stopped fighting so hard when his choice of herbs started seeping in to her bruised and cut knuckles and eased the pain away. "Slowly the watching grew to standing in one another's space," he continued and when she stopped pulling he relaxed his grip around her arm to a pressure that merely kept her arm in place. She was still scowling at him but she was allowing him to tend to her and that softened his heart to her. If only just a little.

"She would still pin her ears and squeal at me when I came close but she grew to tolerate me throughout the day," he told her and attentively spread the herbs over her broken skin and began carefully wrapping her sore punching hand in clean white linen, "soon enough I was able to lead her around the property and walk her through the surrounding forest without incident. I remember she liked it when I told her stories. I never stopped talking when I had her with me. And I remember the first time she let me ride her without bucking me off," he smiled with a light laugh and savoured the lack of tension in the woman's hand and arm as he worked.

"I spent the whole day on her back just because I was so happy. She carried me without complaint and we reenacted every grand story I had told her. Fighting dragons, saving princesses, helping the poor, saving the kingdom," he laughed softly and then fell quiet for a few moments as he gently wrapped one more layer around the quiet queen's hand, "she was my dearest friend. My mother adored it and let me play but when my father finally returned he saw my mare as an easy way out of the debt he had recently put us in. From time to time I wonder what became of her. If she found a place who took the time to love her or if she once again became that monster we were initially faced with.

I don't know how she got like that in the first place, I don't know what turned her in to such a vicious creature, but in the end she was the kindest horse I have ever known," he told her as he tied the linen around her hand so it wouldn't unravel, "it was a relationship that I value more than most and I had forgotten why. Until I was reminded of her by yourself," he told her and she withdrew her hand the moment he smoothed the knot over the back of her hand. She wasn't nearly as rigid though. She simply didn't want to be touched.

"I had to work for her trust. I had to work hard and I had to be patient. It was infuriating and frustrating but I never once took her trust in me for granted. It was worth all of the anger and tears and pain. I felt for the first time in my life that I had truly accomplished something. That I had made a difference. I had made her happy, I had taken away the bitterness that plagued her good heart, I had convinced her that the world wasn't a dark place. And I was rewarded with the trust of someone who trusted no one. It was an incredible feeling. It was humbling and honourable and filled me with pride and love. It gave me a taste of the man I so desperately wanted to become.

I had forgotten that desire and I had forgotten how deep it ran through me. To bring joy to people, to show them they can be happy, to teach them how. Especially to those who lack it most."

"There is no happiness you can bring me, shepherd," Regina snarled with a sideways glance out of the corner of her eye.

"You forget I have been in your head, your majesty," he noted gently and she turned on him with fiery eyes and gnashing teeth.

"I have not _forgotten_ , shepherd!" She bit viciously but quietly with her lip pulled back, "I will never forget a violation so personal and so selfish! You will not fool me with your claims of grandeur, you will not convince me to have faith in you, you will not make me your pet project, you will never have me believing any word that leaves your mouth, you will never play a part in my happiness," she snarled harshly but he didn't back down. He merely sat with his eyes studying her face and a frown pulling at his mouth. It made her bristle. It made her want to tear him limb from limb, "I will not let you close enough to entertain your interpretations of Snow's wishes of me again."

"Neither occurrence, past or present, has had anything to do with Snow."

"You are a far more dense than I imagined if that is what you truly believe."

"Contrary to what you seem to believe, I am fully capable of my acting on my own."

"That is by no means something you should take pride in saying when all instances I have witnessed have shown such incredibly poor judgement and lack of thought," she snarled and he clenched his jaw to keep himself from being buried in this argument.

"You play with words to get away from talking about the things that really matter. The things that would allow people to see you as more than just the heartless witch they all fear and hate. The things that show them you are who they believe you are."

"I am _exactly_ who they think I am."

"Are you really? In your heart? Because I don't believe you are," he argued and she scowled at him with a slow blink of disgust at his optimism as she turned her head back to the fire, "and I would be surprised to learn you believed you are as lost a cause as they say. As I once believed."

...

"Regina is incredibly chilly this morning," Snow commented quietly lest the incredibly short tempered queen overheard from her place on the other side of the camp and Snow found herself being beaten senseless with a cast iron pan.

"She is anxious to get home," David answered plainly as he tightened the girth of his saddle around his horse.

"Right..." Snow replied quietly as she watched Regina nearly kill the brave young man who tried to offer her breakfast, "and anxiety is reason enough to verbally abuse a squire for offering her food? When was the last time she ate anyway?"

"I don't know. I am sure she will eat tonight. When she's home," he replied just as plainly as before and then turned so he was facing Snow.

"...What is on your mind?"

"Nothing."

"I don't believe that for one second," Snow shook her head with a light laugh of disbelief and David sighed, "tell me."

"I don't know what to do with her."

"Regina?"

"Yes. She's so...stubborn...I can't talk with her and I can see that she isn't happy, I can see that this isn't who she is, I can see that she wants to change and that she wants to be happy but..." He shook his head again and looked over Snow's shoulder to watch the feisty and flamboyant brunette lose her temper on another passing soldier. "I don't understand how a person can know in the deepest parts of them that what they are doing is wrong and want with every fibre of their being for their life to be different but then despite having an endless amount of opportunities to change, they don't. Instead they continue on their path and grow more and more miserable. And angry," he shook his head and watched the furious queen retreat to the comfort of her stallion once she had finished screaming at the soldier who got too close.

Snow nodded with a pained smile as she looked over her shoulder to look at Regina. She was absolutely beautiful in her purple riding coat with her black stallion and her dark wavy hair. Dark eyes, a scowl that seemed permanent on those blood red lips...Snow's heart practically stopped in her chest when Regina lifted her eyes and found hers immediately as her fingertips stroked the face of her stallion. "I have never been able to understand it either," Snow answered softly and watched from across the camp as Regina pulled her top lip back in a snarl before she turned her focus back to her beloved horse.

"I have spent years trying to answer that question," she laughed tiredly and leaned in to David, "she is trapped within herself and I can't get her out. I don't know if anyone can anymore..."

"...Do you think her temper is an indication of how close she is to breaking and letting someone in?" He question curiously and Snow laughed with a shake of her head.

"No I think she is hungry, tired, overwhelmed by idiots, and driven mad by the call of her magic that she can't use. I know any selection of those things would make me irritable. I would lose my temper too if I was faced with it all at once for days on end. That aside, she is too comfortable with her anger. There is no chance of her cracking and showing us what is beneath when she is angry. We would have to catch her in a moment of grief. A moment of vulnerability or sorrow. But I wouldn't know where to begin to look for such a moment in her. Not without her anger getting in the way first."

...

David had spent the entirety of the day's ride watching the queen. She was silent. The whole ride she didn't speak a word, not even when he had tried to coax her voice from her lips. But he got nothing. Nothing more than hard glares and a cold shoulder. He could feel the disdain flowing off her over the fact she was stuck riding beside him. She wanted nothing to do with him and she didn't even try to hide it. He found himself missing the woman that played with endless strings of words. Even if it had infuriated him, it at least didn't make him feel guilty.

But I didn't matter how hard he tried, he could not get through to her. He wanted so desperately to know what she was thinking and yet he couldn't say why he wanted her to speak. He knew any words she spoke would be far from kind and would likely only infuriate him. But he tried anyway. He tried and he tried and he tried. He tried until he ran out of things to say and the silence quickly settled between them while he thought of other ways to ease the tension he had caused between them.

He didn't know why he was trying so hard. He didn't need or want to be her friend. It truly would be easier to just leave her alone to fester. But he had seen too much to let it go he supposed. So he tried once more to soothe the space between them.

"Regina," he started kindly and had every intention to continue and gently coax out her reasons for being so incredibly shut off from everyone but all he got out was her name. The three syllables seemed to be the final straw and she shot him a snarl so vicious it had him leaning away from her in his saddle before she quickly and seamlessly cantered away from him. Without a word and without a gesture David could see, the queen's stallion leapt forward in to a canter with strides so large he nearly pushed in to a gallop and Regina remained atop his back with the poise of a queen. It only took him a couple seconds to respond by pushing his grey in to a canter as well but her snarl had certainly made him hesitate. But couldn't let her get away.

She didn't go far though.

She didn't go far at all.

David was genuinely surprised when her stallion's hooves skidded against the gravel in an abrupt transition to walk. Right in step with Snow's dark bay mare. He brought his grey back to a walk as well but remained several supply wagons behind and curiously watched Regina wordlessly prefer Snow's company over his. Snow looked just as surprised as he was when she glanced at him over her shoulder. But the full realization of how much he had hurt the queen and how much she didn't want him near became abundantly clear at the gesture.

She had, after all, just chosen to spend her time at the side of the one person in the world she wanted dead more than anything else rather than spend another second with him. It made him frown.

Snow had heard the beat of an approaching horse, she had heard the gravel crunch beneath its hooves, but what she hadn't expected to become of it was Regina suddenly at her side. It surprised her more than anything else and habit had her tensing and ready to run at the slightest provocation. But nothing happened. Regina didn't even look at her. So Snow twisted her neck to look back at David to see what had happened to him but he did nothing more than frown. So she looked back to her proud and angry stepmother.

She didn't give a word of explanation and even when Snow finally managed to get her to look at her, Regina's eyes didn't give anything away. They merely pierced in to her's before she looked her up and down and then she straightened her neck and looked dead ahead between her horse's ears. So Snow frowned herself at the oddity of Regina's company but didn't say a word about it for clearly Regina had no desire to speak.

They rode side by side in silence and Snow let herself relax and even humour the illusion of them being on a leisurely ride. It had been so long since she had been in Regina's company without worrying for her life. She missed it. But she kept her thoughts to herself and tried not to smile when Regina relaxed in her saddle as well. She had been growing rather lonely on the ride to the palace.

It was nice, dare she say it, to have Regina there.

But eventually the reasons behind Regina's actions started to nag in her mind. Sure Regina was angry at David. Angry enough to try and kill him with a cast iron skillet. But angry enough to run away from him and accompany her instead? It just didn't add up. So despite her better judgment in just leaving Regina in peace, Snow prodded curiously, "David won't tell me what happened between you two."

"Fascinating."

Snow merely huffed and rolled her eyes at Regina's monotone reply and then pressed onward, "I was hoping you would be more forthcoming with an explanation."

"Why? Because I have a habit of attacking the topic of your relationship with that oaf?" She sneered and Snow answered matter-of-factly.

"Yes."

Regina scoffed in reply and then shook her head, "I am afraid all the credit goes to Rumplestiltskin this time." She had long since concluded it was Rumple that David had turned to. Even if she hadn't recognized his magic, where else would David have gotten such a nifty trinket? "Perhaps you should worry yourself over what price he decided to pay."

"...Rumplestiltskin? What business would David have in dealing with him?"

"I did not ask."

"Did he find what he was looking for?"

"I did not ask."

"You have very skillfully avoided the question of what happened between you two," Snow pressed and Regina didn't say a word back. Didn't even look at her. So Snow waited patiently for a response but when they went a minute or so without one, Snow took a breath to speak and just when the words were about to leave her mouth, Regina's voice cut her off.

"From what I have come to understand, I must be accompanied by David or yourself for I cannot kill you as I can the rest of your company. Not once have I heard or felt it implied that a conversation must be held as we ride. Or have I been wrong all this time?" She questioned with an overly polite smile as she turned her head to Snow. The girl didn't say a word more and with a nod of her head and a drop of her smile, Regina turned her head straight and willed time to move faster.

She needed to be free of Snow White and her charming prince.


	4. Chapter 4

**I am literally about to get on a plane and fly to Scotland but I got it done just in time! So my note is short but the chapter is long! Pleas** **e leave a review! Gotta go! Enjoy!**

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Snow hadn't been gawking at Regina nor had she been staring at her but she had been watching her. The entire remainder of the ride she had been watching her in her peripheral or risking quick glances or short but lingering looks. Her stepmother was beautiful and as the ride progressed in silence, Snow watched her relax in her saddle. Slowly the tension dissipated from her muscles and Snow watched in fascination as the flamboyant and rigid woman she had grown accustomed to now resembled the woman she once knew.

Her chest ached with the guilt and sorrow she felt toward Regina. How she had burdened her bright young heart and trapped her spirit in the marriage to her father and then crushed it in the walls of that palace. There was so much guilt. More than she had realized she felt until she was able to be in the woman's presence for such a generous amount of time.

She wanted nothing more than to curl in to that woman and hold her and cry until she knew how utterly sorry she was. She would never know though. And even if she did she would never accept it anyway.

So Snow resigned herself to watching her and feeling her guilt tear her apart inside. She had ruined her. They had ruined one another. Snow had recovered. But Regina had not.

It broke her heart and for a few minutes she had to look away from the woman riding beside her. Her mind had run rampant and she could feel nothing but shame and guilt for breaking such a beautiful woman. For Regina had been beautiful. She had been bright and she had been happy, her spirit had been strong and wild and free, her smile could make even the darkest day brighter, she could walk in a room and do nothing but smile and quirk her head and the entire company in the room would be laughing and grinning.

And now that woman was gone and in her place stood a monster. Instead of lifting hearts her laughter now spread panic and fear, her smiles had people crying in moments and begging for her mercy, her happiness replaced by darkness and misery, her selfless nature crushed, her kindness overtaken by the need to kill, her carefree spirit drowned by pain and loneliness for no one understood her. Not one soul.

And Snow was the one who had started it all.

"Excuse me," she breathed as she quickly turned her horse away and cantered off in to the forest with tears in her eyes. She couldn't bear to be in Regina's presence a moment longer. Not without bursting in to tears. So she ran off without so much as a glance in Regina's direction. She didn't even look to David. All she could think about was getting away.

Regina had of course turned her head to the sound of Snow's leave. It had been such a sudden retreat that Regina couldn't help but try to see what had triggered it. She couldn't see any reason for it though and was confused but she didn't halt her horse. She continued forward as she watched Snow run off and just as she was about to turn her head straight, another set of hooves pounded against the forest floor and kept her attention. She was completely unsurprised to find the charming shepherd pursuing his suddenly distressed fiancé.

Really she couldn't care less about their drama, she just wanted to be home and rid of them. But much to her annoyance the travel party stopped with the absence of Snow White and the shepherd and she was forced to halt as well. She did so with a snarl and her mount stomped his feet below her in the annoyance he mirrored from her. She was so done with these fools. She had half a mind to chase after them and drag them back by their ears. And why did she need an escort? Where else was she going to go?

With a seething huff and an abrupt instruction, her stallion swung himself around on his hind legs and carried her off in the opposite direction of which Snow and David had disappeared. She knew the pair well enough to know it they weren't going to return in a timely manner and standing amongst the gibbering idiots left around her was not where she wanted to remain.

...

Snow had run her horse until he was snorting with every stride, she had run him until sweat soaked his neck and shoulders, she had run him until she was as far away from Regina as he could carry her and when she got off she had tears streaming down her cheeks and quiet sobs lacing her panting breaths. She was a wreck and her mind was racing and when a pair of hands touched her shoulders she immediately and violently shrugged and swatted them away as she hopped away from the contact. When she turned she saw it was only David but that didn't change the fact she didn't want to be touched. It only made her cry a little more.

"What happened?" He asked softly and her wild eyes looked off to the side as she shook her head in sharp movements. "What did she do to you?"

"Nothing!" She cried out and then her hands were in her hair, "everything! I don't know!" She shouted and flung her arms out while David frowned in sympathy. "I just couldn't be in her company anymore! I couldn't sit there beside the woman I ruined! I couldn't keep staring at the damage I had done! That is the largest amount of time I have spent with her since I was a child! The last time I spent more than an hour with her we were playing games of hide and seek or she was reading stories while I practiced braiding her hair!

She was my best friend! She was my mother! And now she won't even look at me! She won't speak a word to me! There is so much spite and so much hatred and I never noticed how incredibly far she had fallen until today! There is no remnants of the woman I knew! There is nothing there! She's gone! She's dead! And it's my fault! I killed her and I-"

"Snow, you didn't-"

"How _dare_ you tell me what I haven't done!" She roared and knew very well it was too strong a reaction but these fights over Regina had never been reasonably executed. "You have no idea what I have lost!" She screamed and his expression saddened and broke her heart further as her tears streamed down her face, "she is the only family I have left! I love her! Despite everything she has done to me and has tried to do to me, she is my family! She was a figure in my life, she meant everything to me! She raised me, she guided me, she helped me become who I am today and she did so at her expense! I sucked the life out of her! I took everything from her!

I took her freedom, I took her love, I took her happiness! I was selfish! I was ignorant! I was spoiled! She taught me to be humble, she taught me to be aware, she taught me to be selfless! She taught me how to be strong and to be brave! Because of her I am me! She gave me everything and I gave her nothing in return! She gave me everything and I didn't stop to see she was suffering! I didn't notice the woman I loved with all of my heart was dying! I didn't notice that everyday her eyes grew colder! I didn't notice that her smiles took more effort! I didn't notice that her touches had lost their warmth! I didn't notice because I didn't believe I needed to! She was my rock! She was my idol! I took her for granted and now she's gone!

She's gone! And instead of helping her we are dropping her off in a palace full of her memories and leaving her to rot! We are leaving her in the least rehabilitating place imaginable! We are abandoning her! And I cannot cope with that! After everything she did for me, I am abandoning her in the dark! How could I!? How can I do that to her?!"

"Snow, there isn't anything you can do to help her," he told her and she just kept yelling at him.

"There has to be something! I cannot leave her there to die! She can be helped! I know she can!" She cried frantically and when David tried to touch her she swatted his hands away.

"Yes, perhaps. But not under your hand, Snow," he told her gently and she covered her mouth with her hand and pivoted away from him, "you have to know by now that there is nothing you can say or do that will do anything but make her want to kill you more."

"Who then?! Because I cannot leave her in that palace alone!"

"I don't know," he shook his head and she gave him a bitter and miserable laugh in return as she turned and stepped away from him. "But even if I did, Snow, there is no returning to the woman she once was. She's done too much and gone too far to ever go back."

"But she _can_ be better!" She shouted her plea and David sighed with a drop of his shoulders, "it doesn't have to be like this!"

"Snow-!"

"And what did you do to her?! Why did she decide to ride with me?!"

"I was trying to get her to talk to me," he explained and Snow shook her head and denied his answer.

"No, that is _not_ it! You did something to her! You were trying to kill her more than anyone I know and then something happened! You did something! Now you are trying to be kind while she is beating you to death with a god damn frying pan! And then running away from you to me! To me! What happened?! What aren't you telling me?! Why did you call upon Rumplestiltskin?!"

"Who told you that?" He frowned in an attempt to deny any such interaction. It was to no avail though.

"Regina!" She shouted in exasperation and David sighed and rubbed a hand over his mouth. It broke her heart and made her so angry her tears fell even faster as she snarled at him and cried, "you hurt her?! What did you do?! You know what she means to me! You _know_!"

"I didn't mean to hurt her, I-," he tried but she kept crying and spitting words in his face.

"You hurt her, how dare you go behind my back, why would you do that, she wasn't of any threat to you! She was locked in a cell and had no magic or weapon of any nature! You bastard, how dare you-!"

"I didn't mean to hurt her! I just wanted answers! I wanted to know what happened!"

"I told you what happened!" She screamed as she flung her arms out and her tears rolled down her cheeks, "I told you everything I know!"

"I didn't believe you," he told her and she scoffed and as she started pacing, his eyes followed her every step, "I needed to hear it from her, I just couldn't believe that stories you told about her in your past when in the present time she laughs as she slaughters entire villages! How could I believe you?!"

"Because I have never lied to you!"

"I never said you lied!"

"Then what?! I blew it out of proportion?! My memories were those of an infatuated child?!"

"Yes!"

"Then tell me, Charming! What _did_ you find?! What stories did my beloved stepmother tell you after you tortured them from her lips!"

"It wasn't at all like that, Snow-!"

"Tell me!" She roared and he grew more and more uncomfortable in his own skin.

"You were right," he told her and her rage was replaced with misery and guilt as she sucked in a sharp and shaky breath. "She loves you and she knows that if she were to ever manage to kill you it would be her biggest regret and she would hate herself for it until she day she died. But she hates you so much that she doesn't care. She would still kill you if given the chance. It doesn't make any sense!" He exclaimed with a tired laugh because it truly just didn't make sense.

"Tell me more."

"No."

"David! Tell me-!"

"It is not my place to tell her life story!" He shouted back and flung his arms up and out, "it was not my place to even take it in the first place!"

"Well then why did you?!"

"Because I needed answers! But I regretted it the moment I had them!"

"What did you do to her?! She told me you went to Rumplestiltskin! Is that true?!" she yelled and he gave a bitter laugh and worked the tension from his jaw as he looked away from her, "is it?!"

"Yes," he answered shortly and she laughed as the tears rolled down her cheeks.

"So not only did you hurt her but you put yourself at risk to do so?!"

"He didn't want anything for it, Snow! He said the price would come in time and he wanted no part in it!"

"And you decided that was the thing to do! To pay the price that Rumplestiltskin himself wanted no part in! God, David!" She cried as she turned a quarter step so she wasn't looking at him.

"Whatever price becomes of this, it is mine to pay, it is mine and mine alone to carry," he told her and she gave a tired laugh in return and shook her head.

"You would like to think that, wouldn't you," she shot back and gave him one last look before she scoffed in frustration and walked away from him.

...

David had wandered deeper in to the forest, following the vague directions of a young squire who had followed the queen upon her departure from the group only to have his knife stolen and his life threatened by the woman when she caught him. It didn't surprise David. The queen was no idiot and she was far too careful to be followed without noticing. What she needed a knife for he didn't know though. But he quietly stepped through the trees all the same so as not to startle the woman or set off her temper.

When he did find her she was with her father and her horse. Her untacked stallion was laying off to the side with his legs tucked beneath him and his muzzle balanced on the mossy ground as he slept and while David rolled his eyes at the bipolar creature, he was most fascinated by Regina and her father.

She looked just as livid and dissatisfied as she had the day before but she had told him that her father knew better than to be in her company in such a state. And yet there he was. She sat on a log with her back against a tall thick tree and her legs outstretched in front of her, her knees bent just enough to put her feet flat on the log and accommodate the old man sitting at them. He sat there kindly and spoke words that David could not hear but could see Regina was not pleased by. If not the fluctuations of her expression then the aggressiveness of the movements of the knife in her hand were enough to tell him such.

He didn't know what she was doing with it. He couldn't see from where he stood. But she was working on something in her lap as her father spoke and tried to coax her to do the same. She didn't speak more than a few words at a time though and every time she did speak it seemed to tire the old man further. He didn't give up though. He reached over and placed a kind hand on his daughter's calf and even though she stopped her knife and shot him a glare, the old man didn't pull away. He left his hand there and after a handful of seconds, Regina busied herself with her stolen knife once more. And then the pair fell silent and the old man remained affectionate while Regina remained bitter and her stallion remained dozed.

But David still didn't understand what was different. Why would she accept company now when she portrayed the same rage she had before she started beating him with a frying pan. He couldn't let it go so he studied her harder from his place a fair distance away from her. He looked past her face and found her body lacking its usual angry tension. He watched her movements and now that there were no words being exchanged, her hands and arms moved more fluidly and more carefully. And as her attention focused on whatever distraction laid in her lap, the lividity settled in to irritation.

They were all such subtle things though. Things that a person wouldn't see unless they were looking for them. It had David even more enthralled by her and he could feel himself starting to grow more attached. He wanted to see this woman relaxed. He wanted to see her smile. He wanted to know what she looked like when she wasn't angry and twisted.

He hadn't meant to take a step forward but he had and in the process of doing so, the dozing stallion flicked his ears toward him and lifted his head. Effectively alerting his rider and her father to his presence in the trees. Regina's eyes were on him immediately and there was a scowl on her lips just as quickly. It made him want to roll his eyes and wring her neck. It was so tiring being greeted with such harshness even if he did deserve it. He was just in a touchy mood after such a personal fight with Snow.

He committed to being caught though. He didn't hesitate and stare at her, he merely kept moving forward with a slight frown and she grew more and more bitter and tense with every step he took. Why was he even bothering. "We are ready to start moving."

"I will not ride with you," she snarled and he shook his head as he stopped a few paces from them.

"Snow doesn't want you to ride with me either."

She was confused by his reply and her brow furrowed in suit as she tipped her head up and looked down her nose at him. Snow could have requested to ride with her for selfish reasons but that wouldn't account for the shepherd's wording or his tired tone. So she could only then assume that Snow White was doing what Snow White loved most; protecting those she cared about. It made Regina smirk and then give an amused but bitter laugh.

"What is so funny?"

"I need to be rid of you idiots," she sneered and then swung her legs off the log, dropping her whittled piece of wood and tucking the dagger in to the waist of her pants as she walked. But her path was promptly blocked by David and the hairs rose firm on the back of her neck with her anger.

The glare she shot him was almost enough to put Medusa to shame but he stood strong and denied her passage, "dagger."

"I like this knife," she argued even though she really didn't care for it in the slightest. It was just something to do.

"Why do you seem to believe you are permitted a weapon while incarcerated, your majesty?" He pondered aloud and finished with a forced smile. Her bitter smile only curved higher as her eyes narrowed and she effortlessly snatched the blade from her side and spun it up between their faces. Cooperative. "Thank you," he nodded and then reached to take it from her. But before he could she had flipped it in her hand and sunk it down to its hilt in to the muscle of his thigh.

He shouted in outrage and pain as he stumbled off to the side a small ways but she didn't care. Merely smiled sweetly with a tilt of her head and walked back toward their travelling party with a quick call for her stallion to get up and follow. Seething through his teeth, David carefully wrapped his hand around the hilt of the blade and watched the dark stallion get up and trot after his queen and David simply laughed in disbelief and annoyance. That damn _woman_. With a series of quick deep breaths to prepare himself, he quickly pulled out the knife with another shout of pain but the blade came out clean. Not a drop of blood shed. Not even a slice in the fabric of his pants and with the blade gone from his leg, the pain quickly disappeared.

He was going to have to talk to Rumplestiltskin about getting this protection spell upgraded to block the pain as well.

"I am sorry for my daughter," Henry apologized as he approached the shepherd with his daughter's tack in his arms, "she was not always this way."

With another deep breath to gather himself, David nodded and shoved the dagger in to his belt, "I know."

He did know. Now. He knew there was once a time in her life that the queen wouldn't hurt a fly. Wouldn't even think to. And now she was stabbing people when she was annoyed. Quite a life she had lived. With a shake of his head, David turned to the old man and out of habit, reached forward and took the saddle from his old arms.

"You don't have to do that."

"It is quite alright. You have enough on your plate," David excused and the old man nodded and shrugged the bridle better on his shoulder. "What were you arguing about?" David questioned and wasn't truly expecting an answer. But he got it and was surprised by it.

"She doesn't want to return to the palace."

"No?"

"Too many horrible memories," Henry told him with a shake of his head and kept his eyes on his daughter ahead.

"...Why not tell us before making arrangements to go there?" David questioned with a frown and the old man laughed under his breath.

"You are banishing her. Not setting her free. It is not supposed to be a pleasurable experience, she doesn't have a choice in where you and Snow White send her," he shook his head at the man who frowned deeper and then Henry looked back up to his daughter, "besides," he shook his head once more with a quieter voice, "she doesn't have anywhere else to go."

...

She was itching. Just itching to get out of their company but as Regina stood at the gates to her palace she wanted nothing more than to fall to her knees and cry against its bars. She did not want to be there. She wanted to scream and shout and set fire to it in the hopes that every foul memory would burn away with it.

But she didn't. She couldn't. Not with so many eyes watching her. So she kept staring up at the silver spires and tried so very hard to come up with any excuse to give them to let her get away from its walls. Anything. Anything but the truth. The truth wouldn't work anyway. David already had the truth and he was standing in silence despite knowing every detail of what she had endured in there. Snow would react differently, she was sure, but she couldn't tell Snow the truth. She couldn't tell anyone the truth. Wouldn't.

So she stood in misery resigning herself to the rest of her life and was only disturbed from herself when footsteps approached and halted behind her. When she turned around she was scowling at Snow White, not letting her see so much as a flicker of her ache to be free of this place. To be free of her. To be free of this life.

Approaching her stepmother had put Snow back on the brink of tears and when the woman turned with such a cruel scowl, Snow felt her heart break for the thousandth time that day. She couldn't help but wonder if she was ever going to see her smile again. She didn't believe she would. Not a smile that mattered anyway. And standing there before her now almost within arm's length...it was killing her.

"I miss you," she breathed with a shake of her head but Regina did nothing but blink at her. She didn't want to let her go. She wanted to hug her and hold her until everything was better, she wanted to fix everything. But the woman did say a word or move a muscle. She simply stood tall and proud in her loathing and Snow felt her control slipping. It had been such a horribly emotional day. If only she would just, "come back home with us," she pleaded softly and for a moment, just a moment, Snow thought she was going to accept. But then there was a bitter breath of laughter as she prowled forward and Snow's throat and chest ached with sorrow and loss as she looked between those dark eyes.

"I have fully cooperated under your wishes. Return what you have taken from me," she demanded lowly, her voice like velvet wrapping itself around the girl barely a stride from her. The deepest parts of her begged her to reconsider. Pleaded that she take the princess' offer to leave the dark palace behind her.

But she could not bend to Snow White.

"Yes," Snow replied under her breath and even though it had been just a single word, her voice still cracked and showed her sorrow. Regina didn't care and it reminded Snow once more of the days where Regina would soften at the smallest hint of unhappiness or distress in her voice or expression. Or the days she possessed such kindness and concern she would gallop after a wild horse and pull a terrified young girl from its back. But now those eyes were hard and those lips didn't so much as whisper a tender frown or quiet smile. It killed her.

"You still have your magic, its use has just been blocked," she started and focused all her energy on keeping her voice steady as she reached in to her pocket and retrieved a small orb roughly the size of a walnut. It was a spell. White and foggy as it swirled around its enclosed glass like the clouds of a building storm. Then she offered it to Regina and the woman took it without question and began to study it while Snow watched the white smoke darken in to purple and grey.

Magic was truly fascinating. "Blue said all you have to do is-," her instructions were cut short when Regina crushed the orb in her palm and sucked in a deep breath. The woman's cleverness almost made her smile. "Break the glass," Snow finished pointlessly and soaked in every detail of Regina for she knew that she would disappear at any moment. Then Regina opened her eyes and Snow's heart jumped for gone were the dark brown irises and in their place were eyes taken over by a swirling purple so dark it was nearly black. And then the woman blinked and her eyes were cleared once more but Snow only saw them for a moment before Regina had engulfed herself in thick purple smoke along with her horse and her father.

She was gone and silence took her place. Silence that rang in Snow's ears as she looked up at the palace that had once been her home. She felt guilty. Guilty and ashamed and completely helpless. There was nothing she could do without making things worse. So she closed her eyes and took a deep breath and as she lifted her hands to rub over her face and in to her hair, she tried to come to terms with abandoning her dearest family member. And then her attempts were interrupted.

"I am going to stay behind with her," David spoke his thoughts aloud and his voice sounded completely foreign to his own ears for he hadn't permitted the words to actually leave his head. But they had. And he didn't take them back. He was a little surprised to find he truly did want to stay. The thought of leaving made his spine shiver and his gut twist. And when Snow turned around she was at a complete loss for words.

So they merely found themselves staring at one another while their company awaited instruction. And then David was shaking his head and looking over Snow's shoulder to the dark palace behind her, "we are not on good terms but...I don't know what it is, I just need to stay...I want to stay," he told her and after another moment or two of silence, Snow stepped in to him and wrapped her arms around his middle in a suffocating hug filled with relief and gratitude.

...

She was laughing but the tears in her eyes were not those stemmed from her sense of humour nor were they those connected with amusement. Her mouth was not pulled in to a smile but rather a sneer of clenched teeth as she stormed down the hall of her castle. Her steps were long and harsh against the marble floor and the tail of her riding coat flowed and flapped behind her with every sharp step and smooth sway of her hips.

Her fingers were clenched and then flexed with magic and while she did have it back, she found no comfort in it. It merely amplified the anger she felt, the betrayal of Snow White, and her hatred of that palace. And oh how she hated it. She wanted to burn it to the ground. She wanted nothing to be left of it, nothing but scorched earth where it once stood. Maybe then she could escape, maybe then she would be free.

But she needed it.

"Child, we needn't stay here," Henry tried as he trailed behind his darling daughter. How he had failed her.

"And where am I to go?!" She cried out and hated that her voice was more of a sob than anything else, "what am I to do?!"

"Appeal to Snow White," he pleaded behind her and she shook her head with an utterly miserable laugh, "request passage from her kingdom, leave this all behind you, start a new life-"

"How?!" She roared as she spun around and her hair and coat spun around her with the motion. Over her shoulder and around her ankles before settling. "How could I do that, there is not a soul alive who does not know who I am! I have cast far too large a shadow and spilled far too much blood to ever be forgotten or forgiven! I am the Evil Queen! And I will not plea to Snow White, nor will I retreat!"

"Your pride is dragging you in to further misery and insanity, you do not have to live this life."

"My pride is all I have left," she snarled as she stepped closer.

"But it does not have to be so!"

"What life do you see for me?!" She cried out with a wave of her arms while her heart ached and her tears finally started to fall, "what possible happiness do you believe I am capable of finding?! After all I have done?! What do you see?! Do you see me running away from here?! Do you see me on a working farm with a man of my choosing?! Children running in my shadow?! Do you see my past never catching up with me?! Because I see none of that, daddy! None of it!" She shouted and while her burning anger pulled at her snarl, her pain and sorrow and loneliness had her practically hyperventilating between her choked sobs.

"I am exhausted!" She cried with closed eyes and with a shape exhale, she felt her shoulders deflate. And then she felt her father's hands on her and she did allow herself to just give in and tip in to his arms and cry. She didn't want to be in that palace.

...

She had spent the following hours destroying her room and pulling her hair free of its pins. Her throat was raw from her shouting and her stomach was sore from her sobs. She was sure her eyes were still tainted red but she didn't truly care. The only one watching her was her mirror through his shattered glass. Even though she couldn't see his face, she knew he was there. He was always there.

But now she was quiet. She sat at her vanity silent and still, appreciating the warmth and relaxation in her muscles that came after destroying her bedchamber. Everything was still. Her body and even her mind as she pondered the sharpness of the tip of one of her hair pins. It wasn't sharp. But it wasn't dull either. And as her thumb dragged over it for the hundredth time, she wondered if it could break her skin if she pushed hard enough. It probably could. But surely she had something sharper. Perhaps her seamstress had a needle large enough. Or perhaps she could work out the science behind the apple she gave to Snow White.

It was a curious idea. Hurting Snow by putting herself in a virtually unbreakable curse. She would obsess over it, ruin her life with the utter need to free her. Regina could go to sleep knowing that she was still Snow White's undoing and that was a tempting thought. She had nothing here left to live for. There was nothing she could do. She couldn't hurt them.

The only issue was her father. Once again love was her weakness and her mother's words echoed in her mind and made her lip curl back in distaste. She could be free of her too. Or perhaps not.

She didn't know what would await her if she were to curse herself to sleep. But surely it would be worth it. Surely it would be worth finally besting that insipid girl. The girl that never failed to stab her in the back. She wanted her gone. She wanted to break her.

"It's not worth it," David spoke up as he got closer to her and she whirled around in her seat with wide eyes. He hadn't been standing there long. But he had been there long enough to watch her focus so intently on the pin in her hand. A pin that very much resembled the needle of a spinning wheel that Maleficent had used. "Snow still has nights she cannot sleep because of the nightmares. And she has very little to regret. I can only imagine what would be waiting for you," he explained and she didn't seem to quite grasp the fact that he was there.

"You look like hell," he noted with a slight nod and when her expression turned feral, he decided it best not to announce the state of the room. But she did look like hell. Her hair was a mess, her clothing slightly dishevelled, her eyes rimmed with red and puffier than they should be, her makeup still managed to look undisturbed though. It was strange to him to see her falling apart. She was always so impeccably put together. Even in the rags they had given her in her cell. There was never a hair out of place.

"What are you doing here?" She growled and when he took another step forward, she stood up and he stopped.

"I stayed behind."

"You are not welcome here."

"I am not leaving."

She scoffed at that in disbelief and quickly felt the tension and anger seeping back in to her body with her bloodlust. This insolent shepherd had a death wish and she so dearly wanted to fulfill it.

"And what exactly are your motivations for such a hopelessly moronic idea?" She shook her head as she stepped closer and then taunted with a smooth turn and downward tilt of her head, "are you and your precious fiancé still caught up in the notion of rehabilitating me?"

"I do not know why I am here," he answered truthfully and she grinned but while it would have ordinarily been threatening and had proved to be threatening in the past, with her tangled hair, tear burned eyes, and dishevelled clothing, it only made him pity her. He would never tell her as such lest he wish to lose his head but it was what he felt. She was a ruined woman and it put an awful ache in his chest. "But I could not bring myself to leave you here alone. So I am here."

"You are an incessant pest," she hissed as she slunk closer and her rage and hatred toward this man caused her throat to grow uncomfortably tight. She just wanted to scream at him to go away. She wanted to tear him limb from limb and feed him to her hounds, "get out of my sight."

"No."


	5. Chapter 5

**I have been staring at this for far too long, I think I may be going cross eyed lol! It's time to move on. So I hope you enjoy it! Time to get the ball rolling here.**

* * *

When she had been banished to her dark palace she hadn't believed things could get any worse for her. And then the shepherd decided it would be best to keep her company and she was quick to realize just how pleasant being alone would have been.

She would have been miserable, yes, but she wouldn't be irritated and loathe to walk around any corner in her own home and potentially find the shepherd there. It had been over two weeks. Sixteen days of his constant presence and despite all of her lashings, both verbal and physical when he pushed too hard or the circumstances merely permitted, he remained. Bothered but stubborn, he remained in her home. She had tried everything to get him out. Their spats seemed to occur hourly. Granted, she was usually the one to pick them, but how could she ignore him when he gave her no choice but to notice him.

She couldn't even be content with the fact he was distracting her from her misery. She just wanted to kill him. But she couldn't. She had to deal with him. He was a headache she didn't need and she wanted nothing less than to be his new pet project. She wanted to be rid of him.

"What are you reading?" David questioned curiously as he stepped up to her and leaned his shoulder against the bookshelf she faced. In response he was first given his regular greeting of a harsh scowl but as she looked back to the pages of the book in her hand, she actually gave him an answer.

"Looking for loopholes in protection spells," she replied with an irritable smile and quirk of her head.

David merely smiled in amusement and folded his arms over his chest, "find anything yet?"

"No," she answered shortly before loudly clapping her book shut and pushing it back in its place on the shelf. Then she took another one and began flipping through its pages, "I cannot even hire someone to kill you. It would have been my intention that spun everything in motion and therefore null the assassin's efforts."

"Well that is reassuring," he smirked and she shot him a glare with her scowl and went back to her reading. He was surprised that she pushed no further and that instead she fell silent and tried her very best to ignore him. She had thrown everything at him, including the dining room table one evening, but she had never thrown silence his way. He didn't mind the change. He was growing exhausted of dodging fireballs and aimlessly wandering through her castle after being poofed to the furthest reaches of it against his wishes. However, even those were far better dealings than what she had been putting him through just a week prior.

He had lost count of how many times she had had him impaled or used him as her own personal bonfire. It was days like those that he had almost left her in this castle to rot away. But he stayed. For reasons still unknown to him, he stayed.

So the silence was a welcome break. Silence intrigued him. Perhaps he had made more progress than he had thought? Was it a cold shoulder she was giving him or was she resigning herself to accepting his presence? He couldn't say. But it was something different and it promised progress.

So he didn't push it. He merely stood in silence with her and enjoyed the break even though she was still tense in her irritation. He stood and watched her read and found himself studying her. It was so very rare that he got more than a moment to look at her without preparing himself to live through another one of her attempts at murder. They were always fighting and always at each other's throats and despite almost constantly being in her presence for two full weeks and then her escort to the castle on top of that, he had yet to truly look at her.

So he did. He watched the tightness in her jaw but admired the line of it, he smiled a little at the slight purse to her irritated lips but found he loved the shape and colour of them. Then he studied the shape of her nose and the slope of her brow, the shape of her eyebrows, the set of her dark eyes. Her make up, her long hair cascading down her back in effortless waves while the top was pulled in to beautiful twists and braids, even her ears were without flaw.

Then he followed the line of her neck and couldn't help but fall victim to a flicker of warmth low in his belly that came with attraction. It was smooth and slender and then her collarbone was defined and straight. Her shoulders were slight but strong just as her arms were, her round breasts framed by the low cut of her velvet gown that mirrored the blue of the sky at midnight. That same dark velvet fell snug around her slim and undoubtedly strong waist and his eyes followed the dip of her back and the curve of her ass while the velvet hugged her hips. And then it fell in a curtain around her legs but he already knew her legs were as equally stunning as the rest of her.

He took his time studying her. He soaked in every detail he could and truly took the time to admire her. He still didn't have any means of a plan but he knew he needed to stay with her. Leaving still felt wrong. So he stood and watched her read and wondered what he was going to do with her. But instead of his wondering being tainted with loathing and spite, it was slowly becoming more fond and more patient. That was progress in of itself.

"What are you staring at," she grumbled lowly as she flipped a page in her book.

"You are beautiful," he told her simply and truthfully and she scoffed with an irritated glance in his direction.

"And what would dear Snow think of your wandering eyes," she drawled as her eyes scanned the open page before she flipped it to the next one with far more force than necessary.

"They are not wandering. They are observing," he corrected and she rolled her eyes as she turned another page.

"Whatever is the difference," she drawled plainly.

"You intrigue me. I haven't had the chance to look at you without watching for your next move to kill me. Until now. You are a beautiful woman. It is an observation. Wandering would imply I was unsatisfied with whom I am with and wish to bed you," he told her and her dark eyes flashed to him, "you are beautiful. And I hope one day you will be able to find such beauty in your heart as well," he told her and she didn't say a word. Merely watched him through dark eyes. And then slowly, she stepped forward and didn't stop until their bodies were nearly touching and he could practically taste those snarling burgundy lips.

"You have no idea how much it pains me," she growled as she raised a hand to carefully wrap around his neck and sink her nails in to his skin as if to rip his throat straight out, "that I am unable to watch you bleed like a stuck pig."

She lingered there nice and close, letting her words sink in as her eyes dipped to his mouth and envisioned his blood spilling from between his lips. If only it were possible. The images gave her a shiver of delight that pulled a twisted smile to her lips. It was small but it was there and her grip tightened enough for his breath to catch and have her excitement spark once more. But then she turned bitter and she bared her teeth at his unsatisfying suffering and tightened her grip further despite knowing it would do absolutely no damage to him whatsoever. She held on until he was gasping and clawing at her hand and wrist to try and get free. When there was nothing left but frustration over the fact he wasn't dead yet, Regina snatched her hand back and let him stumble sputtering for air while she turned her back to him.

"It was a compliment, Regina," he hissed hoarsely and she shot him another one of her glares and watched him stand up straight, "nothing I believed worthy of strangulation," he snapped and tried to shake off the chill she had put in his blood. There were days he wondered if she were the devil itself in human form. There were days.

"Flattery will get you nowhere, _shepherd_ ," she bit through her teeth and left the man to rub his throat while she walked away with her book still in hand. She so desperately needed to find a way to kill him.

...

He was surprised Regina hadn't once again tried to poison his dinner or his wine. That had been an awful night. But it seemed she had given up that dream for he had even felt safe enough to have a second helping of the roast and despite his best efforts, he couldn't seem to get a word from the queen's lips. In fact, he barely got a glare from her. He was beginning to think that perhaps he was tiring her out.

That or she was no longer entertained by trying to kill him.

Either way, it made him feel like he was gaining ground and he was finding that throughout the day he had grown more and more relaxed. In the beginning she had tried to kill him every chance she got. Every second of every day but today she had only tried to strangle him in the library and now the sun had dipped below the horizon. It had him biting back a smile of success and she completely ignored him when he stood from the table. She didn't even glance to address the movement in the corner of her eye. But it was for the best anyway.

In one smooth movement he had snatched up her wrist, pulled her from her seat, and spun her under his arm where he then pulled her in and held her to him. Chest to chest. He was smiling and she was livid. Absolutely livid. But he did have her hand in his and his other on her waist despite her free hand pushing hard against his shoulder in and attempt to get him off her. She was threatening him with those dark eyes of hers but he only smiled a little more and then skillfully pushed her in to a dance. Even with her muscles tight, her movements were more graceful than he would believe any person capable of. It made him curious to dance with her when she actually wanted to.

"Let me go."

"I think you need to lighten up and live a little, your majesty," he countered as he stepped them around the floor to the tune of the band now behind him.

"I have no desire to be pushed around another floor by one more arrogant oaf who thinks I am his to play with," she snarled and tried to finish her argument with a pointed stomp on his foot. But her shoe hit stone and he didn't speak a word of her attempt to maim him nor his quick avoidance. He merely smiled a little and nodded his head once.

"I am simply trying to get your attention," he told her and she gave him a deadly smile as he led her back a step with their bodies pressed together, "you have been ignoring me all night."

"Well consider it received."

"Hmm," he hummed shortly in approval and spun them around and she followed seamlessly but not exactly willingly. He was impressed she had not used her magic to get away. "I think it is time we start working together. Now that you have pretty much run out of ways to try and kill me."

"There is always a way."

"Well until you find that way, can we perhaps spend our time together in more...mutually gratifying ways?" He questioned and her eyes narrowed as she stepped in whatever direction he led her in.

"Are you suggesting we start fucking one another?" She asked in utter disbelief and offence, "after what you did to me?!"

"No! Hey, no," he pressed and she huffed a seething breath through her teeth. She tried even harder then to get away from him but he was stronger and kept her in place against him but their dance had been put on hold. "No, Regina, I was not suggesting that. Especially after what I did to you," he assured and she glared at him with such hatred it made him start to hate himself. But she did stop trying to escape him.

"I meant this whole thing is incredibly one sided. And I feel like we could actually gain something from it if we went back to how it used to be," he told her and she gave him a bitter frown in return.

"What do you mean?"

"Back to when we were both trying to kill one another," he told her and relaxed his grip on her when he no longer felt her trying to get away. He didn't let go of her though.

"You no longer want me dead."

"You have given me plenty of new reasons to want to break that pretty neck of yours," he assured with a nod and for a moment, her face softened in to thought as she considered his proposal. He was surprised to find that he was actually excited. Excited to hear what she had to say, excited for things to change, excited to learn what she was thinking about in that mind of hers.

Regina contemplated hard on the topic. He truly wasn't any fun to try and kill anymore. Not that it had ever been anything but frustrating to begin with. But perhaps if he was given the idea of a fighting chance it would be better. She had, after all, always loved watching them cling to hope. What a nonsensical concept. Hope. She loved taking it away from others just as she had had it taken from her.

Hope.

She hated the word.

"You may have a sword," she complied and with a smile and a delighted raise of his brow, the shepherd nodded and proceeded to once again lead her around the floor. Much to her distaste.

"Her majesty can use a sword?" He inquired with a broadening smirk and while she still resisted the dance, she was far more cooperative and relaxed than she had been initially. It was nice having her so close and not having to worry about another attempt on his life.

"Why is that so surprising?"

"Oh I don't know," he gave an innocent shrug and continued to lead her around the floor while the band played dutifully. "It shouldn't be," he agreed with her and then continued, "and it isn't really. I mean, I do recall you very skillfully beating me nearly to death with a cast iron skillet," he reminded and felt a little bubble of joy burst in his chest when she lifted her chin ever so slightly. Proud and smug, those burgundy lips twitched in to the smallest smirk as she recalled the incident. It was better than the scowl he had grown so accustomed to. "You just don't seem like the type of woman inclined to exert herself with such training unless absolutely necessary," he told her with a slight smirk for he truly was rather entertained by the idea of her with a sword, "let alone exert herself enough to be confident in challenging me," he added to tease and get her riled up and her eyes sparked to life with the question of her ability.

She was about to scold him for doubting her and thinking so highly of himself but before she could even draw in a breath to do so, he had sent her spinning out underneath his arm. It caught her by surprise but she twirled for him without argument and found that when she was drawn back in to him she found she had relaxed and much to her annoyance, was beginning to enjoy herself. And he was smiling far too much for her liking. "I am quite capable, shepherd," she bit and his closed lips curled in to a higher smile as his thumb rubbed over hers and he turned them both in the dance he led, "I can assure you. And I will continue to exert myself however I please," she snapped and he laughed under his breath, those blue eyes of his practically glittering with satisfaction over the path of their conversation.

"I will make note to never shortchange your competence again," he nodded as he stepped her backward with their chests and stomachs still pressed together. She simply dipped her chin with a blink of those thick lashes and effortlessly danced across the floor. He dared to say he was rather enjoying himself. For the very first time in all the years they had known one another, he found himself enjoying occupying the same space as her. It was an odd but incredible feeling. Like a huge weight had been lifted off him and his persistence was finally beginning to pay off. That finally, there was promise of his decision to stay with her being worth it. A light at the end of a very dark and dangerous tunnel. Small but there and full of hope. Perhaps the vicious queen could be helped after all.

"So, your majesty," he started and she almost suppressed the groan of displeasure at his tone for it told her he wasn't about to stop talking. Almost. But it was heard, quiet and low as she rolled her eyes but didn't fight him when he continued to dance with her, "what is your favourite colour?"

"Black," she answered shortly as she rolled her head back to him with a forced smile and squinted eyes, "like my heart and soul," she told him and despised how her stomach flipped in delight at the laugh that left his smiling lips. It was small but it was there and she despised herself for it. For that and the way she found herself relaxing in to him. Her hand wasn't even tight in his anymore. It was soft and malleable as though she wanted to be there.

Just because her heart and mind yearned for such kind attention, didn't mean they got to give in to it without her direct permission. Especially to this man.

"One could argue that that is a shade, your majesty," he teased and her smile grew more pressed, unamused, and sarcastic.

"Blue."

Intrigued and more than pleased that she was answering him, he smiled and turned them in time to the music playing around them. She moved with him as though she was a part of him and again he found himself loving it, "dark blue?"

"No," she shut him down but when he drew in a small breath to continue his questioning, she elaborated upon her answer. If only just to shut him up, "light blue. Like the colour of the sky just above the horizon. Pale but there. The colour you can ride forever toward but never reach."

"Hmm," he hummed shortly in approval and mild surprise. He didn't know what he expected to hear but it wasn't that. He liked it though. "I like red," he told her with a nod and spun them around once more.

"Like roses?" She asked, bored and unsure why she was bothering in letting this conversation continue.

"Like the colour of your blood seeping in to the earth," he replied simply and her eyes snapped back to his, wide and startled and unsure. Then he started laughing and her eyes softened with amusement and he even saw those dark lips relax in to a surprised but content curve, "yes like roses," he laughed and she let out a small breath through her lips that was laced with a laugh. It was a pleasant little gift to hear such a sound and to see something on her face other than disdain or murder. Even if it was just subtle, it was a huge contrast to what he usually saw on her.

"Although, green is a close second," he chuckled and was helpless to the grin on his face at the way her lips stayed pulled in to the most subtle smile. She hated it, he could tell by the way she tried to tear it from her mouth and tried to focus on something other than him to distract herself. "Reminds me of the meadows on the farm," he nodded and she successfully pulled off a hum of indifference. But he didn't mind, he was still over the moon with how different things were between them in that moment. He knew it wouldn't last. He knew that tomorrow would be filled with scowls and glares and more attempts on his life. So he savoured this dance and the knowledge of her favourite colour and the smile it brought to his face.

Regina wanted to agree that that was a colour she loved for the same reason. But she wouldn't let her voice even dare to come forth and instead put her focus back on wanting to get away from him. Even if his touch and hold was far more kind and polite than she anticipated. After all, the only times he had ever touched her had been harsh. Cruel even. Except for once. When he had bandaged her knuckles after punching him in the jaw.

Her thoughts then moved toward their hands then and how his was gently clasped around hers. Comfortable and kind. She wanted to chop his off at the wrist.

She hadn't tried removing his limbs...would the damage be permanent? Would the limb grow back? Would there be blood? Or would the blade simply go right through his flesh and bone without leaving a mark. As if he were a ghost.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" He asked with an easy smile and her gaze remained fixated on their clasped hands next to their shoulders while she purred.

"The best way to delimb you."

Of course she was. And yet her reply only made his lips curl in a bigger smile as he huffed a small and silent laugh through his nose. He was sure his amusement regarding her answer would die the moment she followed through but for now he simply shook his head and led her around the floor. "Sounds about right," he agreed under his laughing breath and she gave a thoughtful cock of her head while her dark eyes stared at their hands. With her lost deep in her bloody thoughts, David gave a subtle shake of his head with a small smirk and then brought her back to the present moment by spinning her out beneath his arm.

But this time he didn't pull her back in and their arms were left outstretched while their fingers remained in one another's gentle grip as the dark velvet twirled around her legs. Her dark eyes were on his blue and while she scowled, he gave her a kind smile and then bowed at the waist. As he stood up tall once more, he took a step closer to her and she lifted her chin in response, proud and superior and making sure he knew it. "Thank you for the dance, your majesty," he nodded and she didn't move but she also didn't tense or try to pull her hand away. He noted every detail she offered him, "I feel though that I mustn't steal away any more of your time," he told her and then brought her knuckles to his lips so he could press a kiss to them. And then he nodded once more, "goodnight, your majesty," and let her hand slip away as he left her alone in the dining hall with the band.

Regina watched him leave with a scowl and flexed her fingers at her hip. The fingers that had been in his care for the duration of their dance. His touch and his kiss lingered there and it drove her mad. But that didn't bother her nearly as much as the yearning ache in her heart and the chill to her insides over the fact that he was no longer holding her and pressed up against her. She had not noticed the warmth of his touch until it was gone and she despised how much she missed it. Yes she knew she was lonely and deprived of human contact but that didn't mean her traitorous heart got to long for a man who violated her mind with such cruelty. She would simply have to never let him touch her again. Easy as that.

It didn't make her new awareness of how truly lonely she was any easier though. Once again the shepherd found himself pulling her buried emotions back to the surface.

With one more sharp flex of her fingers and a quick shake of her wrist, Regina shot her band a deadly glare and when the instruments fell silent, she made her prompt leave and worked to rebury the yearn for a lover's touch.

She could wring his perfect neck.


	6. Chapter 6

**I do not have the words to express how sorry I am for taking so long! 2016 has not been very forgiving, holy shit lol but here you are! I will be working on the next chapter as soon as I post this one. Enjoy! Please leave a review!**

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"You spend a lot of time in this library of yours," he commented with a playful smile and his shoulder leaned against a ceiling high bookshelf.

"What else am I to do?" She drawled and tried to ignore the sharp jump of her heart at the sound of his voice, "count every stone these walls of my banishment consist of?"

"No. Not unless you wish to anyway," he teased as he rubbed his apple against his sleeve and she blinked her dark eyes to him. Dark and humourless. It only made him smile more though, "so is that all you do then? Read books?"

"No."

"Oh?"

"I spend my free time plotting yours and Snow White's demise," she told him as she hugged her book to her chest and moved to step around him, only to falter and remain in one place when he gave her his brightest smile. When had it become common practice to laugh at her death threats? And when exactly had she become so affected by his smile? It was the stuff of a lovestruck teen. Heart warm and fluttering, knees wobbly, feet weighted, throat tightening, it was ridiculous and childish and entirely unnecessary. She didn't like the shepherd, she did not want to make him laugh, she did not want to like to make him smile.

But it was a good smile. It was big and genuine and made his blue eyes crinkle in the best way. She couldn't remember the last time she had been the cause of a smile like that. Even if she didn't want him smiling and wanted him gone, it was a good smile. But it didn't stop at his smile. No, just as it had every day since that close and easy dance, her gaze wandered over his broad shoulders and she felt the same warm flip in her stomach as she wondered what it would feel like to have him pin her down for reasons other than harming her. Or what it would feel like to have his thick arms wrap around her waist and pull her in to his strong chest.

He was big and he was strong and being attracted to him infuriated her more than words could ever express. "I dislike your face very much," she bit at him and he gave her a quizzical but amused look in return before laughing his response.

"My face or the expression on it?" He chuckled and her chin lifted with her superiority. He had grown to find her rather endearing most of the time. A small and beautiful little spitfire. It was easier now that she had stopped trying to kill him. Their spats were restricted now to words and swords and it was far more tolerable.

"All of it," she snarled and he laughed and took a bite of his apple. Finally finding the ability to move her feet, Regina stepped forward and around the shepherd, their shoulders nearly bumping as her eyes held focus on his.

"What a random insult," he noted with an amused smirk as he turned on his heel so he could watch her walk away and tip his other shoulder on the bookshelf.

Rolling her eyes, Regina ignored him and opened her book upon a table and drawled out over her shoulder, "are you not wary of what curses I have placed on that apple?"

"I think I'll take my chances," he smirked and took another bite, watching as the queen bristled at the loud crunch of the fruit that met her ears.

"You have grown to be too comfortable in my company, shepherd," she snarled and flipped the page in her book while the man behind her answered with a short and simple hum.

"I think you are just being too defensive," he told her and she scoffed and kept her back to him as he pushed himself up from the bookshelf and began walking toward her. "I know there is more to you than your constant bitterness, aloofness, and anger," he shook his head a little with a frown as he came up beside her and leaned back against her table to he could see her face. His hip right next to the corner of her book. She did look up at him but her dark eyes gave nothing away. Nothing but irritation, "there is far more to you than that."

Regina was silent for a moment, spending it staring at the shepherd and trying to find his angle. Trying to find what he would gain from this whole thing but still she came up with nothing worth her compliance. "Once perhaps there was," she replied with a heavy rasp to her voice and he seemed to hang off of every word, "but there is nothing more now."

"I don't believe that," he argued plainly but gently and she stared right back at him, "and I don't believe you do either," he added and she didn't argue back. Didn't even give a blink of denial on his claim. So he let that hang between them for a few moments and when she still didn't say a word, David pivoted with a long contented sigh so he was now facing the book on the table. The movement put him far closer to her side than where he had been before but she didn't stab him in the kidney so he remained where he was and tried to read the book in front of them only to find it was in a completely different language.

So he asked curiously and admired the elegant scrawl, "what are you reading?"

She was even more on edge than she was before now that he was so close to her. All it would take would be a shift of her weight and her shoulder would touch his. Her skin crawled and her muscles were tight with the desire to get away from him but her traitorous heart jumped in excitement over his nearness and that only made her want to kill him more. "Elvish spells," she answered shortly and had never felt her bloodlust so high.

"You know elvish?"

"I do."

"Well that's neat," he remarked with a light smile and continued to study the old language without so much as a hint of recognition, "why did you learn it?"

"Some of the most powerful spells are elvish. Or at least derived from it. And Rumplestiltskin insisted I learned."

"And why did you decide to learn from him?"

"You already know the answer to that, shepherd," she hissed with a snap of her teeth and a deadly glare.

"I want to hear it from your lips directly," he soothed with his most earnest expression but she only worked the tension in her jaw. He had come across this issue frequently. She wouldn't give him any answers for he had already stolen them from her. But that didn't mean he didn't want to hear them, it didn't mean that he didn't want her to decide to share her side of the story. He wanted to listen, he wanted her to feel the release of letting go of the pain she held most dear. But she wouldn't budge. And while he was frustrated and disappointed, he understood it better now which meant he didn't lose his temper, didn't yell at her, didn't start a fight, he just moved on.

"Alright, too trivial for you, understandable. Let's get in to the real questions then," he nodded and pivoted again so the side of his leg leaned against the edge of the table and he faced her side with his arms folded. Her dark and vicious eyes never relented as his voice carried a most serious tone, "if your favourite colour is blue and your favourite animal is a horse, why haven't you created a new breed of blue horses?" He inquired and was working so hard not to burst in to laughter at the incredulous and infuriated expression she wore.

Without so much as a word, Regina slammed her book shut with a deafening force upon the table and took it with her as she stalked off, leaving the shepherd to laugh by himself.

...

His laughter around her next corner made her cringe and curl her lip in distaste. She hated him. He made her skin crawl and her mouth bitter. Nothing would please her more than tearing his heart out and crushing it to dust. He was exhausting. He was infuriating. And it didn't matter how many times she stabbed the oaf in the chest or how many times her blade had sliced through his limbs or neck, it made no difference. Yes the spats were far more entertaining and yes her body felt wonderful after it had been used and released so much built up tension after every spar, but that didn't mean she disliked him any less.

It had her admiring his physical strength and build and even his stamina, but attractive as he may be, it didn't have her despising him any less.

If anything it made her all the more angry for he still wouldn't leave. He was always there. Constantly nagging her, constantly in her presence, constantly chirping on her shoulder and no matter what she did to him, nothing ever changed. He was still smiling and he was still _laughing_.

The sound of it made her want to shatter everything in sight and make him suffer for such an unpleasantry on her senses. She turned the corner regardless for her pride would not permit her to turn away and it was her castle after all. So she lifted her head even higher and when the shepherd came in to view, she scowled at the him while he conversed with one of her servant girls. Some of her hire had left upon her banishment but most had actually remained. This girl being one of them.

A pretty little thing. Cheerful but respectful. Regina had always liked her she supposed. But right then she wanted kill her too. She felt a boiling rage toward the young woman and wished to tear her tongue out for speaking with the shepherd. How dare she encourage his presence. Her laugh grated on her eardrums along with David's and the very moment the girl turned her head toward her sharp footsteps, Regina glowered at her. In an instant the girl's grin and laughter were gone and her eyes dropped as she fell silent and curtsied before quickly making her leave. Regina nearly sent a fireball after her to quicken her steps further. But she was distracted by David's displeasured sigh.

"What," she hissed at him and he shook his head.

"Was that truly necessary?"

"I do not pay her to entertain unwelcome visitors."

"It was a harmless conversation."

"There is no such thing," she retorted in annoyance and then continued on her path down the hall only to have the shepherd pivot and fall in step behind her. It was a refined skill he had for making her blood boil.

"I don't know why you are so upset over an interrupted conversation with a handmaiden when you have let no one forget that I am the one you wish to focus your attention on," Regina drawled out plainly, uninterested but slightly satisfied by bothering the nuisance of a shepherd. But then he was laughing. A low and quiet chuckle under his breath that had her annoyed all over again, "do share what you find so amusing."

"You are wearing red again," he noted with a nod in her direction and her eyes narrowed.

"Is that significant?"

"Only if you take in to account I have told you it is my favourite colour," he smirked and her expression grew all the more irate, "that's the fourth day in a row now. This week," he added with a wider smirk and a dip of his head for blue had been her colour of choice in the beginning. Until he had told her he loved red; moving from wearing her favourite colour to his.

"The colour of my clothes has nothing to do with you, shepherd," she snapped but wondered if subconsciously it had. She had been catching herself thinking about him in scenarios other than murder. That idiot was making sport of infuriating her. She was never going to wear red again.

"And yet with holding so much spite against a conversation with a simple handmaiden, I must wonder, your majesty, have you found yourself jealous?" He inquired with a boyish excitement one would usually find in a schoolyard and not the halls of the dark palace. She had never spun around so fast. It had him grinning as wide as the Cheshire Cat as he stopped with her. It had been a long time since he had been this amused. A very very long time.

"What an absolutely preposterous notion!" She exclaimed in disbelief and offence as she looked him up and down.

"Is it though?" He pressed with a smirk and a tilt of his head. She simply scoffed. "For months you have been the centre of my attention and now you have caught me with another woman. You have every reason to be upset. No one but me has paid you any mind at all. And now you have caught me with another woman," he smirked with a slight dip of his head and a raise of his brow while she crossed her jaw and gave a cold and unamused smile, "you feel as though you are losing my attention. How distressing."

"I assure you, I feel no such loss, shepherd," she sneered.

"Whatever you say, your majesty," he smirked and she gritted her teeth before spinning on her heels and walking away. He followed without missing a beat.

"Don't follow me," she warned but he ignored her completely.

"What do you want to do tonight?"

"Provide you with a slow and painful death."

"You try that almost every night and I don't know, I am still breathing, you may want to change tactics. Or perhaps you've simply lost your touch," he offered and then laughed silently within himself while she fumed beside him. "I could gather a band to entertain us during dinner," he offered and her lip curled in distaste but he pushed onward anyway with an amused smile as he teased, "I could even sing for you."

It got her attention and when she turned her head to glower at him, he saw the subtle curiosity line her brow. It made him smile.

"No."

"Another dance then?"

"No."

"We had such a nice time the last time we danced."

"No."

"I promise I won't comment on the red again," he bargained with a smile but he was answered with her sharp black blade being swung at him after being magicked to her hand. He just barely hopped out of the way and with her eyes and snarl so feral with anger, David found himself pulling his sword from its sheath on his hip faster than ever before. Just in time to block the talented little queen's next blow.

...

She couldn't say if the clashing of blades helped or not. She didn't feel any different toward the pestering fool, she simply felt physically used and tired at the end of each spar. Which was nice she supposed at the end of the day. But again, it didn't quell the bloodlust he felt toward him. And this was the third spar that day. It just wasn't enough.

This blundering oaf. Attractive as she would never aloud admit him to be, was as dense as her palace walls but lacked the sophistication of the spells she laced them with. He was as dumb as a stone and as persistent as a salmon swimming upstream in to the snapping jaws of the bear at the top. No matter what she did she couldn't get rid of him.

So their blades clashed and she tried to find amusement in how hard he was trying to best her. She knew she had surprised him with her skill with a blade but that enjoyment had died weeks ago when it was no longer a surprise for him and he had started getting better. He was a better sparring partner than most of her black guard, she would admit that. And she didn't have to deal with finding a new one after stabbing him. But it also made it impossible to be rid of him. Needless to say, the amusement in such a game had been lost long ago.

She did laugh, however, when on this particularly chilly night, she stomped on the hem of his cloak and his spinning parry was forced in to something far less coordinated. With his momentum suddenly halted the shepherd fell to the stone floor with a startled grunt and a hard thud and Regina couldn't help herself. She laughed. Circling around him as he tried to regain his composure, she dragged the tip of her sword beside her, taunting him as the metal on stone mixed with her laughter. He was truly the epitome of an idiot.

David really should have seen it coming before he had begun the heated spar. But it was cold that evening. Removing the article of clothing keeping him warm had been the last thing on his mind when his temper flared. But as the spar had ensued, his temper calmed and it had become a game. A competition, one he was set on winning after she had won every single one prior. Every single one. Daily he found himself impaled or sliced by the likes of her blade and yet he didn't find it nearly as infuriating as before. He credited it to the fact she was giving him a fighting chance.

Or at least the illusion of one.

But none of that seemed to matter at all when the sound of her laughter reached his ears. Yes it was still arrogant and proud and laced with the high power she knew she had, but it was also light with an honest amusement. He had made her laugh. For the very first time, he had brought out a laugh from those lips. Even if it was at his expense, it was still an accomplishment he relaxed at. And hell, he even laughed a little too.

"Dirty," he groaned under his breath as he tried to readjust himself to get to his feet.

"Hmm," Regina hummed in agreement with a raise of her eyebrows and an amused purse of her lips as she continued to circle around him. Then there was a loud crack of thunder that accompanied the steady sound of the rain pouring outside. It had her turning her head toward the window in curiosity for she truly enjoyed thunder storms but it was a moment of poor judgement just as David's choice in attire had been. For the moment her eyes focused outside, her next footstep was interrupted by David's quick blade catching the tall heel of her boot and pulling her far too off balance to have ever caught herself and she fell to the stone floor alongside him with a startled gasp and a clatter of her sword.

She hit the floor hard and without an ounce of grace and David's rich laughter was heard with the next roar of thunder.

...

Her thoughts on David had not settled. She was finding herself borderline obsessed with him. Even with the disrupting thunder and lightning that often lit up her study as though it were high noon was not enough to distract herself from the shepherd. Her mind just kept going back to dance they had shared and how it had felt to be though it had been well over a couple months since the encounter, she could still feel him and wanted more. Despite her better judgement.

Their sword fights had brought them close at times and kept them in better company she supposed but there hadn't been any encounter since the dance where she had found herself in his hold again. There had been times when the pair of them had been pressed chest to chest, her back to his chest, had hissed words in each other's faces, but they were always fighting.

She hated that she yearned for a kinder touch. But she did.

She refused to do anything about it though. She didn't like David, she didn't want David, and even beside the point of David she did not need nor want anyone in her life. She was fine. She had survived years being alone. She didn't need anybody. What she needed was to be rid of this shepherd so that her focus may return to ruining the life of dear Snow White.

But it didn't seem to matter what she did; the shepherd was going nowhere.

Even pushing him off the tallest spire in the middle of this storm didn't seem to do the trick it seemed. She could hear his footsteps approaching. Furious and even. And sopping wet. It had her lip curling back in distaste as she crossed another attempt of her list with her quill. Not even reminiscing in the glee she had felt as she had watched the terror on his face while he shouted and tried to get back on to solid ground was able to perk up her sullied mood. She had hoped the lightning would strike him on his way down for a little extra flare. But no such luck.

Even when he had stormed in to her study and slammed the door behind him it didn't cause her heart to blip in excitement. She usually took some form of joy in enraging him but not this time. She was growing too tired of him.

"What the hell was that for?!" He bellowed as he stood in front of her and she remained tucked up on her sofa beside the burning hearth and her eyes on a piece of parchment in her hand.

"You knocked your queen to the floor."

"You threw me from the top of your castle because you are a sore loser?!"

"I also want to be rid of you. That matter seems to continue to fly right over your head," she drawled, utterly bored with the list in her hand. None of them were going to work. Then she crossed out 'delimbing'. She had tried that. Every blade, enchanted or not, went straight through him as though he were a ghost. No mark to show for it. Only a crippling pain that lasted a handful of seconds. Perhaps he was a ghost. Sent there to haunt her. Wouldn't that be a joy.

David stood before her absolutely furious. Utterly exacerbated. And she wouldn't even look at him. Merely continued to peruse the parchment in her hand with an inked quill in her fingertips. So he lunged forward and snatched the paper from her hand and wished he had the capacity to enjoy the startled widen of her eyes. But he was far too riled up to take a moment to enjoy anything and his mood did not improve when he saw what was on the parchment. A list.

A list that made his fists clench and his lip pull back in a snarl. It wasn't a large parchment by any means but with the woman's tidy and elegant scrawl she had been able to fill the page with three columns of murder methods. Most had been crossed out but plenty of her elegant scrawl remained unblemished and ready to be attempted. Starvation. Drowning. Heart attack. The list went on and he was livid.

He didn't even bother asking her what it was for he knew exactly what it was. So with nothing more than a snarl he viciously crumpled the paper in his fists and then threw the ball in to the burning hearth.

"I hadn't had the remaining options memorized yet," Regina protested in a rather bored tone as she watched the ball of paper succumb to the heat of the flames around it, the thunder cracking outside at the same time and making her chest vibrate. It was an old list. She hadn't looked at it since their agreement to use swords instead of magic. Until tonight anyway.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"I am rather certain you already have a long list of unfriendly things to say about me yourself."

"You're damn right I do!"

"Well then I don't see why you feel the need for me to add to it. It seems you have it covered," she drawled plainly as she moved her arm with the grace of a swan and dropped her favourite quill in its ink pot.

"I am here to help you, Regina! I chose to stay here and make things right!"

"I do not want your fruitless attempts to make amends, shepherd," she snapped and his wonderful blue eyes grew wild with anger and frustration, "you are of no importance to me. And your sopping clothes are ruining my rug," she sneered as she stood up from her seat on the sofa with every intention to walk further away from him. But she was stopped and appalled when he had the audacity to press his fingertips to her chest and push her backward. Not hard enough to knock her back down on to the sofa but hard enough to make her step back with wide and deadly eyes. It was a sharp gesture. Harsh and demanding and she was taken aback and insulted. How dare he push her around like that. She was a queen, he was a peasant, what in the hell did he think he was doing?

"What do you think you are doing?" She exclaimed in arrogant disbelief as she looked the shepherd up and down and the thunder outside vibrated in her chest after another flash of lightning.

"We are having a conversation and I am not finished, your majesty," he snarled and her lip curled back in to a snarl of her own while her eyes practically burned through his skin.

"And what else does the insolent shepherd have to say?" She snarled back as she rolled her posture taller and straightened her stance beneath her. It brought her closer to him. Not a lot but enough to be noticed and he took a step forward so she had to tilt her chin up to look him in the eye. She hated it, hated that he was forcing her to look up to him but she wouldn't dare take a step back.

"You are insufferable," he hissed through his teeth and stepped even closer but she still didn't take a step back, "and you are the most arrogant, cruel, ill tempered, sadistic, capricious being I have ever known to walk this earth."

"And you, shepherd, are the most incessant, self righteous, insipid, pompous imbecile to have ever graced this universe," she bit back in a tone that offered no surprise or shock to the insults he had thrown at her.

"Oh I am the imbecile?" He pressed and her brow twitched in silent confirmation that she meant what she said. "Coming from the woman who tries killing me at every turn when she knows damn well it will never work? You cannot kill me, your majesty, you know that and yet you still keep trying, expecting a different outcome," he pushed and took another half step forward and lifted his finger to push against her chest, "I am not the one acting like an imbecile in this situation."

The very moment his finger dug in to her chest, her hand swung up and slapped him hard across the left side of his face. The dampness of his skin added an extra sting to the assault and with a furious growl he snatched her wrist in a grip far too tight and flung her around so he had her back slammed in to the side of the stone hearth. She was absolutely seething beneath him but he kept her pinned and roared in her face, "stop, Regina!"

She did stop. Or at the very least she didn't do anything more than clench her jaw and try not to let her tears of utter rage gloss her eyes for him to see as her breaths shook with her anger through her nose. She hated him, loathed him, wanted to kill him. She wanted it more than anything in the world, every fibre in her body vibrated with the wish to kill him. She lusted over the idea. Even as her eyes found focus on his lips and she fell in to a lust of a different sort, she wanted to kill him. Perhaps even more so than ever before as an achy warmth bloomed in her yearning heart.

She was so angry. And the sudden and new desire to kiss him only fuelled that anger so it spread toward herself. How could she want to kiss this loathsome man, how could her lonely heart betray her in such a way. She could lie to herself and say it was just the urge to put him in his place beneath her in the most effective and efficient manner but she knew that it stemmed far deeper than a power play. Even without digging deeper in to the urge, she recognized that it ran deeper than power. And she hated that.

How could she want to kiss this man, how could she want his hands on her, how could she want him to pant her name against her neck. After what he had done to her, after what she had done to him, how dare she feel as she did then. How dare she long for this man to treat her with a gentle hand.

Her jaw clenched harder and every muscle kept its tension as she tried not to burst in to tears in front of this infuriating shepherd. She had never been more furious or felt more trapped than she did beneath this man's thumb. Kill him or fuck him, was that what it had come down to? That is where her mind and body left her? She despised herself for it. She couldn't kill him, physically could not. But she couldn't fuck him. She could not let him have her like that, she could not let him touch her like that, she couldn't let him feel her like that, she wouldn't. She couldn't. No matter how much her lonely and bleeding heart cried for attention, she could not let the shepherd have her as it wished.

He had hit a cord, he had been in her company for too long when no one else had. Literally no one else. She was growing attached and far more it seemed than she had previously realized. She knew there was a part of her that yearned for his gentle touch since that dance he had dragged her in to, but this was more than a part. That feeling had now consumed her and she teetered between trying once again to kill him, and kissing him and taking him for herself. She knew she wouldn't find resistance either. If nothing else, he would kiss her back in the hopes of gaining an honest conversation from her or unlocking a piece of her armour. Both of which were basically guaranteed outcomes.

There was so much rage shared between them it was absolutely unheard of and she couldn't let it go. Not even as she mused how ultimately nice it would feel to have his lips kiss hers. How good it would feel to have someone make her feel wanted. And lord knows how much she yearned for that.

But he had violated her in the most personal way, had forced himself in to her mind and her emotions and now her life, she couldn't let him have any more of her. He didn't simply learn of her past, he tore through her mind and heart and left her in pieces. She couldn't forget that. So she kept her mouth shut and as the lightning flashed and the thunder rumbled outside, the she tried to ignore how much she wanted to jump at him and kiss that angry shepherd's mouth.

And then his grip around her wrists softened along with his entire aura around him and she found it even harder not to leap in to him. Even with her temper still ruling the better half of her and her muscles still vibrating, she couldn't help but envy the way he could so easily calm his down.

"Just stop, Regina," he told her gently, every word acknowledging how exhausting it must be to be so angry all the time. She was still tense beneath him and her anger hadn't lost its viciousness but it had quieted just enough for him to tentatively relax his braced stance over her. She was so far gone he didn't even know where to begin with her. And he had gotten virtually nowhere in the months he had spent there with her. It was so frustrating and he was so tired and any progress he thought he had seen lasted only moments before it vanished in to an illusion. He could not win with this broken woman.

He had softened himself so much that Regina quickly found herself succumbing to the idea of just giving in and letting herself have him. Or letting him have her, as it were. Her heart took initiative over common sense and pulled her closer to him, just a fraction, for that was all that could ever be moved with him still keeping her pinned down. It was so unhealthy. To want him, to be with him. It was unhealthy and she knew it. But she was so completely and entirely self destructive and she knew that too. He was the only one who was making the effort to stay there with her despite it all. And she knew she needed help. She did. And he was there, he had stayed.

But her moment of weakness was never given the chance to blow up in her face and hurt her further. Because the moment her tortured heart finally got control over her and tipped her forward, David was stepping backward and letting her go. It left her startled and cold and her parted lips closed as she leaned back in to the fireplace and lifted her eyes to his. Blue eyes that were so tired and compassionate the look could almost be considered one of pity. And pity she would never tolerate. So her blood burned white hot once more as she glowered at him and shoved her mewling heart back in to the dark.

David turned and left without a word more and when the door had shut, Regina pushed herself from the hearth and paced furiously to try and get the poisonous rage from her muscles. Her lack of self control disgusted her, infuriated her, she was weak when it came to attention, she became nothing more than a whimpering girl when any possibility of intimacy or affection arose. She wanted to scream and tear her hair out at her stupidity, she wanted to plunge a knife in to David's chest so many times that not even Rumplestiltskin's spell could save him.

Damn her heart.

And damn the tears of shame and hatred rolling down her cheeks.

She was so alone.


	7. Chapter 7

**I feel like the most horrible writer in the whole world! I am so so sorry! it has been so hard for me to write and it has been so completely frustrating. But I have this Chapter and two and a half more completed! So I will be posting another chapter on Sunday!**

 **Or or tomorrow if you ask nicely ;) enjoy! And I am so so sorry!**

* * *

Regina had avoided him since that thunderstorm. She had kept to herself and barely spoke a word to anyone. She was tired and annoyed and lonely, longing for something deeper than anything her huntsman could offer. But while she still held anger toward Snow and David, she felt it more potently toward herself. For wanting the attention of the infuriating shepherd, for wanting his help to learn how to live again, for not knowing how to ask for his help, for not knowing what to do with herself at all. She felt useless and pathetic and weak and she hated it.

So she sat upon her favourite window seat, her feet up on the cushioned bench and dark blue velvet pouring down on to the floor as she watched the snow fall. It had been only two days since their tempers had snapped and he had pinned her down. But the days had been slow and she felt even more lonely than before. It made her stomach churn and her lip curl back in disgust. She hated how much she wanted to be held by the shepherd. Hated how attached she had become. She was pathetic, latching on to the first person willing to stay in her company despite the past atrocities held between them. It made her skin crawl.

And yet still, she wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around the persistent shepherd's neck and cry while he held her tight and close just as she knew he would if she gave him the chance. As much as she despised admitting it, she missed being touched.

"I'm leaving."

She jumped at the sound of his voice as she swung her head around to look at him. Standing in the middle of the room was the shepherd dressed in heavy furs to ward off the cold outside the palace walls, ready to indeed leave. "Where?" Was all she could say and his brow furrowed at her question. As though his statement shouldn't have required such an inquiry.

"Home. To Snow," he replied and she stilled. Sobered even. Not that she had been particularly flamboyant or arrogant to begin with, but something about his answer had quieted her. He had expected a scoff, a laugh, a 'good riddance', some form of snark. But she simply sat there as beautiful as ever in a dark blue velvet gown and her hair spilling over her shoulder in near ebony waves. The white light coming in through the snowy window made her skin glow. Not a word spoken, not a scowl offered.

It gave him pause and he even went as far as reconsidering his decision to leave. It took quite some time for her to respond at all and when she did it was bored and void of any tangible emotion.

"Why are you still standing there then."

"In truth, your majesty, your reaction has given me pause."

"Whatever for?"

"Well I feel I must now ask," he started and she listened but remained incredibly distant and shut off, "would you prefer I stay?" He asked and there was a beat of silence to follow, as though she were considering it. Or perhaps just trying to make sense of what had just left his mouth before she scoffed a laugh. But her smile still didn't reach her eyes.

"Be on your way, _shepherd_. Your company is not wanted," she bit and felt something die a little inside her as the shepherd stepped away.

He had hesitated but when she didn't move and her cold expression didn't give way, he did dip his head and back away, "your majesty," he bid farewell but she only glowered and remained perched beside her window. So he left and he hated that he was leaving but he just couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't get stabbed again, he couldn't be thrown off the castle spire again, he couldn't die again. He was exhausted and even though it didn't sit right with him, he had decided to leave. Lest he snap her fragile little neck as he had almost done two days prior. He had had enough. So he turned and left her to be. Despite every part of him telling him to do otherwise.

Regina watched him leave and she wanted to say 'good riddance' but there was a stone in her chest that made it impossible to ignore the feeling of loss. She was alone again. It was nothing new, and she had never liked David, but it didn't make the loneliness sting any less.

One may argue that she had wanted him gone and while that was true, it didn't negate the fact that she had been left once more. Alone.

Everyone always left.

And as she looked down out her window, she jutted her jaw forward and a tear rolled down her cheek while she watched the shepherd ride away from her. It was funny, if you thought about it, had he come to her with more questions or had pushed her just once more, she would have caved. She would have given in, she would have crumbled before him and he would have won. It wouldn't have been pretty and it wouldn't have been everything but she would have let him in.

But instead she was sitting alone in the window watching the snow fill the shepherd's tracks, feeling colder than ever before still wondering how it would have felt to have just sunk in to his arms and cried away the pain in her dark heart.

...

It had taken only a day and a half of travel to get home as opposed to the full two it had taken with the convoy when they transported the queen. He couldn't recall the amount of times he had nearly turned around and rode back to the dark palace. Back to the queen. Back to Regina. It still didn't feel right leaving her there alone, it bothered him to no end but it also didn't feel right turning around and going back to her. He was stuck. He was torn. And he missed Snow.

He missed her so much it hurt and he was so completely exhausted both by the travel and the queen's company. He just wanted to go home and be where he was wanted. But he also could not get Regina out of his head. So he rode with his eyes down at his horse's withers and watched his shoulders move as he carried him up the road and in between various wool bundled common folk warding off the winter chill. It hadn't stopped snowing since he had left the dark palace.

They were big fluffy flakes that had accumulated higher than his horse's knees in some parts of the road he had chosen to travel. Even if he couldn't quite feel his toes, he loved being outside in the weather. The earth was clean and white, the trees weighted with bright white snow, the air crisp and fresh, just cold enough but not too cold. It was a perfect day. He only wished his mind wasn't so filled with torment.

The castle could be seen through the trees, big and covered in snow. It was probably still another hour's ride away but given that he had already travelled nearly two days, he was almost there. And yet while he was relieved to be so close to home, he felt equally as sick to his stomach over leaving Regina alone in the dark palace so far away.

He knew it would do her no good. In fact, he knew being left on her own would make things worse for her. Loneliness was kind to no one and it paid an especially cruel toll on the dark queen. But she was just so stubborn and so violent that he just simply could not take anymore. So he frowned as he rode and paid no mind to the merchants packing up their work for the day.

And then for whatever reason, he looked up. He looked up and over to his right and when he focused on what had caught his attention, he halted his horse and studied it for a moment. And then he slumped his shoulders and laughed a tired laugh.

He had to go back to the dark palace.

...

"David!" Snow laughed as she hurried to him and he gave her a weary smile and hugged her in to tired arms, "I didn't know you were coming back today," she laughed and he nuzzled his face in to her neck and took a deep breath, "are you okay?"

"Mhm," he mumbled and was ever so grateful when she didn't say another word and just hugged him tight and let him hold her back. He hadn't quite realized how much he had missed her, but above all else he hadn't realized how much he had missed being wanted. Missed being welcome, missed holding someone close, missed having another person who wasn't trying to kill him every time he turned a corner. It made him wonder if the queen felt the same. No, he knew the queen felt the same and it made his chest ache even more for her as he enjoyed every ounce of love and comfort and familiarity between him and his fiancé.

"How did it go?" She asked with a happy smile and a kiss to his shoulder without so much as thinking to let go of him.

"She is impossible," he sighed and she hummed as her fingers started twirling through the hair at the nape of his neck, "and exhausting."

Snow couldn't help but laugh a little for she knew exactly what he meant and could sympathize better than anyone. Except for maybe Regina's father. "Did you make any progress?"

"I don't know," he breathed and hugged her a little tighter, "I've missed you. So much."

"I've missed you too," she laughed softly and then hummed once more in adoration before asking again because he was holding her far longer than he usually did, even on his worst days, "are you okay?"

"Just really tired. Mentally. And enjoying the fact you aren't going to kill me the first chance you get," he told her and she gave him a sad but adoring little laugh that was an apology on behalf of her stepmother.

"She can be a real piece of work," Snow offered and he scoffed a small laugh, "you lasted a lot longer than I thought you would. I was starting to wonder if she had actually succeeded in killing you."

"You won't be rid of me that easily," he teased and she laughed again and lifted her head, encouraging him to do the same so they could look at one another.

"I am proud of you for trying," she told him as she cradled his head in her hands and he smiled a little.

"Hmm."

"When are you going back?"

David wasn't sure why she had assumed that he would be returning to Regina and not leaving her to rot away in the dark palace. Perhaps it was her blind love for her stepmother and blind faith in him, but regardless, she wasn't wrong. "Right away," he told her and she shook her head with a surprised smile but he didn't smile at all for his mind was chasing a piece of the queen he had grasped at down at the market outside the castle.

"So soon?"

"Yeah..."

"...Are you sure you are alright, David?"

"I don't think I should have left in the first place..." he murmured more to himself than anything else but Snow heard him regardless. It was all coming together now. Regina's quiet and reserved nature the morning he left, the fact she had actually complied when he had pinned her down and yelled at her to stop on that stormy night, and then the way he found such relief and comfort in coming home to Snow and being able to hold her close because she was his person. Regina had no one. Not a soul but her father and she wouldn't so much as talk to him on the best of days. She didn't have a person. And yesterday morning he had been so close to finally getting through to her.

He could see it now. He shouldn't have left. He should have seen it. She had been so quiet and so unstable, she was so far from her regular self that he should have seen it and approached her. He was a fool and he had left her. Just like everyone else. And he had been in her head, he knew how she felt about being left, he knew what it did to her and he had gone ahead and left her anyway. If he had just taken another step.

"David?" She repeated for the fourth time and finally snapped him out of whatever thoughts plagued his mind.

"I have to go now."

"Now? David you just-"

"Snow, I was so close to getting through to her but I didn't see it, I need to go back before everything is lost, before she is lost again," he tried to explain desperately but she didn't argue, only gave him a smile of utter adoration and moved her thumbs over his cheeks.

"Just promise me it won't be so long until I see you again," she smiled for she understood. She understood that Regina was difficult and that her windows were narrow and short lived. She understood what it was like to find yourself so completely invested in her. She couldn't judge, she couldn't argue, she was in the exact same position as David. He simply had more of an opportunity to make a difference than she. So who was she to keep him from going back.

With a sigh of relief and a tender smile, David placed his hands over hers on his jaw and shook his head, "I promise."

"Good," she smiled and hummed a little laugh when David kissed her palm, "and stay longer," she scolded and he laughed and pulled her in to another hug with a kiss to her cheek.

"I promise."

"I miss you."

"I miss you too."

...

Hollow is how she felt. Hollow and numb to the cruel world she lived in. But despite that, at the drop of a hat she could be so completely taken over with rage that she would smash everything in sight and kill anyone in her field of vision. Needless to say, her remaining staff had been offering her a wide birth these past three days. A very wide birth.

"Appeal to them, my child."

"No," she growled lowly, her top lip pulling back to show her clenched teeth for how dare he insist such things from her. Over and over again. She had hoped to be free of him today, especially having come to stand outside in the cold.

"They will listen," he pleaded gently as he stepped up behind her but she kept her back turned and her gaze out on the forest the past the iron rail fencing the upper courtyard.

"I will not bow to the likes of Snow White," she snarled and her hands wrung the iron rail in front of her. The only thing keeping her from falling from the great height on to the mountainous rocks behind the palace. It was ice cold but it didn't matter, the fact that she could feel it at all reminded her that she was still alive. Alive and filled with hatred and pain. She felt like she was being crushed. But her heart, it seemed, was not only as cold and as dark as coal, but just as strong and would not let her die under the weight of her life. Merely let her suffer instead.

With a frown, Henry stepped up beside his daughter and let his shoulders drop at the disdain in her profile. "You were once so happy, my child," he told her tenderly and watched as her jaw jutted forward and tears glossed her eyes, "do you remember?"

"That was a very long time ago."

"You can find that happiness again," he told her but she gave a sharp laugh as a tear dropped to her cheek.

"It is far too late for that," she argued with a low and raspy voice as she studied the grand expanse of white for as far as her eyes could see, ignoring just how cold she was, "it has been far too late for a very long time."

"It is never too late, my child," he assured and she scoffed and her warm breath could be seen in the air before she bared her teeth at the beautiful landscape before them, "this can be fixed."

"How?!" She barked as she turned her focus on her father but he didn't jump as anyone else would have, "I have been banished! I am stuck here! Alone!"

"There is nothing holding you here, Regina," he reminded kindly and she gave a pitiful little laugh and let go of the frosted railing, her slender hands red and cold.

"I have nowhere else to go," she reminded harshly but he was unfazed as he always was and instead stepped closer to her and tried to reach for her hands.

He reached but she snatched them away and turned from him with a scowl and a glare as she walked away, the snow around them absorbing every sound but the click of her heels on the stone beneath the snow. "You could build a home, Regina," he told her and she stopped a few strides from him but he didn't believe it had anything to do with what he was saying. She was just content with the distance between them. Where he couldn't reach her.

"You could start over, you can build the life you want."

"I would have nothing," she growled and turned to face him, "and Snow White will have everything," she replied but her voice broke to reveal her pain and torment and tears blurred her eyes as her voice shook and grew in volume, "she will have everything! Everything she took from me! She will be happy, and I cannot live knowing she will suffer no consequences for what she did to me! And I cannot love another! I will not let anyone that close again! I will not go through such pain again when they are lost to me!" She shouted with a wave of her arm and a shaky sob caught in her throat.

Henry's shoulders dropped with his frown at the sight of his daughter shaking with the agony she let no one see. She was not shivering from the cold, there was a difference. He wanted so badly to take it all away from her, to see her happy again, but he just didn't know how. "There is nothing saying your next love will leave you, my darling daughter," he pressed gently, pleading that she see sense or at least find hope. But she only laughed. Quietly through a wide grin that only added to the sorrow and pain reflected in her dark eyes.

"Everyone leaves," she told him and just as every time before, she felt a stab to her heart at the sound of those words leaving her lips. And then her grin fell in to a snarl, "there is no one left."

"That is not to say there will be no one else."

"No, _I_ am to say there will be no one else. And there will be _no one_ else," she snapped with a single step toward him.

"Regina," he breathed with a shake of his head while a storm raged within hers, "is the opportunity to love again, to be loved again, not worth the chance that they may be lost to you?"

"No," she answered firmly and held her father's eye, "it most certainly is not," she bit and felt her heart cry out in protest. But she knew better than that foolish organ. She would not fall for its tricks again, she would not suffer because of it again. They stood in silence for a few moments, each one of them letting the words shared sink in before anything more was said. But when her father did speak again, it hit a chord in her that set her off once again.

"You wanted David gone."

"And he left!" She snapped, startling even herself over how potent and sharp her tone was.

"But was it truly what you wanted?" He prodded gently and she opened her mouth with a breath to give a violent reply, but it wasn't her voice that reached their ears.

"It is freezing out here."

Her skin flushed in panic at the sound of the shepherd's voice. Panic, for she did not know all of what he had heard but even if he had only just joined them, they were still words she wished he hadn't heard. So she spun around to see if her ears had deceived her but there indeed stood the shepherd, clothed in the same furs he had departed in three days prior. He at least had the decency to wear an apologetic expression but that did nothing to keep her from glowering at his cold flushed face once her shock had passed.

"What are you doing here," she rumbled lowly and David began walking up to her while her father backed away and disappeared from her peripheral.

"I wasn't leaving indefinitely, your majesty," he told her for it was, in part, true.

"You think you can lie to me and I won't notice?" She scowled but he simply stepped even closer.

"Alright, perhaps it is only a half truth," he admitted and her chin lifted a fraction higher as her dark eyes looked him up and down. Dark eyes and cheeks rosy from the cold, the slight wind blowing the soft short hairs around her face in to her eyes and across her forehead and cheeks. Even cold she was beautiful. "But leaving hadn't felt right from the very beginning," he told her with a slight twist of his head as he stopped perhaps a stride from her.

"Then why did you?" She pressed and wished she wasn't as anxious as she was to hear his answer.

"Well, quite frankly, your majesty, I was tired of you trying to kill me," he answered bluntly and her expression of constant annoyance didn't change except for the slight cross of her jaw. "However, it seems I have grown rather fond of you despite it all and I couldn't bring myself to leave you here alone in the dark," he added and she seemed to perhaps be softening to him. But he couldn't say for sure. Everything she did was either too subtle or too loud.

"And this, shepherd, just came to you on a whim? That you _like_ me?"

"'Like' is a very presumptuous word, your majesty. I'd say 'tolerating without disdain' would be far more accurate," he adjusted with a slightly teasing tone and her posture straightened further while she lowered her chin and kept those wonderful dark eyes on his. "And no, I did not come upon it on a whim. I would have come to the conclusion eventually but on my way home I passed a caravan of merchants and this caught my eye," he explained and then fished the item out of his pocket.

It was a little horse carved of blue stone, no bigger than a large cherry, small enough that she could wrap her hand around it but not so tiny as to seem delicate and fragile. And good god if it didn't make her melt just as much as it made her want to choke the life out of him with her bare hands. He had no right to touch her heart like that.

"I saw this on one of their tables as they were packing up for the evening and, of all things, it brought a smile to my face," he told her as he examined the little horse standing on his palm. And then once more, he smiled at it and shrugged a shoulder, "I asked if they had one in a lighter blue stone but this was the only one of its kind."

It was a thoughtful gesture. One that was kind and selfless and one that had put her state of being first and foremost in his mind. It was sweet and completely unnecessary but he had done it anyway. He had brought her a gift for no reason at all. He brought her a gift when she deserved it the least of almost any person. He cared enough about her to bring her a gift and smile about it. A gift of her favourite colour and creature.

It made her stomach flutter with warmth and her blood thirst flex her tense fingers. He made her so confused and she hated being confused. "You brought me a rock," she inquired with a tone that pressed he watch his step lest she kill him. He merely gave her a face. One that was still amused but scolded her for coming up with the most belittling words when she knew very well it wasn't just a rock. And she did know. It was why she didn't like it. But also why she loved it.

"I brought you your first blue horse to start your collection," he corrected patiently and with a smile and she merely glowered at him. But he had seen the way her expression had faltered and given way to a tender and surprised gratitude when he had first revealed the horse to her. She knew what it was, she remembered him teasing her over combining her two favourite things in to one, she had wanted to smile, had wanted to take it from him. She had loved the thought he had given her. It was something that was just theirs, something small and ridiculous but something she hadn't forgotten because his stupidity had annoyed her to no end. And he had now gone and made it a tangible thing, something she could see and touch and be reminded that she was not alone in the world. But then something had twisted the reflex of small happiness and she had gone back to scowling in moments. Probably the recent past they had shared. But he had seen the light shine through.

He had seen it and if that lightness, that tender happiness, was her knee jerk reaction...well it gave him a significant amount of hope for her. There was good in her _now_. Right now amongst all the darkness and hatred and anger, there was good in her. Something he hadn't quite been able to get a grasp on even when he had been tied to her. He had been going off of her past, hoping to bring that lightness she had once carried, back to the surface. But he didn't have to find it. It was already there and he had been going about it all wrong.

He had been pushing her, had been asking her questions, grilling her for information and reasons behind her choices. He had nagged and had been forceful and she had been forceful right back. But if a tiny gift could make her crumble so quickly, even if it was just momentary, what could other small kindnesses do? A touch, a carefully placed compliment, a flower, a special meal, attention paid on a date special to her. It brought peace to his heart. And he was so happy he had turned around and had come back so he could see that momentary expression on her face and in her body. She was not a lost cause and he was going to do better for her. He was going to be kind to her. He was going to be kind and he was going to make her feel wanted, for even if the conversation between her and her father had told him nothing, the feeling of finding home in Snow's arms certainly had. And he was going to make this queen happy if it was the last thing he did.

"A collection of blue horses is a ridiculous notion. I thought I had made that clear."

"Oh I disagree," he told her gently and extended his hand a little further as a gesture for her to take the horse standing on his palm. She didn't even look at it. She kept those dark eyes on him with her jaw clenched shut and he simply smiled a little more at her stubborn nature. So he carefully reached forward and gently took her wrist in his fingers and was genuinely surprised to find no resistance as he lifted her arm and turned her hand so it lay palm up atop his where she couldn't drop her hand away. Her skin was absolutely freezing to the touch and it made him worry for just how long she had been standing out there. Clearly it had been too long but he didn't dare say a word about it.

"I think it could be a beautiful thing," he argued with a smile as he stood the horse on her cold palm so it was facing her. The moment it's four legs touched her skin, her eyes were on it and it made him smile just a little more as he took great care in positioning it just right on her palm, "while making the exchange I had asked the merchant if there was any significance to the colour blue. He told me it is a calming colour, one that can bring about peace to a person's soul. It also symbolizes trust and strength. Wisdom and loyalty. And it is the colour of the sea and the sky and there is nothing more infinite or free than those. Combine that with the power and grace of a horse," he drifted off momentarily as he turned the horse ever so slightly on her hand so it was looking straight at her before he withdrew that hand but kept the other supporting hers from beneath, "well you would have quite creature on your hands, your majesty," he finished gently and studied her expression as her mask dissolved once more.

The tension between her brows, the softening of her jaw, the tired frown on her lips. Whether she was aware of it or not, she was giving him a glimpse as to exactly how tired she was inside. And how desperate she felt to just be free of it all. So with a lingering touch of his fingertips over the back of her winter chilled hand, he withdrew himself from her and stepped around her, leaving her with her horse and her thoughts. She didn't look up at him as he left but instead kept her eyes down on the small horse and it made him smile a little as he left her in a different sort of turmoil.

The blue stone was not carved in great detail but it had been smoothed and polished without flaw. The horse stood on four straight legs coming out from its body at slight angles to widen its stance and better balance upon the four rounded points the legs ended on. Its tail held high and away from its hindquarters, its neck high and arched forward just enough to make it look like a horse and not a swan. And then its small head and tiny ears were angled and worked with great care to give it an expression of alertness despite having no face to show it. It was perfect. And David's explanation behind it made her want to cry.

But almost more than that, she wanted to throw it and scream at it as it shattered against the hard cobblestone of her courtyard. Her lip curled back in a furious snarl but as her hand closed tightly around the horse in preparation to throw it, she stopped. She stopped and couldn't bring herself to follow through. Her muscles refused. So with a seething breath through her nose, she closed her eyes and gently brought her clenched fist to her chest where it softened and she bowed her head down to it with a troubled frown. She didn't know what to do anymore.


	8. Chapter 8

**As promised, the next update! Happy reading! And happy Once Day! Please leave a review and tell me what you think :) you guys are the best!**

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David had not see the queen again since he had returned. He had missed her at dinner that evening which had been understandable but she had then not made an appearance for breakfast the following morning either. And he had yet to stumble upon her throughout the rest of the morning and early afternoon. She was nowhere to be found. She wasn't in her room, her library, with her snow covered apple tree, or even her stables. All her retreats that he knew about were void of her and it had him puzzled. But he kept looking nonetheless. Kept asking the staff if they knew of her whereabouts. But no one knew. No one except for her old father who spoke up after seeming to overhear him with a handmaiden.

"She is dealing with the matters of King George," Henry told him and the shepherd frowned in confusion, "she is in her private study avoiding you. Would you like me to tell you where it is?"

...

Following the old man's directions, David made his way back to the library and wandered to the furthermost corner where the largest window was met with the edge of a bookcase. The old man had called it a trick of the light and indeed, as David got to the corner, a small passage was revealed to him, the bookcase not quite meeting the glass of the window. It was small and narrow and gave the strong impression that whatever it led to was indeed for the eyes of only those privileged with the knowledge of the secret passage. But he looked it up and down and silently slipped sideways between the wood and glass and carefully made his way through the passage.

It opened up in to a generous room. Small, but by no means cozy or cramped. It had a tall ceiling and a large window that was almost the entirety of the one wall and therefore offered more than enough light to the room. There was also a rather grand fireplace and plenty of torches hanging on the walls that could all lend light and warmth should a person be in the room in the evening. It was a perfect little hideaway. And while he took in his surroundings, he silently approached the queen from behind. He admired the stonework, the rug, the heavy and worn table, the assortment of books scattered amongst the shelves and piled on the large table, the rolled maps, the various paperweights, the quills and pots of ink. It was an organized room, but what he loved most about it was that it felt used.

Unlike the various other studies in her castle, this one was the one she was in most often. He could tell just by the way it looked and felt. It was more comfortable and far more humanized than her others. Perhaps even more so than her bedchamber. There was even a grand chair in one corner with a pair of blankets draped over it and with just one look, David knew that that chair had held the queen through many nights of slumber. It made him smile a little to himself at the image of her curled up and fast asleep.

But what made him smile more was what he saw on the table in front of her as he got close enough to see around her. Her hands were braced on either side of her against the table, her posture tipped forward as though she was reading the letter in laying in front of her but upon closer inspection, her eyes were not on the letter but had drifted ever so slightly to the blue stone horse weighing down the corner of the letter so it wouldn't roll in on itself.

It had a happy laugh bubbling up in his throat but he wouldn't let it be heard. He simply continued to walk up behind her and when he was nearly in her peripheral and she hadn't yet noticed his presence, he reached forward with his final steps and placed a gentle hand on her back. Just his fingertips to start and when she jumped, his hand had settled on the small of her back and was slowly sliding off to the side when her startled eyes met his, "I missed you at breakfast this morning," he told her as his hand slipped from her back completely and her irritation began to take the place of the startled expression on her face. And then she glared at the hand that dare touch her before looking back up at him through thick lashes. But he didn't acknowledge it. Simply left the contact without an explanation.

"My father sent you here," she concluded lowly, entirely annoyed and unimpressed by his presence and his touch. David merely gave half a shrug with a single shoulder.

"I was looking for you. He simply told me where to find you."

"And _why_ , dear shepherd, are you looking for me?" She questioned with a voice so sweet it was nothing but bitter.

"I have a master plan," he told her simply and she quirked an eyebrow but kept her red lips pursed in irritation, "but first, why are you hiding away in here?" He questioned as he turned and leaned back against the table so they didn't have to turn their heads so much to look at one another.

"King George still wants you dead. This letter," she noted with a glance and a pass of her hand over the parchment before she looked back up to the shepherd and him back to her, "is telling me that he is aware I am housing you. Now, after several instances I do not appreciate to recall, I have made my home impenetrable to the likes of George. However, it would take very little effort to relieve my home of the spells keeping him out, protecting you even, and allow him in to retrieve you. Or perhaps 'to be rid of you' is a better wording," she corrected and then pivoted so she faced him and her hip rested in to the edge of the table as she sighed in mock innocence at the letter.

"I don't imagine it would be of any burden to him to torment your dear fiancé beforehand. Bring her here tortured and broken and bloody as bait to lure you out only to kill you in front of her in exchange for her life. I may not even have to lower my spells at all," she told him simply with a sly smile and another gander at the letter on her table.

When she looked up at him once more, he had gone very quiet and she knew he was looking for the flaw in her plan. The piece that would keep it from happening due to the protection spell they had Rumplestiltskin enact to keep them safe from her wrath. But you see, "there is always a loophole, dear shepherd," she purred and swayed toward him just a fraction, the movement rather serpentine as she looked back down at the letter, "all I have to do is suggest he bring your precious Snow as bait. You boys would sort out the rest. I would simply watch from the courtyard as Snow White's life died before her very eyes," she told him with a tone that was so calm and soothing it really didn't fit with the words she had been voicing. Didn't fit to anyone but her.

The only question in her mind was why was she hesitating. Why hadn't she sent word to George the moment she had formulated her plan. She didn't know. Or wouldn't admit.

"That is a very serious threat," David noted and would be lying through his teeth if he said it didn't scare the hell out of him. It was true. All it would take would be a carefully worded letter and David would be walking out of the queen's walls and in to the hands of King George to save Snow. Regina wouldn't even be pushing the boundaries of the protection spell, she wouldn't be anywhere near it and yet it would all be her doing. They would all know it and yet, she would get away with it. Clever little snake.

"Hmm," she dismissed with the slightest smile and smallest shrug as she skimmed over the letter again, "and what was your _master plan_ , dear?"

Reining back his desire to wring her neck and throw her against the wall, killing her so she could never hurt him or Snow again, David channeled his fear and anger in to continuing forward and bringing out the better nature in the dark woman he knew was there. To befriend her and teach her in the hopes that it would keep her from following through with such plans. He wasn't sure though if he could charm his way out of this one. But there was nothing he could do but try. So after a moment to collect himself, he answered her, "I cannot disclose all the details, but I was wanting to know if you hunt."

It was a very curious question but Regina did look up from the letter with a slight frown and gave a subtle but sharp nod, "yes."

"Would you care to join me this afternoon?"

"No," she answered bluntly but he gave her a smile that made her glower deeper.

...

How exactly he had managed to get her to agree to join him was still unclear. He had sent them on a tangent of questions and theories and explanations and had surprisingly tricked her in to agreeing with a clever word play that she had been too frustrated and annoyed to catch. A part of her wondered if she had agreed to go with him just to shut him up. He was incredibly cheerful when he had succeeded in getting her to come with him. In fact she didn't even realize she had agreed until he had grinned and told her he would meet her outside with the horses.

It had had her stuttering for words but even after he had left the study she was left floundering for an explanation as to what had happened. But for whatever reason, through her growling and grumbling, she had eventually made it to her bedchambers and had gotten herself appropriately dressed for the winter air outside her castle. She simply told herself it would be good to get out and ride. She could probably lose the shepherd amongst her paths anyway.

And that was how she got to where she was now, trudging through shin deep snow in several furs toward her black stallion saddled and tied next to the stables with David's grey gelding. The sight had her murmuring bitterly under her breath. The fact that the shepherd was nowhere to be seen only annoyed her further. It was his idea, where the hell was he.

She was answered with an explosion of snow at the side of her neck. It had her yelping in surprise as the snow sprayed over her face and she jumped away. The snow stuck to the fur around her neck and the blood red wool of her coat and when she spun to the origin of the snowball and the source of the low laughter, she saw the charming shepherd tossing another snowball in his hand. "What in the _hell_ do you think you're doing!?" She barked but he only laughed a little more and gave the snowball another toss in his hand.

"Are you going to fight back, your majesty?" He prodded and her expression fell all the more deadly, "or are you going to make this easy for me?" He raised his eyebrows with a dip of his chin and when she didn't move, he merely grinned. And then he threw the second snowball and she dodged it with a scoff of disbelief and was quick to pack a snowball of her own and throw it at him. He cowered away from it but let it hit his shoulder with a rich and surprised laugh for he really hadn't known if she was going to play along or not. But she was yelling at him some more with all the fury of the Evil Queen as she packed up another ball. So he figured he should make more himself.

"You treacherous-! Ah!" She shouted but was cut off by another snowball hitting her chest, "how _dare_ you!" She shouted in utter disbelief at his audacity and when he continued to laugh, she threw her next snowball with as much force and rage that she could muster and hated that she started to laugh when her snowball hit him square in the face. Leaving him sputtering and wiping his eyes clear as he stumbled backward with a shout. But despite his vision being obscured, he threw another and she was quick to dodge it with a pivoting step but his second throw hit her hip causing her to bounce away a step. The assault was followed by a scoff from her open lips as her gloved hand met her hip over the dusting of snow on her red coat and when her eyes snapped to him he was grinning like a devilish child. She couldn't believe she was stooping to the levels of this man child but before she could catch herself, she was bending down to gather more snow and throwing it at the shepherd.

David was thrilled. Never in a million years did he think he would be roping the Evil Queen in to a snowball fight but as it went on and she remembered to laugh through her anger, he couldn't think of a single thing he would rather be doing. "You throw like a girl!" He shouted and she scoffed before she threw her next ball even harder and it got him right in the ear, "shit! _Ow_!" He laughed and she gave a rich and victorious laugh in return that was truly music to his ears. So he threw one back at her and she lifted her hands just in time to block her face and his efforts were rewarded with a blast of her magic throwing a wall of snow at him.

It knocked him over flat on his back but he came up out of it laughing with her and shook the snow from him as he built more balls and threw them at her as he made a break for the horses. She was quickly on his tail, sprinting after him through the snow with a speed he was genuinely surprised by and had him swearing under his laughing breaths. The moment he was on his horse and pushing him in to a gallop, Regina had effortlessly vaulted on to her stallion and was galloping after him before her feet were in her stirrups.

He was laughing as he pushed his grey faster and he could hear Regina behind him, laughing that low and blood thirsty laugh, deep in her throat and coming out through her teeth. It sent shivers down his spine just as a conditioned response but he heard the more playful tone to it and without looking over his shoulder, he urged his horse forward, throwing his reins forward and tapping his heels in to his sides. It was fascinating what a little distraction did for the queen. What a little fresh air and fun did to pull her out of the dark miserable place she dwelled in. She was still dark and twisted but she wasn't nearly as threatening or intimidating. He knew that could change at the drop of a hat though. So he pushed his horse further and faster, running them further down the road and deeper in to the forest with Regina no more than a stride behind him.

And then in a move he could lose his life for, he veered off in to the trees and when Regina followed with a laugh, he lifted a foot from his stirrup and kicked the trunk of a giant fir and seconds later he was rewarded with a startled scream and shout from the queen as snow poured down on her and her now snorting horse from the disturbed branches of the tree.

" _Shepherd_!" She shrieked as the snow trickled down her neck and spine and gathered around her neck and in her hair and David gave a hearty guffaw of laughter ahead of her. The snow was freezing against her skin and as her horse shook his face and ears clear of the white flakes and David made a break through the trees back to the safer terrain of the road, she shot her hand forward. The percussive force of her magic knocked the two trees on either side of David's escape free of their snow and it all poured down on him, causing him to shout out in his own shock at the freezing snow.

She let out a loud and hearty laugh as he tried to dig the snow out of his coat with one hand as they galloped and when her stallion jumped the huge snow drift back on to the road, David couldn't help but imprint the image in to his mind. Against the white backdrop of the forest, the queen laughing with her blood red coat and long dark hair covered in snow as she sat in perfect and easy posture upon her truly magnificent black stallion leaping through the air back to the road. The sight offered a burst of joy in his chest and he did not hesitate to follow the queen further down the road, urging his grey gelding after that black stallion and his queen in red.

...

She was freezing. Ice cold to the touch as she sat in front of her fire. And she knew it wasn't going to last, but she couldn't recall the last time she felt so light. She had had fun. She had laughed. She had enjoyed herself. She couldn't remember the last time she had done any of that. All she had to do was try not to remember it was the shepherd who had brought about such a relieving afternoon. The incessant moron who had violated her so personally. The man she wanted dead and out of her life almost as much as Snow White.

If she didn't remember that part, it had been a wonderful day. She had found a way to ruin Snow White, kill the shepherd, and had laughed until her ribs hurt. So, so long as she didn't remember that it was the shepherd she wanted gone was the one who had put her in such high spirits, she could say it had been a perfect day.

"Your majesty," he called her attention from where he stood just behind her shoulder and the side of the sofa she had nestled herself in to the corner of. In an instant she had snapped her pretty head around toward him. Her expression had already fallen back in to one of constant irritation and displeasure and when her eyes found the mug he offered her, back was the scowl and the hard eyes as she glared up at him. "Cider," her told her and pushed it a little further toward her, "to warm you up," he explained but it seemed a day out in the snow wasn't enough to change the heart of the queen. He hadn't expected that it would. But seeing her cold glare returned to her face after spending the day watching her smile and laugh, even if it had been at his expense, was rather disheartening.

Eventually she did take the mug from his hand and brought the lip to her nose to smell the cider inside, "it's not poisoned," he teased and she rolled her eyes and gave him another glare.

"Is there something you need, shepherd," she questioned in her most irritable and condescending tone.

"No. I just came to deliver your cider and wish you a good evening," he told her with a smile and when she raised a single brow, he dipped his head and dismissed himself, "good evening, your majesty."

Regina watched him leave curiously. He had done exactly what he had said he had come for and why he had gone through the trouble, she hadn't a clue. But he had and she squinted her eyes as he walked from her room, trying to make sense of the man who insisted on being in her company when she wanted nothing to do with him.

Or at least that was what she kept telling herself. She did enjoy interacting with someone other than herself, even if it was with the annoying shepherd and they were bickering or fighting most of the time. She was also less lonely with him following her around but she couldn't decide if that was truly solving the loneliness or was merely distracting her from it. Regardless, knowing he was just down the hall put her in some form of ease. She wasn't alone, there was that. Even if the company wasn't ideal, there was company, and it could be worse.

But her moments of pondering were harshly shut up with a snarl, and her finger tracing the rim of her mug was gone as she threw the whole mug in to the hearth, cider and all, shattering against the stone without her taking a single sip. She would not look for an excuse to spare the shepherd. She would kill him and that was that.


	9. Chapter 9

**I know it's a little hard to remember what exactly is going on because there was such a huge gap between updates, but please bear with me, I am trying as hard as I can to get this story back on track :) you guys are the best! Please leave a review and let me know what you think!**

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Another month had gone by since she had told herself she would kill him and leave it at that. But every day, she found a reason to wait until tomorrow to send the letter to George. Every day, he would do something that would make her hesitate. Every day, she found herself too tired to write a letter, not in the right mood to bother, too curious to see what tomorrow would bring to cut it all off today. There was always something. It didn't have to be much, it just had to be something. And it had nothing to do with the fact she was growing fond of the fool.

That would be a hilarious conclusion.

She was simply procrastinating and observing the shepherd. Waiting for the right moment. Perhaps George would even come upon a similar plan and show up with Snow White on her doorstep and she never would have to plant the seed in his tiny little brain. She doubted it. But it was another excuse to wait another day.

"More red?" He noted with a smirk as he came up behind her and she turned her head over her shoulder with a scowl.

"Don't make yourself regret it," she rumbled and he gave a breathy chuckle in reply.

"I like it," he smirked as he came up right beside her and she pivoted away from him so she was facing him but not nearly as close to him as he had initially placed himself. But the pivot offered him the view of the front of the red gown and he smirked a little more, "I like it even more now."

"You are getting dangerously close to regretting your incredibly observant nature," she threatened with a narrowing of her eyes and he merely shrugged it off and tossed a couple more nuts in his mouth.

"You look beautiful, Regina, all teasing aside," he complimented seriously but still with a playful smirk and her eyes narrowed further as she lifted her chin a fraction. It was an elegant gown of deep, dark, red velvet that hugged every curve of her body. Her hips, her slender waist, her breasts. Breasts that were framed by a deep V neckline that pushed the limit of being in the sweetheart category. It was laced with scattered crystals, bright and white and likely diamonds given who was wearing them. They were a stunning contrast to the dark red velvet they laid upon and they glittered her wrists as well, fading in quantity as they reached the middle of her forearms. It was a simple gown in comparison to the others she had worn but it was no less incredible than the others.

"Is there something you need, shepherd."

It was the greeting he heard most often from her. Cold and uninterested, always an attempt to get him to dismiss himself from her company. 'Is there something you need, shepherd'. Yes, he would very much appreciate it if she weren't such a royal pain in his ass, is what he would like to say and nearly had on more than one occasion before he had thought better of it. But truly, even if she was still impossible, she wasn't nearly as impossible as she had been when they had first started living together. She was growing to tolerate him and since his return, she had not tried to kill him even once. He liked to call that progress, even if her tongue had grown more sharp and poisonous as a compromise.

"I wanted to apologize actually," he told her seriously and was given a snide reply.

"For still breathing in my presence?"

"No," he laughed under his breath and her expression was one that assured him she was superior to him in every way possible. "No, I want to apologize again for what I did to you back in that tower all those months ago."

"You already have."

"I know. But I wish to again. I will never forgive myself for making you relive such a horrible past, it was cruel and not even you deserved to go through that again. I didn't know it was going to pull you in too, I would have reconsidered it if I had known. I was just so desperate for answers that I became careless and thoughtless and selfish. I have thought about that night every day since and what pieces of you still linger in my mind, haunt me to this day and I can't even begin to imagine how it must be to have carried such things for so many years without anyone knowing. Without having anyone to share such grief and suffering with. You have had no one to share anything with, not even the good moments. Not that there have been many to share. But I hated that I reminded you exactly how much you have suffered and how alone you have been and I am sorry that I hurt you like I did."

"You are hardly the first person to bring me pain, shepherd."

"No. But I do hope to be the last," he told her firmly and honestly and was rather surprised he was holding her attention as he was. She was listening. Without any snarls or scoffs or bitter expressions. She was listening to what he had to say and that made him feel just a little better. Albeit her eyes were still narrow and her lips were still pursed, but she was listening and the displeasure in her expression was not quite enough to tell him she was done hearing him.

So he continued, "I know you don't like me, and you have every reason not to. But I am here to be your person. I will be here to listen to anything you have to say. Be it something horrible, or something wonderful. I am here to listen and I am here to help, wherever you need it," he told her and her jaw clicked shut in irritation and he knew that somewhere he had said something wrong but he couldn't pinpoint where. Perhaps he had simply talked too long.

"How very charming of you, shepherd," she drawled out bitterly before she drew herself away and began walking from him.

"Regina," he called and she stopped and looked over her shoulder with a scowl, "I mean it."

"Your guilt and regret stems from the dawn of knowledge that I am actually a person," she bit and he didn't so much as blink in argument as her lip curled back and her chin lifted as her voice purred, "rather than the monster that lurks in your worst nightmare."

"That is correct," he told her as he stepped closer to her once again and her scowl fell deeper.

"I do not want your guilt or pity, shepherd."

"My guilt is my own, your majesty, and you do not have my pity," he shook his head and even being no more than a couple strides from her, she still kept her back turned to him. Just twisted slightly at her hips so she could look at him over her shoulder. "No, spending these past months with you I have come to learn that I admire your strength. You haven't necessarily used it in the best way, I will admit, but despite all the hell you went through, you came out on top. Bitter and alone, but you are strong, indomitable, and can undoubtedly accomplish anything you put your mind to with little to no help from anyone around you. And you are right, I once believed you to be a monster. But now I know better. I know better and I want to help show the rest of them that you are far more than the monster they fear."

There was a moment of silence between them. One that David took to assure she had heard him and one she took to be certain he had finished speaking. And once that moment had passed and both had gathered what they had required from it, Regina spoke quietly.

"It is far too late for that to matter, shepherd," she told him plainly for it was the truth and when he gave a short sigh and his strong shoulders deflated, she straightened her neck and walked away.

...

"Have you loved since Daniel?" David asked curiously but had spent many long minutes beforehand practicing in his mind the best tone to ask such a question in. It was respectful and kind and careful and it caught her attention right away, as well as her father's behind him in his peripheral.

"You know the answer to that," she bit shortly and he looked back at her with those horrible kind blue eyes as he slid a book back on its shelf.

"I have only inferred. I do not know for certain," he reasoned but she only glowered back at him, "would you ever allow yourself to love again?"

"You know the answer to that as well. If not through your shiny ribbon, then most certainly through your eavesdropping," she snapped but he didn't bite, "I do not care for this line of questioning, nor your approach to it, _shepherd_."

Her voice portrayed exactly how much truth her words held and he knew he was on the brink of being set on fire should he continue. And it would be a shame to break her streak of patience for, again, she hadn't so much as tried to kill him since he had returned. He suspected she had missed him. Or at the very least, missed the distraction he provided when he was near. So he let the topic slide away to be picked up at a later time and instead asked something safe. Choosing not to push her past the limit this time and instead work at teaching her he was safe. Despite their past.

"Why do you call me 'shepherd'?"

Thrown by the switch of topic and rather suspicious that he had merely changed angles and was going to blindside her in to gaining something from her, Regina narrowed her eyes and shook her head as she drawled, "it is what you are, is it not?"

"Once, yes. But I haven't done such work in years now," he shrugged as he shifted his weight to where he was more comfortable.

"You are a shepherd and always will be," she replied, her words sewn together with velvet and delivered with disdain, "herding your lost sheep and leading them home, safe and sound."

"And you are a lost sheep?" He inquired kindly, curiously, even gently as he tilted his head. He couldn't argue her reasoning, even if it was meant to be an insult, he found he rather liked how she had worded it. It was quite accurate and he knew it was most certainly not her intention but it softened his heart for her a little more as he drew a connection between a lost sheep and a shepherd and himself and the lost queen. He was, after all, just trying to get her home safe and sound within herself.

With her lips narrow and her eyes glowering, Regina dipped her chin in distaste and yet the shepherd's lips merely twitched with a smile. "I am no _sheep_ , shepherd," she rumbled and he nodded as he folded his arms over his chest.

"No," he breathed with a single shake of his head and a smile that broke to show his teeth but when he looked back at her she was more irritated than before and had her chin raised so her jaw was level with the floor. Such a testy and finicky woman. "I do have another question though," he nodded as his tone fell more serious and he walked toward her.

"Of course you do," she sneered with narrowed eyes. The oaf seemed to speak strictly in questions.

"You say I was never a priority to kill," he started and she listened only because she had to. Her stubborn pride would not let her walk away, "you have never once sent your black guard to harm me. You have only ever used me as bait, never bringing any harm to me. Not once," he shook his head as he continued to step closer to her and she stayed silent and watched him with a scowl.

"Not until I hurt you," he told her and she gave the smallest raise of her brow. A signal that he best get to the point lest he wish to lose a limb. "Your focus was on Snow the whole time. It was almost as though I wasn't there, that I was nothing but a nuisance you flicked out of the way every now and then. Now, I've had a lot of time to think while you avoid my company and I have found many answers and even more questions. However, I suppose my question is more of a theory this time."

"And what is this theory, shepherd? Do make it quick, your voice is droning in my ears."

"I think I remind you of Daniel," he told her, respecting her request for a short answer even if it was rather insensitive. It was to the point though and the very instant the stableboy's name left his tongue, the queen's chest collapsed upon itself as the air rushed from her lungs and her height dropped with the release of her perfect posture. Her dark eyes grew wide and startled, shocked as a hand flew to the bottom of her sternum as if there had been a swift punch to her chest that had knocked the air from her. It was a reaction that he wasn't surprised by and it only took a moment for it to occur before her burgundy lips were parting and spitting words at him.

"How _dare_ you-!"

"You look at me and you see the commoner in me," he continued and she was more unstable than he had ever seen her as her hand remained just below her breasts where the V in her neckline came to s point and she tried to decide if she should laugh, cry, or yell. "You see the poor man with nothing to offer but the love in his heart. And then you look at Snow and you see what had once been yourself. A happy girl with status and riches to spare but no true care for such things. You watched her fall in love with a commoner just as you had. But where your love was brought to a tragic and untimely end, hers flourished. Hers lived. I lived. Despite everything that was thrown at us, I haven't died. And you hate her for it. You hate her because you had to watch her find everything you had ever wanted from life and never lose it like you had."

"Stop it."

The gnashing of her white teeth behind those dark lips only encouraged him but his heart ached for her as the tears glossed her eyes and her chest rose and fell with every sharp and unsteady breath. "You are envious of Snow and you hate that almost as much as you hate her," he continued and she took an aggressive step toward him, lifting her hand from her stomach and moving it to him only to pause as though she was remembering there was no harm she could possibly bring him. It only seemed to spiral her further down in to her fit.

"And yet you could never bring yourself to kill me. It would have been so easy for you to break Snow's heart as she did yours. But you never did. And I can think of only one reason for that. That I remind you of Daniel," he told her and was sure to soften both his voice and expression despite the fact that she was boiling with rage not so much as half a stride from him, "and you couldn't bring yourself to kill him again."

"You are _nothing_ like Daniel," she snarled but her voice was thick and it broke on his name. She couldn't recall the last time she had said it aloud. It was always so hard to say and this instance was no exception. "How _dare_ you compare yourself to him," she spat and her voice slowly grew in volume with each word that left her lips until she was shouting at the shepherd's kind and attentive face.

"How dare you compare yourself to a man so good and so kind! _You_! A _monster_ who hides behind kind eyes until he must _bully_ and _break_ people to take whatever shortcuts necessary to get what he wants! Unwilling to put the work in where it is needed! Unwilling to see what is right in front of him! You are impatient and cruel! You are backwards! You stay when you are unwanted, you leave when you are needed, you demand and you push, you are harsh and inconsiderate! And you have no excuses! You are _nothing_ like my, stableboy! How _dare_ you work in the shadows and hide your true colours and then have the _audacity_ to call yourself perfect!"

Watching her unravel had always been fascinating to him. Always. And as her mask crumbled before him once more, he could not be angry over what words she chose to describe him. He could not be upset, he could not argue. For it was exactly how he had revealed himself to her. He had been seen as kind and protective and then when she was most helpless, he pinned her to a wall and took everything she had left. In her eyes he was a monster and it had never been more real to him than it was right then as she shouted furiously at him over Daniel with tears in her eyes.

He had compared himself to Daniel and she defended her lost love with a fire and a passion that showed him just how much she had loved the stable boy. Just how much she still loved him. It was strange to see a woman so dark and uncaring to suddenly care so much and so violently. But it was good. It was so good and so lovely to watch her defend the man she loved and slaughter the man who dared tarnish his memory. And yet he still pushed.

"And what if, like you and I, he merely needed more time to reveal his true colours?" He inquired and while he kept his voice calm and quiet and the furthest thing from an accusation, it still sent a visible ripple of rage through the queen's body. And then the next thing he knew, she was snatching up a letter opener from the table beside them and his reflexes were just a fraction too slow.

He caught her wrist in his grip but only after the sharp silver had slashed his cheek and with a growl of fiery pain, he flung the queen around and pinned her down with her back against her books and a wrist in each of his hands. He did so with far more force than necessary but in his defence, he had expected her to resist his pull when instead she had merely followed it. Immediately he knew what he had done and as his brow creased with regret and apology, he tipped his forehead in to hers and released the grip around her wrists but his hands did not leave her. They merely hovered over her forearms and tried to apologize with gentle touches and caresses.

It was but a moment of aggression between them, one that passed as quickly as it came and David hated where he stood in it. All he could do was release the long breath he had had ready for choice words to be shared, and slowly shake his head against hers as he let up on the pressure of his body pinning hers to the bookcase. As quickly as he had trapped her, he released her and did everything he could to soothe her and apologize as her tight and shaky breaths left her nose and her jaw remained clenched while the slash on his cheek healed without a mark to show for it.

She hadn't wanted a fight. She had simply wanted consequences delivered for how he had spoken about her Daniel. But when his first reaction was to trap her so she could deliver no more harm even though she meant none, she came to realize how she had conditioned the kind hearted shepherd to expect the worse from her. And she hated herself even more for it. This was what she did to people, groomed them to always expect the worst of her. Even the naive shepherd.

It was a searing ache in her heart to realize how far she had fallen and how hopeless it was for things to ever be different. It appeared that even if her title was disregarded and her company worked to see the best in her, she would break them of it and they would turn on her. Even if in the shepherd's case he deserved it, she realized she would always revert and ruin every opportunity offered for herself. She couldn't change and it hurt her wounded spirit more than she would care to acknowledge. But David's force against her only enforced her conclusion. And she wanted to simply sink to the floor in defeat and self loathing.

But it was his immediate follow up response that truly broke her. He softened. He let go of her and put space back between them but that space only made him feel closer. The tilt of his forehead in to hers, the softening of every muscle in his body, the ghostly caress of his fingertips over her wrists still raised just below her shoulders. It softened her in return and she hated most of all that that feeling was back. That feeling where she couldn't decide if she should lash out or if she should kiss him.

Her anger and her pride had her wishing to claw his face off with her own nails as she screamed at him for all the pain she held inside but it was the loneliness and exhaustion that pleaded her to seek him out for the companionship she so desperately yearned for. What he had done to her was unforgivable but what he was doing to her just then made her wonder why. Would it be so horrible to forget what he had done to her so she could indulge in the soft caresses he could offer her. The quiet his calm soul lent her tormented one, the warmth that his body gave hers, the incomparable kisses she knew she could pull from his lips. Why would it be so horrible to let go of what he did to her so she could get what she wanted. But on the other hand, how low had she fallen if she was so ready to delve in to the man who had offered such negative and unhealthy attention.

He was confusing her, causing her far more grief than he could ever be worth. But she also loved how his hands ghosted over her forearms. Despite herself, she loved it more than words could say. She couldn't even remember the last time she was touched so tenderly. And all it would take would be a tilt of her chin and she could find out how much she would love kissing this despicable shepherd.

"How powerful you must feel, subduing the Evil Queen," she prodded with a voice far from stable. It was low and raspy but it was also thick with the tightness of her throat and the ache in her chest from her tired and angry heart that wanted only to let David in. If only just to sate her need for human contact.

She would rather kill him.

"I promise 'powerful' is the very last thing I feel, your majesty," he told her quietly with a frown and a slight shake of his head against hers, "I am sorry. I do not wish to hurt you," he told her quietly as his faced pulled in to further apology. He felt horrible, he felt dirty, he felt as though he had violated her, used his physical strength against her will knowing quite well she would never be able to overpower him on her own and she hadn't even been fighting in the first place. He had merely jumped to conclusions and he had been so very wrong. He didn't know if there were words to express how sorry he was.

He was supposed to be building her up, not forcing her to break. Perhaps he was more the monster she described him as than he had ever noticed. He wished there was a way he could show her how much he regretted his reaction.

"I am sorry, Regina," he breathed as he moved a hand to her temple and tucked her hair behind her ear, trailing his fingers down her neck.

His tender touch set fire to her aching heart and she had nearly fallen off the precipice and kissed the stupid shepherd for all he was worth when his touch continued down her neck. She felt the earnestly in his apology and even if she was too stubborn to truly accept it, it didn't mean she didn't fall victim to it. Her racing heart was in her throat and her skin was on fire and when his fingers met her collarbone just below her shoulder, she tipped forward with every intention of catching his mouth. But with a fluidity that gave no hint to her original intentions, her sense broke through the fog of her lonely and desperate heart and she slipped away from between the shepherd and her books.

With tears in her eyes and a whole new regard of self loathing, Regina stormed off, returning the letter opener to the desk she took it from as she passed, not daring to look back at the shepherd. Her path was blurred by hot tears and her skin crawled in disgust over her body betraying her in the most personal way. She could not want someone so cruel and so ready to subjugate her despite the reputation they held of being kind and beloved. She could not go through that again, she could not surrender herself to the likes of a man with tendencies that made her feel just as she had when Leopold lost his patience or temper or simply had too much to drink. He and David were not the same by any means, not even close, but had Leopold damaged her psyche so much that she found parts herself accepting the familiarity of being tossed around rather than treasured? And how was she to cope with a man who did both within moments? Or was it simply that she hadn't been cared for in far too long?

She felt nauseas and wanted to scream and claw her skin from her body, her stomach churned as her hands shook and her tears rolled down her cheeks, and she wanted nothing more than to curl in to the arms of someone safe. But she had only ever met _one_ person in her entire life who had been safe.

And he was dead.

...

David had forgotten Regina's father had been in the library with them. He had forgotten until the old man had spoken up with words again leading him to the place Regina would be after their incident. He had not told him what the destination would be, but merely gave thorough directions and warned him to step lightly on the stone.

So with a guilt ridden heart and a bothered mind, David wound through the halls of the palace, following the old man's directions word for word. He didn't know where he was going, he didn't know what he was going to find, nor did he know what he was going to say or do once her found the queen. But what he did know was that he couldn't leave her to be alone. So he weaved right and left, minding his step and keeping his head hung rather low.

It didn't seem like he and the queen would ever find a balance in their relationship. Granted, it was better than when he had first decided to stay at the palace with her but it still seemed that unless he was distracting her with something, they were either pushing one another's buttons and fighting with words that should never be said, or they were caught in a space of her cold indifference and his efforts to draw her out of it. And those efforts were only fruitfully rewarded fifty percent of the time. He just didn't know how to find a more consistent rhythm.

But his thoughts on the matter were dropped the moment he silently rounded the last corner in Henry's directions and caught sight of what, or who, he supposed, laid in the room buried so deep in the palace.

Daniel.

It didn't take any boy genius to guess who the man was but with the memories he had stolen from the queen, there was no guessing involved for David as to who it was. Even void of the life in his face that only ever smiled for Regina, David recognized the man as though he had known him personally. And through Regina's memories, perhaps in a way he did.

He laid on his back upon a magnificently carved white marble catafalque dressed in the very finest of clothes and if David didn't know any different, he would have assumed the man to be sleeping. But David did know different and his stomach churned and his chest tightened in sorrow for the woman who stood over him. Even after being through her memories, David hadn't known that Daniel was in such a state. He didn't realize that Regina had been so completely unable to let go for all these years and as David looked upon the stableboy, he came to realize just how twisted and broken the dark queen was.

To be so unable to let go and move on that she kept the body of a man who had passed years ago. He couldn't truly blame her for being so unwilling though. He had been the only light amongst the darkness that surrounded her, looked over her, ready to swallow her whole. And despite the light being snuffed out, she kept him safe in the hope that perhaps one day, the light would return.

But for now it seemed she used him to pretend she had a friend in the world. One that was merely sleeping and would wake up at any moment to steal her pain away.

It was unhealthy and incredibly upsetting but David knew she couldn't help it. He believed deep down she knew better. But how could she possibly give up on the one person in her life who had never once given up on her. Especially when her mind had been tampered with by so many manipulative and cruel people. And with death residing so close to her, it was no wonder why she was so twisted. It was wrong but he understood her reasons and they broke his heart.

He didn't have any words to announce his presence, he couldn't think of a single thing that would be fitting. So he didn't say anything at all and carefully and silently stepped up beside the mourning queen. She jumped a little when she saw him and tipped away from him but she didn't leave. He didn't believe she could leave him there alone with Daniel. She was too protective.

She watched him like a hawk but he didn't even glance her way and instead kept his gaze on the deceased stable hand. But just because he wasn't looking at Regina didn't mean he hadn't seen the tears falling from red rimmed eyes. He knew she was waiting for him to say something. Something harsh, telling her she was sick, telling her she was wrong to keep a dead man on display. And for years, no less. And that all may be true in some respect but he believed a part of her knew that and telling her that she was a terrible person for clinging on to the only light that had ever made an appearance in her life wasn't going to make him a better human being.

So he didn't say any of that.

"He is a handsome man," he nodded with his quiet and gentle voice and out of the corner of his eye he saw the queen's shoulders drop with the release of her guard and her gaze fell back to the stable boy laying as though he were asleep.

"He is," she nodded as her face twisted with further pain and misery. She didn't know how David had found her but she had a sneaking suspicion it had been her father and she was growing furious with him for continuously sending the shepherd after her. And to here of all places.

She had been so ready for him to throw words at her, to hurt her further. But he kept his presence quiet and calm and she hated that she felt comforted. Absolutely loathed it. It made her tears fall faster and she could feel her strength fading and her composure slipping away and when David reached over with a gentle hand, she snatched her arm away. But he persisted, unbothered by her denial and carefully stepped closer. She tried to step away but she didn't want to leave Daniel's side and she found herself trapped between wanting to escape the shepherd and wanting to stay with Daniel. So soon the shepherd's hands were back on her arm and over her back, drawing her in to him despite her making it clear she wanted nothing to do with him.

She was crying and she was shaking as she tried to fight him off but this time David used his strength differently than he had in the library. He ignored her swatting, disregarded her hands pushing him away and her feet digging in to the floor, and instead wordlessly insisted she come closer.

"Don't," she snapped under her breath as new tears rolled down her cheeks and her hands pushed on his chest but he didn't listen to her. Daniel's loss was her own, she did not need nor want the shepherd's company or care. She tried to fight him off but she wouldn't make a scene in front of Daniel and besides, David was already winning over the parts of her she had buried most deeply within herself. The parts that made her feel so weak and vulnerable and helpless, the parts of her she hated for they were the parts everyone exploited.

They were the parts that made her who she truly was in her heart and soul and they were the easiest to use against her. Her good heart, her kind nature, her desire to trust there was good in every person. But she had been burned and used too many times and had long since buried those parts of her away, letting the strength and power of darkness set in and take over to ensure she was never hurt again.

But those buried pieces of her were her roots, they were who she was at her core, and they were much stronger and had a lot more fight that she would ever care to admit. David only seemed to prove that daily as he sought out those hidden parts of her and for what reason she did not know. But out of experience and her conditioned nature, she couldn't trust him. That being said, she was entirely helpless against him when he finally got his arms around her.

He was strong and he was kind and she relented with a choked sob and hands shaking by her head and face. He only drew her closer and she did turn in to him and wrapped her arms around his head and neck, combing her fingers through his hair and taking a fistful as she hid her face in his neck. Hid it from Daniel because she couldn't stand being like this in front of him. Even if he wasn't even there. The thought only made it worse.

David didn't make a sound as she cried in to him. He didn't speak a word as she clung to him as though he was the only thing keeping her from drowning. He didn't do anything but hug her tight and tuck his nose in to her neck. There was nothing else to do but that. So he let her cry and he made certain that she wasn't alone.

"I don't want you," she breathed against his neck but only hugged her arms tighter around him after the words left her lips. He didn't say a word. Only nuzzled his face deeper in to her neck and hugged her tighter in return. It had a harsh sob catching in her throat as her fingers flexed in his hair before taking another handful of it. "I don't want you," she repeated but that time, and all the subsequent whispers, were more to convince herself of such a thing rather than make him aware.

It didn't work.


	10. Chapter 10

**Holy shit, the shit that has been going on, my god. And I can't even begin to get in to it. But I did crash my car and while I walked away with nothing more than a raging fucking temper lmao it made me realize that anything can happen and leaving you guys without any closure would be absolutely horrible. And the events of this last weekend here have only enforced that. So I am going to work extra hard to finish these stories! I have a new car and a new horse and three chapters to share! So let's get this story really going and start playing with some hearts! ;)**

* * *

She had spoken very little since he had found her with Daniel. David had allowed her time and space to herself but he had also come to notice she would drift in to his company more often than she ever had before. She was still feisty and sharp tongued but she had come to look more wounded and tired since that evening with Daniel. David never turned her away, always gave her more than enough permission to be in his company, and even went as far as making excuses for her to do so. She was acting strange but only in the respect that he had never dealt with her in such a state before and he therefore didn't know what to do. He didn't want to set her off while she was in the process of moving forward.

So he tried to accommodate her and give her reasons to come in to his company for she seemed to always be on edge as she circled him but calmed once she was within arms length. She also tended to be more touchy and bitter and angry when she was closer, but her physicality settled and lost its anxious tension. So if it helped her settle, he would welcome her closer to receive a most undeserving lashing for perhaps one day, she would say or do something kind. He had long since stopped taking everything she said so personally. He would wait until she was her true self, without the layers of armour, before he asked what she really thought of him. He didn't know when that would be, but one day he would ask.

That wasn't to say there weren't still moments he seriously considered wringing her neck, but he made himself remember how much pain she carried and how much distrust and anger she held toward the world and everyone in it. It gave him the patience he so desperately needed to remain there with her. It was like she was fighting within herself. That a part of her wanted to burn everything she touched and another wanted to take full advantage of the opportunity to show her true colours. But her mistrust wouldn't let her try.

If David thought on it for too long he found himself angry for her. He found himself utterly furious that she had been hurt so deeply by people so close to her that it was enough to take a young woman perfect in every way and turn her in to the monster she was now known to be. And for what purpose? What reason was there in creating the Evil Queen?

David thought about it more and more with each passing day and after that night with her and Daniel, after seeing how twisted her mind and heart had become that she took company with a corpse over ten years old, he had had only brief moments that his mind wasn't plagued with such thoughts. Her behaviour stemmed from things far deeper than any trip through her memories could ever so much as begin to depict and it could put him in tears if he let it. And he had let it when she had finally let go of him that evening and he retreated to his room.

He had been furious and heartbroken and found himself crying for the Evil Queen. Something he never once thought he would ever do. But he would flip the roles, he would try to stand in her position and imagine Snow had been taken from him, he would follow the queen's life as if it were his own and he drove himself crazy and surprisingly enough, found himself wanting to lash out just as Regina so often did. It was conditioned in to her to be cruel for she had received no kindness since Daniel. She had received only more pain and had been trained to expect it and if she expected the whole world to be cruel, why on earth would she try anymore to be kind to it.

And there, two nights later, in the afternoon of the third day, he found himself caught in another rabbit hole of his thoughts on Regina and it affected him more and more with each piece of her he uncovered, with each piece she let him see. And that night in Daniel's room had been an enormous step. Even if he had been the one to instigate it, she allowed him to comfort her and she had even allowed herself to take it with an incomparable desperation. She had needed him and she allowed herself to take what he offered her rather than turn him away with the spitting fire and strength of a thousand suns. That had never before happened. It was a huge step amongst a long line of baby steps forward and back and he didn't know what to do now. He had grown accustomed to moving slowly.

It caught him so entirely off guard to feel so strongly for the woman and her pain. He felt better when he was in her company, just as she seemed to in his, but unlike herself he wasn't upset over the fact. But he could understand why it upset her. After spending so long despising company of any sort and making certain she had as little contact as possible, here she was suddenly finding comfort in someone he knew she didn't trust.

But he still didn't understand why. Why did Cora and Rumple ensure Regina would become this? This broken, untrusting, cruel, and angry monster, only to then leave her abandoned in a palace on her own. It didn't make any sense. Nothing had been accomplished in doing such a thing.

And _why_ did Rumple give him that ribbon so freely?

There were so many heavy questions and no way to find the answers and in a rather uncharacteristic act, David snapped. His mind was filled with Regina and her plights and with a snarl and a clenched jaw, he swung out and the candlestick that had been standing on the table in front of him was sent flying off the table and clattered to the ground before his hands had gone to rub over his face and his elbows rested on the heavy wooden table top.

As he sighed in to his palms and tried to compose himself, he was startled with a touch on his shoulder. It was hesitant and uncertain but it was kind and when David lifted his head from his hands and looked to his shoulder he was genuinely surprised by whose hand was there.

The queen's.

He hadn't heard her enter but the hand on his shoulder was unmistakably hers. Slender and delicate, fingers adorned with various rings, nails painted a purple so dark they were nearly black, matching the purple velvet and black lace of her sleeve. It took a moment for the uncharacteristic gesture to register in his mind but when it had, he was nearly brought to tears. She was trying to comfort him. Silently asking if he was alright, trying to offer support. Her of all people. It was such a small gesture but David knew that it was no small feat and most definitely something not to be looked over.

With his hands moving in the most tender and careful manner, David had hooked her arm under his and held her hand between both of his so he could press the softest kiss to her knuckles. Then he intertwined their fingers and tipped their hands against his chest and simply enjoyed the comforting silence between them. She was the one who needed comfort and support, not him. But the fact that she had reached out in such a manner was a beautiful and incredible thing.

It was such a different reaction than the ones she had given him when he had first come there. She had spent every waking moment trying to kill him and now, she stood behind him in silence with her hand in his letting him know that she was there.

It gave him peace of mind that staying there with her was not for nothing. With a long deep breath, David tipped his head in to her side and rested his chin upon their hands and she didn't move or tense. She allowed it and he knew then, without any further doubt, he wasn't wasting his time in this dark palace with this dark queen.

...

His kiss still burned on the skin of her knuckles even hours after she had found him throwing her candlesticks. She still didn't know what had possessed her to approach him as she had. She had no clue as to why she had touched him or why she had let him touch her in return. What she did know, however, was that wanted it to happen again. She wanted to get close to him again, wanted him to touch her again.

He had been tender and gentle and had made her heart glow with warmth and it had taken every ounce of her will not to offer more. She had wanted to let her other hand hold his shoulder while his fingers kept her other occupied. She had wanted to get closer to him, she had even wanted to instigate a more intimate connection, to perhaps even kiss him. She had wanted all of that, had been lost in the haze that filled her mind when she let herself be human again. That wonderful erotic haze that came with feeling again. Of being wanted and accepted. She truly couldn't remember the last time her care had been accepted rather than scolded. She had stopped trying to offer it years ago.

But when David took her hesitant hand in hers, she could feel her heart in her throat and when he pressed a kiss to her knuckles, she had wanted to slide on to his lap and leave a kiss on his mouth. She had wanted to with all of her achy and lonely heart. She could practically feel his light stubble against the palm of her hand as she cradled his jaw, his hand on her hip helping to keep her from slipping from his lap, the other settled at the small of her back, the heat of his breath against her lips, she could feel his fingers bury themselves in to her hair, his tongue against her neck.

She had wanted it, she did want it, and just as his kiss seemed to still linger on her knuckles, her imagination would not let go of its ideas of what it would be like to be with him. But eventually her mind would come lucid once more and her skin would crawl with a loathing and disgust reserved just for herself. For how could she be thinking such thoughts over that insipid shepherd.

When her wine glass shattered in her tightened grip, she gasped and shot up from the table to get away from the spilled wine and shattered glass. She knew she should have taken her metal goblet rather than the glass. But such a trivial thing as shattered glass due to her lack of self control was enough to set off her fragile temper.

So with an angry shout, she spewed fire from her hands and spun a full circle, only coming to an abrupt halt when David made his presence known by swearing and jumping as he flapped his arms around, trying to get his now flaming coat off his body before it burned him. As soon as she saw him she had taken a step forward, eyes wide with apology as she reached toward him to try and aid him. But it was only one step before she stopped when her path was cut off by his flaming arm swinging between them.

So she tried again and opened her mouth to speak but was cut off once more as he began to pull off his jacket and his one arm tried to flap out its flame a little more vigorously than before. Again she tried, lifting a hand and tipping forward, ready to speak, but he had finally gotten the jacket off and was stomping out the flame with his foot. Her aid was no longer needed so she bit her tongue and with his back turned to her and the flames put out, David sucked in a long breath and let it out just as slowly.

The thought to say something snarky to break the silence had crossed her mind. But she found herself in the most odd place. She was anxious as to how he was going to react. He had left before because she had tried to kill him too many times. And now that she had gone and set him on fire and the threat of him leaving once more hung over her head, she was surprised to find herself terrified that he would. But surely he knew that this time it was an accident? And why the hell was she so sick over the possibility of him leaving again? She wanted him dead, she had plans to alert George, she wanted this shepherd gone.

But still, neither one said a word. She watched him and he kept his back turned as he stared down at his scorched jacket with his hands on his hips. He truly did have magnificent shoulders...

"David-" she started but he shook his head and lifted a hand for her to stop. And oddly enough, she did. Then with one more deep breath, the shepherd turned to face her and she didn't know what to think when his expression was one of such irritation but still held the opportunity for her to explain.

"David-"

"Ah," he cut her off with a finger pointed at her as he made his way toward her.

"I-"

"Sit."

"... _Excuse_ me?"

"Sit," he instructed once more as he stepped in to her space, silently forcing her to step back.

"You can't-" she argued but was cut off yet again with another raise of his hand and she found herself backing up in time with his advance. He was really quite calm about it but it truly only made her more wary and unsure which in turn made her more annoyed. His constant interruptions did her temper no favours either.

"David-"

"Sit."

"I will _not_ take orders from-!"

"Shh," he cut her off shortly and she bared her teeth at him.

"You-!"

"No," he interrupted and she let out a seething breath through her teeth as she continued to step backward.

"W-"

"Ah," he scolded and when her retreat was stopped by the edge of the table, she was scowling at him with all her might. "Sit," he nodded and for the longest time she didn't do anything but glower at him. But eventually, she did tip herself back so she was leaning against the edge of the table with her arms folded over her chest and he knew that that was as close to her sitting that he was ever going to get. So he took it with a nod and then asked with a quirk of his head and a smile that was purposely just a little too sweet, "Regina, why did you set me on fire?"

"It was an accident," she told him simply and he watched her carefully with his head still tilted, "I wasn't aware that you were in the room," she explained shortly and he didn't move for a few breaths and when he did it was a simple nod of acceptance. And then the topic was dropped and she was thrown by surprise. Did he really believe her? Just like that?

"I wanted to come talk to you about something before dinner."

"Oh?"

"Mhm. Two things actually," he nodded and she listened and while her expression showed annoyance, the rest of her body betrayed her and let him see a tentative relief as she relaxed. She wasn't going to suffer for accidentally setting him on fire. He couldn't help but feel the smallest bit proud that she was perhaps learning to trust him. Or at the very least learning to enjoy his company.

"There has been a lot of miscommunication between us and even more issues with trust. I'm not too sure what you want from me and I am not too sure what I want from you so I am going to just level with you and I am hoping you will be willing to do the same," he told her and her brow furrowed just the slightest bit in her confusion. "I know I hurt you and I know I have said it a hundred times, but I am so very sorry for it. Words cannot express the regret I feel when I recall that night in that cell. But I am not here to try and make it up to you, that is a losing battle. I have told you before that my guilt is my own, I am not here for my own benefit."

"Well then why are you here?" She frowned.

"I am here, Regina, for you," he told her and her slight frown remained as she listened, "that is the _only_ reason. I am here with the ultimate goal to help you become the person you want to be at heart. I don't know who that person is," he told her with a shake of his head and a shrug of his shoulders while she watched him carefully, "but I do not believe it is the person that you are today. If I am wrong, please let me know, but I do not believe that this is what you envisioned yourself becoming when you were younger and knew better."

He waited for her to argue, gave her every opportunity to say anything in return but when she remained silent and troubled, he continued on, "you have had enough people controlling you in your life, I am not here to do the same. We have had a rough start, I know, but I feel like we have come far enough that we can listen to one another now. Truly listen. And I want to listen, Regina. I want to know what you want, I want to help you get it. I don't need to be your friend, I am simply here to help and to have your back should anything or anyone try once again to keep you from who you wish to be. Yourself included," he nodded and her jaw clenched a little tighter.

"I am not one of your precious sheep who needs protecting, _shepherd_ ," she snapped but he didn't so much as bat an eye.

"No, you are not a sheep. But you are precious and do need protecting," he told her gently and she crossed her jaw and her eyes darted back and forth between his. "After all this time I think you deserve someone who will have your back rather than stab a knife in to it," he elaborated and she didn't say a word but it seemed as though there was something she was holding back, "that is why I am here. To ensure you can find happiness within yourself without interference. Not because I want you to like me," he teased lightly but she didn't bite.

She didn't bite because she knew if she tried to do anything other than focus her strength in to her self control, she would lose it. She would lose it and nothing good would become of it. He had seen her at her most vulnerable, he had seen her raw and she had clung to him and let him hold her up and it had felt wonderful. Through all that pain and heartache she always carried, there was one thing that was different that night. She hadn't been alone.

For the first time in well over a decade, she hadn't cried alone. And she didn't know what to do about that. She knew what her traitorous heart wanted. But she wasn't about to follow it. But with him so close and saying such things, it had never been more difficult to ignore her heart than it was then.

"So please, just use me. For whatever you need, for whatever you want. If you are carrying an excessive amount of murderous rage, we can fight it out with swords. If you are having a bad day, I can give you a hug. If you are overwhelmed, I can take something off your plate. If you have something to say, I will listen. If you are in no mood for company, tell me and I will leave you be. We can figure this out, but we need to work together. You just need to tell me what it is that you need or want at any given time so that I may accommodate you. And I know that that isn't a particularly easy thing to you to do, but I am a mere shepherd and I cannot read that complicated mind of yours," he shook his head with a breath of tired laughter and she remained stoic and still, leaning back against the edge of the table.

"So," he nodded and she blinked, "that is me levelling with you. Are you willing to do the same for me?" He inquired with a small raise of his brow and she began to fidget. Just little things like the cross of her jaw and the slight shift of her weight, the rap of her fingertips against the wooden table. He probably wouldn't have thought much of the small movements at all had he not spent so much time with her, likely wouldn't have even noticed if he hadn't been looking for them. But he was looking and he did see and he knew that she was arguing within herself. She wanted to speak, wanted to do as he had, but her stubborn and proud nature wouldn't allow it. At least not all of it.

"I loathe you. Even more so now that you are so effectively chasing away the loneliness in this godforsaken palace," she snapped curtly and he tried so hard to hide the twitch of his smile in the corner of his lips but he could do nothing about the way his beautiful blue eyes lit up with the knowledge that he was making a difference.

"You don't have to like me, your majesty," he reminded and couldn't help the smile that came with his teasing tone. She only scowled and lifted her chin so she could look down at him even though she was nowhere near taller than him.

"I don't," she assured and he dipped his head in a nod but his eyes never left hers, "which makes the situation all the more loathsome," she bit sharply and his playful smirk softened in to a smile of understanding and it shook her right to her core. It made her skin shiver in the most uncomfortable way and her stomach flipped and left her utterly nauseas with anxiety for she realized that she had just given him more than she had intended. It was cryptic but it was there and he was quick to understand what she had meant. That she loved what he was doing, she just hated that it was him. She hadn't wanted to tell him that. But she had and even though he did not fall smug or arrogant or ill natured in any way at all, she still wished she could take it back. Even if only to rid herself of the sickening feeling of vulnerability.

David didn't quite know what to say to that. But he gave a small shake of his head and dropped his eyes as he drew in a deep breath to try, his gentle smile fading to a troubled frown, "I do not expect that after all you've been through, you will forgive me for what I did," he told her and then looked her in the eye once more, "I do hope, however, that we can leave it in the past for the greater good of your wellbeing. When we are done and you are happy in your own skin, you can hate me again for that night in the tower as much as you please and I will not hold it against you."

"You are asking me to compartmentalize that evening. Pretend that it never happened," she snarled and he shook his head.

"Regina, I do not want to argue," he sighed and despite the fact she was still ready to snap her teeth at him, he gently tried once more to get to her, "what I am trying to say is...is holding that grudge truly more important to you than taking the opportunity to salvage what is left of you in here," he questioned with a furrow of his brow as he carefully pressed two of his fingertips against her chest right over her heart. He was merely glowered at in reply but he was surprised that it took so long for her to swat his hand away.

She didn't speak a word though and he took that as a good thing. He could only assume that she was considering what he had said and was taking it to heart. Weighing out her options and wishes. And he let her for a few moments and then he tipped forward and braced his weight on the table with his hands on either side of her hips. It brought him closer to her and she leaned back as best she could and frowned at him but he had come to notice that she was more perceptive when her personal space was infringed upon. When she didn't snap at him or lose her temper, he settled there and watched her eyes dart over his face.

"The second thing I wanted to talk to you about requires a lot from you," he told her and her gaze settled on his eyes, "it requires merely a 'yes' or a 'no' and I want you to know that I will not delve in to your reasons for either answer, I will not judge you or try to presume your answer, I will simply obey with which you decide, for you, for the time being, take priority. I will ask the question periodically when I see fit to do so but you must answer for your own best interest, not mine. As hard as it may be, this question requires you to be honest with yourself and answer accordingly. It is also important to note that if you answer 'yes', a subsequent question of 'for how long?' will follow."

His vague approach to the topic had her more than intrigued and that annoyed her. She didn't appreciate smoke and mirrors from other people and even less so from the shepherd and he had sucked her in to it. And then on top of it all, he was making her heart jitter he was so close. She didn't want him, she didn't love him, she didn't even like him. But she knew that he would be kind to her. She knew that his hands would be tender against her skin, that his mouth would be generous, she knew that his heart would bring hers solace, even if only temporary, and she knew that being with him for even just a moment would give her a burst of life that would be utterly incomparable. She knew he could make her feel again and she could no longer ignore the craving she held for such a thing.

But the aftermath of such a thing would be catastrophic, she was sure.

"What is this question, shepherd," she snapped but her voice was quiet and not as sharp as she intended. She blamed it on her thoughts of how his kiss would feel against her neck.

"Will you be alright if I go home to Snow?" He asked in such a way that ensured she knew he wanted an answer. It caught her by surprise, that much he could tell by the way she stilled and her magnificent dark eyes found a pinpoint focus on his. She was thinking though, she was thinking hard and he did not rush her for he knew that the answer was not easy for her to come to terms with. No matter which answer she chose. He was hoping for one in particular though.

She knew the answer right away. It wasn't hard to choose. However, coming to terms with that answer and then saying it aloud to the shepherd was something else entirely. No she would not be alright. No she would not manage, no she would not cope with being alone, no she could not handle herself without him to distract her, no she would not be able to find her way without the damn shepherd pushing her stubborn self around, no she would not be alright. The thought of him leaving made her throat tight and her heart ache. No, she did not like him, no she did not want him around, but she would not be alright if he left.

It was a two letter word, one measly syllable but it was carrying so much of her pride that she could not possibly say it aloud. Her jaw was clenched and despite her best efforts to light her temper and shout at him for such a ridiculous question, she could not find it in herself to be angry. He was putting her first and no one did that anymore. Not for her. She wanted to be mad, she wanted to tell him what he did with his time didn't matter, she wanted to tell him she wanted him to leave and never come back. But she couldn't, all of it would be a lie. Every fibre in her being fought against her saying any such thing.

So she forced that one tiny word from her lips and her pride went with it, "no."

It was relief that washed over him at the sound of her voice. Relief that she was being honest and relief that she was willing to work with him. So much relief he could almost smile. But as his shoulders slacked with the loss of tension, his face pulled in to a slight frown as the mighty queen became so small in front of him. Her folded arms that had been there as a sign of defiance were now hugging herself as an act of preservation. Her eyes had fallen, her posture had curled forward, her entire presence became small and insecure and his heart sank.

"Okay," he replied easily with the smallest nod and tried to catch her eye. He wanted to reassure her that nothing had changed, that her pride and power were still intact, that all she had done was answer a question.

But he knew quite well it was more than that.


	11. Chapter 11

**As per requested, an early update! Enjoy! ;) and FF seems to have had some issues with email notifications, so if you have friends following the story, please tell them there are updates!**

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"You are being complete ass."

"Oh is that right?" He laughed and she glowered back at him.

"I will no longer play your childish games, shepherd," she snapped with a snarl.

"You always end up having fun," he reminded with a smirk as he stepped in closer to her.

"I wish I could kill you."

"Mmm you do keep reminding me of such," he teased as he lifted his hands and hooked a scarf around the back of the queen's neck. She hissed at the gesture and tried to duck out of it but he simply smirked and proceeded to dodge her smacking hands and carefully wrap it around her neck. "It's cold outside, your majesty," he told her and she glared at him with a fury only the Evil Queen could muster. It only had him biting back a laugh.

"For the last _time_ , I am _not_ going outside!"

"Don't forget your coat," he smirked and then with a laugh he turned on his heels and started walking away, "I'll meet you at the door!"

Regina huffed a seething breath through her teeth as he walked away from her and when he was far enough away, she turned her back to him and moved to yank the scarf from her neck. But when she turned, her father was standing there with her coat and her hands paused on the scarf. "No," she rumbled and stepped around him, her hands back at work detangle the the soft scarf from her neck.

"I think you should join him."

" _Why_ would I do such a thing."

"You always come back in better spirits when you leave the palace with him," Henry reasoned as he followed his daughter with her coat draped over his arm.

"Not today."

"I think for today of all days, it will be good for you to have a distraction," he told her and she scowled at him over her shoulder as the scarf followed the pull of her hand and slipped from her neck.

"I don't want a distraction," she grumbled and turned her back to him once more and continued to walk away.

"He will only come back," Henry reminded and her steps halted. He couldn't help but smile just a little bit and when she spun back around she was scowling as she stormed back to him and snatched her coat from his extended arm as she passed. When she was out of earshot, he chuckled to himself under his breath and looked forward to the day he was going to get his daughter back. The shepherd was making a bigger difference than Henry ever thought he would.

...

She was loathe to admit that it was a beautiful day to be outside. And she was even more loathe to admit she was enjoying the silent company of the shepherd as they walked side by side through the snowy forest. The fresh forest air was doing wonders on her soul and the sun bursting through the trees was a beautiful sight after the past week had been so grey and gloomy. It was a peaceful walk and one that had apparently been much needed.

The silence in her palace was much different than the silence out there. It was heavy in the palace, it was an unfriendly reminder of how alone she was and of how far she had fallen. But out there in the forest it was calm and heart lifting, it made her feel light and free. Even with the shepherd in her company. Especially with the shepherd in her company, if she were to be honest.

They had been walking for over an hour now and he still hadn't spoken a word since they had left the palace. She had wondered if something was wrong with him but whenever she stole a glance at him, he was smiling as he enjoyed the scenery around them. He hadn't a care in the world. She was rather envious of him at that moment.

"You are far more enjoyable when you are silent."

David could help but laugh as he looked down at her, "is that so?"

"Hm, now you've gone and ruined it."

"I'm not the one who broke the silence, your majesty," he teased and gently bumped his hip in to hers, only hard enough for her to cross her leg over the other mid step to keep her balance. To his surprise and delight, she simply laughed under her breath in return.

"Why did you bring me out here anyway?"

"I don't always have some crazy event planned for you," he chuckled and she looked it him with lips pursed and one eyebrow raised. He caved instantly and laughed, "alright fine, I was going to try and get you to come sled down this one super steep hill with me before the snow melted," he chuckled and she nodded her head slowly with a smirk. "But once we started walking it just felt like the better thing to do today," he shrugged with a smile and looked ahead of them once more as silence fell between them again. It only lasted a little while though before she spoke again.

"I like it."

"The walking?" He questioned as he looked back to her and she nodded her head but didn't look up at him. He smiled all the same though and nodded in return, "we can make it a more regular occurrence if you like," he offered and she was silent for a few more steps before she gave him an answer.

"I would," she answered a little quieter and she knew he was smiling just by the way he said 'alright', she didn't need to look at him. Not until he looked away from her. She was trying to work with him in telling him what she liked and what she didn't. Some days she was better at it than others, of course, but she was trying. Telling him what she wanted was still impossible for her but he was patient with her and seemed to know she was trying.

"What day is it to you?" He asked curiously and when he looked down at her, she was frowning in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"You've just been acting odd today. A little more touchy I guess. I haven't been able to figure out a reason for it so I've been left to wonder if today is a day that holds importance to you," he explained and she looked down at her feet as they walked through the powdery snow, "does it?"

"...It is Daniel's birthday," she told him quietly and out of the corner of her eye she saw him nod. It was getting easier to share things with him. Not everything, but some things. She was more willing to try and share anyway. It hadn't killed her yet.

"Ah," he nodded and let the silence linger between them as he processed the information he was given and gave her time to come to terms with what she had offered him. Once those few seconds passed, he nodded once more, "we should celebrate it."

"What do you mean?" She frowned with a shake of her head.

"Birthdays should be celebrated. You spend every other day of the year mourning him, why not spare one to celebrate him?" He reasoned kindly and her brow furrowed in thought as she quirked her head.

"I...suppose I have never thought about it like that..."

"It'll be good I think. Just you and me and your father. We could even invite Claude, he's a pretty decent guy," he teased and she huffed a small laugh, "I'm sure he'd come."

"You are not inviting my Black Guard, shepherd."

"Alright, just the three of us then," he chuckled, "what do you say?"

"...I don't know..."

"We don't have to call it his birthday if you don't want. We could just pick a day at random, like today for instance, to spend the evening remembering him and what he gave to the world," he offered and let her think on it. He wanted her to agree. He wanted her to remember Daniel in happiness for once, to celebrate his life rather than mourn his death. He wanted her to be able to move on from him. Not so much in the sense as to find another to take the place in her heart but rather to move on for her own sake so she could move forward in her life.

And it looked like she was going to accept, each step they took in the snow seeming to warm her up to the idea even more. But as David watched and he saw the moment where she may just accept, her expression was pulled in to bitterness. He was about to inquire as to why but before he could open his mouth, she gave her reason.

"The dark palace is not the place for such an occasion."

She was simmering with her disgust and hatred toward the palace and David was more than understanding. So before she got herself in to a raging boil, he offered instead, "what about the stables?" And she quieted but her scowl did not leave as her fingers twitched and flexed.

...

David had taken charge of everything the moment they got back from their walk. The palace was bustling again in a way it hadn't in a good many years. The servants hurrying and whispering, getting everything done as quickly and quietly as possible, trying to stay out of sight and out of the way, working hard to make it look as though any extravagant party was completely effortless. It put her on edge though. She hated the atmosphere of the palace just before a party. It was dreadful and she had been conditioned to feel as such.

It didn't matter how many times she reminded herself that this time she was not going to be Leopold's pretty little decoration, every time she saw or heard a busy servant she could do nothing but remember past parties. Not even her own birthdays had been remotely enjoyable. Not even after she had killed Leopold. In fact, once her mother and father had interfered with Snow's heart, Regina had not celebrated her birthday since. It was a day like any other, there was nothing special about it.

So such busy work returning to the palace put her on edge and neither her father or David were anywhere to be seen. Only the whispers and scurrying of her servants footsteps behind the walls in their own personal side halls and the sounds made her skin crawl. At the drop of a hat she could find herself in tears just from losing herself in the past. But just because that was how she felt, didn't mean that she let such feelings show. No, her armour was back up and anyone who crossed her path, purposely or not, fell victim to the wrath of the Evil Queen.

She couldn't get away from it, it was everywhere and she could no longer recall why she had ever agreed to such a thing. When she stormed in to the kitchen, the staff scattered like the room had been suddenly engulfed in flames. Everyone except her head cook and the shepherd.

"Your majesty," David greeted with a nod and held back a laugh at his light amusement. He had never seen a room clear so fast.

"What are you doing."

"I am baking a cake," he replied simply and her head lifted even taller as she swayed her hips and knocked her heel against the floor as she halted. She was in another one of her moods and once he had finished spreading the icing atop the first layer of the cake, he let out a patient sigh and walked around the table, wiping his hands on a linen cloth as he did. She merely scowled at him as she watched his every move. "You are upset," he noted and she denied him.

"I am not upset."

"Hmm," he scolded lightly as he stopped in front of her but she remained defiant, "your body language portrays otherwise, your majesty," he prodded with a smirk to push her and she glowered, "as does your expression."

"I am not upset."

"What brings you down here then, may I ask," he asked with a shift of his weight on to one foot and a raise of his brow.

"There is too much bustling about. Too much excitement behind the walls."

"That is generally what happens when a party is being organized," he replied but the teasing left his tone and his expression sobered in to something more serious for something in the delivery of her reasons had his mind grasping at the puzzle hidden within her words. There was a beat of silence between them and he didn't quite know what to say past that and she simply blinked at him with a scowl still pulling her lips.

"I don't like it," she elaborated shortly, her voice plain and to the point and he remained silent but watched her as though he was following a string leading him to the deeper reasoning to her upset. But if he figured it out, he didn't say anything regarding it.

David couldn't quite figure a reason for such irritation over the preparation of a party. Especially for one she had agreed to having. But with each passing second, the faded memories of hers that still remained in his mind came closer to the surface. He could recall the distress, the spite, and the loneliness that came with every one of the royal parties since she had come in to the palace. He could recall feelings of being ignored and cast aside. Memories of hatred and sorrow. Of heartbreak. And it was but a small fragment of a conclusion that would surely grow the longer it stewed in his mind, but it was a conclusion nonetheless.

She had learned to loath any sort of party for her only experiences left her alone and ignored, proving that she was only a pretty object that was called upon only when the king was bored or when social appearances were an absolute necessity. She was smart and she was bold but her voice and her spirit had been crushed and every party enforced it. The sounds of a party being organized would alert her to another night of feeling invisible and he felt free to assume that just out of conditioning, tonight was offering feelings no different than past ones.

Anxiety, upset, distress, anger. Even if the party was for a completely different purpose and would consist of a group of far different people. He himself wasn't exactly one for the big parties either but he always found a way to make it worth his while and he couldn't quite imagine how horrid things must have been for her to have her so tense and temperamental over her staff working dutifully to provide her a wonderful evening for Daniel.

But he didn't dare bring it up, he didn't dare prod her for her to elaborate on what she was feeling, he didn't dare ask what happened to give her such a bitter anxiety, didn't dare ask why her skin was crawling, he merely left her alone. She didn't like parties. Her tone had given him a slight chill and he was left giving her a single nod as his thoughts ran rampant on the past.

"Well...would you care to help me finish the cake?"

"No."

He could only breathe a small laugh through his nose and shake his head. He had barely finished his question before she snapped her answer at him. So he took a moment to better word his next suggestion and took one step closer to her. "I am sure those in the stable would appreciate instruction on how to arrange it for dinner. You could ensure it gets done in the way Daniel would approve of," he offered with a steady and tender voice and she neither shut him down or accepted. Merely flicked her dark eyes back and forth between his blue. "You knew him best," he added gently and watched every subtle flare in her temper begin to settle down until she was calm once more.

But the calmer she got, the more uncomfortable she became. She never did know what to do with herself when her anger was taken from her. So to help her along and give her a way out, David lifted a finger in a gesture for her to wait before he took one more step forward and reached around behind her, completely oblivious to the way she reacted to the sudden invasion of her personal space.

Her heart leapt in to her throat when he moved in so quickly but she couldn't step away. No, instead, her nose was filled with his scent when she sucked in a quiet gasp through her nose and quickly found herself wishing she could tip in to him and bury her nose in to his neck and take a better and slower breath in. But his nearness was gone before she got the chance to get used to it and he was back standing less than a stride from her with a cast iron frying pan in his grip. She only frowned at it in confusion.

"In case you need a little extra enforcement down there," he teased as he offered the pan to her and she glowered at him, refused to do much as take a second glance at the pan. Then he started to laugh and she snatched the pan from his grip and swung it at him, "it was a joke!"

...

The stables were stunning. They were beautiful on any given day, but that evening they were absolutely breathtaking. In a way that only a woman could, Regina had taken the magnificent stables and transformed them to suit the needs of the evening. She had created a quaint and heartwarming little space. A table had been created from a pair of barrels and a few heavy planks of wood, the tablecloth was an assortment of emptied burlap feed bags, their seats were square bales of hay with horse rugs draped over them, a select few torches were lit along the wall closest the door but the main source of light were the small glass bulbous bowls filled with soft warm dots of Regina's magic floating within them resembling fireflies, strung from the ceiling in draping lines of twine and rope and scattered amongst the table's top.

She had made an enormous and extravagant space small and cozy and utterly perfect. David did not know Daniel but when he walked through the door and saw what Regina had created, it put him on the verge of tears. The care and attention she had put in to every detail left a love in the air for her passed stableboy that was absolutely palpable. This was not the work of an Evil Queen. It was the work of a woman wanting to create something special for the man she loved and it broke his heart. If she had not caught his eye, David would have taken a moment to go back out in to the cold winter air to compose himself. But when the queen noticed his presence he pulled himself together and smiled at her.

It smelled of horses and hay and leather. The lighting was warm and glowing, the far end of the stables left in darkness to make the space feel smaller and more personal than they all knew it was. It was simple and perfect and she had even dressed herself down a little. She was by no means in peasant clothing but she was not in any extravagant gown either. Just a simple thing with a neckline that left her shoulders bare but dipped in to a sweetheart no lower than three inches. Long sleeves, burgundy fabric that was more purple than red hugging her every curve and then falling as a smooth curtain from her hips, her long wavy hair left down and pulled over one shoulder, her make up simple but sharp and her lips lacked their usual burgundy and were instead painted with a softer and more earthy shade of pink. Still dark and bold but not as much as her usual shade. More natural than her usual colour.

She lacked all forms of lace and glittery gems, even her earrings were a simple dark tungsten knot and the only other jewelry she were was a long chain around her neck of the most delicate silver and its pendant fell between her breasts and hidden beneath her gown but he suspected it was the ring Daniel had given her all those years ago.

Even as he smiled at her, she didn't smile back. Her fingers merely twitched in agitation for she was so far out of her element. The space she had created was incredible and her appearance was even more so. She had made everything absolutely perfect for her darling stableboy and it crushed David's heart that the man wasn't there to see it for himself. That he wasn't able to enjoy Regina and her efforts like no one else could. She was beautiful, her tender and beaten heart included, and the world had ruined her and turned her in to a monster.

He was teary. He couldn't look her in the eye for quite some time and was relieved that her father occupied her attention until he could truly pull himself together. It was to be a celebration after all. But he couldn't get over how wrong he had been about her. He couldn't get over how he had so eagerly set her up for execution. She was hurting and they had all ignored her just as everyone else had before them. But now he was paying attention and he knew that despite every part of her knowing it was never going to happen, she was going to spend the whole night waiting for her stableboy to come through those doors and in to the stables where he belonged.

In the stables in the arms of the queen.

David had told her she was beautiful and that the space was perfect but until the food had come, David did not say much else and left the talking for Henry until he was emotionally stable enough to carry a conversation. He knew Regina noticed his uncustomary silence but she didn't say anything about it and neither did he. But when the distraction of food came and the stories of Daniel began, David slowly began to find his voice again in the form of laughter and exclamations of surprise and amusement.

"I remember," Regina started but was cut short by her own laughter as she recalled the memory and tried to put it in to words, "I remember we were on one of our walks through the forest and I had fallen behind, I can't remember why, but I had and we were more than a little bit lost and I wasn't letting him forget it. He had been trying to take a shortcut and it hadn't worked and he was so frustrated and instead of trying to make it easier on him, I found humour in poking the bear.

So I teased him, I'd call up to him, 'this way, Regina', 'I know a shortcut, Regina', 'I, the great tracker, Daniel, will get us to our destination early', 'we don't need to ask those merchants for directions!' And on and on and on and I could see him getting tense the more I riled him up and I cannot remember which comment broke him but he finally dug a heel in and spun around to more than likely tell me to shut up with as much politeness he could muster," she laughed and then shook her head, "and I don't know what happened but he spun around so fast and so drastically misjudged the movement and just _slammed_ head first right in to a tree and knocked himself _flat_ on his ass," she laughed and David snorted a sudden guffaw and nearly spat his wine everywhere which had her and her father laughing even more than before.

"Just, full force, face first, in to this tree and I was just _beside_ myself I was laughing so hard," she laughed and David managed to swallow so he could cough up the wine he had inhaled and laugh properly. "So I started jogging over to him to make sure he was alright, he was laughing and groaning and swearing under his breath, I was still laughing so hard I could barely breathe and then he sat up with his hand on his head," she mimicked the gesture as she laughed and continued telling the story, "and just as he sat up, my laughter got the better of my coordination and I caught my toe on a root and launched myself forward with this _ungodly_ shriek and reached for anything I could grab to catch myself. Well in the whole forest of lovely green trees I managed to grab the _only_ dead branch in sight and the damn thing snapped and sent me tumbling head over heels over this giant log!"

David threw his head back with the loudest belly laugh he could give and Regina had tipped forward with her own hysterical laughter while her father buried his face in to his hands and shook his head and laughed and laughed. Regina couldn't remember the last time she had laughed so hard, "it was entirely graceless and I had managed to somehow haphazardly somersault over the log and landed sitting up straight with my legs out in front of me and the damn broken branch in my hand and that bastard Daniel was just _howling_! He was laughing so hard that he just tipped right over on to his side and I couldn't help but laugh just as hard with him."

"Oh my god," David laughed through his tears and tried to catch his breath with a hand on his stomach, "what I wouldn't give to have been there for that!"

"We never even made it to where he was trying to take us, we simply just decided we were clearly in no state to travel that day and had our lunch right there in the dirt and moss," she laughed as she pushed her hands forward as though she could see the forest floor right there in front of her. She hadn't thought about that day in years, there were tears in her eyes from laughing so hard and she couldn't even begin to remember the last time that had happened.

"Oh there are so many stories that I have nearly forgotten," she laughed with a sigh as she tried to catch her breath and ignore the stab of pain in her heart that such tales had never had the opportunity to be told until now. Years and years later.

"Well I for one, would love to hear more of them," David smiled and she was drawn back out of her thoughts. Her eyes pierced right in to his and her simple smile that had remained on her lips between stories was making his chest ache. She held his gaze for a little while longer and then her eyes darted up as she recalled a new story and it left them all grinning from ear to ear once again.

...

Time flew by with each story told, even the old man had had a few of his own about Daniel and even more about Regina. It was a joyous evening and had David known what would become of bringing in the cake with Henry as they sang "Happy Birthday", he may have have thought twice about the approach. But he hadn't known. So he and the old man dismissed themselves for just a moment, leaving Regina befuddled but amused at the head of the table. They returned sharing the weight of the dual layered cake and with each word of the song he and Henry sang, Regina's smile faded just a little more.

Every word was a prick to her heart, every line was a weight on her chest, every note urged tears to her eyes but she could not tune out the song and she could not look away from the candles flickering on the beautiful cake. All she could remember were the previous birthdays. The birthdays that only she knew about. The birthdays that she sang to him. There were only a few but she hadn't known then that she wouldn't get even a handful of them. She had believed that she was going to be there for all his birthdays and that he was going to be there for all of hers. And as Daniel's name was sung by voices that were not hers, a tear rolled down her cheek and the song echoed in her ears.

It echoed in the form of her own voice. Lighter and happier, free of the rasp of darkness that clung to it now. It sang to him and he laughed in return, he thanked her with kisses and insisted she needn't do such things for him. It sang to him and he would smile at her in a way that only he could. It sang to him and he would tell her he loved her and she him. But today she could not bring her voice to sing along with David and her father. She could only stare at the cake they lowered on the the table right in front of her.

She couldn't do anything more than watch the candles burn and recall every touch Daniel had left on her soul.

"Regina," David called gently and she turned her head to look at him through eyes even more teary than what they appeared to be from her profile. She didn't say a word, didn't make a sound, simply turned her head and looked at him, "everything alright?" He asked tenderly and her brow furrowed ever so slightly as she tried to make sense of what she was feeling.

"I um..." she drifted off with a frown and examined the cake once more. And then after a moment of silence, she carefully stood from her chair and lifted her glass of wine, "I would like to make a toast. To Daniel. If that is alright."

"Of course," he and Henry permitted softly and reached for their own glasses and then waited as Regina so intensely studied the candles on the cake.

"Daniel, you were my best friend," she started and then swallowed and whirled her head to the side ever so slightly, "you were my _only_ friend," she added softly as a tear rolled down her cheek, "you gave me a reason to get out of bed in the morning, you gave me a reason to smile, you gave me a reason to be happy. You made me happy. It was something I believed I never took for granted but where I stand today I now realize I didn't appreciate it as much as I could have.

You were a treasure. You brought light to a life that was surrounded by darkness, you fought it off as best you could with your games and adventures and you succeeded right up until the very end. A smile from you could turn the blackest day in to something to be happy about and I miss that most of all. Your soul was so kind and your heart was so big and not a day goes by that I do not miss your company. Happy birthday, Daniel," she pushed out and felt her hand start to shake as she lifted her glass, "I hope you know just how much I love you," she finished and several tears fell from her watery eyes before she could get the glass up to her lips and take a sip.

Silently David and Henry followed suit with nothing but a whispered "happy birthday" and took a careful sip from their glasses. But their attention never left the tortured queen and David was utterly heartbroken for her as he watched her try so hard to keep herself together. But her hands were shaking and her tears were falling and even as she braced her weight on the table to lean toward the cake, her instability was impossible to ignore.

David was fascinated by her. And for just a split second he saw a glimpse of the true misery she held in her heart for her darling stableboy. He could not even begin to imagine such a loss and he had even gone through it in her memories. But he knew no spell could do such pain justice.

Then with a single puff she blew the candles out but no one moved a muscle. Regina stayed staring at the candles she had snuffed and he and her father watched her in concern but no one looked at one another. The very moment she lost her strength to keep face, David was at her side and carefully pulling his crumbling queen in to his arms. It started with tears, was followed by shaking, and was finished with the buckling of her knees and her hands being lifted to cover her mouth as she cried.

She resisted him for a moment but was either too tired to care anymore or too distraught and it wasn't long at all before she simply gave in. She had, after all, just spent years trying to forget Daniel's birthday. Without a word, David pulled her in to his chest and tucked her head under his chin. He supported her and warily, she looped an arm around his neck and turned her face in to his neck as she took a fistful of his shirt over his heart.

Her cries were soft and nothing compared to the wailing he had held her through at Daniel's bedside but it was no less heart wrenching to hold a woman crying over her lost love on their birthday. Especially a woman who had gone through too much to begin with. So he held her too tight and wondered why it affected him so deeply to hear her profess her love. It shouldn't, but it rattled him right to his core. Perhaps it was the way she said it. With every fibre in her body, with every ounce of her voice, David believed her when she said she loved Daniel despite knowing her only as the Evil Queen, he believed her when she said she was capable of such a potent and tender thing as love. Which was something he had once believed her to be completely incapable of.

"You were loved, Regina," he assured softly as he hugged her just a little tighter and she did the same in return, "and he knew you loved him."


	12. Chapter 12

**I was gonna post this tomorrow but then I got all impatient and shit and was like meh, they won't mind a day early ;) lol! Enjoy!**

* * *

David had given her plenty of time to herself after the party. He had let her slip away without a glance once she had stopped crying and he had then proceeded to spend the next few hours helping the staff clean up and put the lovingly decorated stables back together. It was well in to the middle of the night by the time they had finished and despite being completely exhausted, David couldn't help himself.

He went looking for the queen.

He checked her bedchambers, the library, the hidden study within the library, and just when he was going to check to see if she had gone to see Daniel, David found her sitting in front of the largest hearth in the castle.

She was curled up in the corner of the sofa and David unceremoniously crawled on to it beside her, ignoring her surprised and confused attention, and laid down on his side with his head in her lap. Once settled, he let out a long sigh and she kept her hands above him, entirely unsure of what to do with them. The look of complete confusion and horror that was undoubtedly on her face was enough to make him smile to himself as he let his body sink in to her and the sofa and complimented, "you did a beautiful job decorating the stables."

"...Thank you..." she replied with a frown and tried to figure out where to put her hands as well as why she wasn't breaking his neck for such an invasion of her person.

"You're welcome."

"...What are you doing?"

"I am exhausted."

"You have a bed," she snapped but he didn't seem bothered and merely chuckled under his breath.

"I do," he agreed with a small nod, "but I wanted to check on you first. You've spent enough time alone in your life. I wanted to make sure at least today you weren't alone. Even if the company is less than desirable," he teased and she scoffed under her breath.

She didn't say anything else though and David laid in silence with his head still in her lap. He nearly dozed off there until she finally grew tired of holding up her hands and set them down on him. It made him smile and he decided to help distract her and allow her to think less about everything and simply let herself just be herself. "Will you tell me more about Daniel?"

The question caught her by surprise and she frowned down at him but he only turned his head up to glance at her for a moment before he went back to looking at the fire. "Why?" She frowned and he gave his honest answer.

"Because you like to talk about him and I like to hear about him," he answered and she gingerly began tracing a circle on to his temple with her fingertip.

"From this angle I could make efficient work of piercing your skull with a spike. Just right through there," she purred as she pressed her fingertip in to his temple.

"You've tried that before," he reminded and after a moment of recollection, she gave a short and dissatisfied hum. So he smirked to himself and then asked, "what was his favourite colour?"

"What is it with you and 'favourite colours'?"

"It's a good way to start a conversation," he shrugged and nestled the side of his head a little further in to her lap. "So?" He pressed with a smile and paid close attention to the way her fingers hadn't quite been able to stop touching him since she had started.

"Green," she answered and he hummed softly, "dark green. Like a pine tree in winter."

"That is a good colour," he smiled and she stayed silent while her fingertips began to trace his features.

"It is," she agreed as her fingers wandered aimlessly over the shepherd's face. Around his eye, across his brow, over his cheekbone.

"What was your favourite thing about him?"

"I couldn't pick just one."

"Then don't," he said and her fingertips did another soft circuit around his face before she answered him.

"He hated getting his hair cut," she told him and he laughed a little which left her smiling too for it really was an odd thing to start with. "I always told him that if he would just cut it shorter he could go longer in between cuts but he refused to. He liked his hair a little longer and knew that I did too," she smiled a little as the past flickered behind her eyes. Daniel's stubborn smirks and her endeared grins she was helpless against.

"My hair used to be at my shoulders," David commented and was surprised and utterly delighted by the laugh that left her lips. He was grinning from ear to ear at the sound of it, was hopeless against such a light and free sound.

"It did not," she laughed in disbelief and for a moment, just a moment, she forgot about everything. The darkness disappeared, the pain in her heart was stolen, the weight of her life vanished, and she was left laughing in complete amusement and disbelief that the clean cut shepherd would ever have anything but the most _charming_ hair.

"I could tie it in a ponytail and everything," he assured as he turned his head so he could look up at her and see her beautiful smile for himself while she shook her head at him. And it remained there for a few more bouts of quiet laughter and sparkling eyes but it was but a fleeting moment of freedom and in just a moment, the reality she had trapped herself in returned. Her laughter dissipated, her smile faded, and her fingers began tracing his eyes once again.

Her touch was unbelievably soothing and he knew without a doubt if she kept up with it he would be pulled off to sleep with his head still in her lap. It made him smile. And for a split second, her lips twitched in to a higher smile before she blinked and her eyes focused on her fingers wandering his brow. It was unbelievable to him how incredibly wrong he had gotten her. And how incredibly right Snow had been. Never in a thousand lifetimes would he have believed there would come a day where he would be laying in the Evil Queen's lap being lulled to sleep by the touch of her tender fingertips. Never.

But there he laid with no intention of changing a thing.

"I loved his eyes," she told him and went back to slowly circling David's with her fingertip, "they were blue, like yours, but...they were darker. They reminded me of water. A still lake. Yours remind me of air...like a summer breeze, warm and exhilarating..." she drifted off and the corners of his eyes creased just a little with his smile and she had to swallow the anxiety that came with saying such a thing. She didn't know how he had done it but he had her ready to tell him anything he wished to know. Ready and wanting.

"He was always happy to see me and his eyes would show it," she smiled a little and tipped her head to one side while her finger trailed down the shepherd's temple, "he spent so much time with horses throughout his life that he had come to adopt that same honesty a horse holds in their expression. There was never a doubt as to what he was feeling. It was refreshing when everyone else works so hard to hide everything."

It took all she had not to bend her knees up and bring his face closer to hers. Every ounce of her will was put in to leaving him down there and out of reach from her kiss. But she couldn't quite stop her fingers from dipping down and tracing the line of his jaw and chin and the shape of his lips. They were just as soft as she imagined them to be. And that did nothing to quell the urge to lift him to her.

Sensing she was getting lost in her mind, David asked another question not because he didn't want her to take her time to decide what to share next but because he was eager to hear more from her. He enjoyed listening to her, he loved hearing what she had to say. No one had ever made the effort to listen to her, "what do you miss the most about him?"

She missed everything about him. She missed seeing him, she missed being in his company, she missed the way he looked at her, the way he smiled at her. She missed the way he touched her, she missed being able to run to him with anything, she missed holding him, she missed laughing with him, she missed riding with him. She missed absolutely everything about him. But she supposed if she had to pick one thing, "being told I was loved," she answered just above a whisper, her throat tight and her heart aching as her fingers made a careful pass over his bottom lip, "and believing it," she added just as quietly and he could not hide the pull of his frown when her fingertips were so carefully memorizing him.

He didn't believe he had ever gotten a more honest answer out of her and it broke his heart. As extravagant and as bold and as powerful as she was, her desires were so human and so simple and so far from impossible. And yet, they had been so overly impossible for her to receive. An Evil Queen who just wanted to be loved. It was such a simple thing and yet with the way everything had gone in her life it seemed as though she were asking for the world.

"May I ask you a personal question?"

"All of your questions are personal, shepherd," she retorted softly as her finger lingered on the scar on his chin.

"This one is particularly so," he told her gently and she gave him a short and distracted hum of allowance while her dark eyes followed the trail of her finger.

"Did you and Daniel ever...make love to one another?" He asked as carefully as he could with such an awkward question. Her fingers stopped immediately and for a moment her dark eyes did snap to his. But it was truly just a moment, not even a full breath before she was looking down and away from him and her thumb slowly began to rub the bottom of his chin. Her answer was a single most subtle shake of her head that was followed with a tense swallow that left him nearly on the verge of tears right along with her.

Her answer meant a great deal more than a missed opportunity with a loved one. It meant she went in to a loveless and torturous marriage without knowing the tender touch of a true lover. It meant she had only known pain and hatred, it meant that to this day, through all those past years, through the entirety of her life, she had never known a man's love in her bed. Only hatred and lust and cruelty and David was soon sitting up and urging his fighting queen in to his care.

She had seemingly followed his exact train of thought for when he had kissed her temple he was answered with a choked sob of a breath as he gave her no choice but to let himself wrap around her. Despite her resistance he had managed to nestle his face in to the crook of her neck and hold her tight in his arms and eventually she did hug him back and thread her fingers through his hair with a shaky breath.

"You carry too much, Regina," he breathed and she didn't speak a word, simply tried to take a deep breath to compose herself once more. "You will find someone," he encouraged but she shook her head.

"No one could love me after all I have done," she argued and he pulled his head back so he could press his forehead to hers. It was meant as a gesture to give her no other option but to focus and listen to him but all it did was bring his mouth within reach.

"There is always someone, Regina," he promised and her arms wrapped nice and snug around his neck while one of her hands raked through his hair and she pressed her forehead even heavier in to his, "you will be happy again."

"I do not need a man to make me happy," she snapped and was ready to escalate it further but his reply settled her before she could get angry over his shallow depth of thought.

"That is not what I said," he shook his head and wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb, "you will be happy one day, Regina, and when you least expect it, you will have someone walk in to your life that you will not be able to let go of. It will come. You will know what true love is, I swear to you, you will," he promised and had tears in his eyes for he didn't know if such a thing would ever happen but he had to have hope, he had to give her hope, "you will know it-"

"Stop talking," she breathed through a sob as she took the hand from around his shoulders and pressed her fingers to his lips to silence him. If he said another word she would silence him with a kiss there would be no turning back from. She would not give in to her bleeding heart and his valiant words. She would not kiss this shepherd, she vowed she wouldn't. She could not go through the pain of loving a man who loved another. And no matter how good he was to her, she could not ignore the past between them.

The fights, the betrayal, the force he used against her, she hated him. She just had to keep telling herself as such and reminding herself of the ugliness between them so she wouldn't fall for the way her heart urged her to let go of it all and move forward. He made it so much more difficult with every passing day and right there with his arms wrapped tight around her middle, pulling her flush against him, their foreheads touching, their noses in one another's cheeks, her hand in his hair keeping him close to her, and only her fingers keeping her parted lips from finding his, it was nigh impossible to tell herself she didn't want him.

Especially after the torrent of emotions that had come with the day and the evening he had made possible and the words that had just been said with such passion for her happiness. She had to hate him. She had no choice. So she supposed it wasn't a matter of she couldn't forgive him, but rather that she _shouldn't_.

It couldn't be him that she fell in love with. This shepherd who had heard so much of her past and lived in the middle of her dark and bloody reign and still insisted on teaching her how to be happy. She couldn't love him. So she had to hate him.

"Not another word," she pressed, her voice soft under her breath, her lips grazing the backs of her knuckles as tears rolled down her cheeks. This infuriating oaf was breaking her heart and it wasn't even his to have. Her breath caught in her chest when an arm left her waist so he could take her wrist in his gentle grip and pull her fingers from his lips. She was more than hesitant to let him take it away but he only moved her hand so he could press a kiss to her palm.


	13. Chapter 13

**Happy weekend my lovely readers! :)**

"Will you join me for a walk, your majesty?" He smirked as he strolled in to the room. She was in a mood though and didn't even look over her shoulder.

"I am busy."

"Mmmm. Yes it would appear so," he teased as he came up behind her to see what she was doing. As far as he could tell, she was simply staring out at the forest from the balcony doing nothing at all. It made him smirk as he teased further, "oh yes. Incredibly busy," and she simply glowered at him, moving only her eyes to look at him before she looked back out at the forest.

"Would you like to go in to town?" He offered with a smile as he leaned back in to the railing, turning his back to the forest so he could look at her instead.

"Why would I want to do that?" She laughed bitterly with her brow furrowed in utter confusion.

"Change of scenery, something else to do."

"I am banished, shepherd," she reminded and he shrugged, "by Snow's decree, I am not to leave."

"You and I both know there is absolutely nothing _actually_ holding you here," he told her and she rolled her eyes at him, "come on, we'll take a ride and see where it takes us," he smiled a little but when he reached over and gently placed his hand around her forearm, she snatched it back with a snarl of perfect teeth and looked ready to throw him off the balcony.

"I do not want to go anywhere with you," she snapped with a gnash of her teeth and he only watched with a curious frown. Then he was stepping further in to her space and her top lip twitched and curled back in her distaste but it didn't stop the backs of his fingers from trailing against the corner of her jaw, nor the way her heart leapt in to her throat because of his touch. Her cursed heart seemed to betray her no matter what she did. Maybe she should just fuck him and get over herself. Just because he touched her, didn't mean he was going through the same whirlwind of emotions he put her through every time contact was made. It was as one sided as it could come.

And she wanted him to stop touching her, she wanted her mind to clear and her heart to settle, she was tired of being played with, even if he wasn't intentionally doing so, he was playing with her heart and her desires and she wanted it to stop. But when she moved to take a step back, there was a pressure on the back of her neck and with the quietest gasp she immediately tipped back toward him, in to him even, just to be safe. Without her notice he had hooked a finger beneath the delicate chain around her neck and when she had tried to step back it grew taut and the thought of it snapping made her blood run cold with panic.

He had trapped her and all she could do was make certain the chain didn't break by ensuring she was close enough to the shepherd to keep it slack. She didn't trust her magic, not with something so precious. And she especially didn't trust the shepherd. She only trusted herself.

David had made a point to be excessively gentle with the precious ring strung on the long chain but when he saw her reaction to him taking it in to his care, he was sure to be even more careful with it. His movements were slow so she could watch every one of them and he had never seen more distress in her than he did then as she watched his thumb slide over the grooved metal. Her beautiful dark eyes were wide with pinpoint focus, her jaw tight, her lips parted as though to protest but quickly pursed in to a worried frown.

It had been resting just beneath the silk of her gown's neckline, tucked away between her breasts so no one could see it. She had been wearing it more often since he had been poking around through her past with Daniel and the feelings she held for him. He just seemed to be the root of much of her pain and grief and he wanted to learn, he wanted to help. But he could tell she was getting close to having had enough. But he only had one more question. Just one. And as he carefully rubbed his thumb over the worn metal, he thought about the best way to approach it.

"Let go of it," she breathed as she tipped just a little closer to make sure there was no risk of him snapping the chain and losing the ring.

"I have one more question regarding Daniel," he started and she glanced up at him for just a moment and then went back to watching her ring. He couldn't come up with any roundabout way to ask such a question though. So he decided to simply ask it but watch that his tone stayed quiet and gentle.

"Why haven't you buried him?" He asked and a heavy silence fell between them. He was patient though for he desperately wanted the answer he could only guess at.

"That is none of your business," she snapped finally but her voice was far too quiet and unconvincing in its strength.

"I know," David nodded and when he moved his hand forward, gesturing for her to take back her ring, she was quick to lift her hands and ever so carefully take the simple ring back in to her care and inspect it for any blemishes even though it had never once left her sight. "But the man you have described to me these past months seems to be worthy of a proper burial," he explained gently and she closed her hand around her ring and left her knuckles resting against her chest and her eyes down and away, "so I am just curious as to why you haven't given him such."

She stayed silent for a little while longer, trying to figure out just how much of the truth would settle the shepherd without giving him everything. She didn't even know all the reasons herself. Not really anyway. "He is also worthy of every opportunity to come back," she answered quietly and wouldn't dare look at the shepherd. She simply squeezed her ring tighter and held her breath.

"There are some things that even magic cannot reverse," he told her gently and she replied with a simple nod as though she knew deep down he was right. And she probably did. "Perhaps think about it, for both your sake," he suggested kindly and she began to fidget and grow irritable. It wasn't exactly his place to be saying such things. But they were things that needed to be said. She needed to let go. But for whatever reason, when she opened her mouth to speak, it had nothing to do with Daniel and it caught him completely off guard.

"I have been thinking that you should go back to Snow now," she said simply and looked him in the eye.

"Oh?" He questioned with a raise of his brow and when she dipped her head in a nod, he floundered for a proper reply, "I-, uh...for how long."

"That is of no concern to me," she snapped but he didn't say anything right away and it gave her the time to recognize that despite everything, she did not want him gone forever. But she wouldn't dare tell him that, "but you must be gone for at least a week or I will not be able to get anything done around here."

David prided himself in being a man in control of himself but god help him, there was nothing he could do to hide the grin pulling at his mouth over this stubborn and prideful and beautiful little queen. It took everything he had not to break in to laughter. He saw right through her words as though they were glass. She wouldn't tell him she wanted him to come back but still managed to tell him exactly how long he could leave for and he didn't know who she was kidding, but there was absolutely nothing she needed to get done in this place. She had simply decided she was in need of a break. And one that really and truly was well deserved.

"Alright," he nodded and he really couldn't swallow the laugh that laced his voice. He was proud of her. He really was. She was trying to find herself and she was succeeding and he didn't mind being told to leave. Not this time, "when shall I make my leave?"

"As soon as possible."

"After breakfast?" He offered and she gave a curt nod and then paused for a moment before she walked away and left him to look out off the balcony and in to the forest with a laugh under his breath. The trees were just beginning to bud with the green that promised Spring. It had been a long winter.

 **One Week Later**

She had been counting the days since he had left. She had scolded herself every time he crossed her mind but it never once stopped the thoughts from coming. She wasn't sure he was going to come back, but surely he would?

She wouldn't dare say she had missed him. But it had been rather boring without him there. And on that seventh day, she was most anxious that he would not come back. What if he had left her again? What if she was alone again? The whole morning she had been caught in that whirlwind of anxiety. Would he or would he not come back.

She could just look in to her mirror and find out. But she was afraid of what she may see. So she didn't dare try.

"Your majesty."

Regina jumped at the sound of his voice but it was quickly followed by a wave of relief that soothed the deepest parts of her mind. He had come back. But she didn't turn around with a smile, no she schooled her expression in to a mild scowl before she turned on her heels as faced the approaching shepherd.

"Shepherd."

"I have caught word that during my leave you have been reeking havoc once more," he noted with a raise of his brow and neither he or the queen mentioned his timely return. Exactly a week, arrived just after breakfast.

"I don't know what you mean," she drawled sweetly and lifted her chin a little higher.

"No? I suppose it must be a doppelgänger then for there have been many accounts of the Evil Queen herself popping in and out of villagers company to ruin their day only to disappear moments later. Kicking over furniture for entertainment, setting livestock loose, turning a bride's gown orange, transforming blooming petals in to wasps, putting invisible barrier spells around the dinners of the middle class so they can't eat, and just this morning I even caught word of an entire village that had evacuated due to 'demons' stacking furniture and throwing pine cones at anyone who dared try to unstack the furniture," he told her as he stopped no more than a stride from her and she kept a straight face and shrugged her shoulders. He couldn't help but notice how happy he was to be back in her company. A rather odd thing to feel.

"This imposter should be taken care of."

"I agree, she is quite petty," he nodded and she crossed her jaw and then he smirked and brought his hand around from his back and put it between them with his palm up and revealed a second blue horse to add to her collection. A royal blue stone carved in to a little horse caught in an expressive trot with its head down, neck arched, and legs high and when he looked up at the queen, her dark eyes darted up to his from the little horse, "what is next?"

She was smiling in an instant at his playful tone and with pursed lips she carefully took his gift from his palm and quirked her head to the side as her thumb slid over the smooth blue stone. "I recently found a spell that will turn a person's clothes inside out and backwards," she noted and his bright eyes lit up even further in amusement.

"I know of seven dwarves that will find that absolutely infuriating. One dwarf particularly so."

...

He knew he shouldn't have encouraged her antics, he knew it was wrong, he knew it was probably uncalled for on the dwarves' end, he knew he shouldn't have laughed as hard as he did as he watched through the mirror as the laughing queen pranced around panic stricken dwarves running around the mines with their clothes inside out and backwards, he knew he wasn't going to hear the end of it when he got back to Snow, he knew all of that. And yet as he sat in the library with a book in his lap, he couldn't help but snicker to himself under his breath.

And in his defence, it really was a harmless prank. She hadn't done anything more than mess up their clothes. And inject sheer terror in to their hearts by her sudden appearance but that was beside the point. The look on Grumpy's face was worth every second of grief he was going to catch once he was home.

The time apart had done them good though. At least he thought so. It gave them, or at least himself, a chance to step back and evaluate their situation and he had come to realize he wasn't being exactly fair to her. She may be the Evil Queen and known for her cruel sense of humour but even before that, he had learned she was a troublemaker at heart. She would be the first to admit it, he was sure, even just going off of the stories she had told him of herself and Daniel. She was a tease, she would pester and push and joke and play games. Her games and her sense of humour had just run rather dark over the years and the humour in her actions was lost to everyone but her. And perhaps Rumplestiltskin. And there he had been spending every moment to get her to stop such behaviour altogether when really it just needed to be taken down a notch. Or ten. And that theory of his only grew more plausible during his journey back to her with stories of her most recent antics spread through the villages.

The mighty Evil Queen, reduced to playing pranks on unsuspecting villagers. That alone had him chuckling once more and he was quickly coming to accept there was no hope in him ever reading the book in his lap.

"What are you laughing at?" She drawled as she marched in to the library with a sway in her hips.

"Grumpy's face," he chuckled and saw the corner of her mouth twitch in a smile as she turned to scan one of her bookshelves and he was left to admire her profile, "what are you up to?"

"Trying to find the best way to concentrate wolfsbane," she answered simply as she plucked a book from her shelf.

"Wolfsbane?"

"Hm."

"Isn't that like...incredibly poisonous?" He frowned and she flicked through a few pages before she stopped to read one, "and used in many dark potions if I am not mistaken?"

"You are not," she answered plainly and then started to turn away from the shelves and go back to where she had come.

"What are you doing with it?" He questioned but she didn't answer and simply continued on her way, leaving with just as much authority in her stride as when she had entered. Wary of what she was doing, David quickly followed and left his book behind. "Regina," he called but she didn't so much as acknowledge him. So he broke in to a jog and cut her off at the door she and snapped her book shut with a loud smack as her dark eyes bored in to his soul with the question of what he thought he was doing.

"Why do you need to concentrate wolfsbane?"

"I am fresh out."

"Surely a witch of your skill would know how to pull the poison and magic from such a plant," he noted and she smirked a little in amusement at his attempt at flattery.

"Sure," she agreed with a slight nod, "but unless I want to be collecting and distilling it for months on end, I need a different method. One tailored to larger quantities," she explained in slight boredom despite the slight smirk pulling at her lips. When David didn't say a word, she took a moment to look him up and down and then tilted her head with a teasing smirk for his expression seemed to be absolutely panicked, "you look worried, shepherd."

"I am worried," he answered simply with a nod and she breathed a light laugh through her teeth as she stepped forward. And then her fingers reached up in a caress that started at his temple and curved down to his chin while her smile faded.

"Good."

It was all she said. Her humour had left, her smile had vanished, and her eyes had left a chill down his spine and under his skin that was the furthest thing from welcome. And then she stepped around him and walked out the door without a word more. What had she been doing while he was away.

"Can I help?" He called over his shoulder before he had truly thought it all the way through. When he looked to her though, she had stopped and was looking back at him over her own shoulder with a wary curiosity. "I have always been a little fascinated by the science behind some magic," he improvised and it wasn't truly a fib. He had always been a little curious. "I could help you gather the flowers," he offered as he started walking toward her but she only narrowed her eyes as she turned to fully face him, trying to figure out what his angle was, "or a lend a second pair of hands while you work."

She was baffled by such an offer. Especially after telling him he was right to be worried over what she was doing. She didn't know what to think of it at all, "you will not be changing my mind, shepherd, I will be following through with my plan and there is nothing you can do to stop me. Are you really willing to play a part in the fate I have in store for this realm?"

"If there is a but a chance I can change your mind, then yes, I am willing," he nodded and she shook her head.

"Your company is but a welcome distraction to the demons that fill my mind. It does nothing to negate the fact that I want nothing to do with this place or the people in it. It does not change what has happened and it does not change the fact that justice has not been served where due," she snarled and her tongue felt bitter in her own mouth as the rage and hatred boiled within her once more.

"You mean Snow," he offered and the loathing that washed over the queen's expression was enough to make his heart jump a little in fright.

"I don't know how you can love such a disloyal brat," she snarled and fought the overwhelming desire to pace to rid her body of some of the anger flowing through her veins.

"Probably for reasons similar to yours," he noted and she took a breath to tell him she felt no such thing for Snow. But he had been in her head and he knew that deep down she did. Just a little. Snow really would have been dead long ago otherwise. But before Regina could say a word, David changed the topic and made a point to keep all forms of negativity from his tone and focused on simply stating his arguments as facts, "what I don't understand is that you know it was your mother who sent Snow's runaway horse to you, it was her who manipulated the entire circumstances in to having you come in to this life as queen, and it was her who killed Daniel and yet you have focused all of your anger on Snow."

"If you speak another word about my mother I will stuff you with wolfsbane and hang you on my wall like a stag!" She bellowed and he was quick to lift his hands in surrender and back off. "If you have not noticed, _shepherd_ , that monstrous wretch is nowhere to be seen," she snarled and when she took a step forward, he took one back and kept his eyes down as though it would calm her down, "I got rid of her long ago! And she may have pulled strings, she may have used the world as her chess board, she may have taken Daniel's heart, but it was Snow _White_ who told her _exactly_ what he and I were to one another and if it weren't for her, we may have gotten away, or at the very _least_ , Daniel would still be alive! So you do not get to tell me Snow White did not play a part in this! And then she gets to turn around and marry her poor, peasant, shepherd and no one bats a god damn _eye_!" She roared and was ready to tear the book in her hand to shreds.

"Okay, hey," he tried to soothe but when he reached forward she lost it and nearly cut both his arms off, he was sure.

"You do not get to try and fix it, shepherd!" She shouted and he listened, "the man I loved died because of Snow White! And you cannot stand there and tell me she would not seek some form of retribution if you were taken from her! A man died! And years later his killer is still running around the Enchanted Forest with the love of the people helping her get away with it! And I will ruin her! I will destroy her happiness if it is the _last_ thing I do! And you will _not_ stop me!" She shouted right in his face and he did not even try to argue.

So, vibrating with complete and utter rage, she pushed past him and stormed off, only falling victim to her tears when she knew she was well out of reach of the shepherd. Tears of anger and heartache. She was so riled up she couldn't think straight. So she just walked and walked until she settled in to her own skin again.

...

David had spent the rest of the day on his own. He spent it outside the palace walls on and off his horse's back wandering through the forest and thinking about the queen. He really needed to find a way to get information out of her without first setting off her temper. But it was just so easily done. And the information he got with every outburst kept him busy for days. But there really had to be a tamer way to go about it.

The way she talked about her mother made him even more curious as to how deep that pain ran. She had never talked about her mother and he had never noticed until then. But now he knew it was strictly off limits. Which was something he was going to change. Even though it would be ugly and messy. But that was for a later time for while it bothered him how violently she reacted to the mention of her mother, her rationalization of Snow and Daniel bothered him even further. It bothered him because with her logic, she was right.

While Snow hadn't actually been the one to kill Daniel, she had, in a way, instigated it. Especially in Regina's mind. Even though she had been a child at the time, she had been an accessory to Daniel's murder. And he didn't know if it was because he had been spending so much time with the queen, but he could clearly see it from her perspective and yes, she had gone above and beyond and rather overkill about the whole situation, but it made sense to him now. He couldn't condone her actions by any means but he could understand them much better than he was ever able to before.

So he took his time outside where at least the air was clear to help ease his mind. Really, it was quite similar to what had happened to his mother. It may have been a guard who had shot her, but it was King George who had sent the order. In Regina's case, it was Cora who had done the deed, but it was Snow who had given the order. Aware of the consequences or not, the young girl _had_ told. And even though life had been trying the past few years, David knew there was no consequence Snow had lived through that was as horrible as the loss of a lover. And then all of the hell that followed afterward...Snow hadn't suffered nearly as much as Regina had.

And even without going in depth, if you took a step back and looked at the pair of them and knew that they both started with similar hearts and brilliant smiles, one had clearly suffered more than the other. If the black leather didn't give it away, the hatred of the world certainly did.

And how did no one notice?

He was torn. He understood Regina, could grasp at that desire for revenge, but he knew nothing good would come of it for her and he of course didn't wish for any such pain to be inflicted upon Snow. He did love her after all. So outside he remained until the sun began to set and he cantered his horse back to the palace, the forest floor green and lush as opposed to the snow that had blanketed it not too long ago.

He made it back with just enough light to walk unhindered in to the palace from the stables and once inside he sought out Henry for instruction as to where Regina was. The old man told him without hesitation and with a mind still busy and troubled, David followed the man's words until he was carefully stepping in to Regina's chamber of magic. It was where she kept her common ingredients and objects, her vials and beakers, everything that held no true value and didn't require to be locked away in her vault. It was where she toyed with potions and spells, it was her workspace and David had only been in there once before and she had not been remotely impressed with him.

She was no more impressed with him that evening either when she lifted her head from her mortar and pestle and glowered at him. She really was working on something. There were ingredients everywhere and liquids boiling, the whole chamber lit with torches, the hearth crackling with a vibrant fire. She had rarely come in to this room when he had spent the prior months with her. And now she very clearly had a plan and every intention to follow through with it it seemed. And he was interrupting.

Quietly, he cleared his throat and made his way up to her, pulling his arm from behind his back to reveal a generous bouquet of purple wolfsbane. And at the same time, her expression both softened with surprise and hardened with skepticism. So he stepped a little closer, "I understand it, Regina. And I do care about you and what you are feeling. I promise I am here to help you wherever I can. But there are some things, like ruining my fiancé, that I just cannot support. So I am torn. Because I understand. But I hold a conflict of interest. So...I will bring you flowers. But I will also be looking for an alternative to whatever plan you have in motion. One that will satisfy everyone. And I hope that you can understand that," he explained to her and then pushed his arm a little further forward as a gesture for her to take the wolfsbane.

Without a word, Regina took a step forward so she was right in front of him. It would be so easy to ruin Snow White. One kiss and her precious shepherd would be done for, Regina knew it. It would be so easy to steal him from right under Snow. She could fuck him in to oblivion and whisper in his ear, she could play him like a fiddle. It would be so easy. But even as she contemplated it and studied his lips, Regina knew she would fall hard for him if she ever gave herself the chance. Just as she would fuck him in to being hers, he would treat her as a lover should and she would be his. And then he would go back to Snow with her dark heart in his hands. It would be phenomenal while it lasted but an affair would only end in misery for all parties included and Snow's devastation and anger would not be enough to justify another break in her heart.

But it was so tempting with him so very close. "I need a new beginning, shepherd," she told home firmly but quietly as she took the wolfsbane from his care and foolishly wondered for just a moment if he could be such a beginning for her, "not an alternate ending."


	14. Chapter 14

**Sorry about the delay, I got caught up in writing future angst instead or editing and adjusting this chapter lol! So here you go, it is a little bit slower than the other chapters but packed with a shit ton of hints as to what is to come and it had to be posted so that we can jump ahead in time and have it make sense. So later this week I will be posting the long awaited kiss ;) enjoy! Please leave a review!**

* * *

She was extraordinarily beautiful. David had of course already known that, he had two fully functioning eyes, but as he watched the queen work over the light of her little cauldron, he couldn't help but acknowledge it once more. And perhaps even admire it. The white glow of the cauldron softened her flawless skin even further, made her eyes appear even darker, her eyebrows even more perfect, every feature enhanced just the right amount. And again, he knew magic had nothing to do with it for even without her magic she was just as stunning.

Standing in her cell in Snow's tower she was just as beautiful as she was then standing in velvet and makeup and waves in her long hair.

And she had worn many beautiful and absolutely stunning gowns in his company but the one she wore today was exceptionally unique and wouldn't let him take his eyes off of her. From her hips down fell a curtain of deep red velvet but the top was a nude translucent fabric patterned with extravagant but elegant black lace that just barely covered everything important. The sleeves were long and the neckline was high but that didn't matter for the fabric was just as revealing as any of her lower cut outfits. The back was left almost entirely open, only the smallest of buttons fastening the gown behind her neck before the fabric curved out around her shoulder blades and down to her lower back. And with her long wavy hair pulled over one shoulder, he could see every muscle move whenever she turned her back to him.

The choice of attire was very likely due the scorching heat of this late summer day for she had been wearing something entirely different early that morning when the chill that threatened Autumn was in the air. But she had changed and despite himself he was left staring at every beautiful and feminine curve of her body.

He couldn't help but admire her and muse over how Daniel had been a lucky man. And how whomever was to follow would be just as lucky. She was stunning. And she was smart. So smart. Her work in these chambers with her magic completely fascinated him. Everything was so precise and offered such incredible results. Amongst the gathering and distilling of the wolfsbane she had even taught him to make a potion that would grow a flower with a single drop. Just a simple harmless little flower and the potion required very little skill but he hadn't quite experienced a joy such as the one he felt when he let a single drop of his potion fall on to the table and from it sprouted and grew the prettiest flower with the softest blue petals.

It had made him laugh and when he had looked to Regina she was smiling ever so softly with the approval and pride she had been trying so hard to hide. It was wonderful to learn from her, she was a far more patient teacher that he had expected her to be and once he had learned it, she had told him what ingredients could be toyed with to produce different colours and shapes and had left him to experiment while she continued with her work. And he had played around for a little while, experimenting and trying to find the most beautiful flower he could but his eyes were always drawn back to the beautiful queen absorbed in her work.

And he was further impressed with how quickly her brain worked through various equations and numbers, it was as though it was second nature to her. She worked with her magic as though she were simply breathing and he was captivated by it. And whenever she caught him staring he would smile at her and she would scowl until he looked away and focused on something else. He would always look back up at her though the moment she stopped glowering at him.

He was really quite enjoying her. Touchy attitude and all. She truly would make a wonderful partner in life. Bold, opinionated, strong, beautiful, intelligent, and harboured a heart bigger than he was sure he knew. The trick was to simply get the rest of the world not to fear her so such a thing could be seen. It was far from simple though. And he was still at a loss as to how he was going to change her mind regarding whatever plan she had in store. The plan she still wouldn't so much as hint as to what it was. All he knew was that it would offer her a fresh start. A new beginning. But he knew nothing more of what it entailed.

So he gathered wolfsbane for her and eagerly followed her teachings on distilling. It was a process that fascinated him. To be able to take a plant and dry it and then with a little steam and a lot of pressure, release and collect the oil and essence of that plant. It was incredible to him and even though it was science, it may as well have been magic. It was just as exciting. It did take time though, the entirety of the Spring had been spent collecting and distilling it and he had been working to keep her distracted ever since. And that was not an easy task when she had grown to be so functional on her own and sent him away for more than a week at a time.

They seemed to have reached a rhythm of two weeks with her and two with Snow. But more often than not he found himself wishing she would let him stay longer with her in the dark palace.

But for now, while the fresh wolfsbane was drying on a line and another batch was sitting in the distiller, to replenish her personal stock alongside the amount she held separate for her new beginning, he was left to admire the queen. He still had at least one trick up his sleeve, he was just waiting for it to come in to his possession. He just had to find it first. So he watched her work and wondered what wonderful things were left for her to find in life.

If it weren't for the fact that Snow held his heart, David didn't doubt he would be finding out such things right alongside this queen of his. The idea made him smile and huff a small and amused laugh from his nose and when she snapped her dark eyes up at him to see what had drawn out such a sound, he told himself that the skip in his heart was simply because she those stunning eyes of hers always took his breath away. So bold and so dark. It had nothing to do with anything else that may be growing within him. For what else could there possibly be.

"What."

"Just musing," he replied easily with a smile and she blinked at him in disinterest before she went back to focusing on her magic and the white light turned a soft rosy pink with the addition of an ingredient. The slight change of light on her face only had him smiling more. She truly was beautiful.

"I need you to to go back to the market."

"I told you you should have had me get two bundles of jasmine."

"The other market, shepherd," she deadpanned with a slight roll of her eyes as she looked over to him and he perked up significantly.

"And what shall I be shopping for today?"

...

David had become somewhat of an errand boy to the queen and while he probably should mind a little, he didn't mind at all. He had had no idea there were so many areas of the black market so easily accessible and yet had completely escaped the throne's notice. One simply had to approach the right person with the right selection of words and they were suddenly immersed in endless opportunities for purchasing or trading. Anything a person could even begin to imagine possessing could be found in these markets. Everything and more.

You could buy tongues and toes and eyes of any creature you could imagine. He didn't know why a person would need such a thing but he also didn't really want to know. There were ingredients and objects he didn't even know existed and those he had believed to be myths or legends. But there in the black market for the right price you could buy anything you desired. Except for the one thing he needed, it would seem.

He loved it there, he found it incredible and he always went back to Regina rambling about something he had seen and she would either listen or tell him to shut up and then ignore him when he didn't. It was exciting and the further he ventured in to the world of magic he would try to remind himself that he was becoming king at Snow's side and mustn't have any dealings with the dark arts.

But then he would find something like a unicorn wandering peacefully through the throngs of people alongside a young woman draping various strings of flowers around his horn and neck and David would completely forget such worries and ask if he could touch the unicorn. It was a wonderful place, the black market, if you refused to acknowledge what went in to making it possible and all the atrocities committed to obtain such items to sell. Such as tongues and toes and eyes.

But amongst all the horrible things there were good things too and he had spent the last month following whispers of one particular item that kept escaping his grasp. The trick up his sleeve that he had yet to have in his hands. Ever since he had heard of it, he spent every spare moment trying to track it down when Regina sent him to this market for the items she needed.

But it didn't seem to matter how many red beards or accented witches he approached, they had all heard of it, had all seen it work, and were all completely out of stock for it was a "very popular item, you see" and he was quick to learn that fact. But he tried anyway. He just couldn't take too long searching lest Regina get suspicious. He didn't want to get her hopes up if it didn't work nor did he want to let loose the wrath of the Evil Queen with her own ungracious attempts to find what he was searching for should she learn of it herself.

It would be found when the time was right. Or it would never be found at all. But it was a perfect solution to the queen's lack of closure and he needed to find it. The moment he heard of it's abilities, he knew he needed to get his hands on it. It would help her so dearly. He knew it would. But today it seemed once more, he would go back to the dark palace empty handed. Only with the ingredients her majesty had requested.

But first he had to go and see what crawling creatures that jar was filled with.

"Ah hear yer lookin' fer a wee bot'le o' somthin' there, laddie."

David stopped dead at the thick accent, no longer interested in the jar of creatures but now completely invested in what the stranger had to say. It took him a moment to locate the origin of the voice but once he had, David was more than eager to approach the rather enormous and red bearded man, "yes I am. Something I believe originates in the realm of which your people come from."

"Aye, i' does."

"Are you able to help me?"

"Depen's on how much i's worth tae ya."

"Money won't be an issue," David assured and the big man slowly nodded his head as he contemplated with a rumbly hum.

"A'right, laddie. Ah can bring ya whit'ya need. 'T'will take time though."

"How much time?"

"Ah am travelin' home a' the end 'o the week. Will be back t' trade in earlay winter."

"Months then."

"Aye, abou' three ah reckon."

"Surely there are ways to cut down on that time," David prodded with a slight smirk as he shifted his weight to one foot and folded his arms. The big red haired man merely chuckled quietly and nodded his head.

"Aye. Fer a price o' course."

"I told you, money isn't an issue."

"May ah ask whit'ya need it fer so despera'ly?"

"A grieving woman," David replied and the man sobered and nodded his head.

"Aye, laddie, ah see. Time is o' the essence then."

"I would appreciate it. She's been suffering without answers for long enough."

"Aye...a little o'er a for'night is the best ah can do."

Thrilled but trying not to show just how much, David nodded with a smile and extended his hand for the man to shake, "a little over a fortnight will do just fine."

...

Regina had much on her mind. Most of it regarding David who seemed to be far too comfortable in her company but as she stared out her window and familiarized herself with the season they were in, a lot of her focus was on Daniel as well. But for the first time, she found herself putting every piece of effort she held in to focusing her mind on David. For she did not want to think about Daniel.

Thinking about Daniel and what she was to do made her skin crawl and her stomach nauseas. So she focused on the little blue horse in her hand and tried to think about David. The insipid and annoying shepherd who clung to her like a tick.

Their Spring was spent together gathering and distilling wolfsbane and once they had finished, David returned to Snow for another week and had come back with another blue horse to add to her collection. The one she held in her hand now, one of another blue stone with its front legs striking as it reared up and balanced on its hind legs. It was another beautiful piece and she didn't know where he found all of them.

Nor did she know why she had taught him that potion. Perhaps it was because he was driving her mad with all of his questions about magic when all she needed was to finish her work. Or perhaps it was to make him feel included and give him something to do that he so clearly wanted to be a part of. She didn't know but he had been making some rather spectacular flowers with that potion.

She had even been playing with the idea of teaching him something more. David learning magic would bother Snow to no end, Regina was sure and therefore offer her a great deal of entertainment. But she wasn't there to make the shepherd's stay more enjoyable. She was only to ensure he was happy enough to stay and not leave her alone with her thoughts. That was the extent of her efforts on the matter. So she left him to experiment with his flowers and was sure to keep her admiration of them as subtle as possible. And she was also sure to keep him well out of arms reach as best as she could so she was not seduced any further by the calls of intimacy from her bleeding heart. Sending him on trips to the black market for her had certainly helped in that matter and as the summer had rolled around and the wolfsbane had been finished, she was sure to send him more often.

But what took him so long to return, she hadn't a clue and no amount of time spent watching him through her mirrors had given her any answers to that question. And why today, he was talking to that Scotsman in particular had her more than a little suspicious.

And while she waited for him to return she couldn't help but note how the summer had gone by in a flash. The wolfsbane had been collected and stored, locked away in her vault where no one but her could touch it. Their ordinarily silent walks through the surrounding forest were spent with her asking him which creatures and which people he believed to have the darkest souls and he answered even though he didn't seem to have a clue it was playing a part in what she had in store for Snow and the Enchanted Forest. And she would be lying if she said she hadn't begun to enjoy the conversation with him.

But whenever she felt herself getting too comfortable with him, she would send him back to Snow. He would come and he would go as per her allowance and he always came back with a gift. A little blue horse. Every time, without fail, like the one still in her hand, he would bring one back for her. She was beginning to run out of places to put them in her chambers and she would never tell him such, but having them there made her feel a little less lonely while he was away. She still thought the idea of a collection of blue horses was a completely ridiculous notion but perhaps a little less so now than before.

She was simply frustrated and finished with this place, she wanted out and was on edge because of it. And every now and then the shepherd would ask her if she had buried Daniel. And she knew she should. But it was practically impossible to let go of him. What if tomorrow was the day she found a way to wake him. What if the day she lifted the preservation spells and buried him was the day she learned how to bring him back. What if she found the cure for death but was too late to use it on her beloved stableboy because of a decision to bury him.

So she would tear the shepherd limb from limb for constantly asking such things. Over and over again but he didn't seem to learn. Or perhaps it was herself who never seemed to learn. Regardless, the only true peace they seemed to find with one another was when he managed to drag her out of the palace for a long and silent walk through the forest. She just wanted to be done with this place, now so more than ever.

She wanted to start over and she was beginning to see that no amount of distractions the shepherd offered, it wasn't going to change the matter. It wasn't going to change the past, it wasn't going to change what people thought of her, it wasn't going to rid her of Snow White, and she was always going to be the Evil Queen. The shepherd couldn't change that. No one could.

And as she looked out at the forest at the changing leaves, just a tree here and there losing its green, she felt sick to her stomach. Her thoughts were back on Daniel and her shaking hands were lifted to grip the iron railing and with tears pricking her eyes, she sucked in a deep breath to ward off the churning in her stomach. But it did nothing at all to help. Her life was passing before her and there was nothing she could do about it.

Nothing but one thing to perhaps give her a chance to catch up. One thing she knew she had to do and had made a goal that she must do it before the ground froze. And with waking up to mornings so crisp and chilled from the dark of night, the frozen ground was not far away.

It wasn't far away at all and it made her skin crawl with anxiety.

But her thoughts were pulled away from the changing trees by the sound of approaching footsteps and when she turned from the window and saw David, the distraction was welcome, the watery eyes were blinked away, her little horse smoked back to her bedchambers, and the topic of the Scotsman was quickly brought up.

"What have you been searching for in the market, shepherd?"

"What do you mean?"

"I know exactly how long it takes to obtain every ingredient I have sent you for and even if I add in the time it takes you to wander through the various excitements you find, it still does not account for the excessive amount of time it takes you to return," she pressed and he shrugged as he approached with her requested items in hand.

"Did you account for the time I spend trying to find my way around that maze?" He teased and she scowled at him.

"You seemed rather invested in conversation with that Scotsman."

Thrown a little by how she had come to know who he was talking to, David fumbled with his words and her eyes narrowed because of it. "The mirrors," he concluded and she raised an eyebrow in confirmation, "alright, fine, I was talking to the Scotsman."

"Why."

"I don't want to tell you."

"Why not."

"Because."

"Shepherd, do not play games with me, what were you doing talking to King Fergus!" She bellowed and David's face twisted in confusion.

"He was a king?" He questioned as he pointed his thumb to the mirror beside them in the hall and Regina hissed a seething breath at him.

"Shepherd!"

"Regina, relax, I have just been trying to track down an item for you!" He tried to appease but it didn't soothe her temper, "I didn't know he was a king, he looked nothing of the sort."

"What item," she snapped but he shook his head.

"Regina, it is a gift, alright, I don't want to tell you what it is and ruin the surprise."

"I don't like surprises."

"Well that is just too damn bad then isn't it," David snapped right back and she tipped back every so slightly in surprise at his tone. Then he took a deep breath to calm himself back down and tried again, "it is just a gift, Regina, one that's name I came across while I was in the market and have been trying to track down for months now for you. I would very much appreciate it if you could just trust me when I say you will be grateful for it and that it isn't going to be a box of venomous snakes."

"I will never be grateful to you, shepherd," she snarled and he tried so hard to keep from rolling his eyes, "and don't be ridiculous, you wouldn't get a box of venomous states from _Scotland_ , you would get it from Agrabah or some other Arabian area!"

"You know what I mean, Regina," he groaned irritably and took a moment to settle himself down, "It will be a gift you will treasure, it has nothing to do with me and nothing to do with snakes," he assured and she scowled at him without a word more. So he left it at that and took a step forward as he extended his arm, "a full set of black dragon's teeth, a vial of mermaid's blood, the snake's head from a chimera's tail, and then a sack of apples that I can't even begin to know why I needed to buy."

"Because having apples around the palace bothers you and I find it humorous," she replied simply as she snatched the bag from his care and he chuckled under his breath.

"What an unsurprising reason," he shook his head but truly couldn't help but laugh, "alright, Queenie," he teased and her expression was nothing but unimpressed, "you've got your excessive amount of wolfsbane, a list of the darkest souls known to the realm, and your stores completely restocked with both common and bizarre ingredients," he nodded and she watched him but her irritation had dissipated significantly, "is there anything else on this list to your New Beginning that I can help you with?"

"...I need a hole..." she told him rather quietly.

"A whole what?"

"No, a _hole_ , shepherd," she glowered at him, her temper flaring once more at his stupidity, "in the _ground_."

"Ooh," he nodded in understanding and then shook his head with his arms folded over his chest and a furrowed brow, "what for?"

"That is not of your concern. Will you help me or not?"

"Of course I will. It was just an odd thing to say."

"Come along then," she instructed as she turned away from him, magicking her bag of items away and began to make her way down the hall. She felt sick to her stomach but it had to be done.

"O-oh right now," he fumbled as he sprung up from against the railing and hurried after her, "where are we going to find a hole?"

...

"For the record, Regina, when asking for someone's help, you should be more specific," he noted as he handed his horse's reins to her, "for instance, don't say 'I need a hole' if you need a hole to be dug. Say instead, 'I need help digging a hole' and that way there will be no misunderstanding and your help will be prepared to dig a hole in this scorching heat rather than simply search for one," he jabbed as he took the magicked shovel from her grip. She didn't say a word in reply and with a shake of his head, David walked past her a few strides and then tapped the shovel on the grass, "right here?"

"Yes."

"How big?"

"Big."

"How deep?"

"Deep."

With a humourless laugh and a shake of his head he looked back to her, "well aren't you being incredibly helpful today," he teased and she didn't so much as bat an eye. She was acting strange to say the least. This sort of quiet wasn't exactly in her character. But he let it go without a word and turned his focus on the shovel as he stabbed its tip in to the ground, stomping on it with his foot to make sure it went in as deep as it could.

"So, just to reiterate, we have a jar of the purest wolfsbane, a long list of dark creatures, your store of supplies completely stocked up, and now a big and deep hole on a hilltop," he listed as he dug and she didn't say a word, "what are you planning?"

"Dig, shepherd," was all she said and dig was what he did. He dug and he dug and if she leaned back against her stallion's shoulder and used the shepherd's working body to distract her mind from the nausea in her stomach and the ache in her heart, then so be it. The warmth of lust she felt as she watched him work was a welcome feeling in comparison to the hole he was digging for her.

The strain of his able body, the quickness of which he worked, the grip of his hands around the shovel, the flexed muscles in his forearms, the strength in his legs and ass, his huffing breath as the hard work continued, the sweat beading on his face as the time passed, and soon enough all she could think about was all of it in her bed. Those strong hands on her, his thick arms around her, his legs rocking him in to her, his panting breath against her skin, everything she had been trying to ignore for the entire summer was hitting her all at once. It was overwhelming and the sound of his shovel cutting through grass and soil was soon drown out by her imagination and the things she wanted to hear.

She was lost in her haze of lust, fully invested in imagining how it would feel to truly be in the shepherd's care, and she let herself forget the real reason why they were there. She let herself close her eyes and imagine she was somewhere else doing far more pleasurable things. But when his lips found her pulse point in her neck, a little moan that was far more real than his hovering kiss hummed in her throat and the shovel fell silent and her eyes snapped open.

"Did you say something?" He huffed over his shoulder and she hadn't seemed to have moved a all since the last time he looked at her. Still standing in that beautiful gown of red velvet and scant black lace with her black stallion standing dutifully behind her.

"Dig, shepherd," was all she said and after a moment of pause, he let it go and went back to digging and the cut of the shovel through the earth shot sickening shivers through her skin once more.

"Why aren't you using your magic for this again?" He called over his shoulder but was given the same answer.

"Dig, shepherd."

So he dug until she was satisfied and he was exhausted. And then he was told to go home to Snow.


	15. Chapter 15

**I am exhausted and cannot wait to wake up to your reviews on this particular chapter lol! Enjoy!**

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She was filthy.

The knees of her pants were stained with soil, her thighs no better off. The loose sleeves of her ivory shirt were stained with the earth as well, particularly her elbows. Her black boots were caked with mud and soil, dirt was embedded underneath her fingernails, her skin was coated in a thin layer of dried sweat and soil. Her hands, chest, neck, and face, every part of her left uncovered was just as filthy as her clothes. The only thing clean seemed to be her black leather corset. The corset and the tracks her tears had cleared down her cheeks.

She was a sight to be seen and her father had quickly been there at the front door to help usher her to her bedchambers where her handmaiden had filled a hot bath for her. But Regina didn't say a word. Not to the stablehand who took her stallion, not to her father, not to her handmaiden. She didn't so much as look at anyone either. The first person she truly saw was her own reflection in the mirror while her handmaiden finished pouring the last of the soothing tonics and creams in to the bath, turning the steaming water milky.

She didn't even recognize herself in the mirror. She felt like nothing more than a ghost, floating there with nothing to feel. And Regina felt nothing. Nothing at all. And yet within moments of looking at her reflection, there were fresh tears rolling down her dirty cheeks and when she lifted her hands to remove her corset, they were shaking far too much for her to take hold of the ties, let alone undo the knots.

"Let me, your majesty," the maiden offered gently and the queen didn't speak a word but let her take over the task without argument. She had never seen her so quiet, had never seen her so eerily fragile.

Regina felt nothing at all as the young woman untied the corset, nothing at all when it was removed entirely, and yet she suddenly could no longer bear to look at herself in the mirror. So she turned her back to it and leaned back against the counter to pull her feet from her muddy boots and her handmaiden waited patiently and in silent concern at the effort and focus it took for such a simple action. But still, Regina felt nothing.

Not the tears rolling down her cheeks or the reason behind them, not the shaking of her hands or the reason behind that, she felt nothing. But she still couldn't look at her favourite handmaiden. She couldn't even look at herself anymore. So she focused on peeling the tight pants from her legs and her handmaiden was quick to take them from her so she could move her shaking hands to the hem of her ivory shirt and pull it over her head.

With her arms full of her clothes and her boots, the handmaiden left without a word and left Regina standing there without a stitch of clothing, staring at the still and creamy bath and feeling nothing but the tears insisting upon slipping down her face. She knew she needed to get in to the bath but there was something about it that kept her from moving. Perhaps it was the silence of the room or the stillness of the water's surface that so starkly contrasted the storm tearing her apart within that kept her from even going over to it. She couldn't say either way. She just didn't want to go in and she didn't notice her handmaiden's return until she spoke.

"Would you like your hair to be left down so it may be washed, your majesty?" She asked gently but the naked queen didn't speak a word and instead simply gave a single shake of her head in reply.

Regina knew she had to get in to the bath and when she could find no tangible reason for why she was so hesitant to do so, she walked to its edge and her handmaiden followed. She still paused before she went in but as her handmaiden began gathering her hair, Regina slowly stepped in to the bath and tried her hardest to keep the surface as still as possible. She slipped in seamlessly and nearly without a ripple while her handmaiden quickly and skillfully twisted and pinned her long hair atop her head and away from the steaming water.

Regina sunk in up to her neck and as the heat seeped in to her muscles, every emotion locked within began to rise back to the surface. The hole David had dug had been filled. The soil had been thrown in one shovel-full at a time, each one bringing more tears to her eyes, each swing of her arms bringing more weight in to her heart, each scrape of the shovel in to the loose dirt making her skin crawl with the hatred of what she was doing. But she had had to do it.

And as she sat in her bath with the colours of the setting sun pouring through her windows, those fresh memories were quick to fill her mind once more. They were quick and they were potent and within seconds of her handmaiden leaving her alone, Regina was crying again just as she had when she was on her hands and knees with her nails sinking in to that freshly packed earth.

With her hands lifted from the milky water to cover her lips, she cried. She was in too much pain to do anything else. Her hands were sore from the labour of working the shovel, the muscles in her arms and shoulders ached with exhaustion, her ribs hurt from crying, her throat was raw, and her eyes were burning with how many tears had been shed, but she still could not stop. Her heart was broken.

Every piece of him she had clung to over all of these years, every crack in her heart, every emotional wound she had made herself overlook, every piece of her that had ever belonged to him was now lacking a home. Every pain had no choice but to be dealt with and she had grossly underestimated how much there was and how deep it ran within her. She had not felt such a bone deep pain and loneliness as she did then and she did not feel as though she could ever recover.

Her fingers slid from her mouth and down her neck as her sobs resonated low in her chest, her head tipping back and her eyes pressing shut. And then as her fingers met her chest and a shuddering cry was sucked in, she sunk down beneath the surface of the water and once she was fully submerged, she let out the breath she held. She let it out in the most bone chilling yowl she could muster, long and loud and full of pain, it's true volume swallowed by the water, her whole body tense beneath the soft and fragrant water, and she no longer gave a damn about keeping her hair dry.

She could only scream.

Underwater where there was still not a single soul to hear the extent of her pain. Wailed until she was out of breath. And when she absolutely had to breathe, she shot herself up out of the water and gasped for air through her sobs. Sobs that hurt her tired chest and tore the strained muscles in her shoulders as her hands shook on either side of her head, lacking purpose and reason but unable to be still as she whimpered and choked over her tears. And as her cries eventually quieted to a more respectable volume and a more consistent rhythm, she drew her knees up out of the water and tipped herself forward, lifting her shaking hands to cover her ears as she cried in to her knees. Alone. She had never been more alone.

And alone she remained until her handmaiden carefully returned to check on her, tiptoeing around her like she would shatter like fragile thing she had become before she decided to silently tend to her hair. But even as Regina let her touch her, she couldn't quite stop herself from crying.

For Daniel was gone.

And the whole palace knew it.

...

David had been told several times on his way to her chambers to leave her alone. At least until tomorrow. And granted, he had arrived far later in the night than usual, but that shouldn't account for him being told to leave the queen alone. Even her father had insisted he give her space but David continued on his way regardless of their warnings for no one told him why he should leave her alone. Perhaps if he had been given a reason he would have respected their instructions. But the guards wouldn't say and her father only pleaded that he leave her to rest.

But rest from what, the old man refused to say and it only worried David. The queen would constantly proclaim her desires to be left alone but no matter the circumstances, David could always turn to Henry and the old man would point him in her direction with either a slightly mischievous smirk or a somber frown. But that evening he flat out refused and instead told him to leave her be.

And perhaps he should have. But instead, David made his way to what had suddenly become the quietest part of the palace. The queen's hall and bedchambers. Yes, it tended to be a quieter part of the palace on any given day, but that evening there was something wrong about it. It was too quiet. It was unsettling and made his spine shiver and he could not turn around before seeing what was within the queen's room. So he pushed open one of the large wooden doors and stepped inside.

She was sitting at her vanity in the dark. All the curtains were drawn but both fire places were filled with burning logs and they offered more than enough light for him to see. But right away he could tell the atmosphere was heavy and strained, just as it was out in the hall and amongst the people in the palace. Perhaps he really should have listened and stayed away.

She was dressed in nothing but a black silk robe tied shut around her waist and with the way she was seated, one of her smooth bare legs had slipped out of the robe all the way up her thigh. Her hair was left untouched and simply pulled over her shoulder in long silky waves as she watched him in her mirror with eyes left free of make up. She was absolutely beautiful when left to be so simple and he was starting to see he was ever going to get over such a thing. It truly wasn't fair to be so beautiful with nothing. But she was and his eyes lingered on her slender leg much longer than they should have.

"What do you want, shepherd," she drawled out tiredly, her voice rough and raspy as her eyes fell from his reflection in the mirror and to the ring rolling between her fingers.

"Do I need a reason to be in your company?"

"Today you do."

"What is different about tonight?" He questioned curiously and quietly so as not to disrupt the quiet tone she had brought on. He wasn't answered but he was fascinated by the way her brow creased with grief and sorrow as her shoulders lifted with her deep breath.

"What do you want, shepherd," she repeated and was sure to put a sharp edge to her voice to warn him to back off.

"I didn't have a reason until I started walking through your halls and everyone told me to turn around," he told her gently as he stopped just a few strides from her, "I am here now to see if you are alright," he told her with a small frown and she looked back up at him through her mirror. She stared at him with big brown eyes that he then noticed were rimmed with red from crying. From crying a truly significant amount. There were no tears on her face though. Not anymore anyway. And none yet to be seen. But he sensed they would return at the slightest encouragement.

When she didn't answer and merely continued to stare at him through her mirror, he asked gently, "are you alright?"

She still didn't answer his question. Instead she placed her engagement ring on her vanity table, the one and only piece she had left of her beloved, and turned as she stood so she could look the shepherd in the eye and walk toward him. She stopped a mere half a stride from him with her eyes studying every inch of his face and he remained still with his expression unchanging. "The valiant shepherd prince," she stated her thoughts aloud in a raspy voice that seemed to make him frown just a little more, "so strong and stern. And yet possesses eyes so kind and so good...so quiet..." She drifted off as her gaze settled on his chest and she watched him breathe.

"...I want to see your heart," she told him softly but was too focused on his strong chest to see his reaction.

He was a little thrown by the statement but he kept his voice even and calm so as to not disturb her vulnerable state. Snow had once told him the only time they'd be able to cover ground would be if they caught her vulnerable and it had worked for him in the past. Snow had been right and here the queen was again. Vulnerable and tormented. But something was different this time. She was far more raw and in far more pain than what he had seen from her before. So he didn't push anything and replied gently, "whatever for?"

"Please," she whispered as her fingertips softly made contact with his chest. She nearly cried when he stayed where he was rather than flinch away from her touch.

He hesitated, of course, for it wasn't exactly common practice to walk in to the home of the Evil Queen and give her permission to rip out your heart. But Rumplestiltskin's spell wouldn't allow her to harm him and she was in such a strange headspace that David didn't truly believe she meant any harm. He believed her when she said she simply wanted to see it. And it seemed she wasn't going to take it unless he allowed her. She was waiting for him to say yes.

Her fingers were on his chest and her eyes now carried a certain desperation that he couldn't help but wish to fulfill. She looked to be on the verge of begging and he did not wish to reduce her to such a thing. "Alright," he agreed quietly and watched as her face creased with new lines he couldn't quite identify. Definitely sorrow. Pain perhaps? Gratitude maybe?

It didn't hurt when her fingers dipped inside his chest but it wasn't particularly comfortable either. It was just that her hand didn't belong there and when she pulled her hand and his heart out, he felt relatively unchanged in the sense that he wouldn't have noticed anything was missing had he not just watched her take his heart.

However, the way she cradled it in her delicate hands as though it was the most precious thing in the world made his shoulders droop and his frown pull lower. He wanted to know what day it was to her. He wanted to know what had happened on this day to put her in such a state as she studied his heart in utter despair and every beat of his glowing heart lent more light to play upon her beautiful face.

He could feel her holding it. He could feel the warmth of her hands holding him close, he could feel the trailing of her fingers over its glassy surface in shivers through his skin, and whether it was her doing or not, he felt the overwhelming urge to cry when she brought it to her chest and curled around it, holding it close to her own heart. She had never seemed so small to him as she did when she held his heart like that and he watched her tears roll down her cheeks.

"You do remind me of him," she told him softly as she slid her thumb over his beautiful heart. It was so strong and so good. So bright and full of life. "I am so tired, David," she breathed miserably and his heart continued to beat steadily in her hands. Why was she even bothering when no matter what she did to the people in this kingdom, hearts like his still lived untainted. As they should. It would be unforgivable to tarnish such a strong heart. One that was marbled with white light and not only red.

"Tired of what?" He asked softly and she shook her head as she lifted it from his heart so she could look at it again.

"Of being me," she breathed as she took his heart away from her chest just enough for her eyes to focus on it, "of being alone," she added quietly with a slight furrow of her brow and another slow rub of her thumb over his heart. She didn't really have more to say and she wasn't looking at David at all when he stepped forward. But at the touch of his fingers against her cheek, she snapped her eyes up to his and found him much closer than she had expected. And he was moving closer still as his fingertips ever so softly caressed her cheek and jaw. Her heart was in her throat as he once again stirred every guilty, selfish, and yearning emotion she had pent up within herself. He was so close and his touch was so incredibly gentle and out of reflex she tipped her head a little heavier in to his hand and then closed her eyes and turned her face a little more in to his palm.

But then he did the last thing she expected. Her eyes blinked open when he softly bumped the tip of his nose against the side of hers. A gesture to get her attention and then cause her stomach to flip. Then his nose trailed down to her lips and then up to her cheek bone and when she parted her lips for a breath, his hand had curled around the back of her neck and she was utterly enthralled in him. Her heart was racing, her stomach was nauseous, and his hot breath softly leaving his parted lips was making her weak in the knees.

Then his nose was pressed in to her cheek and his forehead was tipped against hers and she shrunk away just a fraction for she knew she shouldn't be where she was. And as his other hand ghosted over the front of her shoulder to cradle her jaw, he came in just close enough for their parted lips to touch. It was the softest contact and lasted but a moment while a breath of hesitation gave them pause. But he was there no more than a moment later and his warm mouth caught hers in the most beautiful kiss she had had in a very long time.

She couldn't move. She simply stood still with her brow furrowed in confusion and desire while he held her jaw in his hands and finally let her know what it was like to kiss him. She had no words for how her heart roared to life as his lips moved against hers. She was warm and she was shaky and as she kissed him back she knew she was absolutely done for. She didn't want to let him go and she didn't believe she ever could.

His kiss was firm and strong as a kiss should be but what had her verging on tears was that it was also so full of that beautiful tenderness she yearned for so dearly. And yet she still couldn't move and when he pulled away, her lips were left parted in shock and confusion while her heart was left raw and thrumming in her ears, begging her to do anything and everything in her power to bring him back. But his hands still cradled her jaw while his warm breath blew over her lips, times she found herself moving her jaw to speak but completely lacked the voice to do so.

She hadn't been touched that gently in so long, she hadn't been kissed like that since Daniel, and she couldn't recall a time when she had ever felt like _that_ before. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't remember. And on top of it all, she had been fighting within herself over kissing him for nearly a full year. She had been fighting so hard and all of that effort was Tina and forgotten in less than a moment. She had finally gotten her kiss and it affected her just as much as she knew it would and there was only one thing that she could bring herself to focus on. That she loved it and she wanted more.

"Did I do that?" She finally whispered against his lips as the fire crackled behind her and his glowing heart beat in her hands.

"No," he breathed with a shake of his head and tried his very best to come to terms with what he had just done while his thumb slid over her cheekbone and was met with a new tear, "no, I don't believe you did."

She hadn't. At least not that he could make sense of. His decision hadn't felt foreign to him as it so clearly did to her. But he couldn't quite feel anything so he couldn't say for sure if he had kissed her on his own accord. He was more surprised though over her reaction to it. If he had thought about it he would have expected her to either get angry for such an invasion of her person or to push it further just to spite him and Snow. But she didn't do either of those things. And even without his heart he knew he wanted to kiss her again. He dreaded how strongly that want was going to feel when his heart was returned. He shouldn't be there with her. He was with Snow, he shouldn't be kissing Regina. But no matter how hard he tried, he could not step away from the brunette in his hands. He didn't want to.

He could do nothing but wait for her to make the next move and she stayed quiet and befuddled as she stared at his mouth with a frown in her brow and allowed him to keep her head between his hands. Then her brow furrowed deeper and her eyes fell to his heart so gently cradled in her warm hands. With a small and quiet vocal from her silenced throat, she carefully pressed it to his chest. Every movement and every touch was gentle and even without his heart he was enthralled by her. She had become an obsession of his. Every moment spent with her he uncovered something new and as she pushed his heart back in to his chest, the emotions that came with that kiss hit him in full force.

And he kissed her again.

He kissed her again and it was far stronger than the first but he was still so very tender for his broken queen. Her lips were soft and her jaw was relaxed and this time she kissed him back properly after her sharp inhale. Her kiss was tentative at first but the more he kissed her, the more comfortable she became and with the more comfortable she became, the more her tears fell. With his heart back, he could feel the sorrow that came with the knowledge that his precious little queen was so broken. He could feel her heartache, he could feel her agony for it came through in her desperate kiss. He could feel it heavy in his chest and his brow furrowed as he kissed her and threaded his fingers through her silken hair.

He curled over her and in a moment for breath, her exhale was a soft cry that broke his heart and he let her push the kiss further. He let her push harder, he let her open his mouth, he let her pull him down to her, and with every one of her movements against him, his heart broke deeper for her. Every movement was strained with pain and filled with desperation. She was crumbling to pieces and clawing at him for life and he wanted nothing more than to give it to her.

She was crying against him, practically sobbing against his kind mouth as he let her seek comfort in him, let her seek life in him, a reason for her to stand up once more. She hated that she was crying. But she couldn't stop and he was so kind to her. He was so generous to her. He held her up as she struggled to find her strength and with every passing moment she found herself getting pulled deeper and deeper in to the rabbit hole that was her miserable mind.

So she cried and she whimpered and she knew it was David, she knew it was, but despite his larger frame and his bigger build, he had just arrived from his journey from home and therefore smelled of horses and the fresh forest air. It was more than enough to feed her mind lies of Daniel standing before her instead. She knew it was David. But for so many reasons she didn't want it to be David.

With a particularly sharp sob, Regina broke in to hysterics and started desperately pulling at his clothes and pushing him backwards. She kissed him when she could between her choking and sobbing breaths, but despite their lips not being truly locked, they never lost contact with one another and revelled in their panting breaths. With her nose pressed to his cheek and his pressed to hers, she pushed him and kissed him until he fell on to her bed and she went with him.

She straddled his lap on her knees and he braced his weight up on his elbows as she kissed him and threw his coat to the side. But she could not stop crying. Her heart hurt too much.

David knew he should not be beneath the queen as he was right then but that fact seemed unimportant to him as she began to crumble on top of him. He had let her continue what he had started and he was surprised to learn he found not so much as a whisper of guilt in doing so. He found instead that he wanted nothing more than to comfort her in any way he could and that was dangerous. And as he sat up and his hands slid over her thighs, her skin just as soft as the black silk slipping from her frame, he found that he adored her far more than he knew he ever should.

But she was shaking.

Her hands, her arms, her thighs on either side of him, everything was quivering and shaking and his heart ached so strongly he could feel it in his throat while tears pricked his eyes. He had grown to care for this menace of a woman. He had grown to adore her. And now she found herself in a space so dark and so full of sorrow and pain that she was shaking. She was shaking and she was crying and he didn't know what had triggered it, he didn't know what had plagued her mind, but what he did know is that they should stop before she was too far gone to ever come back from this.

So he tried to pull away from her kiss but she followed him and he succumbed to her for a few moments longer. He let her take his mouth, he let her taste him, he let her have him, and he'd be damned if he didn't enjoy every moment of it. But then her hands started to shake so much she could barely hold him. So his hands slid up to her waist and as he started to push against her to stop her, she protested. And she did so with the breath of a name that should be his but wasn't at all.

"Daniel-" she breathed and abruptly cut her voice silent for the moment the name left her lips she knew it was wrong. She knew it. With a furrow of her brow and a slow shake of her head to scold herself, she lifted her shaking hands from his face only to put them back with a gentle caress and whispered on a panted breath, "David," she corrected and then pressed her nose in to his cheek and her lips grazed his. "David," she repeated as though to solidify it in her mind whose body she was pressed against and whose lips she was stealing breath from. Breath that filled her lungs and brought her soul to life.

"Regina," he cooed with the most heartbroken expression and she convulsed with the sharp sob that left her body and her shaking hands took handfuls of his hair. He still didn't know what day it was to her but he now had suspicions and his throat began to ache with sorrow for her. Daniel. It was a name he could never forget after he had been immersed in her memories of him. Lovely memories. Happy memories. The most painful memory of all. He was almost in tears for her as the most important memory played behind his closed eyes and her feelings of terror and pain and loneliness and heartbreak rose back to the surface in him. He remembered. He remembered quite clearly. And he suddenly felt an overwhelming guilt for pushing the topic of her beloved stableboy so hard for so long. He had been torturing her.

"No," he argued kindly and softly and felt her body crumble and die against his as her breath blew against his lips in a desperate plea to just let her pretend. To just let her lie.

"David," she breathed but her heart insisted he should be Daniel. She was shaking and she was crying and soon she was pleading under her breath. Begging him to let her believe for one night that everything was okay. To just let her lose herself in the scents of freedom he carried with him and the hands of a kind workman he touched her with. Begging with just one simple word, "please."

He knew what she wanted, he knew and he himself was nearly in tears over it. He wanted to give in, he wanted to spare her tired soul and just let her pretend. But he knew better than that. He knew better, "I could never be so cruel to you," he told her and her pleas fell silent as her shoulders dropped with a sob. He could never trick her fragile mind or her broken heart in to believing such things. It was unfair and it was cruel. So he tucked her hair behind her ear and kissed her once more. A soft and lingering kiss that had her hands finding a grip in his hair to try and convince him to stay. But he broke it gently and she pressed her forehead to his and cried.

He could not let her indulge in such a fantasy. That her lover had come back for her. Life had already been too cruel to her, he had already been to cruel, she did not need him adding more to the fire burning her inside.

So he pulled her in to a hug, burying his hand in her silken hair and his nose in to her sweet neck, and let her cling to him as though he was the only thing keeping her alive. And it then dawned on him that he more than likely was.

And as he held her to him, he tried to recall the last time she had called him by his name before tonight.


	16. Chapter 16

**Ugh, I am so sorry it took so long, I never intended for it to! But I figure EC Week is the best time to make a comeback!**

 **Also, disclaimer. This isn't supposed to be and was never supposed to be a particularly healthy story...so don't expect it to get any better any time soon lol! Enjoy!**

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He woke far earlier than she. He woke confused by the fact that there was someone in his arms. Confused by the fact that that same someone had so tightly nestled themselves in to him. He remembered leaving Snow so it couldn't be her in his arms but it still took him a considerable amount of time to remember where he was and who he was with but eventually it came to him.

Regina.

The memories of the night slowly trickled in to his mind and with every one that did, he found his arms wound a little tighter around the sleeping queen. The true fondness he held for her was something he had not quite realized he had until last night. Not until after his heart truly broke for her. Her heart was crippled and her mind was tortured, neither one able to live as it should, neither one able to comfort her or keep her sane. Both too broken and exhausted to do anything but allow her to make horrible decisions and drown in her grief.

He had wanted to break her facade, he had wanted to see what was beneath, he had wanted to find the despair she held so dear. Until he had it. He had wanted it all until he had her shaking and crying helplessly in his arms while she stole the life from his lips that he had become so eager to give. And once he had her there he wondered why he had ever wanted her in such a state. It was a horrible thing to see a woman cry but he had no words for what he had played a part of last night. No words to describe how devastated he felt watching the Evil Queen crumble in to the broken soul she was at her core. He had seen it happen before when he had found her with Daniel for the first time but there was something different about her last night. It looked as though she were entirely lost upon everything else she had dragging her down. And it didn't seem to matter how tight he had held her, he could not keep her in one piece. She simply fell apart she was so fragile.

And her kiss.

Even after a full night of sleep, David could still feel the burn of her lips against his. The heat of her breath, her fingers in his hair, her hands pulling on his clothes. His soul was haunted by her sobs, the way they physically tore her apart and left her in pieces, pieces she begged him to help put back together with his lips on hers. She had pulled him in and he hadn't stopped her.

What he didn't know was why he had kissed her in the first place. Because it had been he who had started it. Perhaps it had been that he had seen her so miserable for so long that watching her dissolve in to such despair was the straw that finally broke him and he needed to show her she was worth something. Needed to show her that she could be loved, remind her what it was like to feel wanted. Show her that she didn't need to be alone. Perhaps lacking his heart and the conflicts of love it held toward Snow gave him a certain clarity to offer this darling queen what she needed.

He couldn't say for sure. But it had happened and even though he knew he should, he did not regret a single moment of it. Not the kiss, not the broach of sex, not holding her majesty until she cried herself to sleep, not remaining in her bed for the rest of the night so that they would not wake alone. He knew waking alone would break her further and he was not going to allow for such grief to wash over her again. She had been through enough. The least he could do was spare her a single morning in a line of thousands before it.

Besides, he had wanted to.

So he laid there in complete silence with his thoughts. His arms wrapped around the deadly queen, the bridge of her nose pressed against his neck, her soft sleeping breaths warming his chest, and his thumb slowly rubbing her shoulder over black silk. He laid in silence and let her sleep for it was the only time she was oblivious to the pain she carried. He laid there and watched the sunlight try to peer through the heavy curtains to no avail. He listened to the fires still crackling from the night before, tended to by staff so silent he had to conclude that the queen had been through nights like that often enough for them to learn to be completely invisible. As impressive as it was, it was also one of the saddest things he had learned to date.

He was frowning at the flames when the woman began to stir. It was tender and it was natural, the way she drew in her first waking breath and nestled even closer in to him, the source of warmth and comfort she did not recall just yet. Her drowsy mind still blissfully unaware of who was holding her and how they had gotten there. It was innocent and sweet and as her nose buried itself deeper in to the hollow of his neck upon her exhale, he wished she would slip back in to her peaceful sleep. He did not want her to have to face the day. He wanted her to go back to whatever dream she had lost herself in that accounted for the warmth around her sleeping figure.

But she didn't.

After a few more sleepy breaths her body lost its languid calm and while it didn't go rigid or tense, he knew she was now aware of who was holding her. He didn't move though, didn't change, he kept his arms where they were and his thumb rubbing over her shoulder. He didn't move and he didn't say a word and eventually she did relax in to him once more. Not to the full extent of what she had been while asleep, but she did come back to him.

Regina should have been ready to kill him. She should have been ready to scream at him and give him a lashing of words he would never forget. She should have been ready to tear him limb from limb, ready to claw his eyes out for how he had seen her, rip away his ears for what sobs he had heard, tear out his tongue so that he may never speak a word of it. She should have been ready to make him suffer for all of it.

But that feeling of readiness was mere habit and she truly could not bring herself to do anything more than sink in to the warmth he provided. The comfort he so readily and selflessly offered her. So she laid in his arms with her nose against the hollow of his neck and willed herself to push him away just because she should. But she could only surrender to the warmth that came from being in his arms. And it wasn't the warmth of his body that kept her there but rather the warmth that soothed her aching and broken heart from the inside out. The warmth that she would wish to coldly rip from within her in no time at all, she was sure.

But for now, she laid in his hold too exhausted to do anything about the mess they were creating.

She didn't say a word and neither did he. She remained still and silent with her slender figure pressed right up against his, her legs gently tangled in his, her hands on his chest, and her nose still nestled in to his neck while he played with her hair. And then his other hand lifted so his fingertips could softly trail over the side of her face and comb her hair behind her ear. He was trying to comfort her he supposed and when she carefully pulled her head back so they could look one another in the eye, his fingertips were left to ghost over her lips and her jaw.

So he began to follow the contours of her face, slowly and softly, studying every feature as she watched him through the very darkest of eyes. Beautiful chocolate irises, her skin and lashes free of any makeup, her lips soft and pink, her skin smooth and without flaw. Except for the scar on her top lip, "good morning," he whispered as the pads of his fingers caressed her cheekbone. She didn't speak a word and her expression remained plain and tired but her dark eyes were so soft and so calm. She lacked her usual sharp edges and violent confidence and while he was certain the emotional stress from the night before was to blame, he couldn't help but wonder if there was more to it.

He couldn't help but feel as though she was waving a white flag in surrender as she watched him through such eyes. So dark and so beautiful. He could study them endlessly. But his eyes fell to her mouth as his thumb ran over her bottom lip ever so softly.

He was drawn to her, pulled in by something he couldn't place and when his lips closed around hers, his brow furrowed and his stomach flipped in unease, almost making him nauseous for he knew he shouldn't play with her heart as he was. But it also felt so utterly wonderful to kiss her again. Like it was what he should have been doing all along. It was dangerous and the poorest of judgement but despite knowing such, he didn't so much as hesitate to continue the kiss. And after a moment of consideration, she accepted his kiss with a soft jaw and pliant lips.

Her hand slid up to curl around the back of his neck to keep him there as she brought herself even closer to him. She slunk in to him, like a cat or a serpent, smooth and controlled, pressing herself right close as she breathed against his open mouth and his fingertips dragged down over her bottom lip between their faces. Then her leg was slowly sliding up his and hooking over his hip, pulling him even closer to her as they breathed the same breath with lips nearly touching.

He had never come across a woman so intensely sexual and he knew he should be running for the hills and never looking back but instead, he was rocking in to her while his hand grew heavier the further it slid down her side. Then the silk of her robe fell away and his hand found the skin of her thigh and he truly couldn't say which was smoother. The silk of her robe or her lovely skin.

As his fingers curled around the back of her knee at his hip and her heel dug in to his calf, she dragged her nose up his cheek, tilting her head so her bottom lip grazed his top one and with one more aroused sigh, their lips were locked once more. And then it was he who grew more assertive and it came out in the strength of his hands around her leg and at the small of her back as well as through the passion in his kiss.

She was being stupid and she knew it quite well but between the shivers racing down her spine at the touch of his tongue and the strength of the hands and arms pulling her against him, she found she simply couldn't give a damn. And she moaned. She moaned against his lips and it did nothing but turn him on and she gasped through her nose when his hand began to make its way up her thigh once more but this time, his fingers slipped underneath the silk of her robe at her hip.

She rocked against him, arching her back as she hugged her leg tighter around his hip and swivelled her head to kiss his open mouth once more, tangling her fingers in to his hair and making a fist as she moaned again. Then the hand at the small of her back moved to wrap around the back of her neck and head and just as the beneath her thin robe was sliding over her stomach, his hot mouth dipped down to her neck and she was left gasping in utter arousal with her head tilted back in to the hand behind her neck.

For months and months she had been tirelessly working to settle her imagination and lust for the shepherd, convincing herself he would be a waste of time in bed. But he was so far from a disappointment. He had her buzzing with a mere touch and she didn't want him to stop, she wanted him even closer, she wanted his hands everywhere, she wanted him to take her full and true, and she knew she was going to love every moment of it. Until they finished and reality settled back in to their minds. But his hands and his mouth made certain that she wasn't thinking of such things just yet.

There was a whine to her breaths and moans in her chest and she knew it was foolish, she knew she shouldn't encourage him, she knew it needed to stop rather than progress. But when his wandering and feeling fingers were stopped by the tie still fixed snugly around her waist, she tugged the knot free and the shepherd's wonderful hands were left to roam every inch of her.

And roam they did.

Her breaths were shallow pants against his ear while his clever tongue proved itself useful in ways far more enjoyable than relentless questioning. So she moaned again, long and slow as her palm slid over his stubbled jaw and back in to his hair while his thumb pressed along the curve of the underside of her breast. She couldn't recall a time she had been so enthralled in partner, nor a time she had felt so completely aroused by so very little.

But she was growing slick between her thighs and her hips were slowly grinding in to his while her leg hugged even tighter. She wanted more of him. She wanted all of him. And then his fingers were slowly pushing the silk from her shoulder and as she craned her neck to watch him do it, he took advantage and moved his wet kisses up to her jaw and left her moaning once more in approval and encouragement.

She didn't so much as hesitate to slip her arm from the sleeve of her robe and she couldn't look away as David kissed his way back down her chest and to the breast his thumb had gone back to toying with. Rubbing her nipple until it was hard and she was shivering only so he could take her breath away when his nip at the soft plump flesh was followed through with a slow and warm lick a little lower and over her nipple. Her lips were parted with a silent gasp, followed by a low moan tainted with a whine as her toes curled and her leg tightened around his hip only to feel her self control slip right through her fingers at the shepherd's own growing arousal pressed against her pelvis. Hard and ready to send her spiralling in to oblivion.

It was then that she decided he was wearing too many clothes and with far less of the tentative care he had shown her, she made it known. Both her hands started tugging at his shirt and he rolled her on to her back as his mouth met hers in another searing kiss. But it didn't last long at all before he was sitting up, straddling her thighs and pulling the remainder of his shirt from his pants so he could tug it over his head. But the moment he sat up her eyes fell to the generous bulge in his pants and she nearly swallowed the moan in her throat but the lust was overwhelming and she couldn't silence herself as she arched her back off the bed to try and get closer to him.

Her eyes only lifted when his shirt was tossed aside and he remained straddled over her thighs on his knees above her, big and strong, arms thick, chest pronounced, and stomach defined, not too much and certainly not too little. She was most definitely not disappointed and the heat low in her belly had her even more wet as she shivered in excitement at the half clothed shepherd. She suddenly couldn't wait to dig her nails in to him and took fistfuls of the sheets on either side of her to channel such burning lust as she tilted her head back and pushed her chest and shoulders from the bed. She wanted him and wanted him now.

David thought about teasing her, thought about how many times he could make her scream, he wanted to give her as much pleasure as she could handle but then he remembered that they shouldn't be doing any of this in the first place and guilt and shame started to creep in because he knew that she wasn't going to handle the aftermath very well. But the way her eyes blew out when he revealed himself to her, and the way her perfectly lithe body was twisting and arching beneath him, he couldn't bring himself to stop. She was far too tempting, far too seductive, so he didn't draw it out as he wanted but he couldn't stop it altogether as he should. Instead he followed the instruction of her tugging hands and began unbuckling the belt on his pants as he dropped down to kiss her.

He distracted them from the wrong they were doing and, instead, enthralled them in the lust they both so clearly wanted to relieve. It was a complete disaster but he forgot all about it when the queen bit down on his lip and scratched her nails down his back, causing him to hiss at the momentary pain before Rumplestiltskin's protection spell left him without blemish. It didn't stop her from doing it though. Nor did he want her to stop.

Then her hands were around his throat, keeping him close to her as she kissed him shamelessly between their hot and heavy panting. Her kisses were feisty, hungry, and verging on desperate but he knew better than anyone now that she had been in desperate need for such human contact. To be wanted and taken in the most intimate way, in the most passionate way. And that most importantly, to be taken by someone who truly cared about her.

She had had other partners in her bed since the king, that much he knew, but he felt he could safely guarantee that none had gotten anywhere close to the woman's heart as he had. He had seen her darkness, had learned of the horrors she carried, was well aware of the issues she carried and the psychoses she dealt with, and he had remained at her side throughout it all regardless of what she threw at him. He had grown close to her, had learned to care for her, and he truly believed she cared for him too even if she would never admit it.

It was the exact contact she needed with the exact perseverance and emotional intimacy she had always desired but it was with him. Him, a man who loved her greatest adversary, a man who had crossed every boundary she had put in place, a man who had no business being so preciously physical with her and yet could not bring himself to leave her. Because he wanted nothing more than to give her everything she needed, everything she wanted, everything good. He wanted to make her feel good. He wanted to make her feel wanted. He could only blame part of it on the woman's seduction for, once again, he had started it then just as he had the night before.

She had put his mind in a haze and he could think of nothing else but making her feel good. Even if for just a little while. Damn the consequences that were sure to come. She deserved to feel alive.

So he kissed her harder and he kissed her deeper and when his pants were thrown aside he slowly slid his cock through the wet heat between her legs and groaned as his teeth dragged along her jaw and her nails dug in to his hips as she rolled her hips in to him with a heady moan. Their mouths were open, hovering as they panted the same breath, dizzying him in to a further state of arousal and the way her breath caught on a gasp as he slowly slid inside her had his skin shivering and his hand sliding up her figure to her throat. And when his thumb rubbed over her bottom lip, she took it one step further and bit down on it with a low moan as her nails clawed their way up his sides.

A piece of something snapped within him at the bite and he hooked his thumb down and pulled her up by her jaw and she followed without a thought to hesitate and let go of his thumb so he could kiss her as he pushed his cock inside her once again. She whimpered and she scratched, her legs hooking around his hips as he pounded in to her with a slow but forceful rhythm, he could hardly stand himself. He kissed her whimpering mouth and lived for the way her body squirmed and twitched every time his hips met hers.

Pleasure rippled through her body with every thrust of his hips with a potency she had never felt. She could cry it felt so strong. Or perhaps it was the fact she was still emotional from the day before. Or perhaps it was because she was doing the one thing she swore to herself she would never do. Fucking the shepherd.

Or perhaps it was a combination of everything. But regardless of the reasons, she was far too close to tears for her liking. So she dug her nails in to the man's throat and pulled him down for a kiss, whimpering in to his mouth when his fingers scratched over her ass and down the side of her thigh.

She was hissing and whimpering, her voice never stopping and bouncing in time with each thrust. She couldn't help herself, he felt far better than she ever could have imagined in her head. This daft fool of a shepherd who had apparently burrowed his way in to her heart far deeper than she had thought possible.

Their mouths were hovering, open and offering distracted kisses when he curled his hand around her knee. She thought very little of the touch until he began to push her leg higher and her pleasure multiplied tenfold. She cried and gasped against his open mouth, her fingers clawing at his throat and chest as he hooked her one knee over his shoulder without breaking his even and endless rhythm.

Then his mouth was back on her neck, kissing and biting as the weight of his body ensured she couldn't move away from him as he picked up the pace. She cursed and she moaned and she squirmed, her face contorted in absolute ecstasy as his hand closed around her throat and stretched her head back so his mouth could properly find her throat.

He was moaning right along with her, and when his next vocal was muffled against her mouth with a heavy kiss, she was sent spiralling down through the very last of her lucid thoughts. Her climax was within reach and he was quick to respond to what she was chasing. His grip tightened around her ribs below her breast and the fist in her hair pulled a little harder to keep her neck stretched as his teeth nipped at her chin. Then she was screaming over him, her body twisting and squirming beneath him, unsure of whether she wanted to be closer to him or to get away from him.

He could feel her muscles twitching and the sounds she was making, combined with the new quickness to his thrusts was pushing him closer to his own orgasm. He groaned as her enthusiasm grew, her face twisted in the most erotic expression he had ever known and just as he slid his hand from her ribs to her hip to keep her with him, she tipped right over the edge and came with a loud cry and nails digging in to his back and shoulder.

She was gasping and crying and moaning with an intensity he had never experienced and he didn't dare stop. Even as she choked on her own breaths and her squirming turned to pushing and screaming. It only took a moment more for him to come right along with her with a heady moan of his own and a heavy kiss to her parted and gasping lips. He kissed her hard as his the rhythm of his thrusts gave way to pleasure and the kiss continued as he slowed and his heart raced, spilling inside of her and biting her bottom lip.

She whimpered against him as her hands took hold of either side of his face so she could better keep track of him as she tried to come back and form a clear thought. It was an uncoordinated and rather sloppy kiss as they both came back down from their high but it didn't matter to either of them. They enjoyed the last moments of their foggy minds and kissed one another without inhibition.

But it couldn't last forever. Soon enough, their kiss slowed and David withdrew himself from her and let her leg down from his shoulder. He tried to keep her with him though, tried to soothe her and distract her from the reality of their situation. He tried everything he could think of but it didn't take long for her to turn her face away from him and for the gravity of what they had just done to truly start to set in.

His kisses had fallen tender but it only made her skin crawl. His touch was kind and soft as it trailed over her cheek but it only made her want to cry and scream in self loathing. She was absolutely furious with herself. She felt dirty and disgusting in ways she knew could not be scrubbed clean. She had fallen for a happily married man. Had grown attached, had been vulnerable before him, had kissed him, had let him fuck her, she had enjoyed it, and he was never going to stay.

He was going to go back to Snow no matter what she did and why she seemed to be so completely set in such a self destructive cycle making such horrible decisions, she could never understand. But no amount of the shepherds soothing could ever make it better. In fact, she adored it so much that it only made her hate herself more.

They laid there in silence trying to catch their breaths and as the silence continued, the weight of what just what they had done and how much they should not have done it, became crushing. Neither one of them could look the other in the eye and as David came down from his high, he was ridden with guilt. But not guilt for fucking her, he would do it again without hesitation, but rather guilt for knowing they could never be anything more. He was playing with her, and even though that was not at all what he had intended, it was exactly what he was doing.

He had shown her what it would be like to be with him, had undoubtedly made her feel again in the ways she wanted to so desperately, he had ensured she had felt wanted, had stuck around through all the hell she had thrown at him and then took the next step and shared her bed in the most intimate way. Which all would have been fine and a healthy and natural progression except for one thing.

He was engaged to Snow White. And could therefore never belong to the queen.

And yet he insisted on yanking her chain, on taunting her with what could be. And for that he felt guilty. Sick to his stomach, guilty. And no matter the amount of coaxing, she would not look at him. Even if she would, he didn't know what he would say to her. So he dipped his head down with every intention to slowly relax in to her but he had already lost to her mind and she was tense and unmoving beneath him. And he didn't even want to begin addressing the guilt he felt over betraying Snow. What a mess he had created.

So he tried to coax her back to him, tried to hold off the emotional breakdown that was bound to happen. Slowly and gently he bumped his nose against the side of hers, trailed it along her cheek as he wordlessly tried to bring her out of herself. Wordlessly tried to apologize for how he was hurting her. And what he was beginning to realize was that it was so far from one sided. For the longer he stayed with her, the more blatant his feelings for her became. There was a large part of him wishing that they could make it work between them. A very large part.

With his expression contorted in apology and guilt, David pressed the softest of kisses to the corner of her jaw. But she was gone before he could pull his lips away. She pushed at him and he did not fight and was quick to obey and understand as he lifted an arm and she rolled out from beneath him, snatched back her black silk robe and walked away without a word. "Regina," he called gently, his voice heavy with the weight of what they had just done to one another. But she didn't answer, her steps didn't pause or falter, and his eyes fell shut as he kept his weight braced upon his arm.

She didn't say a word and she didn't make a sound. He didn't know where she had gone, he hadn't watched her leave for it had hurt just a little too much. He didn't know if she had magicked herself away or if she was still in the room but what he did know was that that morning was a mistake. A mistake of epic proportions. And he wouldn't be surprised if all the progress they had made over the last year had completely vanished.

With a sigh he rolled on to his back and rubbed his hands over his face as he tried to figure out what to do next. What he wanted to do was go and find the queen and keep her close to him but what he should do was an entirely different matter. A matter he could not decide on. So he sat up and surveyed the room for the queen and his clothes and when he didn't find her, he stood from the bed and started dressing himself. It was a slow process and with his pants and boots on, he bent down and plucked his shirt from the floor and at that same moment, he heard a scream come from the other end of the room.

The voice was unmistakably Regina's even though he had never heard such a sound from her before. It was a sound of fury and loathing and his head snapped up to it immediately as he questioned whether or not he should go and tend to the woman in the attached room. But then there was the shattering of glass and there was no longer a question as he jogged to the doorway across the bedchamber, pulling his shirt over his head.

It was her reflection again. The reflection she didn't recognize and didn't like, similar to the one she saw the night prior when she had returned from Daniel but so much worse off. It was weak and pining and crippled. Unrecognizable to her. It was not the queen, strong and powerful and confident, nor was it the young girl in love with her stableboy, vibrant and happy and light. She didn't know who stood before her in that mirror but what she did know was that she despised her. She was a walking disaster and Regina could no longer bear to look upon the reflection of someone so weak and despicable. And when screaming didn't ward her off, she picked up the nearest object and threw it at her but the glass vial merely shattered and the reflection remained intact. So she screamed again and threw more at it.

She threw everything she could find. Soaps, elixirs, creams, bottles, jars, hairbrushes, everything and anything she could reach, she threw it at the woman in the mirror. But when the mirror's glass did break, it merely distorted the reflection, making her even more ugly and more unrecognizable. And yet, even more acceptable to her twisted grieving mind. Parts of her drew connections to the broken reflection, they felt recognized and at peace but Regina wouldn't dare allow herself to be defined by a shattered mirror reflecting an even more broken woman. So she screamed at it again.

She screamed and she lunged at it, unsure of exactly why until she started beating her hands against the glass and clawing at the shattered pieces to get them off the wall so she could no longer see herself at all.

"Regina!" He scolded as he jogged in to the room and found blood smearing the glass and staining her fingertips. But she didn't acknowledge him and furiously kept trying to destroy the giant mirror. Crying and shouting and apparently oblivious to the fact she was slicing her fingers open, she just kept going, "Regina," he called again as he hurried forward but when he touched her and began to pull her away from the mirror, she spun around and slashed him across his chest with a freshly pried triangle of her mirror. He leapt backward with a hiss of pain and before Rumplestiltskin's magic could so much as quell the sting, Regina was shouting at him.

"You should have left me alone!" She roared as hot tears streamed down her cheeks and he looked just as upset over the ordeal as she did as she screamed and her fist clenched around the glass she had swung at David, the pain of it cutting in to her skin nothing but a mild discomfort in comparison to the ache in her heart, "why didn't you just leave me alone!"

"Because I care about you, Regina!" He shouted back but she didn't settle down. If anything she only grew more hysterical for she couldn't let her anger and apparent self loathing go but she couldn't ignore the honesty in his claim of care for her.

"You call that caring, shepherd?!" She screamed, her voice shaky and quivering with her tears as she threw the shard of glass at him with bared teeth. He dodged it but the action of throwing something at him felt good enough for her to do it again. So she picked up a heavy jar of bath salts from the floor and threw that at him, the shepherd her new target rather than herself as bath salts spilled over her floor, "you think that catching me at my lowest point and playing with my heart is caring?!" She shouted and proceeded to throw anything she could find at him while he blocked or dodged it all, "you heartless bastard!"

"Regina-!"

"And then you crawl in to my bed and fuck me!"

"That was not one sided!" He defended but her reply only put him on the verge of tears himself.

"Of course it wasn't!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, her voice reaching a place so broken she couldn't even recognize the sound of it herself. And then her sobs broke free into harsh wracking sounds that shook her body as she tried to breathe. But it didn't matter how much she needed to calm down, she simply couldn't and was quickly screaming at him once more.

"But you knew I wouldn't say no to you, you knew I couldn't say no to you! You knew!" She shouted and with a finger pointed at him, "you bastard! Get out of my life! You cruel, deceiving, selfish, manipulative bastard!" She screamed, throwing something at him with every adjective. She was out of control, didn't even know what was in her hands that she was throwing and she knew that her hands were bleeding but she couldn't bring herself to care about the pain for it was so still insignificant compared to what was in her heart.

"Regina!" David yelled as he lifted his hands to block a broken hand mirror flying toward him.

"I will not let you play with my heart any longer! I am a person! I am not your god damn toy!" She screamed furiously, her voice and mannerisms completely out of control, "and I will no longer let you treat me as such!"

"Regina, I never-"

"You are! Everything you do means something, shepherd! I mean something! And I will no longer tolerate living the rest of my life being treated like I am nothing!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, her anger vibrating through every cell in her body, sending her so far out of control she couldn't even recognize that she was a hair's breadth away from burning everything in sight to the ground in an eternal flame. Including herself, "I am something!"

"Regina, I-"

"Let me go!" She shouted and found herself out of things to throw at him. So she bent at the knees and screamed a yowl of inconceivable pain and yelled again, "let me go!"

David felt his heart break all over again at the plea for he knew she didn't mean to physically let her go. He wasn't even touching her to begin with. He had weaved his way in to her heart, had tangled himself in to her emotions, had taken a hold on her in a way far more intimate than the physical and she was begging that he let her go. That he pull himself from her heart. But even if he wanted to do such a thing, it wasn't up to him. It wasn't his heart, as much as she felt it was.

"Regina," he called softly and when his voice broke on her name, she sucked in a heartbreaking cry and wavered where she stood as it bounced from her lungs in a painful series of sobs. So he hurried to her and tugged her in to a suffocating hug and she immediately returned it.

They swayed at the collision but didn't separate and as Regina's arms wound around his head and neck, David fell privy to another fact. That Regina wanted him. He could tell by the way she clung to him, making herself as close to him as she physically could, even pulling at his hair with clenched and bloodied fingers and it broke his heart to realize what he had done to her. He had made her love him and with the circumstances as they were, she could never have him.

It was a cruel and heartless act and for the life of him he did not know how could he have been so oblivious. However, he also did not know how he could have been so oblivious to the fact that he loved her as well. It was clear as day in the way his heart ached for her and the way his tears burned in his eyes over breaking her heart in such a way for it was breaking his in the same manner.

So he hugged her tight and the glass crunched beneath his boots as he shifted his weight and she rose on to her toes. His heart had never felt so heavy in his throat and his arms had never hugged anyone so tight. What a mess they had made of one another.

"Regina, I am sorry," he breathed on a quiet sob that shook after his words as tears escaped his lashes and she buried her face deeper in to his neck. So many lines had been crossed between them and there was no coming back from it. Not after such a generous taste.

"I am sorry, Regina."


	17. Chapter 17

**Here you go my peeps! It's just a quick spacer chapter but it gives a little peek in to the future chapter or two ;)**

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David had not been able to find himself in the queen's company for any amount of time more than it took for her to glower at him and turn him on his heels without a word spoken. He had tried again and again to somehow ease the tension between them but any time she noticed his presence he would receive a scowl that chilled him to the bone. Cruel and threatening and made his stomach flip and twist with unease. And if he ignored her warning and tried to approach her, a rather beautiful blade would be summoned with her magic. It would be twirled around her fingertips before her palm took the dagger's handle in a tight grip and she would turn to face him carrying every intention to plunge the polished blade in to his heart as deep as the hilt would allow. And as many times as it took her to tire.

It only took one attempt to approach her for him to take the hint and decide to refrain from finding out how sharp that dagger of hers truly was.

So he took to aimlessly wandering the halls of the dark palace as he came to terms with the reappearance of the Evil Queen in full force. She was hurting, he was aware, and that accounted for the change in behaviour but he couldn't help but wonder if there was any come back from it again. He couldn't do anything but give her space and after the morning they shared, space was probably the best for now.

He spent hours wandering the palace before he suddenly came to an abrupt halt. His mind had been busy with coming to terms with being so intimate with the queen and how to bring her back from it when suddenly it fell silent and still and focused on something he didn't yet realize. Something was wrong. Something was different. But he couldn't say what it was. So he stood there with a frown and looked around him, carefully analyzing every detail until he recognized exactly where he was.

He was close to Daniel's room. However, when he swivelled his head in the direction of the stableboy, what had caught the attention of his subconscious suddenly became clear. With his frown still intact, David turned and weaved his way through the small corridor until he came in to the room and fully see the stone table that Daniel had rested upon. Only Daniel was nowhere to be seen.

David could only frown deeper at the stone in utter confusion and when he looked up it was only because he saw movement out of his peripheral but his frown did not lessen. His blue eyes only focused on Regina's father who looked very solemn but also very relieved. As though some great weight had been taken from his old shoulders. But what that weight had been, David couldn't say.

"I explicitly remember telling you to leave my daughter alone last night."

Letting the obvious question slide for the time being, David followed the old man's line of conversation quietly but couldn't keep the slight edge from his voice, "she has already spent enough time alone in her life."

"Yes. However, after more than a year of me pushing you to her and her to you despite her wishes, I had hoped you would trust me the single time I told you to stay away and do as instructed," the old man pressed and David mulled it over in silence.

"…I hadn't thought about it like that," David admitted regrettably and the old man nodded his head silently, "how is she?"

"She cannot seem to decide between crying herself hoarse and killing everything that moves in her blind rage," he answered lowly and David solemnly bowed his head. It had been a long time since his daughter had curled in to him and cried like she had that morning. A very very long time.

David had stayed silent for as long as he could bear but he could not help but speak the question driving him mad and churning his stomach, "where is Daniel?"

The words were quiet and worried and Henry shook his head slowly, taking his time giving the shepherd the answer for even he himself could not believe his daughter had actually managed to do what she had. He was so proud of her and so relieved that when he had come down to check on the stableboy, he had not been returned. "Regina buried him," Henry answered and David blinked in surprise. The old man simply nodded and looked back upon the stone the stableboy had spent so many years upon, "she removed all the protection spells and buried him in the earth," he told him and felt the overwhelming desire to cry to he could not believe his daughter had found the strength to let go of such an unhealthy obsession.

Even if she was a mess, she was trying so hard to let him go and move on with her life and perhaps then she could be saved, perhaps then she could grow and find new happiness in her life. And it was all because of the shepherd prince who was making so many mistakes but still encouraging so much change for the better.

"She's buried him?" David repeated, unable to believe such a thing. He had been pushing it, but had not believed she would ever be strong enough to do it. Not as quickly as she had anyway.

"She came home yesterday evening exhausted and covered in dirt and sweat," Henry confirmed softly, "I tried to go with her but she insisted it was something she had to do on her own," the old man shook his head softly and when he looked at the shepherd, the man looked frazzled and sick to his stomach, "she is letting him go."

Then Henry took the conversation for a turn for it had just felt important to bring to the man's attention, "my daughter hates herself," he informed him quietly and the shepherd frowned with a furrowed brow.

"For burying Daniel?"

"No. No, she is mourning the true loss of her one love, she does not hate herself for putting him to rest. In fact, it is likely one of the few things she approves of herself for."

"How do you know she hates herself?"

"I am her father. I had always had an inkling that she couldn't possibly approve of everything she had done. It wasn't in her honest nature to carry and spread so much darkness. And then one day I tried to help her but she twisted my efforts and created an arrow that, when shot, would fly to the person she hated most. She had expected it to find Snow White," he told him and then shook his head as his eyes fell to the bare stone that had held Daniel, " but instead it took us back to the palace and hit its mark without hesitation. Her reflection in her own mirror. And I have never seen such a look of anguish on her face for she knew the arrow had flown true. She knew better than anyone and there was no more running from such hatred."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I feel it is important for you to know as you move forward in aiding my daughter. And I also hope that one day she will be able to love herself for who she is."

…

David had spent the rest of the day trying to track down the elusive queen. She was nowhere to be found in any of her usual places and her horses were still in their stable which meant she more than likely had not left the palace grounds. But she was still nowhere to be found. He had looked everywhere and was ready to give up for the evening but then he found her by chance.

Standing in the hall with the one wall that was an expanse of glass, staring out at the forest. He approached her carefully but he knew no matter how relaxed or careful he was, she was not going to take his company.

And sure enough, when he got in to her peripheral, her solemn expression pulled in to a scowl of the upmost annoyance and displeasure. But he didn't stop, he kept walking toward her. He could see the tension in her body grow tighter with every step he took but he needed to talk to her. So he kept walking.

"Regina-"

"Get away from me," she snapped but he simply frowned and kept coming closer. Her temper flared as a dagger was called to her hand and when he got close enough for her to lunge forward and bury it in his heart, she was nearly in tears for she wanted only to collapse in to him and cry away the pain in her heart. She wanted him to comfort her and offer her the strength she knew he carried. She wanted his support and guidance for she was so lost.

So completely and utterly lost in her life that she could only cry.

And every step he took only made her tears build higher and her grip grow stronger around the grip of the knife. She was exhausted and lonely and sad, had shattered in to thousands of pieces that she wanted the shepherd to help her find just as he would tenderly guide his lost sheep back home. But she had to hate him. Because even though she did, she could not love him.

"Regina, please," he pleaded softly as he approached her with his hands forward in an attempt to reach out to her and show her he meant no harm. But her jaw only grew tighter and her anger was practically palpable. But it wasn't as overwhelming as it once was. Nowhere near the mark it held when he had first come to the palace over a year ago. Right then it seemed to be more of a mask than anything else. A mask of a vicious beast to hide the terrified heart behind it. Like a cornered animal who knew how to use her claws and sharp teeth but didn't necessarily like to.

"I know you buried Daniel," he told her softly and there was but a beat of silence before her knife plunged in to his heart as far as it could go.

It stopped his breath for a moment and his body was shot with a flash of hot pain but he merely grunted and bit his tongue. He tried so hard not to lose his temper on her and his focus on that matter was not needed for long, for not a even a second later, the tortured queen was letting out the most painful and furious scream.

Long and loud and heart wrenching as she yanked her blade back and out of his chest, relieving him of the sharp pain but only offering more of the emotional hurt.

He wanted to hold her, wanted to cradle her against him until she was alright again but he knew she wouldn't accept the gesture. Not then anyway. So instead he stepped forward and carefully pride her fingers from the knife and tipped his forehead in to hers as an act of support and comfort. With the knife finally free and the queen trying to stifle her sobs, David tossed the weapon to the side and held her hand tight as he delved in to his pocket with the other.

"I am so proud of you, Regina," he told her and her head fell heavier against his, "I am so proud," he repeated and a sob escaped her lips and shook her shoulders, "you are the strongest person I know. I am so sorry you had to do that alone. And I am so sorry I hurt you like I did. You were already hurting enough," he apologized and she seemed to sink in even closer to him.

"I am so proud of you, Regina," he breathed once more and she was squeezing his hand just as tight as he was hers. But when he raised his other hand from his pocket and pressed the gift to her hand, she did slowly detangle her fingers from his so she could take it in her hand and look down at it curiously.

It was a small canteen. A leather skin that held some manner of liquid but before she could ask what was inside, she caught sight of what had been tied to it and a shaky sob was drawn in to her lungs as her free hand covered her mouth. There was a little blue horse as there always was when he had returned to her, but dangling alongside of it was one of a different colour. Neither horse was any bigger than her thumbnail but the second one had her tears falling even faster than before. For it was green. A dark and rich green stone with veins of bright white, likely marble, just as she has described Daniel's favourite colour.

Dark green like a pine tree in winter.

This god damn shepherd owned her heart and there was nothing she could do about it but cry.

"I've been holding on to that little thing for months waiting to give to you the day you built up the strength to bury Daniel. Just because you are not going to see him every day, does not mean he will be forgotten," he told her and she tried to stop the cry through her teeth at the tiny little horse standing elegant and proud.

"Now, I know you were upset about me screwing around in the black market and I know you were paranoid about me talking with King Fergus," he recalled and she glanced up at him before looking back down and better examining the leather in her hand. "And I promise I didn't know it was him, I thought it was just some random man from that land. But I had heard so many whisperings of an ale that their people had kept secret for centuries and it had only just crossed oceans. It is nearly impossible to come by and it can be finicky but I knew as soon as I heard of it, I needed to get my hands on some for you. And when King Fergus tracked me down he asked what I wanted it for. So without using your name I gave my reasons for wanting such magic and without hesitation, the king was kind enough to procure it for you."

"…What is it?"

"They call it the Ale of Seonaidh," he told her and she shook her head once to let him know she had never heard of such a thing, "from what I understand, you pour it over the grave of the person you wish and it allows you to have one final conversation with that person. Face to face," he told her and just by looking at her he knew in her heart she understood what he had just said for her tears were falling faster than ever but her mind was having the most difficult time grasping the concept.

"What-…? I…you mean that with this I can talk to Daniel again?" She questioned but she choked on his name and covered her mouth with both hands for as soon as she had said it aloud, she knew that that was exactly what the shepherd meant.

"Yes, Regina, you can talk to him one more time," he nodded and there were tears building in his own eyes over the woman's reaction. He couldn't even begin to imagine what she was feeling. To be able to see your loved one just one more time, to talk with them just one more time. The fact that Daniel had been taken from her so abruptly when there was so much left unsaid between them made the matter all the more unfathomable.

He didn't know what to do to help her either and he couldn't really say for certain if she even needed help. But when she jumped at him and kissed him with his head between her hands, he didn't pull away. He kissed her back with a furrow of his brow and his hands settled on her waist.

She had no other way to express her gratitude for such a gift in any way but a kiss. And even that was not enough to show him how much his gift meant to her. But it was a start. The kiss itself didn't last very long for she was still crying over the opportunity the shepherd had gifted her with. But when she did part from it, she immediately buried her face in to his neck and wrapped her arms around his head and neck in the tightest hug she could manage. And he held her back just as tight.

"Thank you, David," she cried and squeezed him even harder as her sobs persisted and he nuzzled his face in to her neck and murmured softly in to her hair.

"You are welcome, Regina."


	18. Chapter 18

**Aaaaaand here it is! Please leave a review, they help motivate me to write faster and I absolutely loooove knowing what you think :)**

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While the tension had not been as high between them since he had gifted her with the ale, Regina still did her best to avoid him. And when she couldn't avoid him she was very quiet and barely spoke a word to him. They had nearly found themselves kissing one another senseless more times than he could count, however. So perhaps her avoiding him was for the best.

It had already been a week since he had shared her bed with her and there was a sharp nip in the air that promised winter was right around the corner. The first snowfall was likely no more than another week away. And as far as he knew, Regina had not yet returned to Daniel.

There seemed to be something holding her back from it and he couldn't say what it was. But she had been watching him when she thought he wasn't paying attention. She had been watching him as though she had something to say but couldn't ever bring herself to say it. And as he watched her stare at the map on the table in her study behind the library, David decided it was time to get it out of her. So he stood from his seat and approached the woman, quick to note the tension in her shoulders return as he got closer.

"Regina?"

"Hmm?"

"Why have you not used the Ale of Seonaidh?" He asked gently and her movements paused for a moment before she gave her head a small shake.

"I am not ready to."

"Why not?"

"I am just not."

"Regina," he urged kindly as he stepped closer and put a hand on her hip so she would turn to face him. And she did with a roll of her eyes and a tight jaw but even when she was facing him, her eyes were looking away. So her lifted a finger to her chin and kindly made her look him in the eye. But between those big dark eyes and the full red lips he knew were soft and warm, it was hard to keep his focus on the task at hand.

"Tell me why," he told her softly and her eyes darted back and forth between his while her weight shifted to one foot in her unease. But eventually she did speak.

"I am afraid."

"Of what?"

"Of what he will say," she confessed and her eyes quickly darted down to the floor and David's thumb rubbed the edge of her chin. "Of what he will think," she added quietly with a small tilt of her head and tears pricking her eyes. "What if he hates me now just like everybody else? David…I could not bear to see hatred in his eyes, I couldn't. It would kill me."

"I don't believe he could ever hate you, Regina."

"You don't know that," she breathed with a shake of her head as she looked him in the eye, "I have fallen so far from the girl he loved. I don't even recognize myself in the mirror anymore. How could he ever look at me the same? How could he look at me now and not…despise me?"

Drawing in a deep breath to give him time to gather his words, David shook his head slowly, "for the same reasons Snow looks at you and feels no such thing. For the same reasons I can look at you now and feel no such thing. For those reasons and even more. Because he knows you, Regina. Because he loves you. Because he has been watching you every step of the way and knows exactly what happened to you to make you in to who you are now.

And I am not so naive to say that he approves of every act you have done. But I know he will understand those he can and he will overlook those he cannot. Because he loves you, Regina. And deep down in that heart, you are very much that same girl he fell in love with," he assured but she didn't seem convinced. And he doubted there was anything he could say to her to convince her.

"I don't want to go alone," she told him softly, an uneasy shiver running down her spine over admitting such a thing. But the shepherd didn't miss a beat.

"I can come with you," he offered gently and she nodded once, tense and vulnerable, "tomorrow?"

Then she nodded once more in agreement, "tomorrow."

…

Tomorrow came far sooner than she was prepared for. She was sick to her stomach she was so nervous and the air outside was colder than it had been that entire year. When she finally made it out of the palace walls she was met with a cloud of her hot breath visible in the cool air and when she got to the stables, David was holding the reins of both their horses. All three of them attached to the lingering clouds of their breaths.

She hadn't quite noticed how brilliantly orange and yellow the leaves had turned until she had stepped out that morning. Perhaps it was the light frost that had so finely coated each leaf and each blade of browning grass. Either way, it was a beautiful morning for a ride and a beautiful morning to bring a passed soul back in to. However she could not recall a single time she had felt more nervous in her entire life.

"Good morning," David greeted and the queen smiled as best she could.

"Good morning," she parroted softly while her stallion chomped impatiently on his bit. "I uh…" she started nervously and then smoothed her coat down over her stomach, "how do I look?"

David smiled softly with a tilt of his head and then did her the courtesy of truly looking her over from head to toe. She was beautiful. Her riding pants were a rich dark brown with a hint of red, her long velvet coat was a deep forest green with black lapels and black buttons. The leather vest beneath her coat was a similar brown to that of her pants and it was a low cut but nowhere near the plunging depths of her ordinary attire. Just enough to be feminine. Her boots were black and polished, her silver spurs shining brilliantly, her gloves black and slender.

Her make up was softer, her lashes thick and dark and lined flawlessly. Her eyelids were blended with soft and smokey browns and her lips were a very earthy mauve. And her gorgeous hair was pinned to fall over one shoulder in stunning waves so dark a brown they were nearly black and so glossy and soft he wanted to bury his hands in it himself.

"You look perfect, Regina," he told her and she gave him a small smile that soon faded with her anxiety. He then stepped aside to give her room to come to her stallion and silently he offered her a leg up which she took without protest. Once she was settled upon her saddle he gave her calf a comforting squeeze and went and mounted his own dappled grey and fell in step next to Regina's impressive black stallion.

…

Leaving the horses off to the side to graze, David followed Regina to the lone headstone with the ale in his care. When he stopped beside her she was pulling off her gloves with tears in her eyes and he waited patiently to take them from her and exchange for the ale. But what he noticed once her hands were bare was the ring on her finger that he had only ever seen on a chain around her neck. Her engagement ring.

Simple and pure and made him smile just a little as he took her gloves from her and then gave her the ale. "It will be good, Regina," he promised but as she nodded she was on the verge of tears. It was such an incredibly far cry from the woman he had decided to stay with well over a year ago. He gave her hand a tight squeeze and then tipped forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead and as he pulled away she was taking a deep breath to try and calm herself.

"I'll just be right over there," he told her with a nod of his head and she nodded once in return before he walked away from her.

Regina knew she was going to cry no matter what she did. But she didn't expect her hands to be shaking so badly. She could barely pry the lid from the leather skin. She was terrified of what would happen. Absolutely terrified.

She didn't even know what to say to him. She didn't know what he was going to say to her. But she was most afraid of how he would look at her. For she knew how he should look at her and it wasn't kind. But all she could do was hope that she was wrong and that David was right.

With one last deep inhale, Regina poured the ale on to the grass at her feet and could barely see through the tears falling down her cheeks. There was a moment of nothing. A moment that seemed to drag on forever where nothing happened. Nothing at all and the world remained still and silent save for the few birds chirping in the trees who had yet to fly south.

There was a moment where she feared it wouldn't work at all.

But that moment passed and in her peripheral she saw someone step in to view. Someone so familiar that it didn't matter how long it had been since she had seen him, she knew exactly who it was. And that is when the real tears began to fall.

It took every amount of courage she had to make herself turn to face him. Every ounce of it. And when she was met with those piercing blue eyes she burst in to tears and said the only words she could.

"I am sorry," she cried slowly and shrunk away from him as his expression saddened and his posture drooped. "I am so sorry," she cried in to her hands and her sobs quickly slipped out of her control and fell in to hysterics. "Daniel, I am so sorry," she sobbed and then he was rushing to her and she was crying harder and taking a step back from him, cowering from what may come. But she didn't make it more than one step before her beloved stableboy caught her.

He caught her with her head between his hands and kissed her hard through her tears. It stole her breath right from her lungs as her knees gave way and she dipped down and swayed under his kiss. Her shaking hands were afraid to touch him lest he disappear like it was all some cruel joke. But his kiss was insistent and when she found the strength to stand, it was on wobbly legs and she dared to touch her stableboy. It was a soft and wary touch but when he remained solid in front of her, she took fistfuls of his soft leather vest and pulled him closer to her and kissed him back for all he was worth.

His fingers buried themselves in her hair and his hot breath against her skin made her sobs quiver with the catch in her throat. His kiss was so familiar but far more desperate than it had ever been and it made her tears fall faster while the warmth of his body made her cry even harder. It had been so many years since she had felt him so warm.

So many years.

"I love you, Regina," he breathed against her parted lips and he was answered with another sob as her balance faltered and he had to step with her to keep them from toppling over. Then her hands were lifting to trace his face and touch his hair and he shook his head, "I love you so much."

"I love you too," she told him and barely finished her sentence before he kissed her again. She never dreamed she would ever kiss him again, never believed she would ever hear his voice again, and never thought she would ever feel his hands on her ever again. All she could do was cry and pull him closer and as his arms wrapped around her, she knew she had never been happier.

It took them awhile to part from their kiss but when they did, it was with soft and joyous laughter between several chaste kisses while Regina's hands endlessly remembered every curve of his face. She laughed as she cried and he laughed right along with her with their foreheads together. It was the most wonderful feeling to be reunited with him.

And when she did tip herself back to truly look at him, he was smiling the most brilliant smile and wiping her tears away with his thumbs. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt such overwhelming happiness. He was there. Right there in front of her, as good as alive, her loving Daniel was _there_.

"Don't cry, my love," he chastised tenderly but instantly there were more tears for him to wipe away as she laughed and shook her head.

"I cannot stop," she told him in a laugh and tipped her head in to his hand as he hummed at her. "I have missed you," she breathed with a pained furrow of her brow and he wiped away yet another tear.

"I have missed you too, my darling Regina," he breathed and shook his head, "I am so sorry for leaving you alone in this world."

"It wasn't your fault," she argued adamantly but he shook his head.

"I knew better than to get that close to your mother."

"I knew better than to believe she meant well," she argued with a shake of her head and Daniel frowned as he slowly tucked her hair behind her ear.

"You are so beautiful, Regina," he complimented softly and she turned her face to kiss his palm, "I forgot just how much."

"I love you so much," she pressed quietly, every word slow and enunciated as her eyes fell shut and his lips found her forehead. "I was so afraid you were going to hate me," she breathed and he shook his head against hers before he picked up her head in both hands and made her look at him.

"No, Regina, I could never feel such a thing toward you," he promised and she started crying once more, "you have done horrible things in your pain, my love, but I could never hate you. I love you far too much," he told her and she rocked her head to the side as her tears fell once more.

So he wiped them away and her hands came to hang off his wrists, "how are you?" He cooed softly and she let out a sound that was partially a laugh but mostly a sob.

"I am a mess," she laughed through her tears and then continued to laugh and cry for she was just so happy and so completely overwhelmed, "and I love you," she cried and he smiled at her in the most loving way imaginable. It felt like a knife to her heart. She had missed that smile so much and had not believed she was every going to see it again from anyone, and never from Daniel.

"I am so sorry I was not there for you," he apologized and she shook her head.

"It was not your fault," she insisted but those blue irises did not relent.

"I am sorry nonetheless. You deserved better than the life that was given to you," he shook his head and she had nothing to say to that. "You are so beautiful," he admired and she didn't look away but instead smiled at him ever so softly through teary brown eyes.

"Regina, I need you to listen to me," he urged kindly but he didn't need to raise his voice much higher than a whisper for she was so close. "I need you to promise me something," he insisted and she watched him through those wonderful dark eyes.

"Of course," she agreed without hesitation for she trusted him so deeply. He would never ask anything of her outside of her capabilities. But what he said was not what she had expected.

"Regina, I need you to promise me that you will love again," he told her gently, a plea in his tone that did not go unnoticed, and there was a moment of silence where the only thing she could do was shake her head.

"Daniel, I-"

"I cannot watch you live the rest of your life in such seclusion," he pleaded desperately and the tears returned to her eyes as her grip tightened around his wrists and he began to cry himself. "Regina, your heart is too big and too kind for you to keep it locked away in the dark. I want to see you happy, Regina, I want to see you live the life you have always wanted, I want to see you build your family, I want to see you grow old with someone who loves you just as much as I do," he pleaded as his tears fell and her lips parted with a shaky cry as she looked off to the side.

"I want you to let yourself love again, I want you to be loved again. You deserve it, Regina, and I cannot bear to watch you live in misery any longer because of me."

"Daniel-"

"Do not argue with me, my love," he insisted and her shoulders dropped as her head tilted miserably. "Just promise me you will open your heart to love and happiness once more. Please, Regina, I cannot watch you suffer any longer," he shook his head and then it was she who kissed him silent.

It was a horribly sad kiss that felt more like goodbye than anything either one of them had intended and it had his tears falling even more heavily just as he suspected hers were too. She clung to him and he to her, their bodies pressed flush against one another while she stood on her toes and he held her to him. He loved her so much.

"Promise me," he pleaded against her lips and she cried against him but nodded her head.

"I promise," she sobbed and a sob caught in his throat as his hands tangled themselves back in her hair and tipped her backward with another kiss. It was a kiss that had her bursting back in to hysterics and clawing at him to keep him with her for she couldn't bear to say goodbye but knew it was bound to come soon. And when the kiss broke, she rose on her toes again and wrapped her arms around his head and neck with all her strength and buried her face in to his neck and cried.

"Thank you," he whispered against her ear and hugged her back just as tight. "I am so proud of you," he told her and she merely cried harder against him. "You are so strong, my love," he breathed and she took a fistful of his hair and a shuddering breath.

"You must thank your shepherd for me," he told her softly.

"For what?"

"For giving me the opportunity to be with you just one more time," he answered and she nodded her head with the saddest of smiles as she pulled her face from his neck so she could look at him again, "I would thank him myself but I do not want to lose a single moment with you."

"I will thank him for you," she breathed on a light laugh.

"Thank you," he smiled at her and then leaned in a little closer with her head back in between his hands. "He is not a bad man, Regina," he told her softly as his thumb caressed her cheekbone and took a fresh tear with him. She only looked at him quizzically in return, thrown by his chosen tone, the slight pout pulling at her lips that he adored so much. "He has a good heart and I believe you have a far stronger hold on it than either of you realize," he continued just as softly and she shook her head as more tears fell. Tears that told him the shepherd had burrowed far deeper in to his queen's heart than even Daniel had realized.

"No," was all she could say. On a tired and pained breath, the word lingered between them and Daniel smiled but his blue eyes made the expression sad.

"Do not be afraid of love, Regina," he pleaded softly and she shook her head once more and nearly choked on her next words.

"I am not afraid of love, Daniel," she denied and she could tell by the pain contorting his expression that he knew exactly what she was going to say next, "I am terrified of losing it again," she breathed so quietly she almost couldn't hear her own voice.

She was answered with the strongest of hugs and she breathed a tearful and shuddering breath against his neck as her fingers raked through his hair and fisted the back of his vest. It felt so good to be there with him that all she could do was cry. It had been so long since she had felt so safe being herself so openly. There was no judgement in her darling stableboy and that was such an emotional relief in of itself and she was savouring every moment. She wasn't sure she would ever have such a thing again.

"Be brave, my love," he urged softly against her neck and her grip around him tightened as his tears dampened her hair, "you are so strong."

"But I love _you_ ," she insisted stubbornly even though her heart felt such a soothing relief over him releasing her to move on. But it was such a terrifying thing to feel. So completely free of everything familiar, "I love _you_."

Her small whimper broke his heart and he could feel the tug of death pulling him away from the living stronger than ever and he wound his arms even tighter around his beloved as though she and her magic could keep him there just a little longer. "And you always will," he assured and she lifted her head from his neck so she could press her forehead to hers, "but I promise your heart is big enough and strong enough to love another," he assured and then both her hands were holding his face, looking for comfort and strength, trying to believe in the words he was saying.

"Let me look at you," he spoke gently and lifted his hands to cover hers on either side of his face. And keeping their bodies flush, Regina pulled her head back to fill his request and he could only smile at her and shake his head. "I wish I could have married you, you beautiful woman," he told her and her weight dipped to one foot as her brow creased.

"I wish for the same everyday," she whimpered with a single slow shake of her head.

"Smile for me before I go?" He asked of her softly and she shook her head with the most heartbreaking mewl.

"No," she protested as her hands closed tight around the collar of his shirt, "I don't want you to leave."

"I cannot stay, Regina," he reminded and more tears rolled down her cheeks when her eyes closed and she stepped herself in closer, "I am dead, my love."

"But I want you to stay," she pleaded on a whimper and made herself open her eyes so she could look at him for as long as she could, " _please_."

Daniel could only shake his head as the magic began to wear off and he could feel himself getting pulled away. "Do you remember that time your mother got roped in to having that miniature pony stay on the property for a few weeks and the little hellion was convinced he was a dog and managed to get in to the house?" He recalled and immediately his lovely fiancé was laughing brilliantly through her tears in her amusement. The laughter came with her most brilliant smile and he put all his effort in to memorizing every detail of it. The curve of her lips, the creases in the corners of her eyes, the lift of her cheeks. He adored it and he couldn't help but smile right along with her.

"I forgot about that," she laughed and that laughter grew more and more with every detail she recalled. "You and I spent all day trying to catch that damn thing," she laughed with a shake of her head.

"He was unreasonably fast on those stumpy little legs."

"Mother would have been furious had she seen him," she laughed despite herself and wiped away her own tears, "I don't recall a day I had ever laughed so hard as I did then with you and that stupid little horse," she laughed fondly and knew that they were running on borrowed time.

"It is one of my most favourite memories," he smiled as he tucked her hair behind her ear once more. But when the laughter faded in to silence, Daniel felt the tug of death once more.

"I have to go, sweetheart," he breathed and she shook her head, silently begging him to stay, "I love you more than words can say," he told her as he reached forward and tucked her hair behind her ear. But before he could wipe away her tears, she pulled herself in to him for one last kiss. And did she ever make it count.

It was slow and tender. Precious. Savouring every last moment they had together as she shrugged her shoulders up in to him and cradled his head between her hands. Memorizing the shape of his jaw in her hands, the softness of his lips, the warmth of his breath, the love in his kiss. She pressed herself to him, soaked in every ounce of him, inhaled the scents of the stable that lingered on his skin and clothes.

It was a kiss goodbye. And she was the one wiping tears away from his cheeks as he clung to her. It was heartbreaking. But it was the goodbye they never got the chance to have and she was so grateful for it then.

And then she parted from the kiss softer than any kiss she had ever shared before and left her lips to hover over his as she whispered, "I love you, Daniel."

"I love you, Regina," and truly felt himself start to fade. But he felt at peace. No longer was there any turmoil within him, no longer was there anything left unsaid, no longer was there any unfinished business as he spoke soft and tender and began to drift against his wishes, "goodbye, Regina."

It was a whisper against her lips and she could feel his presence start to slip away from her. So she pressed her forehead in to his and breathed softly as her tears fell, "goodbye, Daniel."

"Love again."

And then he was gone. Vanished from her life once more and her heart was broken all over again. Daniel was gone and she was alone. Again. But she had closure and that was something she did not know how to cope with. In a way, it only made her cry more. For she no longer had anything. She no longer had anyone. She was free but she was lost and as the realization of how truly lost she was began to set in, she covered her mouth with her hands and cried. Unable to open her eyes knowing that Daniel was no longer there.

David still stood where he had motioned to the queen. He hadn't moved a single step, hadn't spoken a single word, he had only watched the pair of lovers from beginning to end. He had been just out of earshot for the tone of voice they had spoken in but he was close enough to catch every expression and every tear. He had been absolutely enthralled in watching Regina so comfortable and so trusting in Daniel's company. How much she truly loved him had never been more clear.

And seeing her stableboy run so quickly to kiss her and soothe her hysterics had immediately put David in tears. He had never witnessed such pure and loyal love. It had been a gift to watch them together. An absolute gift.

It had been an emotional reunion and an absolutely heart wrenching goodbye. They were inseparable, not once did they ever break contact with one another, they loved one another so fully and so deeply and David had never seen such love. Not even between himself and Snow. Regina's love was overwhelming and David could not dry his eyes, he didn't so much as try.

He adored that queen. And watching her so happy had had him in tears and watching her desperately plea for her love to stay had had them falling even faster. She loved that stableboy with all of her heart, there was no question. And it was so unbelievable to him that she could be capable of a love so strong and so pure when she had caused such pain and devastation to their realm. It was a love story unlike anything he had ever seen.

What a gift it had been to witness for himself.

And what Snow wouldn't have given to have played witness to such a sight.

With tears still in his eyes over their heartfelt farewell, David decided to approach the heartbroken queen. She stood with her eyes still closed and her hands over her mouth as she cried and David didn't say a word. His heart was breaking for her.

The moment Regina felt the shepherd's touch, she flinched and practically jumped away from him with sob and a swatting hand. But her reaction had been habit, reflex even, and the longer she stood there without his touch, the more she craved his strong and calm energy. And it wasn't long before she was pivoting and crumbling and without opening her eyes, she tipped toward the shepherd and completely fell to pieces when he caught her ever so gently and carefully wrapped her in his arms. She merely cried against his chest and let him hold her.

He held her tight in strong arms and he held her until she calmed and stilled but he didn't believe her tears would stop any time soon.

And neither did she.


	19. Chapter 19

**I feel like the worst writer in the whole world leaving all these stories without updates for so long! I just want to thank every single one of you who has taken the effort to write a review, send a PM, or touch base with me in any other way to keep bringing me back on track when I've been so quiet for so long. It means a lot! So here is an update! And hopefully the next one won't be too far behind :)**

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She had been dead silent since Daniel that morning. She had not spoken a single word since the man disappeared indefinitely and there was nothing David could do to get her to speak. He did not know what exactly had been said between the two lovers, nor was it truly his business. But he desperately wanted to know what had affected her so deeply. She was like a ghost herself but this time he didn't push her. He didn't prod her. He simply let her be and was sure to deliberately go and check on her throughout the day so she knew he was there for her should she need him.

But she didn't speak a word, barely even looked at him and instead spent the day in her own head thinking about things only known to herself.

It was only when he went to check on her one last time before he went to bed that she finally spoke. But she still didn't look at him and kept her unfocused gaze on the burning fire in the hearth as he placed a cup of tea on the table in front of the sofa.

"He wanted me to thank you," she spoke softly and the shepherd immediately looked over to her but she kept staring at the flames. "For giving us a chance to see one another and say goodbye. He wanted me to thank you. And I want to thank you too," she told him but still couldn't look at him. "So…thank you…" she thanked awkwardly and her eyes fell to her ring she spun on her finger.

"You are both welcome," he replied softly and could sense the bottling of her emotions. So he carefully sat down beside her and she turned her head ever so slightly toward him so she could look at him but her eyes remained down so her gaze was on his lap. It was only when she looked back at her own hands that he tried to speak with her and when he did, he made sure his voice was soft and kind.

"How are you?" He asked gently and she shook her head.

"I just…" she drifted off and took a few moments to try and figure out exactly what she was feeling. And as she did, her tears returned and her head shook once more. "I don't know what to do anymore," she confessed quietly and swallowed when she looked him in the eye. Kind and gentle blue eyes. And then she shrugged her shoulders up as her expression fell more strained and lost, "he made me promise to let him go and I just…I don't know what to do anymore…I…I feel…lost," she shook her head and then frowned at the word as tears rolled down her cheeks.

Then she looked back at the fire and David remained silent beside her, "I feel lost," she repeated to herself and tried to come to terms with the feeling.

…

"Wake up."

Awoken by a single firm tap of her finger on his forehead, David startled awake and stumbled on sleepy words, "wh-huh?"

"Wake up."

"Regina? What-…what's wrong? Are you alright?"

"I want to go for a ride."

"…It's dark outside. It's…the middle of the night…Regina?" He protested in his sleepy confusion but she didn't bat an eye and the soft glowing magic above her head didn't flicker. She wasn't really giving him an option. And he figured there must have been something on her mind for her to be acting so strangely. She was indeed dressed to ride and was wrapped in soft furs to accommodate for the cold air of the late autumn night.

So with a long and sleepy sigh, David nodded and gave in, "alright. Alright, I'll get dressed," he complied and she walked away but left her soft glowing ball of magic where it was so he could see what he was doing. He figured he had given her enough grief that the least he could do was go out in the cold in the middle of the night for her.

Besides, she was asking for his company. Which was something she never did. So he figured it best he go with her.

…

It had taken him longer than usual for him to get himself dressed but in all fairness, he was still half asleep. The shock of the cold air outside the palace walls was more than enough to wake him up though the moment he stepped outside.

Regina didn't seem fazed by it though, nor did she seem distracted by the fresh blanket of snow the earth had been covered in. It must have snowed heavily and quickly for there was no sign of such weather when he had gone to bed. It had been awfully chilly that morning with Daniel though. He supposed his estimate of a week until snow was incorrect.

That aside though, it was a beautiful night. The sky was clear, the stars were bright, the moon was full, and the ground and trees were all white. It made for more than enough light for them to see without magic or torches and David took comfort in that fact for he had been trying to figure how the pair of them were going to navigate through the forest in the dead of night.

Their horses were tacked up and in the care of a stablehand waiting for them just outside the door which meant they didn't have to walk far in the cold which was appreciated. But as David spared a glance at the queen mounting her horse with an immensely tormented expression, he knew that their ride was not going to be a short jaunt through the forest. They were going to be out in the cold for quite some time. So he took a deep breath to aid him in mentally preparing himself and mounted his horse shortly after the queen.

And once he was settled, the queen trotted her stallion to the gates and David followed suit without a word.

…

They were galloping within a couple minutes of leaving the palace grounds. It was absolutely thrilling. The night was quiet and the snow insulated every sound aside from the pounding hooves and snorting breaths of their horses. There was not a soul in sight as the pair of them tore up the flawless blanket of snow over the road. There was a certain satisfaction that came with being the first ones to make a path through such an untouched vista.

And even though it was so completely exhilarating, the silent of the night and the freedom of their horses brought about a soul deep peace. And he couldn't help but wonder if that was why Regina had wanted so firmly to go and ride with nothing but the moon to light their way.

It was magical. And they ran and ran, pushing their horses further and further but neither one speaking a word to one another. He simply followed the black stallion and his queen and ignored the burn that the cold air stung his lungs with in every breath. His heart was pounding and his breaths were panting and he was loving every second of it. He was glad Regina had woken him up to join her. But he was still immensely worried for her for she was acting so incredibly strange. He had hoped that she would have felt better in the morning after a good sleep but it appeared the woman was clearly unable to sleep. Perhaps she was galloping to clear her mind.

It still didn't make any sense but he wasn't too focused on that matter as he urged his horse to keep up with Regina. But his grey was tiring and no amount of spurring was encouraging him to go any faster for he just simply could not keep up with that black stallion any longer. But just as he was getting ready to call after Regina, the woman brought her stallion to a sliding halt and the beast was breathing so hard and so fast, David worried the poor menace was going to drop dead. But he stood dutifully without complaint as the sweat from his body steamed in to the cold air and David brought his gelding to a more gentle halt alongside Regina and her stallion. His dappled grey coat was soaked with sweat as well and it left both him and Regina sitting in a billowing cloud of steam from each of their horses.

The woman merely looked at him for a moment, analyzing something unknown to him and then without a word, looked away and swung off her horse and started walking. He was more confused than ever and after a moment of befuddlement, David slid off his horse and followed the baffling woman.

"Regina?" He called but she didn't reply, didn't even look over her shoulder as she continued to walk ahead of him. His heart was still pounding from their long gallop and the blood pumping through every muscle was rather euphoric. He had also gotten used to the cold. Or was at the very least warm enough to not care too much about it. He was worried though for Regina.

So he called after her again, "Regina, where are you going?" And she walked a few more strides before she stopped just a few paces from a large tree. Panting from the ride and the trudging through of the snow, David stopped just out of arms reach behind her and waited for her to do something.

But he did not expect what she had turned around with. Slowly she turned around with eyes dilated with far more than the need to see better in the dark. It had his heart dropping to his stomach, his belly flipping with warmth, and his throat tightening with want but uncertainty. Her expression was impossible to misinterpret and he was far more willing to give in to it than he ever should be.

"Regina," he started with a shake of his head but every inch of him was burning with lust when she silently stepped up to him without so much as blinking. The lustful heat in his belly was building so fast he knew that any argument he had was going to prove to be useless. He wanted her more than anything right at that moment. But he knew it was wrong, "this is a bad idea," he told her but she ignored him entirely and his will to resist dissolved entirely when she pulled him down to her by the heavy fur wrapped around his neck and shoulders and kissed him without hesitation.

He didn't understand what was happening, didn't know if this had been her intention all along, but regardless of it all he was helpless against her wishes. He had been craving her ever since the first time and kissing her then multiplied that craving tenfold. Within moments his hands were on her, pulling her in by her waist and burying in to dark, gallop tangled hair. And even though he knew he should, he held nothing back in his kiss.

He kissed her hard and he kissed her deep, making her moan as her hands pulled harder on the fur keeping him warm. And when her knees had her swooning, David was holding her tighter against him with a hand spread over the small of her back.

Then she was panting and nipping at his lips and his already pounding heart was skipping in and out of rhythm. "Regina," he tried to protest but it came out as a breathy and lustful sigh that had the woman sinking heavier in to him and clouding his judgement even further with a low moan that purred in her chest.

It was sensory overload. The blood thrumming through his veins from the ride, the lingering tingle in his skin brought on by the sharp air blowing past them as they galloped, the heat of her breath against his lips, the chill of her hands as they found his neck, the freezing air around them, the surprise that came with the queen's actions, and the lust warming from the inside out. He was wavering on the line he should never cross and he was losing the clarity to stay on the right side of it with every second that passed of her greedy kiss.

"Regina," he protested and she stopped with her parted lips hovering over his, "this isn't a good idea."

"If you truly want me to stop then tell me," she breathed as her fingers moved to the buttons of her coat over her stomach and slowly began to open them. "I will stop if you don't want me," she told him with her nose still pressed against his cheek. "Or you can shut up and fuck me," she whispered against his lips and then rocked her head back so she could look him in the eye.

"What will it be, shepherd?" She pressed and he fought seriously within himself. He was as hesitant as she knew she should be. But ever since she had lost Daniel's loving touch that morning, she had been craving the touch of someone who cared. And despite how much she hated it, she could never forget the tenderness of the shepherd's touch when he had first shared her bed. And try as she might to deny it, she had loved it. And there in the middle of the night in the cold, she had decided she wanted more of it.

She could regret it tomorrow.

It was foolish of him and he knew it was only going to cause the pair of them more grief than it was worth, but David was quick to break. He kissed her and revelled in the whimper she gave against his lips. He pulled her in to him with his hands on either side of her head and made quick work of making her weak in the knees. It was wrong, so very wrong and disloyal. But he just couldn't get enough of it.

Then her fingers hooked in to the waist of his pants and she was pulling him with her as she backed up. They stumbled through the snow together until her back hit a tree and she grew more determined to take what she wanted. He supposed in a way it was better than the last time. This time she was the one instigating rather than him but truly all he could hope for was that the aftermath would be less violent than their first time. That there would be no blood or broken mirrors.

But those thoughts were quickly thrown from his focus when the cold winter air bit at his skin over his stomach when the queen yanked away his coat and pulled at his shirt. Never once breaking their kiss, her cold hands urged him closer and he snatched the scarf from her neck so he could taste the skin there and listen to her breath catch.

"It's freezing, Regina," he panted in an attempt to bring this mistake to a halt. But he knew the cold didn't bother her as it did the rest of world. And her hands were working at his belt as she rocked herself in to him and clouded his mind.

"You'll be fine," she breathed and then nipped hard at his jaw as her palm rubbed over his hardening length in his pants. She was dizzy with arousal and it only got worse as he pressed more of his weight in to her and pinned her harder to the tree behind her. "Fuck me," She panted against his lips and without another moment wasted, he lifted her and she wrapped her legs around his hips.

There was a small whimper of approval that shed light on how eager she was and while he tried not to let the sound get to him, he was a lost cause when the fabric of her pants dissolved from beneath his hands. They had started behind her knees but as his touch slid up her thigh, her magic left him with nothing but the smoothest skin under his hands. His fingers dug in to the skin of her thigh and she moaned against his mouth as she rocked her hips in to him, urging him to take out his cock and slide it in to the heat she offered. Urging him to let them have just one more night of passion.

And as she slowly rocked and ground in to him, her hands started working on the clasps holding the front of her corset together. But he wanted to do that himself. So he snatched her hands away and tugged them over her head, following through with a sharp bite to her neck and a hot kiss that had her gasping and then whimpering and shivering in delight.

Only once he was certain she was going to keep her arms up did he ease up the assault on her neck and move his attention to the stubborn corset. He tugged and he pulled at the snug leather and fought with the cold metal clasps but they were both impatient and when he got it open just enough for her breasts to spill out, he dove in and kissed her burgundy lips as his hand scratched down her collar bone and dug in to the soft flesh of her breast.

She hissed and moaned and pulled on the branch above her head to bring herself closer to him and kiss him better. She loved kissing this foolish shepherd. Loved it more than anything. And hated that she did.

He was so warm and she was so cold but it only gave her more of a thrill when he started aligning her hips and digging in to his pants for his hard cock. Pleasure and excitement shot through her every nerve and her hands let go of the branch above her so her hands could take hold of either side of his face and her fingers could rake through his hair.

And then she could feel him in her. Slowly he sunk in until he filled her and her lips parted further with a quiet moan and a gasp. Her fingers curled and pulled at his hair, his breaths catching against her skin with such pleasurable intimacy. And right then, there was just a moment of pause and she knew she loved him. She loved him full and true and she loathed herself for it. For it would never work, no matter how much she wished it could, he would never choose her over Snow.

It nearly made her cry and as he started to rock his hips in a steady rhythm, the self loathing only grew more potent. She wanted more from him but with their horrid past and their current situation, she could never have more. But if things were different, if he didn't belong to Snow, she knew she would put every ounce of effort in to being everything for him, in to being worthy of belonging to him.

It could never be so, but for one more night, she could pretend it could. It was easy when his hands were so kind and his efforts were so willing.

"Harder," she breathed and his grip tightened around her hip and thigh and he obeyed with a heady kiss.

...

It was dark in his bedchamber. And she could have used her magic to bring more light to the room but there was always one curtain that was drawn back in his room. Just a narrow window, but its placement assured that when the sun rose, the light would shine right on the bed and wake him naturally with the break of day. That same window offered just enough light from the snow and the moon for her to navigate to his bedside without incident and look upon his sleeping face.

Even in sleep the lines of stress and worry were not erased from her father's face. They were softer, but they were not gone. And it was then more than ever that she came to realize how desperately she wanted to see him happy once more. Happy like when she was a child whose hair he braided before they went outside and played for hours on end. She missed hearing him laugh. She missed seeing him smile.

And feeling even worse about herself now, Regina crawled in to his bed with tears rolling down her cheeks.

Henry was startled awake by the movement beside him but as the weight carefully crawled over him, he could only frown in confusion. Any fear seemed to disappear instantly by the presence of something familiar. But it took his sleep ridden mind quite some time before he realized it was his beloved daughter sneaking in to his bed. "Regina?" He called quietly as she slipped herself under the heavy blankets and settled herself in right beside him.

"Regina, you are freezing," he commented softly as he instinctively urged her closer to warm her. It was only when the moonlight glinted against something on her cheek that he realized she was crying once more and his heart ached for her as he pulled her in to him with a softly cooed, "Regina, what is wrong, sweetheart?"

"I'm sorry, daddy," she breathed softly with her frown and tucked herself right in against him with her head on his chest and her arms around his middle.

"Whatever for, child?" He breathed tenderly as he hugged her close and tucked her head beneath his chin as his fingers combed through her hair above her ear. He wished for nothing more than for this whole process to be easier on her. She was having such a difficult time finding her way out of the dark.

"For everything," she replied on a single broken and tired sob and then turned her forehead so it was pressed against his chest and her nose could take a deep breath of the familiar scent. The scent that she had known since before she could remember. "I am sorry you don't smile anymore," she told him as she hugged him tighter and he cooed at her in the most loving way. It broke her heart.

"Oh, Regina," he drew out softly and she sniffed quietly and wriggled herself in as close to him as she could. "You have given me so much joy in my life, my darling daughter. I owe it to you to stay by your side and ensure that one day I can bring just as much joy to you in return," he told her and her brow furrowed with her next silent but tear ridden breath. "If we were constantly happy in life, we would take our smiles for granted. Imagine how much we will value our happiness in the future."

"…Do you think we will ever be happy again?"

"I do, my child," he told her with a small nod of his head as his fingers made another pass through her hair above her ear, "I know we will be."

She didn't believe him. She wanted to believe him but she didn't even know where to begin to find such a thing as happiness. It was another reason she had yet to put her new beginning in to action. For even if she started fresh, she didn't know what to do from there.

So she squeezed her father tighter and willed herself to believe him as she whimpered softly, "I love you, daddy. More than anything."

"I love you too, child," he assured and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head as his heart burst with joy over hearing such words leave her lips. And then he combed his fingers through her hair until she finally fell asleep just before the break of dawn.


	20. Chapter 20

**I have had the WORST case of writer's block, omg! But MERRY CHRISTMAS! Hope you enjoy it! The next chapter will shoukd be up no later than tomorrow ;)**

* * *

Regina woke more tired than she had been when she had crawled in to her father's bed. Her limbs were heavy and her eyes practically refused to open, her mind foggy and unwilling to clear. And when she rolled over, her drowsy eyes fell on her father sitting next her her in his bed with a book in his lap, glasses balanced on his nose, and a kind smile on his face.

"Good morning, child," he greeted softly and she protested the morning sun just as she had when she was a young girl. Scrunching her face in a pout and pushing her face in to a pillow. It made him smile a little wider and he had to fight the laugh bubbling in his chest as he reached over and started to comb his fingers through her hair. It was the little moments like that that gave him hope for the future. That she wasn't completely lost to the world.

"I hate him," she whined quietly in to the pillow and her father's fingers continued their soothing paths through her hair. But while it was soothing, it wasn't nearly enough to take the torment from her heart.

"Your shepherd?"

"He is _not_ my shepherd!" She snapped harshly as she shot her head up from the pillow and snarled at him. Just as always, he took it in stride and dipped his head in acceptance.

"The shepherd?" He corrected as his fingers made another pass through her hair and she softened accordingly.

"Yes," she frowned, grumpy and emotionally exhausted as she sunk back down but moved closer so her head settled in her father's lap and he moved his book out of her way.

Treasuring the opportunity to have his daughter so close, Henry encouraged her closer and softly kept his fingers playing in her long silky hair, carefully detangling any knots he came across from whatever she had been doing outside the night before. Galloping most likely. "He is not a bad man," Henry reasoned softly.

"Nor is he good."

"He is trying, my child. And like no one else before, he is staying," he noted quietly and knew she was scowling without having to look at her face.

"I want him out of my life," she hissed but even as the words were leaving her mouth she was asking herself the question her father voiced aloud.

"Are you certain?" He questioned as his fingers tucked her hair behind her ear. But she didn't say a word in reply. Simply remained still for a moment or two before she nuzzled herself deeper in to his thigh and hugged herself closer to him.

...

All morning David had been plagued by images of his night with the queen. Her nails scratching over his scalp, digging in to his skin, her full lips kissing his, her teeth nipping at his neck and jaw, her breath hot and sharp. He could still feel her thighs around his hips, he could still taste her chilled skin on his tongue, he could still smell her scent mingling with the cold night air. The rock of her hip against his, the heat of her around his cock.

His mind was fuzzy and his eyes were glazed for all he could think about as he looked out at the blinding white forest, was the queen who had dragged him out to it in the middle of the night and took a piece of him he shouldn't have surrendered. Being so close to her was intoxicating and then to be so intimate with her was utterly incredible. And he found he wanted nothing more than to be that close to her again. To hold her head in his hands and kiss her slowly, to run his fingers through her silky hair and trail his nose over her cheek and nose, to breath her same breath and have her close.

It was such a potent and overwhelming desire and no matter how hard he tried, he could not rid himself of it. She was so powerful and consuming and he had never quite felt such a thing before. And he hated that he was, was ashamed that he was. For he was supposed to love only Snow, she was his True Love as Regina's sleeping curse had already proven. He had no business wishing for such intimacy with the queen and yet there he stood recalling every shaky and whimpered breath that left her parted lips against his just the night before.

Then there was a door that opened behind him and when he spun to see who it was, he was surprised to see Regina standing there. He had thought for certain he was nowhere near her bedchamber and as he risked a quick glance at his surroundings, he confirmed he was not. He was still outside her father's in the hope that he could avoid her a little while longer as he pulled himself together. But there she stood in the same clothes they had together pulled from her body the night before and every memory flooded his mind more potent than before.

But what he couldn't quite ignore was the feeling that settled in his chest as he looked at her scowling lips and her high held head. The feeling that so much resembled that of that dreaded four letter word that there would be no turning back from.

Love.

"What are you doing here," she snapped curtly while her heart soared in panic and delight at the sight of him there. She wanted to tear him limb from limb and make a gown stained from the red of his blood she hated him so. But she also wanted to feel his kind touch from then until the rest of time itself. And those two conflicting desires were slowly boiling her confused temper out of her control.

"I could ask you the same thing," David replied dumbly and immediately regretted it. He should know by now to tread lightly after getting so close to her heart, "I mean, I just didn't expect to find you here."

"It is my palace and my father, what reason would I have to be elsewhere," she snapped and David shook his head and closed his eyes.

"I just thought you were in your room, Regina, that was all," he tried to soothe but it only seemed to rile her up further.

"You were checking up on me," she accused with a snarl and a step toward him.

"No, Regina, I wasn't looking for you at all," he shook his head as he too stepped forward and lifted his hands a little in surrender.

"Then you don't care about last night," she accused instead and he scoffed softly in disbelief.

"Are you serious? Regina," he shook his head and then looked past her down the hall as he tried to gather his thoughts, "Regina, if you think that for one moment I have been able to clear my mind of last night, you have never been more wrong," he told her but her glower did not soften.

"So you've just been waiting around all morning for me to cross your path, not willing to take initiative and clear the air between us yourself. Coward," she hissed as her blood boiled for reasons just out of her reach.

"...Are you serious right now?" David asked with an incredulous scoff, "not ten seconds ago you were about to rip my head off for appearing to check on you and now you are ready to tear it off for not checking on you?!"

"Well which is it, shepherd?!"

"Neither, Regina!"

"It cannot be neither!"

"I was standing here trying to make sense of what happened last night and how I feel about it, I had no intention of seeking you out, nor did I have any intention of ignoring you! I didn't know you were in your father's room!"

"And what sense have you made of it, shepherd?" She bit as she stepped forward with a snarl and he didn't back down, "hmm? Did you enjoy yourself?"

"I am not playing this game with you, Regina," he scowled as he stepped right in to her space and watched her deadly eyes flick back and forth between his blue. "You came to me last night, don't you forget that," he snapped as he pointed a finger to her chest and kept his voice down for he was so close to her, "and you and I both know that there was far more to last night than simple sex, your majesty," he pressed quietly but sharply, more than irritated with her flamboyant temper, "stop accusing me of such frivolous nonsense you know damn well isn't true and start being honest with yourself."

It was silent for a moment as her teeth ground together and his stern blue eyes bored in to her skull. She wanted so badly to claw his face off with her bare hands. She hated him so dearly and desperately wished she could tear him apart without mourning the loss of him. She hated him with every fibre in her being but all she could seem to focus on was how good it had felt to be in his intimate care.

And he was so close to her she could smell the fresh forest scent that still lingered on him from the night before. It sent a shiver down her spine that ultimately snapped her restraint and before he could walk away from her, she was taking a step forward and pulling his head down to hers and trapping him in a kiss.

It was stupid, it was foolish, it was weakness, but she couldn't stop herself and when he didn't pull away from her but rather began to curl around her and kiss her back, she cursed herself for the lack of control she seemed to have while around him. And as his hand slid around the small of her back, she wondered how exactly her impulses had gone from killing him every chance she got, to kissing him at every chance she got. She hated it.

And as he pulled her body flush against his, she was quickly on the verge of tears with how welcome it felt. The warmth, the strength, the want, all seeping in through every muscle until it reached her heart and her hands urged him even closer as his opening jaw moved beneath her palms. She had meant for her kiss to be powerful and sharp and put him in his place. But her heart seemed to have a different idea than her mind as to where his place was. It seemed to think his place was right there alongside it to mend its every break and soothe its every ache.

She hated the feeling. Hated it because it felt as though her heart was right. But it couldn't be. Not with him, anyone but him.

So she kissed him harder, trying to gain the upper hand but failing miserably when the shepherd took her in stride and panted against her lips. He felt too perfect to push away but also far too perfect to ever be true.

Furious over her lack of control and confused over what she was feeling and what she wanted, Regina pulled away from the kiss and tore herself away from him, feeling the cold return to her body the moment his hands were gone. "I want you to go back to Snow," she hissed and then quickly turned and walked away so he couldn't see the tears burning in her eyes.

"Regina," he argued with a shake of his head, confused and frustrated over what was going on between them, "I don't think that's a good idea right now," he shut down sharply and she spun back around, the fabric of her coat flying with her hair at the violence of the turn as her tongue spat venom at him.

"I want you to go!" She bellowed and through her blurry tears she could still see his own temper rising to the surface.

"Regina-!"

"You said that I could choose when you had to leave!" She shouted furiously as she pointed at him.

"Yes, but not as a tool for you to hide from me!" He shouted back, his voice big and low with his anger at the insufferable brunette.

"I do not want you here, you daft shepherd!" She growled as she walked back up to him with a snarl and absolutely loathed the tears in her eyes that gave way to what she was really feeling, "you have been nothing but an intolerable distraction that has delayed my plans for over a year! I will have no more of it! Your efforts have reaped nothing," she hissed through a snarl as a tear rolled down her cheek and he scowled back at her, "I am the Evil Queen, it is who I am and who I will always be. There is nothing a dreaming peasant can do about it, my heart is not yours to touch. Now stop wasting my time! Go back to your precious Snow and enjoy what little time you have left together before I take it away from you and make your lives more miserable than either one of you could ever imagine," She snarled and his jaw was clenched with his anger and his blue eyes bore holes in to her skull.

But he didn't move, not right away. He stared back at her for a few moments longer and she was ready to scream in his face when he finally decided to speak.

"My apologies, your majesty," he spoke cooly, his temper flaring and his jaw tight, "it seems my initial opinion of you was correct. You are a monster with no hope of change. I shan't bother you with any further dabbling in to the otherwise," he told her and her top lip curled back in a snarl while her teary dark eyes stormed with a new level of her temper. "Goodbye, Regina," he snapped curtly and then walked around her, resisting the urge to knock her shoulder as he passed. He was so finished with dealing with her. He was exhausted and frustrated and after weighing his options, could not come up with any reasons to stick with such a thankless task as trying to work with the Evil Queen.

So he walked away. And even though it didn't sit quite right, he did not once hesitate to leave with the intention of never returning.

Regina merely turned to watch him leave and began working to convince herself that the ache in her heart was not stemmed of regret and heartbreak. For that would be a ridiculous notion. No matter how true, it couldn't be so.

However, when the shepherd was out of sight and she turned her head and found her father standing at the doors to his bedchamber with a solemn frown on his aging face that hit her harder than she expected. He didn't say a word, but his expression spoke volumes. And she knew he was right. But there was nothing her pride would let her do about it now. So she turned and stormed off in the opposite direction from the shepherd and hissed at the tears rolling down her cheeks.

 **One Day Later**

It was winter, and granted it was very early in the season and the late flyers still lingered in the area, but why in god's name there were so many around this ridiculous castle, Regina could not understand. There were birds chittering and chattering in every nook and cranny, perched on every windowsill, and Regina had not been there five minutes and she was ready to skewer them all and roast them over a fire.

If it weren't for all their tiny bones, she'd do Snow White the courtesy of eating them in front of her one by one just to see the look of horror on her face.

And there was so much light pouring in to the castle it was unbearable. She had to squint everywhere she looked. There were windows everywhere and between the sun and the snow, she couldn't see a damn thing. How people lived in this place indefinitely she could not fathom. It was ridiculous. It was too bright and too cheery and too noisy, she hated everything about it. She almost turned around and washed her hands of all of it.

But then she reminded herself of what waited back at her palace.

Nothing.

So she hissed under her breath and slipped in to the bedchamber and stood in the middle of the room.

Her timing was impeccable, if she did say so herself. For she was standing there for no more than a single irritated minute before the door opened and she turned to face the travel weary shepherd entering his room. Her expression was nothing more than a resting scowl when she looked at him and when he saw her there standing in the middle of his room, he was equal parts confused and infuriated. And she supposed she deserved it.

"Regina, what in the actual hell are you doing here?!" He bellowed but she did nothing more than squint her eyes in irritation at his tone.

"Why are there so many god damn birds chirping in this place. Does Snow use the whole palace as an aviary? How does anything ever get done with such racket?"

"What are you doing here!?"

"You left."

"You told me to!"

"You should know better by now than to listen to me when-"

"No, no, no, you are not turning the blame on me! Yesterday was all on you!"

"Oh please, you are in no position to be throwing blame!"

"And you are?!"

"You are the one who started this whole thing!"

"Well if we are playing that game, you are the one who went on a murderous rampage and refused to seek help! How far back are we playing?!"

"You are absolutely infuriating!" She snarled as she stepped toward him with her hands ready to strangle him.

"I can promise you the feeling is mutual," he snarled right back and her jaw clenched even tighter while her eyes burned with anger.

"I don't know why I even bothered coming here."

"You are not supposed to be here at all!"

"It's just as you have said. There is nothing actually holding me captive in my palace."

"That doesn't mean you get to come here, Regina! How the hell did you even get in here?!"

"Please, if you think those protection spells are any match against my magic you are fooling yourself. It was no more challenging than snapping my fingers."

"You incredulous woman!" He growled through bared teeth and lunged one step forward as he threw his satchel to the bed and lurched his hands forward, ready to throttle her pretty little neck. But he stopped himself well before he followed through and she merely had to sway her weight backward to avoid him, "what are you doing here?!"

"I want you to come back."

"Why would I ever want to go back there with you?!" He bellowed furiously and she recoiled just a little before she was yelling right back at him.

It hurt more than she had expected to hear such a thing from him but it was a fair jab after all the grief she had caused them both, "because! I-! Because I want you to come back!" She argued dumbly for she couldn't quite find the courage to say aloud what she needed to.

"Bullshit, Regina!" He snarled at her and turned away, tugging off his heavy coat and furs and harshly throwing them on to his bed next to his satchel, "you've been trying to get me out of your company since the very beginning, and now, after all I have offered and given and endured, you are still as bitter and as cold as you were a year ago! I am finished with you, Regina! You and your anger have finally succeeded," he sneered as he walked back toward her with every intention to physically drag her out of his home himself.

"I wasn't angry at you!" She argued and he paused to listen but scoffed an ill tempered laugh, "I was merely taking it out on you!"

"If it wasn't me then who the hell were you angry at?!"

"Myself!" She shouted in his face and he stopped his advance with a scowl and blue eyes piercing her very soul. It was quiet for a moment and then she stomped her weight on to one foot with a short and stressed laugh and tears pooling in her eyes that rose with her vulnerability and anxiety. She hated opening her heart up to him. Hated the feeling of being so vulnerable and easy to hurt. But it was the only time he would ever listen to her and soon enough, her words were pouring out of her mouth.

"I am impulsive and prideful and I don't know what I am doing!" She yelled at him with her arms swinging in frantic gestures while he took a page out of her book and scowled at her with all of his might.

"I don't know how to function with you there! I hate that! I hate you! And I hate myself because despite it all, I cannot be without you! I am lonely without you! And that makes me want to tear you apart! You stupid shepherd!" She shouted and despised the tears burning in her eyes.

"If you hate me so much, why are you here now?" He pressed lowly with a snarl. He was so tired of her inconsistency and violent mood swings. And she had hurt him.

"Because you are making a difference!" she told him truthfully, swallowing her pride and giving him the upper hand, "and no matter how much I loathe you for what you did to me, I cannot ignore what you have been doing for me now," she shook her head and in a moment of vulnerability that snuck up on her without her notice, a small cry left her lips and she tried to pass it off with a laugh but there were tears in her eyes once more. "You have done so much for me, more than anyone else in my entire life, David, and I cannot begin to express how grateful I am for your persistent efforts. But I just cannot stand the fact that it has had to be _you_ ," she breathed the word bitterly with closed eyes as she shook her head and tried to ground herself.

"You raped my mind," she gritted out slowly with a single shake of her head and then opened her eyes and looked straight at him and breathed, "and I cannot let that go."

And then she started shaking her head again, "but you brought back my Daniel, David," she cried softly and sucked in a shaky breath to keep her cries at bay, "you don't understand," she cried and she knew she deserved the unrelenting scowl on his face but she so desperately wished he would soften it. "You brought me love, you gave it back to me. Even if it was just for a little while, you reminded me how good it felt to have that, to have a person who cared, who touched me with a kind hand, who looked at me as though I was a person who was truly worth something and believe it. You reminded me what it felt like to then in turn touch someone with kindness and love, to look at them as though they mattered more than anything else in the world, to care about someone with the deepest parts of my heart.

You brought that back to me and I have spent so long without anything of the sort, I had forgotten what it felt like. But not only that, you brought me closure. You gave me an end to a story whose last pages had been torn out and presumably lost forever. You gave me a conversation with the person I had lost, you gave me a kiss from the one love in my life, you gave me the opportunity for us to say goodbye," she cried and then shook her head frantically, "and I don't know how to cope with that! For so long, David, I have been pursuing one path and you have once again pulled the rug from under my feet and you have given me closure! For the first time in my life! You freed me from something so crippling and consuming and now everything familiar and dear to me is gone! I am finally free because of you! But now I don't know what to do! I have nothing to do and I have no one to talk to, no one to just be with! Everything I know is gone! Daniel is gone!

And I went to you knowing that I could find a kind touch, I went to you knowing you would give me what I was so desperately craving and you made me forget how miserable I was," she told him and then gave a pitiful laugh with a shake of her head and his expression still didn't soften, "you just got too close and I..." she drifted off softly and he simply stood there with hard eyes and an unrelenting scowl.

"Why are you here, Regina," he snapped and she succumbed to her own temper for just a moment.

"I am trying to apologize, you dense oaf!" She spat back with a snarl and he huffed an irritated breath out his nose while she reined herself back in and worked the tension out of her jaw. "You have been trying to teach me that it is better to be kind and that it is okay to be good. And if I were a whole person I am sure your efforts would be more fruitful. But I am a broken woman, David, and while parts of me know that you are right and are truly trying to follow your aid and parts that are tired of being in pain and crave the freedom that comes with love, there are also parts of me are scared stiff that giving in to the light will only lead me back through the fall in to the dark and all the pain that comes with it. And then there are the parts wish to forgive you for what you did in that tower for they understand why you had done such a thing," she shook her head and laughed through her tears and pushed her weight on to one foot with a slow blink.

"But then there are that parts that refuse to even play with such an idea and they are violent and volatile pieces and after so many years of allowing them to protect me from being hurt again like I was, they are the strongest parts of me. I trusted them for so long but now you have taken that trust away from me as well and I am having the most difficult time trying to do the right thing. I have said horrible things to you and I have done even worse. But despite it all, David, you matter to me. I promise you do. And I am sorry for being so cruel to you, I really and truly am," she shook her head softly as she looked him in the eye but his expression had not changed.

"I am sorry, David, and I am standing here hoping that you can find in you the will to come back give me another chance. I know that I am difficult and I know I am not an easy person to love-"

"That is where you are wrong, your majesty," David interrupted lowly and her dark eyes snapped up to his eyes while her eyebrows knitted together ever so slightly with her silent question. "You are a very easy woman to love," he told her and tipped forward just a fraction so that he was in her space and was assured that she was listening to every word, "you are also a very easy woman to loathe. How people perceive you is entirely up to you. You are in control of your future and who you wish to be," he told her firmly and her dark eyes darted around his face as his words sunk in and then they settled on his mouth.

"I need help, David," she breathed and hated how weak she sounded to herself, how pitiful it was that she, the Evil Queen, was practically begging for help.

"Go home, Regina," he told her and then stepped around her and began walking away.

It felt like a punch to the chest and there were tears pricking her eyes in an instant as she spun around to see where he was going, "David-!"

"Go home, Regina!" He snapped over his shoulder, cutting off her desperate plea, "give me space to think," he told her more kindly and then straightened his neck and closed his eyes as he tipped forward and braced his weight on his hands on his desk.

Not a word more was spoken. Silence filled the room and he was left with his tormented mind. But then he was being touched. A soft touch meeting his forearm while the other hand slid gently between his shoulder blades and up toward his neck. The touch set off his temper, in no headspace to be touched by the woman that had been driving him mad but as he spun around with teeth bared in a snarl and sharp words on his tongue, he was quickly stilled and silenced by whose arm he had snatched in his grip.

Snow.

With a quick scan of the room he saw the queen was nowhere to be found and with a tired sigh and a deeply apologetic frown, he softened his grip around Snow's arm and relaxed himself with a deep breath. "I'm sorry," he breathed and sunk back against his desk and watched his thumb rub gentle patterns over her wrist.

"It's okay," she shook her head with an empathetic smile, "I should have said something. Let you know it was just me," she excused him softly as she stepped forward between his knees and pressed a kiss to his forehead only to have him lean in to the contact. So she let it linger and then moved so his forehead rested against the bridge of her nose and he took another deep breath.

"How much did you hear?" He asked on his exhale, left to assume she had heard something given how she was so calm for him and asked no questions as to why he was so on edge and and nearly hurt her.

"Almost all of it. I was on my way to welcome you home but stopped at the door when I saw Regina," she replied and he sighed and she lifted her hands to hold either side of his face, leaving him to settle his on her hips. "I cannot imagine how infuriating it must be to work with her sometimes," she breathed in sympathy and he gave a single and tired laugh in agreement. "But you are making such a difference," she told him with a slight furrow of her brow for she truly couldn't quite believe what she had just heard and seen from her stepmother.

"It doesn't feel like it."

"Perhaps not going day by day. But from someone who has not seen Regina in over a year, the woman I saw today was completely different than the one I left banished at the Dark Palace gates," she told him and after a moment of shared silence, David lifted his head and she moved back just enough for their eyes to focus on one another. He looked tired and tormented and as her fingertips loving traced his cheekbone, she asked quietly, "would you like me to tell you what I saw?"

He knew she was right. That the changes from day to day were rather insignificant but if he were to take a step back and look at the change over a year, the changes were more than significant. He had also woven himself quite close to a wound that was deeper than any one he had tried to heal before. He should have expected her to get mean and violent. But he had gotten rather distracted from that matter after spending the night between her legs. Distracted and far more emotionally attached than he had ever intended.

He was so exhausted and his mind was already filled to the brim with the temperamental queen that he was quite happy to simply nod his head and have the answers given to him rather than have to seek them out himself. "Yes," he replied with another nod and she smiled at him while her gentle fingertips made another pass over his cheekbone. Just Snow's touch alone had him more open to Regina's apology. For a touch so tender and calm nearly had him in tears he had missed it so dearly.

And Regina had gone far longer without it than he. He understood how easy it would be to give in to the temptation when it could be so easily received from another. So he tilted his head in to Snow's moving hand and listened to her affectionate hum as his heart began to ache in his chest.

"I saw her trying," Snow started and knew he was listening even though he wasn't looking at her. "For so many years I had been dealing with a woman who needed help more than anyone I have ever known. And leaving her at her palace gates I knew she needed help more than ever before but she would not dare ask for it nor would she take it if it were offered. She was cold and harsh and cruel and far too proud for her own good.

But just now? David, I saw none of that. She swallowed all of her pride and came all the way here to our home with no intention to hurt me, no intention to hurt anyone. She came here and begged for you to go back and help guide her despite everything. She opened her heart to you, she was vulnerable to you, she told you she was terrified, she told you she wanted to be better, she told you she was wrong, she apologized to you," Snow shook her head in disbelief and gave him a most adoring smile when he looked up at her.

"Could you imagine a year and a half ago being told that one day the Evil Queen would break her banishment only to come straight in to our bedchamber to bear her heart and soul, insist that she was in the wrong, and then apologize for hurting you and proceed to plead for help," she questioned and David let his shoulders sag with the smallest smile.

"No," David shook his head and huffed a single breath of laughter out his nose that had Snow smiling even more, "no, I could not imagine that," he replied and Snow shook her head.

"Me neither," she smiled and then laughed quietly in utter pride and joy, "and yet here we are," she shrugged and David smiled with a breathed laugh.

"Yeah."

"You are making a difference, David, and I cannot begin to imagine all of the hell she has put you through and how tired you must be. But I can say without a doubt that it took everything for her to come here this morning and ask you to come back. And I don't think that that should be taken for granted," she told him softly and he sighed once more and with a shake of his head.

"No. It shouldnt," he agreed and tipped his head once more in to Snow's touch.

"However, I do think you should stay home for a day or two. If not to be in my company then, at the very least, to make Regina think really hard about whatever she did yesterday," she teased lightly and David laughed, far more relaxed and in much better spirits than when she had first come in to the room.

"Without a doubt," David assured and when Snow gave him her brightest smile, David shook his head at her and smiled back with a quiet, "I have missed you."

"I've missed you too," she smiled and then stepped in a little closer as she wrapped her arms around his neck and shoulders, "I am also very curious as to what Regina was talking about regarding you and Daniel."

"Hmm," he hummed softly and nodded his head, "it was one of the most wonderful things I have ever seen."


	21. Chapter 21

**I tried ALL DAY to post this chapter yesterday but the site was having a glitch! I am so sorry! Enjoy! :)**

* * *

"Mirror," she snapped as she paced before him with her hands on her hips. She had not been able to settle since she had left Snow's palace. Barely a single day had passed but she had not been able to sleep through the night. She had been jittery and anxious and in turn, temperamental. More so than usual.

"Yes, your majesty?" The mirror replied as he shone in to sight and admired the beauty of his twisted queen.

"Show me the shepherd," she commanded as she continued to pace but when there was a hesitation on the part of her mirror, her head swung around and she stalked directly up to him and growled, "show me the shepherd, mirror."

"I do not think that wise at this very moment in time, your majesty."

" _Excuse_ me?!" She scoffed in disbelief.

"Given the affection you hold toward-"

"I hold no affection toward that shepherd!" She bellowed at him and he bowed his glowing head and dipped his eyes down, "now show him to me!"

"Yes, your majesty," he surrendered quietly and without further delay, replaced his image with that of the shepherd.

The images that appeared in her mirror sent a harsh shock through her entire body, causing her to recoil from the mirror while her lips parted in anguish. For tangled in the sheets with his beloved Snow White, was her shepherd.

It startled her how much it broke her heart to see him with Snow. Her heart stopped and her blood chilled at the sight of his parted lips on her pale skin and before she could stop herself, her hand was over her stomach as she took one more step backward from the mirror. It shouldn't have come as such a shock to see him sharing a bed with Snow White. They were long since proven to be one another's True Love after all. But that fact didn't make it sting any less, it didn't make the pieces of her heart ache any less, it didn't soothe the burn of his betrayal. And she couldn't even call it betrayal, he wasn't hers, if anything at all he was the one betraying Snow White every time he got too close to herself in the dark palace.

But it didn't matter for there was no amount of playing to logic or reasoning that could ever take away the pain of the searing knife that had just been stabbed through her beaten heart. And so soon after she had opened herself to him and all but got on her knees to convince him to come back to her. He had gone and shared his bed with another as though her efforts meant nothing.

She shouldn't be so hurt. She had no right to feel as she did. But she did. It was a special kind of pain that she had never felt before. For Daniel had never hurt her in such a way, not once was there even an inkling of such betrayal. But it seemed that all this shepherd knew was betrayal and had grown quite skilled in the craft of toying with her tired and aching heart.

"Enough!" She bellowed and before she had even finished the word, the image was gone and replaced with the solemn genie in her mirror. She felt sick to her stomach and her temper was sending her head spinning but there was no one she could take it out on. She had never felt so alone. It was not her place to be upset over David sleeping with Snow. But the fact remained that she was and that she wanted nothing more than for her place to be at his side rather than be where she was then with no place at all.

"Enough," she breathed as tears welled up in her eyes and she lifted a halting hand toward her mirror but didn't look him in the eye. And then with a tortured mind and a sore heart, she walked away without a word more.

 **One Day Later**

The Dark Palace was always a sight to be seen. With its tall pointed spires it resembled no other architecture in the realm and a person couldn't seem to look away from it once it came in to view. It was strange, beautiful, and rather foreboding. A truly fitting place for the banishment of the Evil Queen. It was a dark place, the atmosphere always heavy with anger and torment and sorrow. He doubted it would ever again be a happy place.

Riding up to it that afternoon with Regina's description of Snow's bright castle in mind, David began to wonder if that was half the issue with trying to rehabilitate the queen. He began to wonder if she truly ever could win this fight when there were so many terrible memories held in that palace. Terrible memories she was constantly reminded of no matter where she walked in that palace. Perhaps more progress could be made if he took her away. If he took her somewhere safe and new. Perhaps she would finally thrive.

It would very much defeat the purpose of banishing her. But he doubted Snow would ever hold a strict hand over that particular ruling if given the choice to let Regina suffer in banishment or to allow her the opportunity to truly be happy outside of it.

It was good food for thought. And as he entered the great hall he laid eyes on the bitter queen herself, he couldn't help but think even harder on the matter. For how could anything good grow in a place so dark and miserable.

Regardless of that matter, he was not faced with what he had expected when he was back in her presence. He hadn't known what to expect of course, but considering she had been the one that had come to him to ask him to return, he wasn't expecting to be greeted with such a cold scowl. It had him bristling with irritation and displeasure and she only seemed to feed off of it and grow more irritable herself.

But he continued to approach her nonetheless and she continued to glower at him through those stunning dark eyes of hers. "If I recall correctly, your majesty, you are the one who asked I return and yet I haven't been in your company more than thirty seconds and you seem as though you are ready to tear my heart out and crush it to dust," he commented sharply as he stopped in front of her and her top lip curled back ever so slightly in distaste before she turned her head and started to walk away from him. "Regina," he snapped as he reached forward and the moment his grip found her forearm, she was whirling around with her teeth bared and swinging a magicked sword aimed for his neck.

Startled, David let go of her and jumped back just in time to dodge her blade but before he could do anything to defend himself, she lunged at him again with an angry shout. So he dodged her again. And again and again until he finally caught a moment to pull his sword from its sheath just in time to block her next strike. "Regina, what the hell!" He bellowed as metal clashed and she attacked him with a fury and speed he hadn't dealt with from her in a good long while.

It was her speed and agility he could never keep up with. He could meet her in strength but she was far too quick and precise for him to ever match. Even with practice. So he struggled and gritted his teeth as he tried his best to keep up with her relentless attack. "Regina!" He shouted as he pushed her backward only to have her quickly regain her footing and spin as she swung her sword back at him, " _speak_ , damn it!" He growled over their crossed blades and she bared her teeth at him.

" _You_!" Was all she could growl as she swung her blade at him once again, turning and twisting and easily deflecting his every attempt at getting to her.

He tried to recall something he had done to insult her since she had come to his home but he could think of nothing. He had only spent a single night at home before he had regrouped and made the journey back to her, there was nothing he could have possibly done in such a short amount of time. Especially not anything that would result in such ferocity.

Her blade was quick and her blows were hard and as the clashing metal rang through the hall, he willed himself to move faster and faster. But he was exhausted from his trip and frustrated with his welcome and she was absolutely relentless. A dark fury in silken hair, red velvet, and black leather.

"Me, what?!" He bellowed furiously as he blocked yet another series of strikes.

"You fucked her!" She shouted as she delivered an exceptionally hard blow that sent him fumbling backward to catch his balance and she took a moment to catch her breath and listen to his reply.

Confused, David shook his head at her as he panted, "who?!" He bellowed and only got a laugh in reply. Before the sound finished from her lips, her hand was tightening around the hilt of her sword as she prepared to swing at him again.

"Snow _White_!" She shouted as she swung her ebony blade and David quickly blocked it and stepped backward in time with her advance. She was furious. And she knew she had absolutely no right to be, but she was. She was livid. For how dare he share his bed with another when he made her feel such potent things, when he had made her feel treasured in his arms, made her feel as though she mattered to him.

Thinking about it only made it worse and David took advantage of a moment of distraction and used her momentum against her. He caught her sword in his and sent her swinging around him, releasing her mid swing so she stumbled to catch her balance while he backed away from her with an incredulous expression. An expression that did nothing more than make her feel utterly worthless to him and spring tears to her eyes. Tears of heartbreak and rage.

"You are pissed because I slept with Snow, are you _serious_?!" He pressed in disbelief with a furrow of his brow and a shake of his head while she tossed her sword in her hand and began to stalk a circle around him, her hurt blatant on her face but he was in no mindset to acknowledge or accommodate it, "need I remind you that we are engaged?!" He yelled at her, furious that she was acting out over such a thing.

Perhaps if he had given himself the chance to think about it he would have been able to see it through her perspective. But he wasn't given any time at all to even humour the thought of digging deeper.

"You need not remind me of such _things_!" She growled lowly but finished at a shout as she swung her sword once more in a vicious attack and he just barely blocked her every move. Swords were clashing, their focus was pinpoint, and their anger with one another was palpable in the air between them. She felt betrayed and simply could not get over what she had seen. He was playing games with her heart and she would not tolerate such disregard any longer. Her heart wasn't even his to regard. She was overreacting, that much she knew, but after so many years of being tossed aside, being tossed aside by the shepherd was the final straw.

So she fought him. She attacked with all of her might, spinning and striking while he blocked and hissed in his own frustration. And then his blade was ripped from his grip and thrown to the side by her sword and before his weapon hit the ground, Regina had his back pinned to the wall and her blade against his throat.

They were both panting and livid and her blade pressed harder against his throat while his hands were left lifted in surrender. It would be so easy to slice his throat open. A little more pressure, a swipe of her arm, and the shepherd would be left gasping for just a moment. Rumple's magic would save him, but that didn't negate the fact that it would be so easy to cut him. To feel the short lived thrill of causing him such pain.

But no matter how many voices in her head urged her to do it, she couldn't bring herself to follow through. She stood there with teeth bared and the edge of her black sword pressing in to his throat, willing herself to finish him. But there was a whisper that crept in her heart, one that brought tears to her eyes for she knew she could never do it. The darkness she had so easily played with in the past had been cut off. It was no longer an option for her because deep down, no matter how hard she tried to bury it, she loved the shepherd. And she could not hurt him.

So she sharply drew back her blade and freed him from beneath it, watching his bitter scowl become tainted with confusion and something else she couldn't place. Confused herself, and haunted by the tears that glossed her eyes, Regina backed away from him and began to turn only to feel his quick grip take her upper arm.

He had been certain she was going to finish what she had started and slice his throat. He would have bet good money on it. But as her blade grew heavier against his throat, he saw the struggle in her expression. She couldn't follow through. She stopped. She had a blade against his throat and then decided to take it away. It struck a chord deep inside him, resonating low and strong as he truly tried to grasp the gravity of what she had just done. Of the expression of utter torment and heartbreak on her face just moments before she withdrew her weapon and stepped away from him.

The reasons for her outrage hit him like a slap to the face. Abrupt and sharp and giving him no time to think, only enough time to react. So react was all he did. She was walking away and he grabbed her arm and pulled her back and her spitting fire stopped the very instant he caught her in a kiss. Her angry hiss turned in to a pitiful whimper that shot straight through his heart and her fighting muscles fell still against him in a way that had his brow furrowing in distress.

It had started rough and firm but once she stopped fighting, his grip and his mouth softened and she kissed him back without a moment's hesitation. It was far more revealing of their hidden feelings than they had intended but as she took a breath with her parted lips still on his, he couldn't quite find it in him to rein himself back. It was so intimate and tender, a confession of things that could never be said aloud. It silenced their tempers and shoved aside their upset for a moment of peace, a moment for a loving apology.

And as his lips left hers, they were left hovering and still, his hand still around her upper arm, the other curled around the back of her neck with his thumb over her jaw. She didn't move and neither did he, but they seemed to be melting deeper in to one another with every passing second, each wishing that they were allowed to be closer but knowing they couldn't be.

She loved him, it was so clear and he dropped his forehead to hers as the realization of just how much began to seep in to his heart and mind. She would never tell him she loved him, just as he would never admit that he loved her back just the same. For how ridiculous it was for the Evil Queen and Prince Charming to have fallen in love with one another especially given their circumstances. It would never be said. But as a tear met his caressing thumb, the closest he would ever hear to those three most terrifying words of 'I love you' left the queen's dark lips in a heartbroken whimper. An exhausted and defeated whimper that shook past her lips and brought tears to his own eyes.

"I hate her," Regina breathed and swallowed the cry that wished to follow and pressed her forehead in to her shepherd's, nestling her nose in to his cheek, her face contorted with pain she was in. She hated her. Hated Snow White, hated her for so many things, but right then in that moment, she hated her most of all for the fact that the shepherd belonged to her.

That she had no right to him, that Snow had won game before she had even had a chance to play. That once again love was taken from right under her nose by the one and only Snow White. She hated her. Life gave Snow everything she could ever want while Regina stood there wanting only one thing. Just one. And while love was handed to the princess on a silver platter, it was dangled just out of Regina's reach like some cruel game.

She hated her.

"I know," David breathed and the queen bowed her head so her forehead dipped away from his and her hair brushed his cheek. But she didn't step away from him, didn't so much as tip away. And when she lifted her head once more, he was given the chance to see her face and it sent another break through his heart.

She was so tired and so raw. And all he could see in her dark eyes was love and a desperate plea for things to be different. For them to have met at a different time, for her to have not been such a monster, for her now to not be so broken so that she may have had a fighting chance. But it became clearer than ever right then to him that she had a far tighter grip around his heart than Snow. That there was a dangerous chance she could win in the end. And that he loved her far more than he would ever admit to himself.

"And I hate you too," she whimpered as her tears welled up in her eyes once more. She hated that he could so easily break her down, that he had buried himself so deep and so adamantly in to her heart where he had no business being. But now he owned it and she wanted to give herself to him. But he could own no more than her heart with where they stood in life and she hated that.

Seeing him with Snow had shown her all that she could never have. Her mind had wandered through every piece that had been lost to her with him being with Snow. A future with him, free and happy, living anywhere but this dark palace, love and laughter, adventures and challenges, a family, a future she hadn't realized she had been building in her mind was crushed and ripped away when she saw him with Snow. When she saw such definitive proof that she could never have a life with him.

And for the first time, David found himself wondering what life would be like if he were to have given a chance at having one with the queen. A woman he once repulsed with ever fibre, he now found himself desperately in love with. He just could not risk the life he had built with Snow for one that was _so_ uncertain with her. He was going to spend the rest of his days working to convince himself otherwise, but deep down he knew such a life with the queen would be absolutely wonderful.

"I know," he whispered and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear.


	22. Chapter 22

**I feel like the worst author in the world! I am so sorry you guys, life and more dire deadlines got in the way of my writing. And writing the M rated stuff always takes me a little longer as it is. But for the time being, my deadlines have been met and my muse has been reignited! I hope this chapter makes up for my sudden hiatus! I've missed you guys!**

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Unsurprisingly, David's mind was on Regina. She had been distant and shut off since his return. He couldn't blame her either, he had been rather quiet and distant himself since those revelations. It didn't take long for him to accept her hissing tongue and spitting words and decided to simply let her be and retreat to his bedchamber for the evening.

He tried his best to fill his mind with Snow. Or at the very least, fill it with admiration of the colours the sunset offered the snowy forest outside his window. But no matter how hard he tried, he could think of nothing but the dark queen.

The ferocity of her sword, the heat of her temper, he couldn't decide if it was jealousy or betrayal over seeing him sleeping with Snow that had ignited her. Or perhaps it was a little bit of both. Betrayal mostly though, he was sure. However, the fact remained that she was in no position to feel betrayed over such a thing. No position at all. But he supposed that very seldom did any person have control over what they felt or how they reacted. Especially when it came to the queen and what she felt.

He was bothered by the encounter, he couldn't get it out of his mind. And the part that he could not let go of no matter how hard he tried was the look on her face when she pulled back her blade. She wanted to kill him, she wanted to make him suffer, she wanted him to hurt as much as she was, but when it came down to it, she could not follow through. She used to kill him on a whim. She had tried every possible manner of killing him before, knowing quite well it would never do anything more than test his patience and piss him off. And now suddenly, even knowing that it would never kill him, she could not so much as scratch his skin.

It was as though she was not willing to risk the possibility of Rumple's spell being worn off. That she could not bring herself to truly kill him. Not anymore. She loved him. He could see it in her eyes and then again in her kiss and her touch. In her voice. In every piece of her, there was no mistaking it.

But he could not say if it would stay. Was it simply an infatuation with the only person who was fighting for her? Or was it real. Was it true. Was it honest.

He couldn't say, he didn't know, he wasn't convinced he should know. He had already chosen Snow, he loved Snow, he was engaged to Snow. He had no business playing with Regina's heart and she had no business tormenting his. But there they were doing just that.

And even after all of his reflections on the matter, he couldn't help but ponder a life with her, to follow the string of possibilities with her. Could they be happy? Where would they live? Would they have children? Would she settle down? Or would her moods forever swing as violently as they did presently? Would she be kind to him? Would she let him in? There were too many unknowns, the foundation too shaky to build upon, he didn't trust her, he couldn't possibly choose her.

But he could not silence the small part of him that begged him to give her a chance. Despite already being engaged to and in love with Snow, he could not let go of the idea of _Regina_.

It was driving him mad. With a long sigh, he rubbed his hands over his face and in to his hair and on the end of his breath he could hear the approaching footsteps of the queen behind him. Slow and even steps clicking against the stone floor. He didn't know what she had come for but her company had his shoulders drooping in exhaustion for he really could not take any further assault from her. Not when she had been tearing apart his mind and heart all afternoon and in to the evening.

She was quiet when she stepped up beside him. Not only her voice but her whole presence. She was as calm and as quiet as her beloved Rocinante and it brought him peace of mind that this was not intended to be another fight. So he turned his head to look at her but she kept her beautiful eyes out on the forest before them. She truly was a stunning woman. He didn't believe there had ever been or would ever be a time that his heart wouldn't skip a little at the sight of her because of it. However, to him, she was most beautiful when she was quiet and still as she was then. And that did not help the matter of his tormented heart.

"I wanted to give this to you upon your return but...well there was a bit of a delay..." she worded carefully so as not to trigger any tempers or defences. Then with a slight shake of her head to clear her mind of her frustrations, she dropped her gaze to her closed hands as she pivoted her stance and lifted her hands between them. "I didn't know if you were going to come back here but I wanted to say thank you if you did. So I had this made," she told him as she opened her hands to him.

He did not know what she was going on about. She was awkward and unsure, very much unlike the character she was regularly and it was strange. It had him frowning at her in slight confusion but when she opened her hands and revealed to him what she held, he was nearly pushed to tears. He was shocked by the gift. It was something he never expected from her and it very quickly softened his heart for her. Dangerously so.

Standing on her palm was a little stone horse. Very much like the blue ones he gifted her with every time he returned to her from Snow. Very much like the little stone horse sitting in his coat pocket waiting to be given to her upon this arrival of his. He knew that the little blue horses had started as a joke but he also knew that they had grown on her and served as a reminder that she wasn't alone. That someone cared about her.

And then there on her palm was a little horse of his own. But rather than her favourite colour of blue, the stone horse stood proud in a coat of polished red. Blood red, the red of a rose, _his_ favourite colour. A token that proved she truly did care about him, that this wasn't a game to her, that his efforts truly were making a difference, and that she really did want and need him there as she had pleaded at Snow's castle. What he was doing, his presence in the Dark Palace, it mattered despite every fight he had endured with her.

She cared.

"I know I am not easy to deal with," she told him as his fingers ever so gently picked up the little red horse. "And I honestly don't know where you have acquired so much patience," she shook her head and watched as his fingertips learned and admired every curve and edge of the horse. "I cannot promise it will be any easier, as all that is left of me are the pieces no one has touched. And even though I feel lost and without purpose right now, I wanted to thank you for getting me so far. Because even though I feel lost and without purpose, I also feel more like myself than I have in years.

I feel like someday I will be alright. And that is because of you. I have put you through hell, David, and while I am sure you are not out yet, you have given me the smallest flicker of hope that perhaps I can be who I am at heart and not be struck down for it. Aside from my Daniel, David, you are the only person in my life fighting me not with the intention of grooming me to be someone you want me to be, but rather with the intention to make me learn to just be myself. Not Rumple's queen, not Leopold's pretty bride, not Snow's perfect mother, not the darling little doll my mother lived so vicariously through, but just me. Just Regina," she nodded once but then slowly started to shake her head.

And then she laughed quietly, almost too quiet to hear as she breathed, "I just don't know who that is..." she confessed and left them in silence for a few moments before she made herself look him in the eye and urged herself to finish what she had come to say, "but I know that with your help I at least have a fighting chance at finding out."

Such a confession of feelings had not been what he was expecting when she had come in to his room. Nor had such a precious gift. It left him shaking his head and looking back down at the little red horse in his hands, "what have you done, woman."

His voice was but a soft breath from his lips and the words paired along with the exhausted and defeated laugh lacing them had her furrowing her brow in confusion. But when she tried to speak she got no further than parting her lips before the shepherd stepped forward and cut her off her with his hand around the back of her neck and a kiss on her lips.

She was stiff for only a moment before she melted in to him and whimpered over the ache in her heart. Never had a kiss felt like so much. Not even with Daniel. She had been through so much since Daniel that everything was bound to feel different. But there was a certain potency to the shepherd's kiss that broke her like nothing else before. She couldn't get enough and would do anything for more.

A dangerous combination.

And then his little red horse was put away and both his hands were on her and her body was set on fire as her heart rate shot straight up. But she knew she couldn't handle another break in her heart, especially if it were David who broke it. They were going too deep, she could feel it, she knew that there was only going to be pain that followed if they kept doing what they were doing. So in a rare and weak moment of clarity, Regina hesitated.

She broke their kiss with a breathy, "David," and bowed her head so he could not kiss her but kept her face nestled against his and her fists closed around his shirt.

"What if it's not a mistake?" He whispered and felt his stomach churn with unease for as he kept her close he was truly beginning to believe it wasn't.

"You have Snow," she tried rather pathetically and her skin shivered and her resolve wavered as his hand slid up her side and his forehead pressed heavier against hers.

"Do you want me to stop?" He whispered softly, ignoring her mention of Snow when he knew he should take it and stop himself from crossing the line they were both teetering on. But what if it wasn't a mistake.

"That's not fair," she protested at a whisper with a slight shake of her head and he rubbed his thumb over her cheek in the very softest of caresses.

"Do you want me to stop?" He repeated with far more tenderness than he should have and she tried to say 'yes'. She really did. But that would have been a lie and they both knew it.

"Of course not," she breathed and before she could pose an argument, he lifted her head and kissed her again and she caved beneath him without a word more. Only a whimper that gave notice of the stab to her heart. But he only kissed her slower and pushed his fingers deeper into her hair.

She hated that she was so helpless against him, so weak when it came to his touch, and so powerless against her weeping heart. But she also loved how he made her feel.

The way his wandering hands made her skin shiver, they way his body fit just right when pressed against her own, the way his breath took away her own, the way his kiss made her knees weak, and the way his presence made her head spin. She loved every moment of it. Until she put any amount of thought in it. Until she remembered who he belonged to. Until she remembered Snow White.

"Stop thinking so much," he scolded softly under his breath and as their lips hovered, he began slowly walking her backward until her back was pressed to the wall just next to the opening of the balcony.

"David," she breathed as his fingertips caressed her cheek and his nose softly trailed down toward her lips and then back up, coaxing her to him, fogging her mind.

"I want you," he whispered against her lips and his thumb ran along her chin and the edge of her jaw. He felt her waver toward him, her knees swaying her closer to him for a moment, her breath ghosting over his lips as she turned her face further in to his before ultimately sinking away from him once more. But only fractionally. "I want you," he repeated and met her in a kiss as she jumped the last ways to him. His heart leapt in to his throat with her acceptance and her hands on his face holding her to him.

He should not be doing any of it, he should not be kissing the queen, he should not have her pressed to a wall, he should not be tearing her clothes off, but there he was doing just that. With her fingers raking through his hair, he carelessly yanked at the buttons of her red coat, caring about nothing but getting every piece of fabric off of her so that he may prove to her over every inch of her body that she mattered to him.

Regina was jittery and hot and as she fought her arms out of her sleeves, his mouth latched on to her neck and her lips parted in utter satisfaction at the sensation, her head lolling backward in to the stone wall. The very instant her coat was tossed to the side, his hands were around her thighs and lifting her off the ground with practically no effort.

Her legs wrapped around his hips and his teeth nipped their way down the side of her throat, pulling moans to her lips and causing her breaths to catch in her chest. It only urged him to continue and when his kisses came to her shoulder, her breaths blew against his ear as her hands combed through his hair.

She drove him crazy. Every movement, every touch, every sound that came from her sent him in to a deeper fog. A fog that he had experienced with absolutely no one but her. No one but his lovely queen who fell weak in the knees for him every time he got close. It did nothing but make him want to get closer.

So he lifted his head from her shoulder, pulling his lips from her skin so he could press his forehead to hers and make work of the corset holding her captive. Their lips hovered and his queen's breaths shook against his parted lips while her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling herself closer and higher with her fingers raking through his hair once more before she stole another kiss. Slow and deep, taking her time and making it count as his hands navigated the laces and clasps on the back of her leather corset.

She wrapped herself around him, hugging her legs tighter around his hips and moaning softly through her kiss with a furrow of her brow. Then her hands were cradling his face and her corset was tossed aside and he knew they needed to stop. There had never been anything more important than stopping dead in their tracks at that very moment in time. But when she began pulling on his shirt, he helped her remove it without a moment's hesitation.

In an instant she was kissing him again, her arms wrapped around his head and neck, their bodies flush, pressed chest to chest as his hands roamed the bare skin of her back and shoulders. She was so soft and so feminine, so utterly perfect that in that moment it was impossible to believe she could ever be such a monster.

And then he was pulling her from the wall and taking them to his bed, Regina pulling herself even closer to him to keep herself from slipping away. When he was at the edge of his bed he went down, dropping the queen on her back and following her with his weight braced on his hand alongside her head and his mouth on hers.

Her one knee was bent and pressed against his side and her other leg hooked around the back of his and while her hands wandered aimlessly over his arms and body, his very deliberately pointed a course down her figure as he kissed her senseless. Between her breasts, curving with the shape of her last rib, down her side, and then back up to the point of her hip where his fingers curled in to the waist of her black leather pants.

Then his kisses moved lower. Leaving her lips and moving to her jaw and then her neck, nipping at her collarbone as he slid himself down her body. Sucking and teasing her breast as both his hands began pulling the skin tight pants down over the curve of her ass. And then he was on his knees, biting and kissing her stomach as her muscles flexed with every needy and aroused breath.

The further down her pants were pulled, the lower his mouth travelled and the small whimper and squirm she gave when his tongue darted out over the front of her hip bone had a moan rising from low in his throat. She was so beautiful and utterly sensual and he wanted nothing more than to tease her until she came under his very slightest touch.

But given the state of their relationship, he knew she would have no patience for such things. But he did press kisses lower and lower, her pants discarded and his tongue teasing her inner thigh between kisses and bites as his hands slid back up her legs and his hard cock fought the constraints of his pants.

It was such a foolish game they were playing. But with every kiss from his mouth, the further she was pulled in to a haze of disregard. She could only think about how much she wanted his clever tongue between her legs and how incredible such a thing would feel.

He was far too talented when it came to turning her to putty in his palms. As much as she hated it and hated herself for being so weak against him, she loved every single thing about it. And then his one arm wrapped around her thigh, hugging it over his shoulder and his fingers dancing over the inside of her knee while the other arm opened her other leg and slid upward so he could pin her to the bed with his hand over her stomach and she knew she was in for it.

She knew she was at the complete mercy of the shepherd and it sent a sharp shiver of arousal through her entire body, raising goosebumps to her skin and hardening her nipples further as she arched her back and rocked herself closer to his teasing mouth. Her arms were stretched above her head with her hands already fisting his blankets and when his kiss fell so close to where she wanted him most of all she couldn't help herself.

"David," she breathed, encouraged, pleaded, wished, and in but a moment, he gave her what she wanted. Her body twitched and then rolled in to him while her arms stretched further and her back arched higher, "mmmm, _David_ ," she moaned softly, her head rocking backward her voice low and gravelly until a sharp pitch laced an abrupt inhale over his ever so clever tongue. She was squirming within seconds but his strong arms and hands let her go nowhere as his relentless mouth reduced her to a whimpering mess.

She moaned when he did _that_ and she hissed when he went _there_ and god help her when he did _that_. "O- _oh_ ," she writhed as her breaths grew heavier and moaned again as her hands once again fisted the blankets above her head. She was vibrating from the inside out and the heat of his mouth and breath sent her spinning further in to her mindless arousal.

She had never been so completely beside herself in arousal, had never been so wet for a man in her life. But it seemed the shepherd was an impossibly quick study and catalogued every action with its consequence and then compiled them for only her pleasure. As though it was some sort of challenge to him to make her feel more and more every time he managed to bed her.

It made it even harder to say 'no' to him and as he dug his nails in to the inside of her knee and sucked hard on her clit, there was no such thing as the word 'no'.

Hot pleasure shot through his blood at the sounds she made under his care. There was just something so incredibly intoxicating about having the Evil Queen herself, the most feared sorceress, the most bloodthirsty, maniacal, cruel, hot headed, twisted, and powerful woman known to their realm, coming undone in his bed under his attention. The untouchable Evil Queen naked and writhing under his tongue.

The thought sent him on a high and he went down on her harder, moving his tongue faster and in her majesty's favourite pattern. And the sudden cry of pleasure that left her perfect lips only sent him higher.

" _Shit_!" She cried on a loud and shaky whimper that was followed by a loud and sound caught between a laugh and a cry as she writhed and twitched and pulled at the blankets around her. And then she cried out again, turning her head and shoulders to try and roll away from his relentless efforts but buried her hand in to his hair to ensure that despite her lack of control, he was not to so much as think of stopping or changing what he was doing to her.

To her delight, he obliged and only seemed to work harder for her, pushing and pulling her legs open and pinning her curling body down with his hand on her lower stomach. She could feel her muscles twitching in her thighs and stomach and she could not have silenced her voice if she had wanted to. And he just wouldn't stop.

She turned her head further in to the bed and found herself practically gasping for breath between her outcries of unfathomable pleasure. Not a single lucid thought was able to form in her mind, not one. She could not so much as open her eyes as every muscle in her body tightened and twitched as she screamed out loud with her orgasm.

And the shepherd did not stop until her body was literally shaking and she had rolled back on to her back with the loudest moan he had ever pulled from her lips. She couldn't see straight, couldn't focus on any single object, and could barely feel her legs as her muscles twitched and the shepherd's mouth left her clit and began kissing his way up the inside of her thigh.

Her heart was thrumming in her ears and despite her heaving chest, she was entirely incapable of drawing in a full breath. She couldn't even begin to comprehend what he had just done to her and could only moan and whimper at the heavy hand moving up her body and over her breast as his lips found her neck. She was completely at his mercy.

"You are incredible," he told her against her jaw and she moaned softly in reply as her knee lifted and rubbed against his side. Her dark eyes were dazed and wonderful when he finally caught sight of them. They were unfocused and soft and David couldn't help himself. He wanted to do it to her again.

And when he kissed her burgundy lips, she was slowly pulled back to the living world and her fingers were quick to bury themselves in to his hair and pull him down to her. Her feisty fire was back tenfold and when he began working open his belt and the jingle of its buckle met her ears, she huffed and moaned and kissed him harder, eager and needy for more.

They knew better, they truly did, they knew it was only going to be followed with pain and frustration and fighting. But his pants were thrown to the floor and she pounced on him as a feline would her prey. She pulled him to his knees by his neck and straddled his lap a moment later as she kissed him for all he was worth.

Her arms were wrapped around his neck and shoulders and his hands became reacquainted with every curve of her bare body. From her shoulders to her thighs, giving her a little more time to recover from her orgasm before he gave her another.

When he did guide himself in to her, their kiss was halted to allow for the mutual satisfaction of being so close. Her parted lips hovered over his and her body caved and moulded in to his as they breathed the very same breath and she sunk down until he filled her entirely. He could feel her shiver as she moaned against his lips, once again completely lost in the world he had created for her.

He loved it. Everything about it. They way she relaxed her body in to his, the way she turned her head, they way her fingers spread open only to close around his hair once more, the way she rocked her hips toward him, the way her breath caught when he was inside her, the way there wasn't a single part of her that detested his very being but rather that every part of him yearned for him to forever be closer than what could ever be possible.

He could only kiss her for it and hope that she could find it within her to stay as she was then even after they finished. She wouldn't, but he was trying to convince her regardless. He kissed her slowly and she moaned against him as she found a rhythm on his cock, rolling and rocking her hips, rising and falling on her knees ever so slightly, keeping it intimate and loving. It surprised him but he loved every moment of it.

He kept her there with long and slow kisses, drawing her closer and matching her rhythm with the slight rock of his hips. And when her arms let go of his neck, he tangled one of his hands in her long hair and their kiss paused and their eyes focused on one another's lips. Then for a moment, their eyes met. For the first time since they had started, they looked one another in the eye and slowly the realization of what they were doing truly began to dawn on them.

But David wouldn't have it. And the sorrow that glinted in her dark eyes only fuelled his decision. He did not wish to stop and neither did she. They should, but he wouldn't allow it and tipped his forehead to hers as he combed his fingers through her hair only to take a new grip and pull her in to another kiss. She whimpered somewhat of a protest but it was short lived and she kissed him back and began rocking her hips once more.

They could fight over it tomorrow.

He urged her closer and she complied without hesitation and she was soon back with him right where he wanted her. And when he was certain she wasn't leaving, he ducked his head to her neck and kissed her everywhere he could reach.

He peppered kissed down the side of her neck, let them linger on her shoulder, and found himself enthralled with the rapid beat of her heart against his parted lips resting alongside her throat. And then there were her breaths panted against his ear that grew more unsteady with every roll of her hips and every thrust of his cock, the tenderness and loving atmosphere only seeming to bring her closer faster to her orgasm.

It was slow and steady and intense. His breaths against her neck, hers over his ear, their hands slowly wandering and remembering every dip and rise on one another's body, their chests pressed flush to each other, their hearts yearning to be even closer together. He was surrounded by her and she by him and when she found a sweet spot inside her, her breath caught and her rhythm faltered.

As her fingers flexed in his hair and her nails dug in to his forearm, he slid his hands to her hips and kept her at that delicious angle that had her moaning ever so perfectly.

"Right there," she breathed on a shaky whimper and he hummed as he fucked her slow and kissed the corner of her jaw. His hands were warm and big and his grip never wavered around her hips as he guided her movement so his cock kept hitting the best spot over and over and over again.

Not a word more was spoken. There were only her whimpers riding her breaths and their moans mingling together in the empty room around them. But even though there were no words exchanged, the conversation never silenced.

His hands told her to stay and the twitches in her hips and thighs thanked him for the aid in keeping her close for she wanted to be nowhere else. His moans against her skin told her she was beautiful and hers against his ear assured him he was the one who was perfect. His teeth against her throat told her she was his and the loll back of her head to offer him more promised him she belonged to no one else. Her hand in his hair begged him to never leave and his panted breaths against her neck assured her he had no intention of doing any such thing. Her whimpers told him he was just where she needed him to be and his kisses to her shoulder softly whispered that he knew.

And when she started to whine and quiver, her rhythm began to fall apart entirely and he wanted her to stay right where she was. So he took a firmer grip on her hips to guide her better as he began rocking his hips in to her to make up for his queen's loss of ability due to the pleasure taking over her beautiful figure.

She moaned long and heavy as he took control and her orgasm started to build within her and to his ears there was no sound more delightful than that. His own pleasure radiated through his body, shivering through every nerve as his lips dragged down her neck. And then she was curling in to him, biting in to his shoulder as her nails dug in to the back of his arm and her fingers pulled harder on his hair as she cried out at the hot pleasure shooting under her skin.

He moaned at her, panting harder as he kissed every part of her that he could reach. And when her teeth let go of his shoulder, her lips were dragged up the side of his neck and jaw as she pressed her head alongside his. Her sharp and uneven breaths blew over his earlobe and the nape of his neck, her fingers combing through his hair once more as a new whimper graced his ears.

And then she came on him. She came with a broken moan against his ear followed by gasping cries as she shook against him, pulling at his hair and dragging her teeth against his neck, trying to bite him or kiss him but entirely incapable of doing anything but fall apart in his care. She was hot and out of control and his fingers dug in to her hips to keep her from going anywhere and she was forced to once again fall victim to his relentless fucking.

She whimpered and whined and he moaned and hissed and shot pain through her nerves with every bite he marred her skin with only to follow through with hot breaths and wet kisses that sent her further in to her downward spiral. There were flickering lights behind her closed eyes and the pressure of her orgasm stole her breath entirely as her nails scratched down the back of his shoulder and over his scalp, her entire body tight and shaking as he continued to fuck her.

And then she cried out as her body slumped even deeper in to his, her heart reaching for his as he slowed his thrusts to let her come down. But even as his hips stilled, his mouth never did. He kept kissing her neck and her shoulder, softly and tenderly, gently helping her come down as she tried to catch her breath.

Then his hands released her hips but only so they could wander her back and shoulders, down her thighs and then back up over her ribs, making sure every part of her was touched and adored and she wanted so dearly to tell him she loved him. But she sensed he already knew. And she could never let herself voice aloud such a detrimental confession. But she could not stop her body from trying with every beat of its heart to express such love. She could not stop the fingers playing in his hair, nor her lips on his skin or the breaths against his ear. She could not help the way her body pressed itself flush to his.

And she couldn't help but notice that he couldn't seem to either.

So she slunk in closer to him, pressing lazy kisses to his neck and shoulder as her heartbeat echoed in her ears and her hand slid around the back of his neck as she managed with just one word to express exactly how she felt about him in her tired heart. That she loved and adored him. With just one slowly breathed word, "David."


	23. Chapter 23

**I promise I am trying to get these up quicker! And now that these extra drawings are finished, I should be able to write more. Fingers crossed! Happy reading!**

* * *

David woke to an empty bed and that didn't surprise him in the slightest. What surprised him was the yearning he felt for it to be holding the sleeping queen. That she was there between his sheets and nestled in his arms.

They were certainly making a mess of themselves.

With a long sigh, David pulled himself out of bed and got himself washed and dressed and before he left his room, he pulled his little red horse from the pocket of his discarded coat and admired it in the morning light. The deep red with even darker red veins, the flawless polish, the smooth edges, the impressive craftsmanship. The meaning it held.

He loved it. And in a moment of comparison, he tried to recall if Snow had ever given him a gift at all, let alone one that meant so much. But he quickly scolded himself for such thoughts and carefully placed the horse on the little table next to his bed before he left in search of breakfast and the queen. They had much to talk about.

...

Regina had snuck out of the shepherd's bed well before the light of morning but she knew it was inevitable that he was going to track her down to talk. And she knew they should talk. But she didn't want to. She didn't know what to say or what was going to be said. The only things she knew were that she hated him but desperately wanted more of him. And wanted that stupid snowflake wiped off the face of the planet.

So when she saw him wander in to the library and cut a path straight to her, she was not surprised. She merely stood on edge but quiet and kept her book in her care so she could not touch him.

"Good morning," he greeted kindly and she nodded before she looked to the book laying open across her arm. She was tense though, he could see it in her jaw and in her posture and he knew she would snap if her were to say or do the wrong thing. And given his track record, he knew he was bound to say or do the wrong thing.

"Regina, I am sorry about last night, I-" his apology was cut short with the loud snap of the pages of her book being slammed shut and he gave an inward sigh at himself for saying the wrong thing right off the bat. He consoled himself by telling himself it was inevitable but it didn't matter now. The snap of that book shot through him like a strike of lightning and the hurt and anger in the queen's dark eyes as she rolled her head to him simply solidified the fact he had started off on the worst possible foot.

"No, Regina, I don't mean that I am sorry it happened, I just-"

"What else could you possibly mean, shepherd?" She bit and he rocked his jaw and started stepping closer to her.

"I wanted every part of last night, Regina, I wanted you in my bed, I wanted our clothes on the floor, I wanted my name on your tongue and yours on mine, I wanted every moment of it," he assured and she scowled at him as he stopped well within arms reach of her.

"All of that was in past tense," she commented sharply, steeling herself against his closeness so that she wouldn't fall for her heart's weaknesses again.

"Would you like me to spark a re-enactment so that I don't have to use past tense?" He snapped back but tried to keep a lighter playful edge to it so she could take it and run with it if she so desired. But she didn't. She was caught off guard but the comment only seemed to push her further in to her upset.

"That isn't funny, shepherd," she snarled and he shook his head in acceptance but before he could say anything more, she started speaking. "You took advantage of me," she told him and he didn't fight her which only made her more angry. Because he knew he had, knew he was, and he still did it. "Again," she pressed and gripped her book tighter against her chest so she didn't claw at his face, "you know I cannot say no to the affection you offer, I have already told you that! How was I supposed to say no to you last night?!"

"You can say no to me, Regina," he assured but knew he was trying to diffuse the situation rather than be honest.

"I know that I am _allowed_ to say no to you, you stupid shepherd, but the fact remains that I _can't_! I can't and you _know_ that! I have _told_ you that!" She shouted and thrust her book at his chest with both hands and he caught it with a huff and half a step backward. "Of course I _want_ to be close to you, shepherd, of course I _want_ to share my bed with you, but this has never been a matter of want, it is a matter of should and should not! And we should n-!"

"Not be doing such things, I know," he finished and put her book down on the table next to him, "and that is what I am trying to apologize for, Regina. I know I took advantage of you, I knew you weren't going to stop me, I should have stopped it. But I didn't. And that is what I am apologizing for."

"Why do you insist on playing such games with me?!"

"I don't intend to, Regina!"

"Then what the hell are you doing?!"

"You gave me a gift that carried the weight of the world to me and I wanted to show you that! I wanted to express just how much it meant! That _you_ mean something to me!"

"By fucking me?!"

"Well if you want to be crass!"

"I swear to god, shepherd, if you are trying to tell me that you were making _love_ to me for that little horse!" She shouted as she threw an arm in his direction and then her eyes blew wide at his inability to answer.

"I-..."

" _David_!"

"I don't _know_ , Regina!"

"Oh my god!" She yelled as tears sprung to her eyes and her stomach twisted in unease.

"This isn't one sided, Regina," he defended quietly but it only seemed to scare the pair of them deeper. For it wasn't just her that was falling in love.

"You _bastard_!" She insulted but could not bring herself to look at him, "why are you saying this?! Why?! When you and I both know you are going to run back to Snow White the first chance you get!"

"But what if I don't?"

"What if-?! David!" She cried out and he rubbed a hand over his face, "no one in their right _mind_ would choose me over Snow White, I have a lifetime's worth of experience that proves it!"

"Regina-"

"No, David! You do not get to drag me around with this chain around my neck! You do not understand what you are doing! I have no control over what you do to me!"

"Regina-"

"I am not your plaything, shepherd!" She shouted in exasperation while tears pooled tears in her eyes and his kind eyes were watching her every move, "I am a person!" she yelled at him as she tried to lift her head high on her shaky neck, "I am a _person_!" She repeated and looked him in the eye, "and while I may be broken and twisted and scarred, I am still _human_ and I still _feel_!" she cried at him and he chose to stay silent but his expression told her he was hanging off of every word.

"Regina I never intended to hurt you," he shook his head and she gave a teary and incredulous laugh.

"No?"

"No, Regina, of course not."

"I trusted you, David! I am a god damn _wreck_ but I found it in me to let you in, I found it in me to give you a chance! I came to you and asked for your help! I tried to make peace with you-!"

"You have no idea what it is like being around you, Regina!" He bellowed, unable to stand in silence any longer.

"Do not tell me that this is my fault!"

"I am not telling you that!"

"This is all _your_ fault, you unbelievable-!"

"Stop talking!"

"Don't fucking touch me, David! I swear to god!" She roared as she ripped her arm out of his grasp.

"Regina, I am trying to-"

"I don't want your words, shepherd! They are nothing but lies!"

"That is not true, Regina!"

"It _is_ true! You pull me in close, whisper kind words in my ear, push me to be _better_ only so you can turn around and break me all over again!"

"Fine! Say that you don't want me! Say that you don't need me! Tell me that I am the fool! Tell me you've been tortured! Tell me you've been beaten! Tell me what I have done to you! For once I am listening! No matter if it is true to me! Tell me what is true to you!" He shouted at her and without missing a beat, she did just that.

"I _have_ been beaten, I _have_ been tortured! But I _do_ want you here and I _do_ need you here! But when kiss me and all I can do is kiss you back, my heart will not let me turn you away! I crave your touch every moment of every day! Its call is stronger and more addictive than the very darkest magic! And when your hands are on me I know it is wrong, I know I should push you away, I am aware of how damaging it is and how much it is going to hurt when you pull away, but I physically cannot push you away from me! You are this force that just comes over me and I am helpless against it! You are a god damn siren holding my heart!

I have no control over it! You make me feel helpless! And you _know_ I have no willpower to turn you away! You _use_ me and while what you do feels utterly _perfect_ , you leave me in a state no better than Leopold! With his weight crushing me, his strength binding me, and his hot breath panting a name that isn't mine as he tears me apart but pleasure shoots through every fibre of my body against my will! Leaving me ruined and hurting and hating myself! My body bruised and my mind twisted and broken! You have no idea what it feels like to have your body betray you! And you are doing it to me! It is happening all over again!

I have no control over what you do to me, my mind and body are yours and I wake up at the end wondering how in the hell I found myself in such a shameful position! I just stand here wishing that someone could love me but once again there is _only_ love for _Snow White_! That _wretched_ little _princess_ skips through the world happy as a god damn bird, never knowing so much as an inkling of pain or suffering while I stand right beside her constantly being beaten and used and broken, never knowing so much as a taste of happiness or freedom! I thought I was finally done bearing such pain when I had that bastard king killed! But here we are, all over again! And you _know_! You were _in_ my mind, you were _in_ my memories! You _know_ what he did to me, you know what _everyone_ has done to me! And yet you _still_ use me just as they did! I thought you were different! I _trusted_ you!" She shouted and slowly the realization of everything she had just admitted to him trickled in to her mind and she choked on her next breath as she swayed backward and looked away from him.

David always felt horrible when she brought up the late king and what hell he had put her through. But this confession was a particularly striking one that made him feel sick to his stomach. And it painted a very clear picture as to what he was doing to her. Physically, absolutely not. But emotionally, he had to agree. Perhaps not to the full extent of the damage Leopold had caused, but absolutely enough to hurt and more than enough to remind her of the times she had felt similar.

And then there was Snow.

He had never felt so shameful in his life than he felt right then watching the broken queen try to catch her breath as tears rolled down her cheeks and her hands started to shake. She was falling apart, she had not been prepared to share so much about what plagued her heart and mind so closely and it was showing. "Regina," he called softly as he carefully stepped toward her with every intention to try and ground her and comfort her. But it only seemed to make it worse.

"Don't touch me!" She screamed furiously at the very top of her lungs, her voice breaking in to a sob, her knees bending and her hands itching to be filled with fire as tears blurred her vision. He didn't move any closer to her but he also didn't back away from her. Her skin was crawling in distress, her mind whirring too fast for her to keep herself balanced, her heart racing and her stomach churning, her hands shaking and her breaths short and shallow.

She felt like she was going to be sick and then pass out as the library spun around her while every horrid unearthed memory replayed in her mind and she tried to get a grasp on the fact that she had voiced such things aloud.

The things this shepherd could pull from her lips. It was terrifying.

So she ran from him.

"Regina," he called but she ignored him and continued to hurry past him. He hesitated to follow her, torn between giving her space and holding her steady. She desperately needed both. He did end up following her though, "Regina!" But she still didn't stop and instead put a slight skip in her hurried steps. So he followed suit and picked up a light jog, "Regina wait!"

She didn't so much as think to stop for him. Every call of her name only urged her faster and when she swung out of the library she was greeted by her father just a few strides away. His presence made her pause for just a moment as he continued his steady pace toward the library, acknowledging her with a curious and concerned quirk of his head at the state of her.

His character was so calm and so quiet, so trustworthy and honest. And her moment of pause was broken with a sudden harsh sob as she ran the rest of the way to him and hugged him tight. She caught him by surprise but it took no time at all for him to hug her back as she clung to him and cried in to his neck.

"My sweet child," he cooed softly as her hands pulled at his coat and her shaking figure pressed even closer to him, "what happened?"

Regina could only cry as she hugged her father tighter. The one person who had always been safe and had always been there. The person she loved most of all. She clung to him and wished once again that he was strong enough to protect her from the demons in her life. He never had been and she doubted he ever would be but it didn't mean she couldn't hope for him to be.

He could not protect her. But his safety and kindness offered her a temporary sanctuary where she could find her footing once more and as she cried in to him, she had never loved him more. For he was always there, no matter what.

"Precious girl," he whispered tenderly and her broken cries began anew.

David merely stood in the doorway of the library watching the mighty queen fall apart in her father's care and listening to her cries echo through the otherwise silent halls of the Dark Palace.

...

It wasn't until dinner that she saw him again. She had eaten alone at the table and for that she was grateful but as she lingered in front of her empty plate with her finger rolling her wine glass around on its base, she was brought back from her mindless thoughts by a little blue horse.

It was placed right next to her plate, standing proud and elegant as the shepherd silently came in to her peripheral. But she wouldn't look at him. She only scowled at the little horse, tormented by the desires to both throw it in his face, and burst in to tears once more at the ridiculous thing and the precious meaning behind it. She wished he would just go home and forget about her just like everyone else.

Eventually though, she did give in to her bleeding heart and slowly and carefully took the little horse in to her care. But she would not look at the shepherd. She was far too angry and far too heartbroken.

He had been waiting with bated breath for her to take his peace offering. And once she had, his heart softened even more for her. For she was trying and she was doing better and she was different. She wasn't the Evil Queen anymore, she was merely lost and hurting and alone, grasping at straws and trying to trust. He had spent his afternoon in tears over the beaten queen and watching her then nearly had him in tears all over again.

But he took the acceptance of his gift as her offering him a chance to speak. He was walking a thin wire though. "You don't have to talk to me, Regina. You don't even have to look at me," he started softly and she didn't do either such thing as he sat down in the chair next to her and let silence fall between them while he searched for the words he needed.

"I know you are angry with me, I wouldn't expect anything less given what has happened between us. I just wanted to tell you that you are right," he told her and she still didn't look at him. She just kept quiet while her fingers slowly moved over the little horse in her hands.

"I have been so careless with you," he shook his head and looked down at his hands, "and using you to play out whatever conflicts I hold in my heart and mind has not been fair to you in any respect. And while they may be interpreted as such, I need you to know my intentions were never to be cruel to you. They were never to make you feel like you mean nothing to me. You mean so much to me, Regina. You are so important to me. You matter to me, I promise you do," he told her, echoing the promise she had made him when she had gone out of her way to bring him back from Snow's castle.

And while she didn't say a word or make a sound, he could see the tension working in her jaw to keep her tears at bay. "I did not mean to hurt you, I wanted only to make you feel like you were important, that you mattered, that you could be cherished. You deserve to feel as such, Regina. You have been through so much and have come so unbelievably far, you deserve to know that you are not alone in this world anymore," he pressed and took a moment to collect himself while he watched her tears glisten through her thick lashes.

"You have been so lonely your entire life and I cannot even begin to understand what it is like to have someone pay such attention to you after so long. I never quite understood what you meant when you told me you couldn't turn me away. You have always been so strong and adamant about what you want in life, I couldn't grasp why you suddenly weren't. Until this morning, until I truly thought about it.

I have been taking advantage of you, your majesty. For how wonderful it must feel to you to have someone touch you. To have someone look at you. To have someone kiss you. To have someone in your bed. And to have that someone be someone that mattered to you. To have that someone be someone you cared about. To have that someone be someone you longed for more from," he pressed and her first tears fell and they broke his heart and had tears pricking his own eyes.

"I cannot even imagine what that must feel like," he breathed, his voice breaking in to a shaky whisper as more of her tears fell, "and I don't know if this will make things better or worse, but I want you to know that _nothing_ has been a lie. I have meant _every_ touch to your body, I have meant _every_ kiss I have given, every breath of your name, _every_ compliment that came without filter, I have meant _every_ moment. I do not regret _any_ of it.

But I hate that I have caused you such pain, I hate that I have reminded you of such horrid times in your past, I hate that I have left you feeling used and unimportant. It was never my intention to be cruel, Regina, it was never my intention to make you feel like you are nothing. I think the _world_ of you, and that is the truth.

So I am going to be better for you. I am going to be good to you, I will be kind to you, I will be careful with your tired heart, I am going to support you, I am going to protect you. Because after everything you have lived through, you deserve to be cared for, you deserve to be protected. You are a beautiful woman with a kind and tender heart and I will no longer stand by and watch the world beat the rest of your light out of you."

She still didn't say anything, still didn't look at him and he didn't need her to. Didn't necessarily want her to either for it was so much easier to focus on what he wanted to say when he wasn't enthralled in those dark eyes of hers.

"I want to thank you for telling me what you were feeling, I know that that is by no means an easy feat for you. Especially when it is something so intimately kept," he told her softly and her jaw crossed and clenched while her eyes stayed on the little horse. "But most of all, Regina, I want to say that I am _sorry_ ," he pressed, his voice breaking in his apology as he slid his hands forward across the table, reaching for her hands. But he stopped the gesture just a moment before her eyes snapped down to his hands and her body curled away from him ever so slightly. He couldn't touch her and he knew it so he stopped. Her reaction to his attempt only confirming the fact that she did not wish to be touched.

So he pulled his hands away but the sincerity and distress in his voice remained, "I am so sorry for putting you here in this position. I am sorry for hurting you, I am sorry for how carelessly I have treated you. This is all my fault and I am just so _sorry_ , Regina," he shook his head as his emotions started to get the better of him, "you are dear to me and I did take advantage of you, I did treat you carelessly, and I did hurt you, I hurt you deeply and I know I have broken the trust you held in me and I don't know if I will ever get it back but I sincerely hope that I do. I am going to be good to you, Regina, and I just..." he shook his head as he looked at the beautiful profile of her face his tears began to blur his vision, "I just wish I could love you as you deserve."

Those last words had fresh tears falling down her cheeks as her brow furrowed and her eyes closed. It broke his heart to see her in such distress. And the fact that he was far more aware of what was going on in her heart and mind only made him feel worse. He truly wanted nothing more than to hold her until every pain she carried disappeared. It was incredible how far they had come.

From hatred and bloodshed to tenderness and tears. He cared about her, he adored her, he loved her. And he still couldn't quite fathom it.

Then his ears tuned in to the song the band was softly playing in ambience and he turned his palm upright and slowly slid it across the table toward her. It was one of her most favourite songs. Soft and beautiful and one he could catch her humming every now and then when she thought no one was around. There was no better opportunity to hold her and show her that he had meant every word that left his tongue, "may I have this dance, your majesty?"

His voice was soft and kind and without turning her head, Regina eyed his open hand and wanted almost nothing more than to stab a fork straight through it and in to the mahogany beneath. The only thing she wanted more than that, was to take it ever so gently in her own hands and never let it go.

And ultimately, she did give in, her exhausted emotional state wishing for nothing but the comfort he was offering her. Slowly, she put her little blue horse back on the table and slipped her hand in to his and as his fingers curled so tenderly around her own, new tears rolled down her cheeks.

He led her away from the table and once they were in the middle of the floor, he drew her in close. She still hadn't looked at him, still hadn't spoken a word, but there was no resistance in her body as she came flush to him. So he placed his hand on her waist and kept his other in hers over his heart. But he didn't get even one step in to their dance before something else seemed to crumble within her.

For one moment she was standing tall in his hold and the next, her shoulders had slumped in defeat and her hand was slipping from his and he thought she was going to leave. But she did the very opposite. Her hands gently spread over his chest and then slid up around his neck, pulling herself in closer until her arms were wrapped around his neck and shoulders and her face had nuzzled in to his neck.

He didn't speak a word. Simply followed suit and wrapped his arms around her middle and buried his face in to her silken hair alongside her head. He held her tight and he held her close and tried with all of his might to reiterate just how sorry he was.

And as he began to sway her, Regina relaxed even further in to him and wished she could believe him when he said he wouldn't hurt her again. And wished she understood why he couldn't love her as he pleased. She nestled herself in to him as close as possible and he allowed her indulgence without a word to stop her and without a move to advance it. He merely held her close and continued to sway her in a wonderfully mind numbing dance.

He allowed her to stop thinking and lose herself in what she was feeling and that was such a rare happenstance that she was very quick to permit it. Even if she would hate herself more for it once they parted, she wasn't thinking about that. Only the smell of his skin and the warmth of his body and the way her heart felt so at home in his care.


	24. Chapter 24

**I meant to have this posted for yesterday's EC Week prompt of "David visits Regina after the execution" seeing as how that is what this whole story revolves around, but I just couldn't seem to get my shit together. So here we are! Better late than never!**

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She hadn't spoken to him for a week now.

When she had held him as she had after he had apologized, he had believed that everything was going to be alright, or at least as alright as they could be. But the next morning she wouldn't so much as let him in the same room as her. If he tried he was greeted with the most bone chilling scowl that had him stopping in his tracks and if he attempted to take another step toward her, he was deterred with a floor to ceiling wall of fire. Needless to say, when their paths crossed and he was greeted with such a scowl, he picked his battles and walked away.

Over the week he was able to get closer and closer until she allowed him within arms reach but she still refused to speak to him. Or even speak in his presence. He hadn't truly heard her voice since she had screamed at him a week prior. Not a word. Her body language spoke volumes though.

Her servants were terrified once more as well and had far more of a scurry to their steps than he had seen in quite some time. There were whispered warnings between them that the queen was on edge and on more than one occasion, David had heard her screaming and throwing things at them himself. But every time he tried to enter the room to see what was going on, the door was slammed in his face and the handle held firm with magic.

It was frustrating but it was fair. He had gotten far too close to her and left them both with no hope of truly ever making anything of it. He was engaged to Snow, he loved Snow, Snow was good, Snow was perfect, Snow was sane, Snow was who he had chosen.

But it didn't negate the fact that he never did stop wondering if perhaps it was the insane menace of a queen with her battered heart that he needed.

And when he saw her standing out in the snow he sighed with a shake of his head. How long she had been out there, he did not know but it was probably for far too long. So he made a quick trip to the nearest study and returned to the balcony with the heaviest blanket he could find.

He opened the door silently so as not to spook her but the rush of freezing air nearly had him cursing under his breath. It was too cold to be out there but for whatever reason, Regina didn't seem bothered by it. Never did.

"It is still winter out here, in case you didn't realize," he greeted as he draped the blanket around her shoulders and pretended not to notice the way she jumped and flinched away from him.

"What do you want," she snapped as she scowled at him, loathe to admit the blanket was a wonderful commodity.

"Simply to make sure her majesty doesn't freeze to death," he replied kindly, resisting every urge to make any form of snarky remark.

"Why do you still call me that? You all stripped me of my title long ago," she bit irritably but he simply smiled softly at her.

"You will always be the queen, Regina. You will never be known as anything less."

"The Evil Queen."

"A queen nonetheless."

"What is it you really want from me, shepherd?" She pressed bitterly as she pivoted to face him, "why are you here? Why did you come here? Why have you stayed?"

"I don't want anything from you, Regina-"

"Bullshit," she laughed as her throat found itself sore and tight with distrust and heartache, "no one is ever in my company without some form of ulterior motive."

"In the beginning perhaps. But now I am afraid I have no ulterior motive. I simply care about you, Regina," he told her and her lip curled back in distaste. But it was difficult to fear her when she had wrapped herself so tightly in that thick and heavy blanket. He smiled softly at her, adoring the sight of a scowling Evil Queen wrapped in a blanket in the cold, and then bid her farewell with a dip of his head

But he was stopped by her words. Words he never expected to hear, words he never thought he would ever hear from her under any circumstances.

"You've ruined me," she accused him and he turned to face her, his expression confused but curious, "piece by piece you broke down every part of me that ever thought I'd never need you. That I'd ever need anyone. It's twisted, messed up, but here I am. Dependent on you. And I hate you for it."

"I don't think you are as dependent as you may believe, Regina," he argued gently and she laughed bitterly under her breath.

"You have torn me apart, shepherd. There is nothing of me left. My crown, my anger, my bloodlust, my Daniel. You've taken it all away and have left me with closure and a vulnerable heart. Without my notice I have been building my life around you, taking in to account your thoughts and opinions and judgements, what you would like from me and what you would dislike, what would drive you away and what would keep you close..." she drifted off and he waited for her to speak again.

And then she gave a humourless laugh and shook her head, "you made me believe I could have a friend in you. And then you made me believe I could have more. And then you took it all away," she shook her head and his shoulders slumped and he opened his mouth to speak but she spoke first, "I am angry at you. I do not want you here. Go home."

 **Three** **Weeks** **Later**

"I need you to do a favour for me."

"...A favour?" Snow frowned and he nodded as he bridled his horse, readying to travel back to Regina, "what kind of favour?"

"I've been building an idea for Regina and I know that you want to be more involved in helping her get back on her feet and I figure that just because you can't physically be there in her presence, doesn't mean you can't be helping behind the curtain," he told her and watched her quickly become invested in his request for a favour. She was eager and ready to do anything for Regina and he couldn't help but wonder if she would ever act as such for him.

"What do you need me to do?" She asked, her heart leaping at the opportunity to do something for Regina. She knew it was best she stood on the sidelines, she knew trying to help the queen face to face would only end in disaster, but that didn't mean she wished it wouldn't.

"You knew Regina before she was queen. I did not," he started and as he finished buckling the bridle, he stepped closer to his wife and his horse dutifully followed. "You knew what she liked and what she valued and preferred. It may have been for only a brief amount of time, but you knew her when she was most happy and adamant about what she truly wanted from life. So while I am gone I was hoping you could find something for her."

"Absolutely, anything you need," she agreed without hesitation as she stepped up to him and hung her arms around his neck and shoulders, "but before you ride off, I want to ask you something too."

"Ask away," he smiled as his hands found her waist and his horse stood dutifully behind him.

"I want to get married," she told him and could have sworn she saw his smile falter. But perhaps it was just a trick of the light or her jumpy heart. "I know Regina is finicky with her timing and her requests of you coming and going for sporadic amounts of time and there is almost no notice given but, David," she smiled as her fingers played in his hair at the nape of his neck, "I want to marry you."

David's mind was spinning over her words. It shouldn't be, they were engaged and had been for what must be close to if not a little more than two years now. He shouldn't be hesitating to answer, he should be laughing and ecstatic and ready to help her plan every detail. And yet all he could do was stand there with a knot in his stomach and Regina's reaction to such an event playing in his mind.

"You wouldn't have to do anything unless you wanted to, I know you Regina is a lot to handle and keeps you incredibly busy. I could handle everything while you are away with her. I was thinking maybe mid to late Spring, when all the flowers are blooming and the grass and trees are green and the weather is-"

"Snow, of course," he interrupted and she grinned so wide it made his cheeks hurt and he laughed quietly at the sight.

"Really?" She grinned and he nodded and rubbed his hands over her sides.

"I am the one who proposed to you, it seems only fair that I should actually follow through and marry you," he reasoned mostly to himself and Snow let out a thrilled laugh and pulled herself up to kiss him. Just a quick and happy kiss that left him more sick to his stomach than ever before.

"I will start right away, you won't have to worry about a thing," she promised excitedly and he laughed softly, "it will be perfect," she told him with a wide grin and he nodded his head.

"I am sure it will be."

"Now, what is it that I am to find for Regina?" She smiled, her heart still giddy and overjoyed and he answered her with just one word.

"Land."

...

David had decided to return to the Dark Palace unannounced. Which would either pan out wonderfully or horribly for him. He couldn't say which. Contrary to Snow's belief, Regina had not provided him with a time to return. But she also never told him not to return. So he gave it nearly a month, plenty of time for the pair of them to settle down but not enough to make her feel as though he had left her.

He didn't know what to expect from her when he inevitably crossed her path. But he certainly had not expected her to come stumbling out of a room laughing and dishevelled and pulling a man along with her with her hand around his throat and both of his settled low on her hips. It had David stopping dead in his tracks as his eyes widened and his eyebrows shot up in to his hairline while the man pivoted her and pinned her to the wall next to the open door they left.

"Do not forget your place, Huntsman," she rumbled through a hungry snarl that was almost a smile. The man merely breathed a laugh and leaned in closer and pulled her hips further in to his.

"It is beneath you, your majesty," he assured with a smile and she hummed in approval, the sound low and gravelly as her hand on his throat softened for a moment only to tighten once more.

"That's right," she purred and then pulled him in for one more kiss, one that he eagerly returned, one that almost had her complying to his wishes of fucking her again. But not today.

She parted from him sharply, laughing and biting her bottom lip while he growled quietly in displeasure, wanting more but being denied. "Now scamper off until I call for you," she instructed and then gave him a shove off her with her hands on his chest. She kept herself leaning against the wall as he took his leave with a smirk and one last lingering study of her figure. A look that had her smirk pulling higher as she leaned in heavier against the wall.

And only once he had turned his back to her and she allowed her eyes to linger on him did she decide to continue on with her day and push herself up off the wall and turn to walk in the opposite direction. A move that put her face to face with a wide eyed shepherd. It was a face she frowned at in confusion for she had not at all expected him to be there and couldn't quite grasp what she was looking at right away.

But eventually it clicked and her frown was less confusion and more irritation. Irritation that didn't settle when he didn't wipe off his wide eyed expression of 'what the fuck and whom the fuck'.

"Who the hell do you think you are looking at me like that?!" She snapped and he shook his head as he fumbled for his voice.

"I just...I didn't expect to walk in on-...I didn't know you had...someone..." he replied awkwardly and tried to leave it there but just couldn't ignore the hot flash of jealousy and frustration that still lingered at seeing the man with his queen. "But is he a 'someone' or is he just, like, a 'thing'?" He asked with a curious twitch of his top lip and slight shrug of his shoulders, his words quick and not entirely thought through.

"Are you _serious_ right now?!" She bellowed and he scoffed lightly and looked past her shoulder, "you are playing the _jealousy_ card?!"

" _No_! No, I am not pulling the jealousy card, Regina!" He defended with a furrow of his brow but she saw straight through it.

"After everything you've done! After everything you have said to me! You think you have _any_ say as to who I put between my legs?!"

"That is _not_ -!"

"It is _exactly_ what you are saying!"

"It caught me off guard, Regina! That is all! Of course I don't have any right to say who you do or do not share your bed with!"

"You most certainly do not! But you feel as though you should!"

"Why would I feel I should, Regina?!" He shouted and he knew as soon as the question left his mouth what her answer was going to be and he could not believe how easily she had backed him in to a corner.

"Because you want to be the only one allowed in my bed," she snapped, her snarling lips twitching in to a momentary smile of victory as she looked back and forth between his eyes and found him trapped. Trapped between a lie and a truth he really could not deny. He scowled at her in reply and she simply stepped closer to him with a slight and smooth nod of her head, "isn't that right, _shepherd_."

"I am not playing this game, Regina," he denied but she insisted.

"You are jealous that my Huntsman is invited in to my bed and can fuck me as he pleases, free of a guilty conscience, _aren't_ you, shepherd. You wish you could do such a thing, _don't_ you," she purred as she slunk closer and reached forward to trail her fingers down the line of buttons keeping his coat closed and snapped sharply with a snarl, " _answer_ me."

"I cannot deny there is envy," he conceded irritably and where he thought she may finally be appeased by his answer, she only grew more furious and sharp and unstable than before. It confused him. Until it didn't.

"Well isn't it a shame then," she tried to purr out smoothly but it came as a sharp bite that was all teeth as tears pricked her eyes, "that you had your chance," she snarled and made herself look him in the only to nearly lose her resolve and composure at the kindness pouring back in to his expression, "and you threw it away."

Her voice broke in to a breathy whisper on the last word and his heart crumble at the sound. And then it broke even deeper when he saw the added gloss to her dark eyes that could only be due to tears. But he only saw them for a moment before she spun around. He tried to stop her but no words left his open mouth and when he reached for her hand she snatched it away with a speed that left him no chance of retrieving it as she stormed off.

"Regina," he called after her but when he tried to follow, she disappeared in a plume of purple smoke and as it dissipated, he was left alone in the hall. "God damn it, David," he huffed at himself as he halted his jogging steps and rubbed his hands over his face and pulled at his hair with his eyes closed in defeat as he shook his head, "what the hell is wrong with you."


	25. Chapter 25

**What a whirlwind of emotions that series finale brought us. I am heartbroken that it is over and that I will never again see Regina appear on my screen for another episode, really and truly. Her character means the world to me and without her and without the show I truly would not be the person I am today and none of these stories I have created would exist. I am devastated that she is gone from our screens but am so relieved that she can live on through these stories we write for one another. And I wanted to let you know that even though my updates are slower and even though the show is finished, I am by no means finished with this beautiful character or her shepherd. I will be writing until I run out of ideas and I do not believe that will be any time soon.**

 **So enjoy this chapter! And I hope you all know how important you are to me. Because like Regina and the show, these stories would not exist if it weren't for you. Someone needs to read them ;) So keep reading and keep reviewing and I will keep writing. You guys are awesome xx**

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She had caught the shepherd's eye as she mounted her horse. But she hadn't cared. He had been walking toward the stable, likely having caught word that that was where he could find her on his seemingly endless quest to do so. He had been just across the courtyard and even though she held his eye, she did not pause for him but rather continued on her way and put her foot in her stirrup and mounted her black stallion. Then without so much as a glance back in the shepherd's direction, she trotted off toward the gate, only cueing for canter once she was off the palace grounds.

She did not gallop away. She was not running from anything, she was simply going for a ride and while her stallion waited on bated breath for her to push him in to a gallop, he dutifully carried on at a steady canter in the mean time. It was an easy rhythm, each stride a smooth motion to follow and she let herself be carried as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath of fresh air to let it out slowly while her horse's hooves beat against the snowy ground.

It was cold but it wasn't frigid, more so just crisp and reviving than anything else. It seemed that perhaps they were coming up on the last half of winter. And while she tried her hardest to fill her mind of anything but David, she was only successful for a few minutes. For just as always, the shepherd slowly creeped back in to her mind and before she knew it, he was all she could think about.

It was absolutely infuriating. She had no peace from him. None. He was almost always in her company and when he wasn't, he was constantly accompanying her mind.

And it seemed that no amount of pretending she was free was ever going to change that.

But where in the past she had worked to force every thought of him out, this time she humoured herself and let her thoughts wander. And when she gave her mind an inch, her heart took miles and miles.

A simple question of 'what if' led her straight down a rabbit hole. For what if she let the shepherd love her? What if she let herself love the shepherd? There were obstacles in their way, of course, but what if they were removed? What if she stopped fighting him and showed him he didn't need Snow White? That instead, she could love him and he could love her?

What if she kissed him and meant it? What if he held her and meant it? What if they could share a bed as tenderly as they had and not feel guilt in the morning? What if when they woke in the morning they smiled at one another instead of shouted and cried? What if she stopped being so stubborn and pessimistic and let go of her self loathing and refocus her efforts on proving to the shepherd that she was worth something, that she was worthy of his love? She hated that he kept playing with her heart but what if she simply gave herself to him as a whole?

What if she truly did as she had promised Daniel and let herself love again?

Within minutes she had images of David's touch bringing a smile to her face, of her sinking in to him and hearing his happy hum. She could see she and him playing, she and him laughing. She could see herself loving him, she could see him loving her, she could see them happy together. She could see a future with him and it was a beautiful one that had her vision of the snowy forest ahead of her begin to blur around the edges.

It should be easy to obtain such a thing as a happy start with him. And yet over the years they had made it so incredibly difficult to get an honest word out of the other that the idea of a relationship was practically impossible. And even after all he had done to her, she found she could no longer be angry at him. She was heartbroken and sad and miserable, but she couldn't seem to hold on to any form of anger toward him and his ribbon anymore.

She liked to pretend she didn't know why. But that was only because she didn't like the truth. That it was because she loved him.

And while a relationship was practically impossible then, she knew that if they broke habit and stopped twisting their words and hiding their intentions, that if they were just blunt and honest with one another, a relationship was more than achievable. In fact, it would be impossible not to give in to one another.

But she could not let herself love him. Whether it was out of fear or her apparent perpetual need to cause herself pain, Regina could not say. All she knew was that she wanted a life with the shepherd but couldn't have it.

...

David had waited all afternoon for her to return from her ride. He sat patiently in front of the fire in the entrance closest to the stables, waiting patiently for her majesty to walk back in through the door and when she did, his heart leapt a little at the sight of her.

She was beautiful. Her long hair pulled in to a ponytail at the back of her head, silky waves tangled from her ride. Black riding pants, black riding boots, and a dark cobalt blue coat with a collar lined with dark grey fur to fend off the cold. She didn't notice him there at first and continued on her path with her eyes down as she pulled her black gloves from her hands. When her dark eyes snapped to his it was only because he stood from his chair and she caught his movement.

But she did not scowl at him with her usual force. She carried on her way without so much as a thought to stop for him or go to him and she seemed to be simply tired more than anything else. He considered letting her go but decided it was better he didn't given what he had to say.

So he followed her and called for her, "Regina."

"Go away, David."

"You told me to do that three weeks ago and I did."

"I never told you to come back," she snapped over her shoulder as she continued to walk away from him but he followed unbothered.

"You never told me _not_ to come back either," he defended as he put a skip in his step to try and catch up to her.

"Go away, shepherd," she repeated tiredly but he wouldn't give up.

"You once told me that I shouldn't always listen to you. I am coming to realize that three weeks ago was one of those times. And I have decided that this time is one of those times as well so, no, your majesty, I will not go away," he told her and she whirled around to face him, her whole face and body language portraying something far beyond irritation but laced with a heavy exhaustion over their situation.

"What do you _want_ , shepherd?!" She snapped harshly.

"I want to talk to you, Regina! I want to tell you where you stand with me!" He practically shouted back but quickly softened his voice for he truly didn't want another argument, "because I think we have spent far too much time guessing and grasping at straws and torturing one another. You have told me how you feel and where you are standing. I only want to do the same," he told her and she shook her head at him with an irritated scoff but backed off her aggression, settling with displeasure and the very smallest amount of tolerance she could muster.

"I care about you, Regina, that is not in question. I care very much about you and for you. I admire you greatly, I think you are an absolutely incredible human being. I am your friend, Regina, I want to be your friend, you are important to me, you are invaluable to me, I want you in my life. I never intended for things to get so messy between us, I never intended to kiss you, I never intended to sleep with you, I never intended to let you get so close, I never intended to get so close to you. It got so incredibly out of hand, Regina, and for that I am sorry.

We pushed too hard and went too far and I hurt you. I hate that I did but the fact remains that I did. This whole thing, this whole mess, I _know_ I started it when I kissed you after Daniel, I _know_ that it was my fault and I _know_ that I made you feel that I was _safe_ for you. I know I gave you a moment of hope that things could be different, that I could be more for you, that when you decided it was safe to love again that you could love _me_ ," he told her and felt his chest tightening with every word as he looked in to those sad dark eyes of hers.

"But, Regina," he pleaded as he stepped toward her and was surprised to find she allowed him to and didn't step away. He almost preferred she had stepped away. Because if she had he wouldn't have been able to touch her, he wouldn't have been able to rest his hands on her arms folded in front of her, he wouldn't have felt the exhaustion and heartache filling her entire being, he wouldn't have seen the true extent of the agony in her dark eyes, and he wouldn't have felt how human she truly was.

"You are taking my heart for yourself when I have already promised it to another," he pressed, trying to get her to understand, trying to make her see where he stood caught between her and Snow. "Regina, you have told me time and time again that you cannot turn me away but what I have yet to say aloud is that I cannot turn you away either. I am at your mercy just as you are at mine. And I am asking you, Regina, to _please_ have mercy on me. Your presence is overwhelming, you come over me like this fog and all I can think about is wrapping myself in you. I want to touch you, I want to kiss you, I want to hold you, I want to share your bed every moment you allow it," he told her and she watched him with pinpoint focus and no single expression that he could decipher, "but I _cannot_ ," he shook his head once and she stood still.

"You are trying to tell me that you have made your choice. That you are _not_ choosing me," she stated and his expression fell into anguish. But while her voice was flat and calm, her heart was breaking in her chest and rattling about making it nearly impossible to keep her tears hidden and to hold such an indifferent expression on her face.

"...Yes," he finally replied and with just that one word, he felt sick to his stomach. For regarding his circumstances and commitment to Snow, it was the right thing to do. But outside his circumstances and commitment to Snow, he was not yet convinced it was the right thing to do. And as he watched Regina's stoney composure begin to dissolve in to innocent confusion and a soul deep devastation, he felt even more uncertain about her than ever before. And more heartbroken than ever before.

"I suppose that is only fair," she tried to reason with a quirk of her head as she looked away, trying everything she could to keep her tears hidden only to fail. David's apparent distress only left her state worse off. For how could they both stand there before one another so utterly miserable over the concept of pushing the other away and still push, "you hold your honour and loyalty in your fiancé. There is nothing... _wrong_ with that," she reasoned, trying to convince herself that it was for the best while a tear rolled down her cheek and David shook his head with slumped shoulders and let his hands slip from her folded arms.

"There is nothing right about hurting you either though," he breathed and she gave a pitiful and miserable laugh as she shook her head but didn't say a word, "I am _sorry_ , Regina."

"There is no reason for you to be sorry, shepherd. You are engaged to your flake of snow. You love her, you are making the right choice."

"That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt you," he pressed and she shook her head.

"That doesn't matter, David. I am used to it," she breathed and when she made herself look at him, he looked even more miserable than ever before.

"I loathed you, Regina," he told her and softly shook his head at her while she watched with tears in her eyes, "I wanted you dead. And then you somehow managed to weave yourself in to my heart and I find myself standing here wanting nothing more than to hold you until all your pain goes away," he told her and she stepped the smallest step toward him and dipped her head to try and catch his eye as his Evil Queen spoke in her very smallest and most pleading voice.

"Why can't you?" She asked with teary eyes, unable to understand what was holding him back from such a thing. She was right there. "David," her voice broke and he shook his head and avoided her eyes at all costs, "I don't _understand_ ," she pleaded, her voice desperate and small while her heart ached in her tight throat.

"I love Snow, Regina, I asked her to marry me, she loves me, she is good to me, she makes me happy, and you..." he shook his head as he made himself lift his head and look her in the eye only to feel a searing pain cut through his chest at the tenderness in her expression. The softness in her eyes and mouth, her honest inability to see what was stopping them from being where they both wished to be, the love for him in her eyes. It broke his heart and tears were quickly pricking his eyes as he looked at her and finally let the truth be known, "Regina, you are a risk I just cannot take," he shook his head again while his voice broke in to a whisper. And where he thought she may pull away from him in insult or frustration, she only stepped closer to him with her brow furrowed and her hands reaching for his as she shook her head.

"But I could be good to you," she promised softly, her words slow and just above a whisper as a tear fell down her cheek and she gently lifted her hands to hold his face as she inched herself even closer to him and he bowed his head. "I could make you happy," she told him, trying to convince him to just stay, to just choose her, "I _could_ ," she promised, willed him to believe her while his hands laid over hers on his face, even though she wasn't certain herself that she could do such a thing. But she wanted to try. Then he took one of her hands away from his face just so he could press a kiss to her palm and force more tears to fall from her eyes while she tipped her head in to his.

"You are dangerous, Regina."

"Not to you," she breathed and he shook his head against hers.

" _Especially_ to me," he denied and she pushed her forehead heavier in to his.

"I don't want to lose you."

"I will always be here for you, Regina. I am not going anywhere."

"You are going to Snow," she argued and he didn't have anything to say, "but you don't have to, David-"

"Regina," he begged with a broken heart and a single soft sob left her lips as she pressed herself closer to him and tried with every fibre in her being to change his mind. And oh how he wanted to, "please," he pressed and shook his head against hers, "don't."

She didn't want to let go of him. She didn't want to walk away. She wanted to stay there and hold him until they both stopped being so foolish. Until they saw sense and allowed for love between them. But she also respected him.

She respected him and his wishes and unlike himself with her, she was not about to ignore his voiced 'no'. 'No' meant 'no' and even though it broke her heart, even though they may be better off if she ignored him and kissed him instead, she respected him too much to disregard him. But she lingered against him as she fought within herself, willed him to change his mind and love her instead.

But by the time she mustered the strength to walk away, he still did no such thing. So she stepped around him, letting her hand fall from his face and left her other in his care. Let him loosely entwine his fingers with hers as she walked past him and let her arm pull behind her, wishing and hoping that his grip would tighten and stop her, pull her back to him. But her steps eventually had her fingertips slipping from his and the loss of his touch felt like a knife through her heart.


	26. Chapter 26

**Alrighty! I have had a full on mental breakdown, lost 20 pounds since the last time I weighed in, bought $350 worth of bras for $75, gave a the dog a bath, went for a three hour trail ride in the pouring rain, and now I'm sitting outside with the dog and am listening to my EC playlist, determined to get some chapters written! So! Let's get some chapters written! *cracks knuckles* *cries because ow* lol! It has been a loooong and haaaard selection of months for me but I see the light at the end of the tunnel and am feeling much more like myself and I am ready to apologize for leaving you with no updates for an unforgivable amount of time! So let's start!**

 **This chapter is shoooort but it just didn't flow well with the next couple chapters and I didn't want to get ride of it. The next chapter will probably be up by the end of the day. And if not, then first thing tomorrow morning ;)**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

David had not felt right ever since he had let Regina walk away from him. She had made herself sparse, and reasonably so, but it meant he hadn't really seen her since. That was the day before last. He didn't know how to make either one of them feel better that wouldn't leave them crossing lines he had put in place. They were both fragile and unstable and he knew he wouldn't stand a chance against her if she came to him wishing to get close to him.

He knew he would kiss her at the very slightest opportunity.

So it was probably for the best that she kept her distance and he kept his.

And perhaps it was poor planning on his part or perhaps it was his conspiring heart and subconscious at work, but he found himself sitting in the middle of her library with a book. The one place in the whole palace that there would be no hope of avoiding her majesty. And sure enough, her footsteps reached his ears before he got two chapters finished in his book.

He felt sick at the sound and when he lifted his eyes from his book to look her way, he yearned to just pull her in to him and apologize to her and make love to her all over again. But he had made his decision. His feelings for the queen would pass once he came to terms with breaking her heart. At least that is what he tried to tell himself. But after having her so close and having her so intimately, to stop it altogether was nearly impossible. He had had her. He had had her fully and completely and as she walked closer, that was all he could think about.

But he was engaged and his wedding was just around the corner.

"Hi..." he greeted softly as she stopped in front of him. She looked worn. Worn and sad and frustrated as she stood before him and tried to decide on what to say. But she couldn't seem to find the words. So instead, she turned around and sat beside him on the couch and he closed his book but left his thumb between the pages.

"I have grown tired of you making me sad, shepherd," she told him but it did nothing to better her mood, "I have grown tired of being miserable in general. But you...you were once able to cheer me up. Even if was only for brief and fleeting moments, you were once able to make me laugh even when I was most upset or most angry and now I can't even look at you without wanting to fall to pieces, I just-..." she shook her head softly as she swallowed the pain in her chest along with her pride and levelled with him. Because as much as she hated it, she knew it was the fastest way to get anywhere with him. "I don't want to be miserable forever. I want to be happy. And even though you have chosen Snow, I don't want you to go away."

"I am not going anywhere, Regina," he assured and she shook her head again.

"I don't have any friends, shepherd. I never truly have. And if you will not take me as your lover, I just ask that you take me as your friend," she pleaded with a broken heart as she made herself look at the shepherd only to find him frowning and looking just as tortured as she felt. Which only frustrated her more because if neither one of them were happy, why were they staying apart, "I am tired of being alone, I don't want to be alone anymore, I want you in my life, and I just want you to make me laugh again because you are the only person who has brought an honest laugh out of me since before Daniel was killed. I just want to be happy, shepherd, and you are the only person who has made me feel as though that was possible and I just...I don't want you to go, I want you...to be my friend."

Her words brought him to the brink of tears and he could only shake his head at her in heartache as he spoke, "I would love to be your friend, your majesty," he told her and stomped down his desire for even more. But it was hard when she pushed out a stressed sigh and nodded her head as she looked down at her hands in her lap. He wanted hug her, he wanted to hold her, he wanted to kiss her shoulder, he wanted to be closer to her. But he knew that once he was close, he would slip.

He wasn't entirely convinced that that would be a bad thing though.

"Thank you," she breathed softly, uneasy and on edge over being so vulnerable toward him but grateful that he was being kind to her.

"Of course," he replied softly and pretended not to see her swipe a tear from her cheek. He wanted nothing more than to make her happy again. But he still didn't know how to make her laugh or make her happy without leaving them close enough or private enough to slip in to one another. She was happiest when her people were close to her but she and him could not get close without consequence.

But he would try to come up with something and was certain it would be easier once the tensions settled. He wanted to laugh with her too.

"I just started this book," he noted and she turned her head to look at it, "it's not bad so far, I am only a chapter and a half in. If you'd like I can read it to you," he told her and then looked at her and watched some of the tension drain from her face and shoulders.

"I think I would like that," she nodded and David smiled at her which had the very smallest smile pulling at her lips. One of gratitude and relief. No one had read a story to her since before she could remember and as the shepherd pulled his thumb from his marked page and flipped back to the very first page, her heart softened even more for him as he prepared to reread to her what he had already read.

But before he started, he looked back at his queen and found her still distressed and miserable. So in a small and tender attempt to cheer her up, he shifted his weight and gently bumped his shoulder in to hers. The gesture broke his heart as much as it did hers, he was sure. To be so close and having to settle for less. A shoulder bump instead of a hug or a kiss. But it was an effort, an olive branch, and her majesty did offer the smallest smile in return even if it left as quickly as it came. But even with her smile gone, she did allow herself to tip in to him Slowly and carefully, she rested her weight against him and settled her head on his shoulder as she warily threaded her arms around his.

He could feel her misery wafting around her and it matched his without a doubt. But he didn't acknowledge it and simply tipped hit head against hers for a moment before he started reading aloud to her.


	27. Chapter 27

**Next chapter is mostly done as well, may even get it up tomorrow but if I don't it will be up this week :) enjoy! And thank you so much for your reviews! They're the greatest!**

* * *

 **One Month Later**

The tension between them never did cease.

It was practically palpable in the air between them whenever they were near one another. But where he was weak, Regina was remarkable. She seemed to have taken his request to heart and pushed him to stay loyal to Snow whenever she noticed he was going to slip. Where she found the strength to do so, he could not say. But it only made him want her more. She was honourable and considering the Evil Queen as such was something he never thought he'd do.

And with the snow melting and Spring just around the corner, he knew he was running out of time to change his mind if he so desired. Which did nothing to help him think straight when she was near. He had never been so torn in half over a decision. Holding feelings for the queen had never crossed his mind when he had decided to stay with her in her banishment. And now he held them and couldn't interpret any of them.

But every time he went home to Snow, the arrangements and plans for the wedding were further and further along. Colours were chosen, a gown was being made, meals were being planned, invitations were being sent, every time he returned there was something else bringing the wedding day closer. Something that loomed over his distrust with himself that he had chosen the right woman.

But that was hardly on his mind as he raced the brunette down the road toward the lake. They ran their horses down the road from the palace, their laughter infectious to one another as they tore up the gravel beneath them and splashed through the flooded areas of the road with wild enthusiasm. Ahead of him, Regina yelped in surprise as her stallion met the next puddle and they found it much deeper than the previous ones and was therefore met with a wall of water splashed up by his galloping hooves.

The sound was followed by rich laughter and David came through the flooded road right behind her only to follow suit with a shocked yelp at the chilled water and then laugh at the volume of it as he was completely soaked by not only the spray of his gelding but the spray of Regina's stallion ahead of him as well.

Stride after stride they ran through the water and once they got to the other side, Regina laughed louder and freer than ever before and he called at her with a hysterical laugh himself at the state of them, "do we even need to go to the lake now?! I am soaked!"

Regina only laughed more as she looked over her shoulder at the shepherd behind her. He and his horse were indeed soaked head to toe and she herself was not much better. And as her head fell back in laughter, she urged her stallion to keep going, "hurry up, shepherd! It was your idea to begin with!"

David only laughed with a shake of his head as he chased her. She had been in rather poor spirits for the first three weeks of their agreement not to build a relationship between the pair of them. To just be friends. And her mood only soured further whenever they found themselves in a position to break that agreement but had to be pushed away or had to push him away. She was unhappy. And so was he. But he had stayed and she tried her very hardest to disregard what she wanted and selflessly do as someone else wished. What he wished. She was giving instead of taking and he was immensely proud of her. But it still didn't sit right.

But over the last few days she seemed to be relaxing in her own skin again, back in to the idea of the pair of them just being friends. She was softer and her presence was quieter, less turmoil boiling within her. She was more open to his voice and more willing to be in his company and when he suggested they get out of the palace for the day she had asked him where and he had offered the lake. An offer to which she agreed to with barely a moment of thought, simply replying with a lightly snarky 'well I suppose I have no previous engagements, now do I'.

It was a start and he leapt on it. For her sake, to cheer her up and pull her out of her miserable palace where she wasn't surrounded by miserable things, but also for his sake. For he missed being in her company.

And what had started as a peaceful walk to the lake had turned in to a bet and left them racing full tilt down the flooded roads and he was having the most fun he had had in what felt like ages. And why he consistently believed that he ever had a chance of winning a race against Regina and her stallion, he would never understand. For it would be a cold day in hell before he ever won a race against her. But he still tried and urged his grey faster.

It was to no avail though. The black stallion's hooves hit the water strides ahead of David's grey and it had him laughing in defeat while Regina turned her beast around. Up to his chest, the stallion pranced and snorted as he made the weight and resistance of the water against his legs look no more difficult to him than if he were prancing through thin air. But as impressive and majestic as he was, David's attention was quickly stolen by his rider.

The tails of her burgundy coat soaked in the cool lake water, her black leather boots in no better shape, her glossy hair tangled and damp in places from the spray, and the happiest smile he had seen in a long time spread across her red lips and white teeth. Her dark eyes were creased with utter delight as she sat so effortlessly and elegantly upon her horse's back, moving with him as though he were an extension of herself. She looked happier than he had ever seen her and he couldn't have helped the grin on his face or the warmth in his heart even if he had wanted to.

"Are you even trying, shepherd?" She teased with a laugh and he scoffed at her from the back of his halted grey.

"Hey now, your majesty," he scolded with a grin and she laughed as she pointed her stallion toward him, "I believe credit is due to the fact that we can keep up with you," he pointed out and she dipped her head in acceptance with that smile still pulling her flawless lips, "we are simply unable to surpass you. Yet," he smirked and she raised her eyebrows in delight toward his challenge.

"Don't hold your breath, shepherd," she jabbed playfully and dismounted her stallion while David chuckled.

...

Lunch had been quiet for the most part. But in a pleasant way. It was peaceful and calm and David spent most of it admiring how contented Regina was. How soft she was, how much better she felt being outside the walls of her palace. It only enforced his hopes for the plan he had constructed for her. And apparently Snow had found the perfect piece of land as per his request, she was simply in the middle of making arrangements for procuring it.

He had hope for the queen. He really did. He wanted her to be happy. But what he didn't know was if he could let her go and watch her be happy with another. Because there would be another, there was no doubt about that. But could he watch another love her as he wished he could? He couldn't say. And as they walked down the shoreline side by side and smiled at how calm and peaceful she was, he was at a deeper loss over the matter than ever before.

"I want to talk about Daniel," David told her as he paused and tossed another stone in to the lake, it's smooth round surface skipping across the glassy water with ease. Then he continued walking along the water's edge with the queen beside him and their horses trailing behind them.

The comment caught her off guard to say the least and it gave a panicked jolt to her heart for even though David knew of him and had done so much for him and herself, it was still reflex to panic over any conversation regarding her stableboy. Because for so many years, he had been a well kept secret that no one was to know about. So she couldn't help the cold fear that shot through every vein in her body at the mere mention of his name. Let alone a whole conversation about him. "What do you mean?" She asked quietly. Quieter than she had intended but if David noticed, he didn't say a word about it.

"I don't know I just don't know very much about him. Nobody does but you. And I would like to know more about him."

"Why?"

"Because he is important to you and I think that he deserves to be known. That and I very much admire him and would like to learn more about him."

"You admire him?" Regina questioned with a befuddled frown and he nodded before skipping another stone across the water, "whatever for? You have never met him. Didn't even know he existed at all until a year and a half ago."

"But I did get to see him with you," he told her and she didn't dare look him in the eye while recalling such a tender memory. "I have never seen such pure and loyal love before. You were his entire world and he saw nothing but you. He never once took his eyes off you, he didn't care where he was or who else was in his company. You were the only thing that mattered. And I know I told you that he would not hate you after everything you had done but when he looked at you the way he did with such a deep and complete unconditional love without so much as a moment's hesitation, I found myself in awe of him.

You were truly a monster and yet you could tell he never once stopped loving you with every fibre in his body. It is the love that everyone strives to find but very seldom do. It is the stuff of fairytales, your majesty, and you were looking at him in the exact same manner as he did you," he told her and she risked catching his eye. Her expression timid and vulnerable as he smiled at her and then looked to the stones in his hand. "You caused so much pain and devastation for so many years and yet at the same time you are capable of love so strong and so pure. It is absolutely incredible to me. Even after seeing it with my own two eyes I still find it hard to believe."

Then he shook his head softly as they kept walking along the lake's shore, "the love shared between you and Daniel was unlike anything I have ever seen. And while I hope I am blessed enough to see such a thing again, I doubt I ever will. I want to love as he does. Loyal and unwavering. But I don't know if I am capable of such. Clearly not, it would seem, as I have been loyal to neither you or Snow..." he drifted off with a slight frown and and then shrugged his shoulders, "but maybe one day I'll get it right," he finished a little quieter and then tossed another smooth stone across the lake's surface.

Regina stayed quiet for several strides, entirely unsure of what to do or say to any of what he had said. It was a far more intimate conversation than she had bargained for when she had agreed to come with him. It felt as though he was confiding in her and that was completely uncharted territory for her. "You just have to find the one person in this world that makes you feel as though your life before them was meaningless aside from the fact that every decision you had ever made simply led you to them. They should make devotion feel as easy as breathing and disloyalty as undesirable as a sword piercing your heart. They should make you a better person without even trying and they should make life in general just feel a little brighter and a little more hopeful. They should give it purpose."

David didn't know which was more strange. The fact that Regina was willingly offering advise and direction on love or the fact that he was soaking in every word and taking it to heart. The Evil Queen teaching Prince Charming what love should be. It was backwards. But then again, the queen had lived a far fuller life than he had.

"And what if there are two?"

"If you lose the first then of course I believe there is someone else out there. But two at the same time? A person cannot possibly invest themselves wholly in to two others. The love for both may be true, but there will always be one favoured and loved deeper than the other."

"But how would one possibly decide?"

"Take it from someone who spent their life ignoring their heart, you just simply need to listen to it. It knows better than you think," she told him with a slight smile that held more exhaustion toward herself than anything. And at that, David fell silent and therefore, so did she. It was by no means comfortable either. So after a few more steps on the pebbled shore, Regina changed the topic, "I fear we have strayed rather far off topic. You were wanting to talk about something else."

Smiling and nodding, David followed her lead and happily followed the topic change, "yes, I wanted to know more about Daniel."

"What did you want to know?"

"I don't know...what did he say that so quickly made you laugh when he was here?" He asked and just as quickly as it had come for Daniel, her smile lit up her face at the words.

"He reminded me of a day we spent together behind my mother's back. We had had company at the manor and they had managed to convince my mother to allow their miniature horse to stay on the property as well. Well, the damned thing believed it was a dog and managed to get in to the house," she chuckled and shook her head while David laughed quietly, "Daniel and I spent the whole day trying to get it out without my mother ever knowing it had gotten in in the first place."

"Ponies are just trouble," David chuckled and Regina quickly laughed in agreement, a sound that warmed his heart faster than anything.

"And so unreasonably fast on those short little legs," she laughed and David happily laughed with her, "all the traps we set that ultimately failed, the bribes we used, the excuses we gave my mother to deter her attention," she shook her head with a laugh and David kept laughing right alongside her and for a moment, she forgot that her life was in shambles.

...

He had always loved being in her hidden study. The one tucked away from prying eyes through a small tunnel behind the library shelves. It was the one she used most often and was the only room in the whole palace that resembled anything like a home. It was her space, decorated with a large high backed chair he sat in, a grand and heavy wooden table cluttered with maps and quills and inks and various other tools. The walls were lined with books and the fireplace gave heat on cooler days and the floor to ceiling window at the end of the room offered an impressive view of the forest around them and the sky's magnificent sunset should you be in there in the evening.

He even spotted four of the many little blue horses he always gifted her with upon his returns. One on the table beside her ink pot, one on the hearth's mantle, another on a bookshelf carrying jars filled with various ingredients, and the final one was right beside the chair he sat in, standing on a stack of books upon the side table. They made him smile and made his heart warm and soften toward her even more.

It was a small room and it was lived in, cozy really, and as David sunk deeper into the chair as he watched the queen work, he came to adore her even more. For out of this whole enormous and extravagant palace, she picked he smallest and most secluded room to spend the majority of her time in. It only showed him that once again, she held no desire for this life as queen. Never had. Her needs and wishes were simple. To be happy, to be loved, to feel at home.

And she was trying so hard to fulfill them even as he wouldn't let her close. She couldn't take him as her lover and instead of letting him go and pushing him away from her, she tried every day to settle with having him as a friend. Ignoring her heart's yearnings for more and convincing herself that a life with him forever just out of reach was better than a life without him at all.

Having her push him away from her even though she wanted him near only showed him how much she loved him. How much she cared for him, how much she respected him. For just because he had asked her not to touch him, she was sacrificing her opportunity at what she must consider true happiness to assure his wishes were met first. And that selfless act he witnessed every day since he asked it of her only left him admiring her more and more for her strength. And left him utterly speechless over how far she had come from being that selfish and bitter queen he had once celebrated over executing.

It infuriated him how blind he had been to her, how completely close minded he had been. They could have saved so much time if he had just listened to Snow right from the start. Had listened to her when she had said Regina was worth saving, had believed her when she had said Regina was good, that her heart was one of gold. Everything would have been so different had he just listened. He had never so much as tried to see past her evil. Had never once bothered to try and understand where her darkness had stemmed.

But now he knew. It was from heartache, loss, betrayal, and pain. She had had enough of it and was manipulated in to lashing out at the world for it so that no one may ever hurt her again. That she would never lose anyone again. And as he watched her study her maps with her long hair pulled over her one shoulder, he was reminded again that the very moment she let her armour down, he had brought upon her exactly what her armour had been protecting her from.

Heartache, loss, betrayal, and pain.

And he felt even worse.

"What are you doing anyway?" He asked as her golden compass pivoted across her map under her slender fingers while her soft painted lips were left parted with her focus.

"Looking for the ideal spot to..." she paused as she leaned in closer over her map and marked it with her quill and then finished as though she hadn't stopped mid-sentence, "start over."

David didn't know what she meant exactly. Couldn't really focus on it either as he watched her huff in mild irritation and gather up her long silken curls and twist them in to a loose bun atop the back of her head that she secured by pushing her golden compass in to it. He knew it must have something to do with all of the supplies and wolfsbane he had helped her gather last summer. He was distracted by other things though. He was distracted by her.

Distracted by the pinpoint focus in her eyes, the way she caught her bottom lip between her teeth, the way her delicate fingers gently held her quill, the way her slender body bent over the table, by the deep purple fabric of her coat and how it complimented her flawless skin and dark hair, how it matched the purple makeup on her eyes, then there was the red lipstick on her full lips, and the way that the sunlight coming from the window on the other side of her framed her every curve.

He was enthralled with her. And the distance they had maintained between them only seemed to make him want her more.

Regina was fully invested in her work and hadn't paid any mind at all to the shepherd sitting off to her right. Not until she finished and dropped her quill in its ink pot and looked his way as she pulled the compass from her hair. It left her hair tumbling free from the loose bun she had knotted it in to and she truly had not thought anything of the gesture. Not until she watched the shepherd's eyes follow the motion before falling back on to her own.

There was desire in his eyes, plain as day and it had everything to do with him wishing he had been the one to pull the compass from her hair and send her loose curls free. Free for his hands to play with.

As she held his eye she could practically feel his body pressed against hers. His warmth seeping in to her, his breaths softly blowing across her lips and her skin. She could feel his hands so convincingly on her body that she actually pivoted so her back was to the table and her eyes remained on him.

There was a moment of pause, a beat of silence, and David stood from his chair and slowly began to walk toward her. Taking his time as the fog in his mind grew thicker and the desire in her eyes grew more potent. He wanted her and she wanted him. And as he stepped closer, all he could think about was touching her. He wanted to feel the softness of her skin, the silkiness of her hair, the heat of her breath, the warmth of her lips. He wanted to kiss her, he wanted to hold her, he wanted to give in to her.

And with every step he took closer, Regina wanted the very same. She wanted to melt in to him, she wanted to stop fighting him, she wanted to let him put his hands on her, she wanted to feel him, she wanted to kiss him, she wanted to slip her hands beneath his shirt and let her hands roam his strong and warm body. She wanted to throw their clothes to the floor and wrap her legs around his hips, she wanted him to fuck her on her desk, she wanted him to take her, to choose her.

And as he stopped right in front of her she could practically feel him. She could feel him lifting her on her desk, could feel him pushing her on to her back, she could hear her items being pushed to the floor as he pulled her arms above her head, she could hear him moaning against her throat as he nipped and kissed at her skin. She could feel him pounding in to her, could feel the heat and pleasure shooting through every nerve. She could taste the sweat on his skin, could feel his breath raising goosebumps on her skin.

She could feel it all as though it were happening. Heat was pooling between her legs and her heart was pounding in her ears but she stayed where she was, standing with her back to her desk and her weight leaning in to it. But there was nothing she could do to ground herself once again with the flood of images and sensations still flying through her mind. And it only got worse with every inch he drew closer.

Her fingers gripped the edge of her desk to keep her from jumping at him but her strength wavered when his fingertips skimmed her hips and slowly wandered up and down while his bright blue gaze fell to her lips. It sent her spiralling in to a tizzy of arousal and then out of her control, she slowly and subtly rocked her hips closer to him and his wandering hands. And in response, his hands wandered a little heavier and he inched closer.

Then he lifted one hand to her face and traced her bottom lip with his thumb and the very moment his blue eyes snapped back to hers, she knew she was done for.

Drawing in a soft breath through her parted lips, Regina tipped forward and stood taller so her weight left the desk behind her as she moved to kiss him. But her hands sliding to his sides and her nose gently touching the side of his was as close as she got.

"Regina, child, there is-oh...my apologies, I didn't realize..."

In an instant, Regina went from sinking in to her shepherd to recoiling from him as though she had been burned by him. Her soft inhale before her soft inhale had turned sharp and her gentle hands had fallen stiff as they brought David to an abrupt halt while she forced space between them again.

"What is it?" she asked but could look at neither her father or David and kept her gaze on her hand on David's chest.

"Dinner is ready and being served," Henry answered awkwardly and then stood there until his daughter nodded before he silently took his leave.

Regina stood there in silence with David for a few moments watching her thumb slowly rub over his chest, hesitating, thinking. But ultimately, she pushed herself tall once more and without a word, moved to walk around him. But she was stopped by his hands tightening around her sides, "don't," she breathed and David opened his mouth to protest but she didn't give him a chance to speak, "no," she pressed sharply but her voice broke in to a heavy sorrow when she looked him in the eye.

"No," she breathed and he closed his mouth with a frustrated but understanding sigh through his nose. And then she slipped away from him without a word more and pushed her fingers through her hair as she looked up at the ceiling in an attempt to have gravity force her tears back within her.


	28. Chapter 28

**I am so sorry, this really should have been up a long time ago! It just needed a few touch ups before I could post it but life just wouldn't allow for the time to do such a thing. It was pissing me off. Lol! But now it's here and ready to be read! Enjoy!**

* * *

"Oh, David! Good, you're home! Come, I want your opinion on the napkins," Snow told him as she grabbed his hand and started dragging him behind her, "and also the plates, I didn't realize how many different plates we had, it seems a little ridiculous to have so many. Also the cake needs attention, and you need to go see the tailor before the poor woman loses her head, and there is also the-" she was cut short when David stopped firm and tugged her toward him.

She laughed as she hit his chest and grinned up at him as wide as her cheeks would allow and it seemed to only get wider when she slung her arms around his shoulders and he hugged her around her middle with a smile of his own.

"Hello, Snow," he greeted and she laughed with a nod of her head.

"Hello, David," she grinned and laughed again, "I apologize for neglecting my manners, how are you?"

"I am doing well, how about you?" He asked with a playful raise of his brows that had her giggling as she sunk in to him and gave his heart a happy blip of warmth.

"To be honest I am a little stressed out with all of the things that need to be done and arranged for a date that is unknown because of your...unpredictable appearances," she told him with a playful and teasing tone and David breathed a laugh in reply.

"What can I do to help? Aside from napkins, plates, cake, and tailors of course," he smiled and she hummed with a grin and a nod.

"You were listening," she noted happily and he laughed softly.

"Of course I was listening," he smirked and she rose on her toes to kiss him. Chaste and sweet and nothing like the kisses the queen gave. Nothing at all like those kisses.

"There are also the flowers and the seating arrangements," she told him with a happy sigh as her fingers twirled in his hair.

"I say we just leave it a free for all and whomever survives the night without killing anyone or sparking a war gets a goody bag at the end," he told her and she scoffed and swatted his chest with a laugh.

"No! David!" She laughed and he laughed right along with her, "that is terrible, we are not doing that," she laughed and he let her step away from him and turn to resume the path she had been dragging him along on. But then she stopped and turned around, her expression completely sober and rather troubled while David maintained a pleasant and easy smile, "there is one thing actually that is particularly delicate. One that I am not sure how to approach. At all."

"What is it?"

"...Regina," she told him quietly and his smile too disappeared as he gave his head a solemn nod and looked down at his hands. "Do we invite her? Do we plan for her attendance? I wouldn't even know what to do about her if you two _weren't_ cordial but now that you _are_ , I _really_ don't know what to do."

"Well I think keeping her in the dark would be worse than making her aware of the wedding..." David thought aloud and Snow nodded.

"I agree...but..."

"But it could also very easily set her off in a downward spiral."

"Exactly...so I don't know what to do. I would absolutely _love_ it if she were there beside me but I _know_ that that is unrealistic," she rambled slightly and paused for a moment to give David the chance to tell her that maybe it wasn't so unrealistic, that maybe it could happen. But he didn't. So she tried to lighten the burn with humour, "and I wouldn't even know where to begin in seating her amongst everyone," she shook her head and laughed when David did, "I just don't know what to do."

"Well...I don't think you should count on her attending," he told her gently and watched her shoulders slump just a little, "but maybe have a plan for her just in case she decides to come around. And I don't know that we should give her a formal written invitation...it may be a little much."

"Can you talk to her then? Please?" Snow asked as she stepped toward him and he bowed his head for a moment before looking her in the eye with a small and lopsided smile, "just tell her she is welcome if she wishes to come. She can stay for as long or as little as she sees fit, or not at all if she doesn't want to, that's fine too-"

"Snow, of course I will talk to her for you," he eased softly while his stomach twisted itself in to various knots.

"Thank you," Snow sighed and then put her hands on her hips and shook her head in thought. It was incredible sometimes how deeply that woman had gotten to her.

"How is the procurement of that land coming along?"

"Fine. No, frustrating actually," she amended and David hummed curiously, "they don't want to sell it, it is family land and has been in their name for generations. Which ordinarily I would accept, call it honourable, and move along on but it is just so perfect and they won't give it up. No matter what I offer them! I am _this_ close to evicting them by royal decree for god's sake," she huffed with a slap of her hand against her thigh.

"The best I have been able to do it to have the property for the summer and have them housed in a lush manor in the mean time. I am working on more time," she told him and he shrugged with a reassuring smile and reached forward to put his hands on either side of her shoulders.

"Even if it is just for the summer, it will be wonderful."

"No, it needs to be longer, you and I both know it," she pressed and David sighed in agreement.

"Surely there is another piece of land with less stubborn tenants?"

"Probably. But I want _this_ one and I _will_ get it until winter at the very least," she insisted and David chuckled under his breath and rubbed his hands over her shoulders.

"They'd better watch out, the wrath of Snow White is no laughing matter," he teased and she rolled her eyes at him with a smirk.

"Shut up and come help me with the napkins."

"Why are they so important, they're just going to get dirty anyway."

" _Charming_!" She pleaded with a tired but greatly amused laugh and he laughed right along with her, " _please_!"

...

"What are you doing, child?"

"Just walking," Regina dismissed with a slight smile and shrug of her shoulder.

"At this hour?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"Well the matter may be helped if you were in bed rather than on your feet," he noted with a teasing tone and his daughter huffed a single small laugh from her nose as she looked down to her fingers.

"What is troubling you?" He asked gently as he walked toward her.

"Oh, the usual. Plotting Snow White's demise, wishing Daniel were here to talk to, trying to sort out what will be my happy ending," she shrugged and he stopped in front of her with a small nod as the moonlight poured in from the window and landed upon his kind old face.

"And the shepherd," he noted and she held his eye and tried to deny the matter. But she ultimately caved and nodded.

"And David," she agreed softly and looked down at her fingers once more.

"You love him."

"Even if that were true, it wouldn't matter," she argued with a shake of her head, "he has chosen Snow White. I'm sure the pair of them will be happily married soon enough. And I will be left here. Alone. Again."

"Maybe," he nodded and his daughter furrowed her brow but didn't look up from her fidgeting fingers, "but you do love him and therefore, it does matter."

"It doesn't. He has made his choice, daddy," she pressed and looked him in the eye only to have her true colours shine through and have her shoulders slump in heartache and defeat, "and he didn't choose me."

"You are more than capable of changing his mind, my child."

"He has made his choice, daddy, I don't want to force him in to anything, I don't want to manipulate him, I don't-"

"That is not what I meant, my sweet daughter," he quieted as he reached forward and covered her hands with his.

"Well then what do you mean?" She pleaded desperately, frustrated and so tired of living with a broken heart.

"Us men are very simple minded in comparison to you women, my child. We do not analyze every minute detail, we do not put our faith in our mind's creation of a potential future. We put our faith in what is real, what is right in front of us. Now, the shepherd is valiant and kind and loyal and brave but what we must remember is that Snow White came first. He loved her first, he trusted her first, he is loyal to her first. She is good and she is kind and she is safe. And then you came along. You have given the shepherd a plethora of reasons to mistrust you. To fear you. To be wary of you. Just as he has given you reasons to mistrust him and fear him and be wary of him.

But slowly you have given one another more. Slowly, you have begun to see one another, to learn about one another. You have given each other moments of happiness, of trust, of loyalty, of love. You have given him reasons to love you. So many reasons, my child, and if you look, you will see it has paid off. He loves you _dearly_ , Regina. It is clear as day. But time has not been on your side. Snow was there first and his loyalty and trust remains foremost in her.

But, my dear, if you look closely, you will see he wants to choose you. I see it every day. All you must do is show him that there is no reason for him to be wary of you, that he can trust you, that he can choose you and it will not ruin him. All you must do is convince him to take a leap of faith for the sake of love."

"Oh, is that all?" She teased in an attempt to hide the shake to her voice and the tears in her eyes that her father so expertly ignored for her sake.

"That is all, my child," he laughed softly and then reached up and took her face in his hands. "You deserve to be happy, Regina. You have always fought for what you want. Always. What is stopping you now?"

"I am not as brave as you think, daddy," she breathed as her tears fell and she tried to bow her head but her father's kind hands stopped her and his thumbs wiped away her tears.

"My dear," he cooed tenderly and she tilted her head in to his hand, "you cannot tell me that even after losing Daniel the way you did has convinced you that if you had the chance to go back to the beginning and never love him at all, that you would take it."

"Of course not. I would simply love him more," she told him and he hummed and nodded.

"Right there is all the bravery you need to convince the shepherd you can be his. Right there. In that wise heart of yours," he told her and she shook her head a little and sniffed softly, "it is okay to be afraid. But love is always worth it, my darling daughter," he promised and she kept her eyes down.

And after a few moments of silence and thought and a few more tears wiped from her cheeks, Regina lifted her hands to hold her father's head and looked him in the eye with a tender smile. "I love you," she told him and he smiled at her.

"I know you do."

" _Most_ of all," she pressed and he nodded.

"I know you do, child," he smiled and turned his head to press a kiss to her palm.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Regina," he assured with a loving hum and she nodded and rubbed her thumbs over his cheeks when he placed his hands over hers, "I love you too. More than anything," he promised and she smiled for a moment before it disappeared and she studied his face for something unknown to him.

"You should get some sleep," she told him softly and then tipped forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek, resting her forehead against his for a moment when he hummed softly at the gesture.

"Only if you promise me you will get some sleep too," he bargained but she only smiled at him and rubbed her thumbs over his cheeks once more.

"I will see you in the morning," she told him and he gave her hands a gentle squeeze before he let her go and left her to her midnight wandering.

 **Three** **Days** **Later**

Regina had been absorbed in her book before her attention was pulled by a set of footsteps approaching. And when she looked up, she saw who she did not expect. Someone who was not supposed to be there until the following day. Or in the middle of the night at the very earliest. "David," Regina greeted in mild surprise as she eyed him up and down, "you look like hell."

"Do I?" He chuckled lightly as he walked toward her and she remained seated on the sofa in front of the fireplace in her library. An ivory silk shirt much like the linen one he wore then, tucked in to black leather pants that accentuated her every curve. It was a far more comfortable and casual outfit than her usual attire. He rather liked it. She looked content and comfortable. And if he were being honest, he felt about as good as Regina's expression claimed he looked. And she just looked so wonderfully welcoming that his level of exhaustion truly began to set in.

"You do," she assured and he didn't say another word. Instead, he crawled on to the sofa beside her with a long sigh and settled his head right in her lap. Much to her confusion and befuddlement, "what are you doing here?"

"Where? In your home? Or in your lap?" He mumbled as his body sunk deep in to her and the couch, welcoming the warmth of her body and the pleasant scent that he got to envelope himself in.

"In my palace," she scoffed in mild irritation at his games.

"You told me to come back."

"You weren't supposed to get here until tomorrow."

"Then perhaps your question should be 'what are you doing here so early?', your majesty," he reasoned playfully but she didn't bite. She did, however, allow him to keep his head in her lap and if he hadn't been so exhausted, he would have been able to rein in the smile on his face. But he couldn't. It wasn't like she could really see it anyway.

"Why are you here so early, shepherd," she asked curtly and he shrugged a little as he let out another sigh and nuzzled the side of his face deeper in to her thighs and his forehead a little closer to her stomach.

"I rode through the night," he answered simply and felt sleep begin to pull him under now that he was in the comfort of Regina's company. Even if she was a little irritated.

"Whatever for?" She asked incredulously with a slight furrow of her brow as she looked down at him.

"Wasn't tired. Wanted to see you."

"You are a fool. And now you are exhausted."

"I'm fine."

"Says the simple shepherd literally laying in the hands of the Evil Queen herself."

David merely smiled and hummed the softest laugh, "I'll take my chances. I hear she's kind of a softie these days," he teased gently and even with his eyes closed he knew she was scowling at him through narrowed eyes. It only made him laugh once more under his breath before he nestled himself in a little deeper, pressing his forehead and nose right against her stomach.

He was asleep within seconds. Regina wanted to be annoyed, she wanted to be able to push him off her and tell him to go find a bed. But she couldn't. She softened to a pile of lovesick mush the moment his breaths steadied with sleep.

And for so many reasons did she soften. For one, he had ridden through the night to get to her. She didn't know his exact reasons but the fact remained that he had done so. He had travelled all day and all night just so he could see her sooner. It was sweet and showed he genuinely cared about her. Someone _wanted_ to see her. Someone _wanted_ to be in her company.

And for another thing, he trusted her. Sure, Rumple's magic prevented her from doing any permanent harm to him but that didn't matter. He had trusted her enough to be asleep, to be at his most vulnerable, right there in her very lap with her hands right beside his head and neck. She could do so much damage. But she wouldn't and for some reason, he seemed to know that, apparently trusted that she wouldn't. No one trusted her that completely. She couldn't even say for certain if her own father did. And in their defence, it was for good reason.

But there laid the shepherd. Sleeping blissfully, completely unaware of her fingers gently tracing the features of his face. With a thoughtful cock of her head and a glowing warmth growing in her heart, she took her time admiring the sleeping shepherd, the book she had been so absorbed in now completely forgotten.

They had come so incredibly far over the period of her banishment. Which was only a short stretch of time in the grand scheme of things. But still, two years had passed. There had been a time where he had pinned her to a wall and stole every last piece of herself from her. And not long after that there had been a time where she had attempted hundreds of different forms of murder on his patient soul. And now as though none of it had ever happened, he laid fast asleep with his head in her lap while her fingers traced his eyes and nose and mouth and combed through his hair.

She should be pushing him away for so many reasons. But there were just enough reasons to let him stay right where he was for her to allow it. And try as she might, she really didn't mind his presence. In fact, she'd dare say she had missed him.

His breaths were slow and steady and incredibly soothing. So she let him sleep and used her magic to turn the pages of her book while her fingers played in his hair. Swirling and twirling, combing and wandering. It was so calm and peaceful and quiet.

And soon enough, Regina found she was growing sleepy herself.

...

When David woke it was to a queen who had slunk down and fallen asleep in his arms. It was confusing at first for he was most certain he had fallen asleep in her lap and not alongside her but as the sleepy fog slowly lifted from his mind he came to adore everything about it.

She had nestled herself in right against him. Her hands up between their chests, her legs tangled between his, his arm beneath her head and around her shoulders, and her nose pressed against his neck right beneath his jaw. It made him smile as he closed his eyes and let out a long sigh as he let himself sink deeper in to the couch they shared and wrap his arms just a little tighter around her.

It had not been raining when he had arrived at the palace but mixed in with the fire crackling in the hearth behind him, he could very distinctly hear the gentle rapping of raindrops on the various glass windows in the library. And the fire and rain combined with the steady breaths of the peaceful queen brought about an atmosphere he wished would last forever.

So calm. So quiet. So easy.

But as wonderful as it was, he couldn't say he was overly sorry when the queen did stir awake under his fingers combing through her hair. For he was just as happy looking in to those dark eyes of hers as he was following the sleeping rhythm of her breaths.

"Hey," he greeted softly, a whisper under his breath as his thumb rubbed over her cheek and down her jaw while sleepy brown eyes looked back at him between slow blinks. He was answered with a slow inhale as she stretched her lithe body. Like a cat waking from a nap in the sun she arched her body in to his, pressing herself just that much closer to him with a deep breath. And then she released it with her exhale and simply melted right in to him, nuzzling the side of her head in to his arm as her fingertips began to wander over his chest and warm his heart.

"Hi," she breathed on the end of her exhale and then laughed softly.

Her sleepy and innocent little laugh had his heart bursting in adoration of her. Just a small and groggy sound of humour over he matter of them falling asleep together. It stoked the fire within him that he had been trying so hard to ignore and let die. And while the sound was gone as quick as it came, it played in his mind over and over and over again, on repeat, never to leave his memory.

And then she pulled her head back just enough to look him in the eye with a drowsy smile that had him smiling right back at her. But it was a different smile than her own. It was strained with conflict and weighted with the desire he so desperately tried to stomp down. But she was too sleepy to notice.

"I've missed you," he told her softly and she let a soft exhale out her nose while she reached forward to touch his face. Gentle fingertips trailing over his cheek and down his jaw. It took everything he had to refrain from turning his head to kiss those slender fingers.

"What an odd thing to say," she replied softly, her words quiet and small as her thumb aimlessly brushed over his bottom lip. And then there were a handful of seconds where everything was silent. It was just the pair of them laying together in the library and the only sounds to be heard were the raindrops hitting the window and the fire crackling in behind him.

It was a heavy silence. Strained by something in the air between them, something Regina didn't realize was present until her mind started to welcome the clarity that came with being awake. And the moment she felt it, the moment her light and humoured smile disappeared and gave way to desire was the very moment David broke.

Without a word, he moved in and without a thought to it, Regina let her thumb slip away from his lips so they could find hers in a kiss. With a soft inhale through her nose and a sleepy and unguarded mind, Regina let herself sink deeper in to the sofa, deeper in to the shepherd, allowed his arms to wind tighter around her waist and draw her in closer.

She slipped in to him without so much as a moment of hesitation. She welcomed it instead. Her arms slowly wrapped around his head and neck, her fingers raking through his hair as she kissed him harder but no faster, keeping it slow and intense. Parting her lips for hot and shaky exhales against his lips, his lungs offering her the breath he stole from her with every touch he gave her body.

She had craved him. Craved him more than air itself and as he rolled her on to her back her blood shot white hot through her veins. Any and every lucid thought was forced from her sleep ridden mind at the feeling of him on top of her. His heavy body, the strength in his muscles, the potent desire for her that flowed through every fibre of him. It was impossible to remember that they had agreed to never do this again.

Instead of pushing him off her, she let her hands wander down his sides while he kissed her senseless. And on her way back up, she pulled the ivory linen from the waist of his pants and dipped her hands beneath it, shamelessly letting her fingers take their time on their path up his strong back. Pausing in various dips and rises, lingering in moments where she could feel him kiss her with his whole body. Dipping down in to her, the warmth of his body even more intense for a few moments, her knee lifting and digging in to his hip.

And once she reached his shoulder blades, she took his shirt and jacket in her grip and started pulling it over his head.

David conceded without a thought, breaking their passionate kiss for just a moment to rid himself of his clothing. But he paused their kiss for just a little longer when he caught the queen's eyes shamelessly lingering on his chest and abdomen. It made him smirk just a little as he slowly brought himself back down to his breathless queen, giving her time to look and to touch.

"You like what you see, your majesty?" He asked lowly as he hovered over her and her heavy hands wandered over his abdomen. And then he kissed her, a quick and single kiss that was just barely chaste and had her moaning against him.

"Very much," she answered without hesitation and lifted her head up off the couch so she could kiss him again. And with one arm bracing his weight against the armrest behind her head and the other hand at the small of her back pulling her closer to him, he kissed her right back as though she were the only woman for him.

And then she was pushing at him and pulling herself up to her knees, moving him until he sat on the couch with his hands low on her hips while she straddled his lap and kissed him for all he was worth. Hot and breathless but still slow, her body pressed flush to his chest, her hands on his jaw and fisted in his hair, their mouths open, their teeth nipping. She was dizzy and aroused and as his fingers dug in to her hip and thigh, she wondered why they didn't do this every time they woke up.

And then she remembered.

"Wait, wait, wait, David-" she stopped him, her voice quiet and her words quick as she broke their kiss and tried to pull away from him. But he didn't let her say a word more and certainly didn't let her get away from him.

"Don't stop me, love," he breathed quickly and was answered with a sharp exhale but nothing more.

The name hit her like a punch to the throat. It winded her and caught her by surprise, there was nothing she could do, nothing she could say, she was sure he meant nothing by it, a slip of the tongue surely. But what if he did mean it? What if he did love her? But before she could get her breath back, he had caught her in another kiss.

And she kissed him back. She kissed him hard and pressed herself to him with tears pricking her eyes. And she cursed the reminder floating in to her mind through the voice of her mother that love was weakness. And how she was weak to it yet again, falling victim to its siren call once more as she folded herself in to her shepherd and refused, for just one more night, to let go of him forever.


	29. Chapter 29

**Hey guys! Sorry, there was a lot of fine tuning and planning that had to go in to this chapter so that the next section of the story made sense. But I got it! And in typical Emily fashion, the next couple chapters are gonna be heeeaaartwrenching mwahahaha! Because I can't seem to let anything good and happy last lol! Not until the end of the story anyway ;)**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

All night. They had spent the entire night entangled together. Sleeping, fucking, kissing, touching, whatever had pleased them at the moment. They had spent it together and he had loved it.

Moments flipped through his mind as he looked of the window toward the rising sun, moments he could never forget even if he wanted to.

Her hips rocking in to him, her moans and shallow breaths leaving her lungs and caressing his ear, his fingers digging in to her soft skin, pulling her lithe body closer and guiding her hips as she rode him. The flames from the hearth warming the tone of her skin, reflecting in her dark eyes, her soft lips parted in absolute ecstasy while her hands slid over her beautiful figure.

Her strong thighs quivering as she got closer and closer to orgasm, the strangled moans making themselves heard as pleasure built in her body, his mouth delivering sharp nips and wet kisses to her neck and collarbone, her skin salty with the thinnest layer of sweat. Her hair long and wavy, pulled free so his hands could bury themselves in it whenever he pleased.

He could not get enough of her, could never get enough of her. Every other woman paled in comparison to the stunning Evil Queen. There was no one like her. And he knew they had agreed to never end up like this again, he knew they had worked hard at pushing one another away from each other, her majesty especially. She had even tried last night once he had kissed her. But he didn't want to be stopped and not so deep down, she didn't want him to stop either.

So they didn't. And instead, they eventually ended up in her bedchambers tangled in her sheets all through the night.

He then turned to look at the woman occupying his thoughts. She was still in bed even as the late morning sun poured in through the windows. The blankets were pooled around her, over her waist, covering her chest, tangled amongst her smooth and slender legs. The white linens offering a wonderful contrast to the dark waves of her silky hair tumbling over one shoulder and the tone of her skin that was just a touch darker than most.

She drew him in like the moon did the tides and he found his feet walking toward her before his mind even noticed. His steps were slower than his natural pace but it was only so he could take the time to admire her.

She laid on her side, propped up with pillows and the side of her head resting against the headboard as she watched him through the most incredible dark eyes. Her lipstick had been kissed off long before morning had greeted them and the soft pink left behind merely drew him in closer. He crawled on to the bed, reaching forward with his hand so it softly curled around her calf and slid higher as he moved closer. His gaze followed his touch, his fingers bending and slowing as they slid behind her knee and up her thigh.

Her skin was flawless and softer than the sheets she was tangled in. He was enthralled with her completely. And she allowed him to touch her, to feel her. She didn't move, she didn't protest, she stayed relaxed and comfortable as she reeled his heart closer to her own and when he lifted his gaze, her dark eyes were already looking at him. Stunning irises saturated with the warmest brown watched him softly and his heart ached in wonder over how far she had come. He could still recall the harshness of the cold eyes that once looked back at him. At everyone. One look would turn your blood to ice and make you weak in the knees in fear.

But the eyes looking back at him then carried no such malice. They were soft and tender, they were kind and gentle and David found himself in awe of her all over again. He wished he could tell her as such. But it would do them no favours, of that he was certain. So he settled in even closer to her and committed her expression to memory just for its beauty.

There was no upset, there was no anger, no hatred or agony. There was only a quiet peace that calmed him right to his core and as his thumb gently caressed her lips and his fingertips tucked her hair behind her ear, he wondered if she knew just exactly what she was capable of. Did she know just how beautiful she was? Did she know how strong a hold she had on his heart? Did she know how strong a presence she carried in a room? Did she know that if she so desired, the world would revolve around her? His world already did.

Did she know that if she were to ask him then and there, he would choose her? Did she know that right then and there he would marry her without hesitation?

"You are so beautiful," he breathed and her dark eyes stayed steady and unblinking, looking straight at him with no waver of her contentment.

Regina had heard him. But it was a word she had heard time and time again from practically everyone who crossed her path. And while it carried more weight leaving David's lips that late morning, it was not what she was paying mind to. She was trying and failing to make sense of how he could look at her as he was. As though she were his whole world, the ground beneath his feet, the air he breathed, the water he drank, the life he lived, and yet return to Snow White the first chance he got.

She didn't understand. But she didn't take the time to try to just then. She simply put it aside for later and allowed her beaten heart to revel in such a look. But no matter how hard she tried she couldn't help but wonder how he looked at Snow and what a wonderful feeling it must bring. For if she, his mistress, could be stilled by such an expression, what would a look stemmed from true love be like? What did Snow get to feel when David looked at her.

The daft girl probably didn't realize what she had. Probably didn't even notice how her shepherd prince looked at her. Regina would bet good money on how sorely the princess took her shepherd for granted. He was wasted on her.

Wasted.

With that in mind, Regina lifted her hand and with a tilt of her head and the very softest of touches, she trailed her fingertips down the side of his face. She wanted nothing more than to be his. Absolutely nothing more. Not even Snow White.

She wanted to fall asleep in his arms every night and wake in them every morning. She wanted to make him smile, she wanted to make him laugh, she wanted to make him happy. She wanted to do everything in her power to make him see just how dearly he was loved by her. She wanted to make sure his live was full and that he was never disregarded or taken for granted. She wanted to make him feel important just as he had been trying to teach her to treat herself.

But most of all, she wanted to be his sole lover. She wanted him to choose her. But he never would. So she would never bring it up. She would simply settle for savouring every moment she had with him even though with each new moment, the pain of losing him grew all the more looming. The day he left her for good was going to be the day she died, of that she was certain. Her heart would forever turn to stone. Hard and cold and without feeling.

But for now, in the late morning light, she let her lips curve in to the smallest smile at those bright blue eyes looking back at her and rubbed her thumb over his jaw. She wanted so desperately to tell him she loved him.

But before she could do something so foolish, he dipped his head to hers and kissed her. Slowly and tenderly and if she hadn't known better, she would dare to say he truly loved her too.

And as he broke the kiss, he did so with a gentle bump of his nose against hers and then tipped his forehead to hers. Just for a few slow breaths, soaking in every moment he could with her before he pulled back enough to look her in the eye.

And with his hand curled around the back of her neck and his thumb gently caressing her cheekbone, he took his time admiring her. Truly looking at her. The softness of her pink lips, free of any trace of red lipstick. The scar on her top lip, alluring and dangerous. The sharp line of her jaw that he wanted to kiss and bite. The shape of her nose, perfect in every way. And of course her eyes, the brown that a man could get lost in forever. Their practically ebony colour that only changed when the sun hit them and they flared with chestnut ridges and amber flecks. Gorgeous.

"What do you want from this world?" He asked softly, genuinely curious as the breathed words left his lips and his thumb ran softly and slowly over her cheekbone once more. She seemed thrown by the question at first. Unsure of what he meant exactly, unsure of what to say in return. But after a few moments, she did reply.

"To feel at home within it," she answered softly, her heart lurching in her chest at the statement.

David's chest ached at the tender desire. The Evil Queen just wanting to be wanted, just wanting to feel as though she had a place in the world, a home. It was heartbreaking. For while it was a desire that most had, no one thought to apply such a concept to a woman so seemingly full of evil. But just like everyone else, the Evil Queen simply wanted to be loved. But no one did.

"What if I asked you to make a list of the things you loved?" He inquired softly as he tucked her hair behind her ear.

"It would be a remarkably short list," she replied simply as she lifted her hand so she could touch his chest. Her eyes watching her fingertips aimlessly wander over smooth skin and strong muscle, wishing for the morning to last forever.

"What would be first?" He asked as his skin tingled with heat beneath her moving touch.

"My father," she replied without a thought, her mind elsewhere as her fingertips passed slowly over his heart.

"And then?" He asked softly, wondering what or who would be next on her list. She didn't say a word. But she answered his question loud and clear. She wouldn't dare say it aloud. But the sudden tension in her brow and the terribly sad frown pulling on her beautiful lips gave him the answer. He couldn't bear to look at those dark eyes of hers any longer than a moment either for they were so quickly filled with torment and grief.

Even her tender touch on his chest suddenly became weighted with pain and filled his heart with sorrow until it was heavy like a stone in his chest. For what came second on her list of things she loved was him. But she couldn't say it. Wouldn't dare. And even though nothing was voiced, there was no doubt in what her answer was.

It was him.

But he wouldn't dare open that topic of conversation. It was far too heavy a topic for such a peaceful morning. So instead he asked softly, "how far down the list would you have to go before you said 'yourself'?" She didn't answer right away and, for a moment, she seemed confused by the question. But he waited patiently for her reply while her fingers continued to mindlessly wander his bare chest in a manner he absolutely loved.

"...I don't know that I would ever think to put myself on such a list," she answered quietly and with a deep frown. For really, she should love herself. But she didn't. She couldn't even truly say she liked herself, let alone love herself. She was closer to it, she supposed, than she ever had been before. But that was solely due to David's impact on her she was sure. It was a strange thing to think about.

There were so many reasons she hated herself. And next to none for loving herself.

David watched in fascination as the concept of self love tormented his lovely queen's mind. Her fingers still wandered his chest but with each passing second, her brow furrowed deeper and deeper and her frown pulled lower and lower. He only hummed at her softly and sunk himself all the way down beside her, resting his head atop her pillow and watched her think.

Then he started playing with her hair, enjoying the way the silky waves slipped through his fingertips and shone in the morning light. "You have no idea how badly I wish to kiss you right now," he breathed and she was pulled from her thoughts at the sound of his voice. But he took his time admiring her hair before he met those brilliant dark eyes of hers with a small smile. A smile she did not return.

"You should go home, shepherd," Regina breathed but David only gave a single and subtle shake of his head and let his eyes wander her features once more. And she let him. She didn't so much as tip away from him and let him continue playing with her hair while her palm rested against his chest and her eyes remained fixed on the bright blue eyes that made her heart throb in hopeless desire.

"I just got here," he denied softly as he tucked her hair behind her ear. "Besides, I'm only half clothed," he teased and earned himself a small huff of laughter through her nose and a beautiful smile lifting those soft pink lips and creasing those gorgeous dark eyes. He was utterly helpless against the grin that spread over his face.

"You really are beautiful," he complimented earnestly, his voice just above a whisper and his happy laughter bouncing softly in his voice as he studied the momentary joy on her face, trying to commit it to memory. And then he hummed again and nestled the side of his face deeper in to the pillow as they smiled.

"I need to talk to you about something important," he told her softly, sobering the tone just a little as he looked over her face, "but I dare not spoil this perfect morning," he shook of his head with a small smile as he moved a hand to hold the side of her face. His fingers in her hair, his thumb slowly rubbing over her cheekbone, her soft dark eyes soaking in every detail of him.

There was no way he could ruin such a morning with news of a wedding. He couldn't do it. He wasn't even sure he wanted there to be a wedding.

And then, when he couldn't stand it any longer, he pulled her to him by the back of her neck and met her in a firm and slow kiss, muffling her startled gasp and then her lovely hum that came as she melted in to him once more.

He loved kissing her.

...

Days had gone by since his return and he still had not told her about the wedding plans. He didn't want to. He hadn't found the right moment. He knew that there was never going to be a right moment but he still waited for it to come.

She was content and she was peaceful and he knew that just mentioning Snow would set her off, never mind a wedding invitation. He just couldn't bring himself to do it. And he still wasn't convinced he should follow through with a wedding. Especially after being in Regina's peaceful company for more than a handful of minutes at a time. So he decided to simply tell her next time. He would go to Snow soon he was sure and when he returned to the queen, he would surely have concocted some way to tell her.

He would tell her next time.

And when she came around through his peripheral, his heart skipped in delight. He watched without a word as she glanced at the map he had been studying and then perched herself upon the edge of the desk he stood at. What a hopeless mess she had gotten his heart in to.

"There is something I have yet to understand, shepherd. Something I have spent the last year and however many months trying to figure out."

"And what is that, your majesty?" He smiled softly and watched her fidget for a moment before she spoke.

"I just cannot fathom why you had made such an effort in to bringing Daniel back to me. Just for a moment," she shook her head and he smiled at her in complete adoration. It nearly brought her to tears for Daniel was already a sensitive subject for her, "why? Why would you give me such a gift?"

With a heart softer than it had ever been, David stepped in front of her and tipped forward so his hands braced his weight on the desk on either side of her hips. And he smiled at her, softly, tenderly, while her eyes darted between his. "For closure, your majesty," he told her and she waited for more, "I stayed here with you in the first place to help you, Regina. And after finding Daniel in his room here, I knew that he was more important to you than anyone else. But keeping him here was not right. It was not healthy. So I pushed you to bury him and mourn him properly. And then when I was wandering the market helping you restock your supplies, I caught word of an impossible magic. A beautiful magic. A very rare magic.

A magic that could bring a passed loved one to the living world just long enough for a goodbye. Well, I just knew I had to get it for you. No matter the cost."

"But why?" She pressed with a shake of her head.

"Because he was important to you, Regina. Because you loved him and he was stolen from you. Because you never got to say goodbye. It is practically impossible to let go of someone so incredibly important when you haven't been able to say goodbye. I got the ale for you because I knew it would help you. I knew that seeing him just one more time, that touching him and talking to him just one more time would give you the chance to leave nothing unsaid. That it would give you your best chance at moving on.

I did it because I care about you and your well-being, your majesty. And because no one should lose the one they love, but if they do, they should at least be able to say goodbye. And with every injustice life has handed you, Daniel was at least one of them that I could change for you. You were and still are on a path to redemption, to being your best self. And in staying here with you I promised to help you. Bringing Daniel back for you was the very least I could do. I could not walk past a gift so perfectly suited for yourself," he shook his head lightly and watched her bow her head to hide her glossy eyes.

"You did it to be kind."

"Yes, Regina," he nodded and she kept her eyes down, "I did it to be kind," he agreed softly and her brow furrowed as she took a deep breath to compose herself.

"But I was so cruel to you."

"It didn't matter."

"I didn't deserve it."

"You deserve it more than anyone," he assured seriously and she lifted her head to look him in the eye, "I know, I have been in your past," he teased ever so gently, the topic of that ribbon always sensitive even years later.

"I don't know, some days I think Snow should have just let me die tied to that post," she argued tiredly as she reached forward and let her fingers trail over his chest once again.

With a frown and a confused twist of his face, David shook his head, "why?"

"Because, shepherd," she started quietly and he hung off every word with his full attention and she absolutely loved his hand moving and resting over her hand that remained on her lap. Warm and heavy and kind, loving even, "you are going to go back to Snow. And I am going to be left right where I started."

"No you won't," he argued softly as his thumb ran slowly over her own.

"No?"

"No."

"What outcome do you see for me then, shepherd? Because all I see is you going back home to Snow, getting married, having children, effectively leaving me here alone in this palace. Without you. Entirely heartbroken and exhausted. Exactly where we started."

"I won't leave you alone, Regina-"

"Maybe not at first, maybe you will come visit. But you will not be mine. You will belong to Snow White and knowing that you will never be mine will kill me every time I see you. And maybe I will try to get over it for the first few visits. But eventually I will not be able to look at you even one more time and I will push you away and you will give up and I will be alone. Alone in and confined in these palace walls."

"You don't have to stay here, Regina," he reasoned, unable to truly deny or argue her sequence of events. No matter how much he wished to.

"I have been banished, shepherd."

"You and I both know Snow will retract that if it is asked of her."

"I have nowhere to go even if she did."

"You could find a place, you could start over, build a new life."

"Again?" She questioned with the very smallest and most exhausted laugh. And then she shook her head and looked down at his hand over hers on her lap, "I am tired, shepherd. And I believe that losing you will be the final piece that breaks me. You are important to me, you stayed and you fought when no one else would. I don't want you to go. But I know you will. In fact, you probably should. You've kept Snow waiting long enough."

"...What if I didn't?" He asked and she shook her head.

"You should go home, David."

"What if I am home?" He spoke quietly and she shook her head once again as tears started to shine in her dark eyes.

"We both know that that isn't true," she denied and her heart broke over it. She wanted nothing more than to be his home. And as his hand reached up and cradled her face, his thumb rubbing over her cheek, her heart ached even deeper.

"But what if it is?" He pressed and she got angry.

"Don't play with me like this," she snapped tiredly and tearfully as she pulled her hands away from him and pushed herself off the desk and past him.

"I'm not, Regina," he insisted as he pivoted to follow her, "what if I didn't leave? What if I stayed here?"

"That's not funny, David!" She scolded harshly as she whirled around to face him.

"I am being serious, Regina, what if I didn't leave?"

"No, you don't get to do this! You made it crystal clear! You chose Snow White!"

"I know I did! But, Regina-!"

"No 'buts', David! You chose her! You love her! You are engaged to her! You woke her from my curse for heaven's sake! I am not naive, I am not stupid! I can put the pieces together! You love her! You have chosen her! Don't you dare taunt me with false hopes!"

"What if they are not false?! I don't want to leave, Regina! And you don't want me to go! I don't see the wall you seem to insist is here!"

"I will not fool myself in to believing for one second that you would toss away years and years of a relationship with Snow, a relationship proven valid by True Love's kiss no less, for me!"

"Why not?!"

"Because it is absolutely ridiculous! I am not worth it and you know it! You may enjoy your time in my bed, you may steel sweet moments from me when I felt so inclined, but what on earth makes you think that you and I could ever work?! That you and I could _ever_ be anything more than you and Snow White?!"

"Stop comparing yourself to her!"

"Why?! Because I will never win?!"

"No, Regina-!"

"I know I won't! And how you don't see that, I simply cannot fathom! She is good, she is perfect, she is beautiful, she is happy, she utterly adores you, and you obviously love her!"

"If I love her so much then why do I keep finding myself here with you?! In _your_ bed?! In _your_ care?!"

"If you love me then why do you keep finding yourself in Snow White's bed?!" She countered furiously, her heart aching and her tears finally falling down her cheeks in complete anger and heartbreak as the girl's right to David came up once more. And David fell silent.

"Why do you keep finding yourself in _her_ care?! Why do you keep finding yourself between _her_ legs?! Why do you keep finding yourself caught in _her_ kiss?! Why do you keep _her_ ring on your finger?! If you love me why do you keep going back to _her_?!" She shouted at him, her complete hatred toward Snow White rearing its ugly head as her mind filled with the images she spoke of.

She hated her. She hated her so much it _hurt_. And it wasn't over their past, their past was but a dull ache when compared to the searing and stabbing pain that came with the indisputable knowledge that the shepherd was the princess' and the princess' alone. Regina would kill her if she could. And if David would look at her the same after the fact.

"So do not fucking taunt me with grand ideas that will never come to pass! You have caused me enough grief in your stay here, do not give me more reasons to hate you," She snarled and when he didn't say anything, merely watched her with a frustrated and tormented scowl, she turned to storm away from him with one last bitter stab, snarled over her shoulder, "you can't have everything, David. Go home."

"Regina!"

"I said I didn't want you to leave!" She shouted as she whirled around one last time with a vicious snarl, "I did _not_ say there was something between us, I did _not_ say we could ever work. Go _home_ , shepherd!" She bellowed and he scowled back at her, hurt and frustrated. Then she spun around and left him, "go home to your princess."

And once she was out of his company, her tears fell even faster. For her knack for self sabotage really was remarkable. Really and truly remarkable.


	30. Chapter 30

**Hoooooly frick I never meant to go this long between updates! I have been so busy its not even funny. However I took a vacation and without the hundreds of things I ordinarily had to do in a day, I spent the time writing and got like five chapters written up! So the next few updates should come quicker! yay!**

 **As for this chapter...I am sorry! It had to be done for where I want this story to go. But I still hold true to my word and promise that this story has a happy ending with an EC endgame!**

* * *

He should have told her about the wedding.

That was all David could think about as he looked at himself in the mirror. He should have told Regina about the wedding.

He thought he would have more time, he thought he could just tell her the next time he was in her company. And even though they didn't leave on particularly cordial terms, he still felt absolutely horrible for not telling her.

When he had arrived back home to the castle it was abuzz with people. Royalty of all sorts wandered the halls laughing and smiling and congratulating him but he couldn't say what for. He had merely smiled and thanked them and continued on his search for Snow more confused than ever before.

And when he finally found her she was quite happy to see him and then nervous to answer his question regarding the people in their home. She had invited them for the wedding. She of course didn't know exactly what day it would be but knew that he had to return from Regina's dark palace at some point and that once he was back, they could finally marry.

And while it caught him off guard, what was he supposed to say? No? Of course not. He agreed in a little more than heartbeat. And the joy that burst over Snow's face almost made him forget whose world he was about to turn upside down.

But Regina had turned him down. He had tried to stay and she had flat out told him that they could never work. That they could never be together. She had said it straight to his face, had made certain that there were no doubts on the matter.

So he would marry Snow.

Despite the little voice whispering that he knew better, he would marry the woman who loved him, the woman who had never hurt him, the woman who would never hurt him.

But even as the days had passed and as he stood in front of the mirror fussing with his sleeve the evening before the wedding, the matter of his queen would not be silenced.

...

The longer Regina sat by herself, the more she regretted what she had said to David. For he had told her he wanted to stay with her, he had told her exactly what she wanted to hear, exactly what she had been longing to hear, and she told him to go home to his princess.

And her pride had kept her from immediately taking back her words. For of course she wanted him to stay, to be hers. But she truly didn't believe it would last. She knew she should have at least given it a chance but when in her entire life had anything ever worked in her favour.

"You should go to him, child."

She simply scoffed quietly in reply. But her heart yearned to follow his direction, "I will not grovel to that shepherd."

"Grovelling and apologizing are two very different things."

"I have nothing to apologize for," she denied but knew it was a lie and her father was always ever so patient.

"I believe that lying about how you feel," he started as he made is way in front of his daughter and took a seat on the chair across from the couch she sat upon, "and forcing him out of the palace when he wished no such thing, is worthy of an apology," he reasoned with a slight raise of his brow.

"He was delusional. And I did not lie about how I feel," she denied sharply and her father held her eye with a raised eyebrow. It made her irritable and twitchy and when he did not move or say a word more, she snapped, "what?!"

"I care only for your happiness, my child. I just wonder if you will decide to pursue it before it is too late."

"My happiness is Snow White's misery. I have not once stopped pursuing it nor will I stop until I have achieved it."

"Do you honestly still believe that to be true?" He pressed kindly and she scowled harder. She didn't waver either, so with a long conceding sigh, Henry nodded his head once and rose from his seat and walked toward his temperamental daughter, "pursue it as you see fit, my child," he told her softly and she just barely permitted the kiss he pressed to the top of her head, "goodnight, Regina."

"Goodnight, daddy," she forced out as kindly as she could handle in her bitter mood. His tender hand brushing over her shoulder made her skin crawl in distaste but only because she knew he was right. And she hated being told what to do. Especially when apologies and the laying aside of prides were involved.

But she knew he was right. And she would spend the entirety of the night sitting in front of her burning hearth thinking about it.

 **Morning**

It was by no means difficult to slip in to Snow White's castle. The spells in place to keep her out were utterly laughable. If they wanted her kept out, they should have used blood magic. Or at least a spell worth her time. But it seemed neither Snow or David cared to reinforce their home since the last time she slipped past their spells.

Didn't matter though. She would have gotten their attention one way or another.

But once inside, Regina was thrown off by something in the air. It was quiet. The wing of the castle with the royal bedchambers entirely empty of any soul. It had her frowning in mild confusion as she wandered through the castle looking for any sign of anyone.

But there was no one around. It was bizarre and she couldn't make sense of it. And when her wandering put her in the dining hall, she found it completely full, set for an enormous party, every place at the huge table set with the very finest dishes and cutlery. And yet there was no one there. Not a soul.

So she kept wandering. Her black leather boots clicking against the stone floors and echoing through the castle, her black cape dragging softly behind her, her black corset hugging her figure tight, fingers flexing in unease and discomfort for being so far out of her element. Not as far out of it as she would have been just two years ago though. Progress had been made, there was no denying it as she walked through the castle with an easy pride to her stride and posture.

But it truly was ridiculous that she, the Evil Queen, could wander the castle so easily. If she so desired she could poison the entire kitchen and kill everyone within the castle walls and no one would be the wiser.

Whatever was going on must be rather significant if not so much as a single guard could be spared.

And when she exited the other end of the dining hall, she could finally hear a voice. What they were saying, she couldn't make out until she got to the door of the grand ballroom. And once she could make it out, she simply could not believe what she heard. Her heart stopped and her skin shivered as her blood ran cold with the hot knife of betrayal stabbing her in the back and straight through her heart.

She would have burst in to tears had she not been so shocked and furious. The words echoed in her mind over and over again, 'I now pronounce you husband and wife', making her head spin and her stomach churn. And yet she still couldn't believe it, not until she saw it.

With nothing more than a sharp flick of her wrists, the doors to the ballroom swung open and the applause of the guests fell instantly silent. Half the kingdom was gathered inside. And right in the centre stood Snow White in the very whitest of wedding gowns and at her side, the shepherd in the very finest silver silk and velvet. It broke her heart.

And enraged her so completely she could only smile a cold and cruel smile, "sorry I'm late."

David felt like dying the moment those doors had swung open. Dread overcame him and weighted his every cell as she walked up the aisle with a cold smirk he knew all too well. She was hiding behind it. And nothing good ever came from her majesty hiding her true feelings behind a smile. He should have told her of the wedding when he had the chance.

Or he should have called it off and fought for her.

Either scenario would have been better than the one before him now. Anything would have been better than a heartbroken woman with a fiery temper and a reputation for ruining lives. And an audience of half the kingdom's upperclass, if not more.

There were guards that defended himself and Snow the very moment Regina got too close for comfort but Snow called them off in an instant. If only she knew.

David had never felt more ashamed than he did then when Regina smiled at him with such malice and heartbreak in her dark eyes despite the pleasant curve of her red lips. And when she stopped in front of them with a slight cock of her head, David found himself terrified of what she was going to do, or what she was going to say.

"Well, well, well. What a delight, you two are _finally_ making it official," she smiled with a tight and detesting quirk of her head.

"Regina," Snow greeted warily, hoping she was there on cordial terms but knowing better than to put faith in such a thought. Especially given the woman's incredibly fragile demeanour. As though the pleasantries would give way to a burning rage at the very smallest provocation.

Regina barely acknowledged the princess. Simply turned her attention to the shepherd with a swivel of her neck, her forced smile never once giving way to what laid just beneath its surface. "Nothing to say, shepherd?" She inquired almost sweetly and he didn't dare reply. Didn't so much as change his expression. His apologetic, sorrowful, and fearful expression that did nothing more than irritate her and break her heart further.

She doubted anyone but her could see the truth beneath his frown but that didn't matter. He knew exactly how he was hurting her. And he didn't say a word. But mind you, neither did she.

"My, my, how far you have come. From poor filthy shepherd to gleaming royalty with the most precious treasure hanging from his arm. Your very own princess. Happy happy day indeed," she sneered as she stepped on to the altar and paid no mind to the priest fleeing from her path. "If only they knew the truth," she purred as she slunk right up close to him. But not close enough to touch him before she stepped around him and began to circle him.

He was tense, surely dreading the possibility that she may expose their relationship. But she only circled him and the darling Snow White. Slowly, like a lioness stalking her prey, plotting her next attack, "if only they knew what the kind shepherd was so readily capable of. Do you think they would still be so accepting of you then? Hmm?"

And then as she came around behind Snow and the girl watched her with a special kind of sorrow and unease, Regina could only snarl in distaste.

"And you, pretty Snow White. Looking so innocent and pure, dressed in white," she snarled as she stepped in to the girl's space, "do they know what you are capable of? For I highly doubt they would care for you so blindly if they did. Do they know the role you played in making me who I am? Do they know that it was you who titled me as evil? That it was you who utterly ruined me? Because I think not," she growled and slunk in even closer, her hands lifting to hover over either side of the girl's face.

"I want to tear you apart," she drew out slowly, her fingers twitching with the need to follow through while her voice raised louder and louder with every word she spoke, "I want to tear you limb from limb, I want to mar that fair skin, I want to claw out your eyes, I want to rip your heart from your chest and crush it to dust between my fingers, I want to watch you bleed like a hung pig, I want to watch the life leave your body, I want you to know suffering, Snow _White_! But no matter what I do to you, no matter how hard I try, you will _never_ know the pain you put me through," she snarled harshly, her blood pounding in her ears and her teeth bared as tears of utter rage pricked her eyes.

And while Snow had tears in her eyes, she didn't look the least bit scared. Only miserable and sympathetic and it made Regina all the more furious. She hated her. She hated her so much it hurt. And once again there she stood with everything. Everything. While Regina herself had nothing.

"I will ruin you, Snow White. I will destroy your happiness if it is the _last_ thing I do," she hissed under her breath and Snow shook her head once as tears rolled down her fair cheeks, "that much I _promise_ you."

"Regina," Snow called gently. It was the piece that ultimately broke her and the queen moved to make good on her threats. But the woman's advance was stopped immediately by a blade against her neck.

Regina had barely heard the blade being unsheathed. All she could hear was her bloodlust pounding in her ears as she moved to strangle the raven haired princess. But the cold metal against her throat had her stopping in her tracks and snapping her eyes to the blade's owner only to feel the air forced from her lungs. She was devastated to learn it was her shepherd holding the sword's hilt.

The look of hurt and anger and complete and utter betrayal on her face hit him like a stone wall. He didn't want to hurt her, he didn't want the blade against her throat, it was making his stomach churn. But there was so very little he could to to stop her from attacking Snow, the sword was the least dramatic but it was the most harmful.

For he loved her and he was so sure she loved him and yet there he was holding a blade against her throat, stepping forward and pushing her backward off the altar. "Regina, please," he breathed, fighting the sorrow tightening his throat as she looked up at him in complete devastation and rage, "don't," he shook his head, all but begging her to stand down.

It was the tears in her eyes that broke him the most. For even though he drew no blood, he cut her deeper and deeper with every moment he stood above her with the weapon to her throat, effectively contradicting all of care and kindness and even love he had given her over the last two years.

She was devastated, he could see it clear in her expression just below the rage on its surface. It devastated him just as much and he wished he could take it back. "I am sorry," he whispered with a subtle shake of his head and all of the heartache in the world in his expression. For there were so many things he was sorry for. He should have told her about the wedding, he should have talked with her, he should have pushed the matter of the pair of them, he should have insisted upon a relationship, he should have done more. He could see it now.

He could see it in the tears threatening to fall from her eyes, in the anger that vibrated through her fingers and snarled her lips, he could see it in the heartbreak that laboured her every breath. And he could feel it within him. He could feel his heart aching, he could feel it breaking, he felt his skin crawl with regret and shame, he could feel his exhaustion and sorrow tighten the back of his throat. He should have done more.

He was sorry.

She couldn't speak. She had so many things she wanted to say to him, so many things she needed to scream. But she knew the moment she tried to form so much as a single word, she would burst in to tears. And her pride wouldn't dare allow her to do such a thing in front of so many people.

So she scoffed a quiet and bitter sound while her stomach twisted with outrage and pain. And just as her first tear slipped down her cheek, she was enveloped in purple smoke. But instead of vanishing without a trace, she blew out in an explosive force, knocking people backward to catch their balance, making them gasp and scream as her dark cloud spun and then collapsed with a big rush of air.

...

Henry had known his daughter had left but he had not known she had returned until the palace had grown too quiet. It was almost always a quiet place but there was always a certain magnification of it when his daughter was upset. Whether it was her distressed magic wafting through the air or the staff's increased efforts to be silent and out of sight, or perhaps even a combination of it all, Henry couldn't say.

But the atmosphere in the palace had shifted and he found himself making his way to his daughter's bedchamber with a weighted frown.

And when he peered inside, he found his daughter to be an absolute wreck and he was concerned and curious for only a moment. She was strung out and frazzled, unsettled and far from the poised and masked poise she usually carried. But once he caught her eye in the reflection of her mirror, he knew exactly what had happened and his heart shattered for her.

"Oh child," he breathed with the most pained expression and she opened her mouth to shout at him, to unleash the unbridled fury that he knew stormed within her.

But all that came out was a choked sob.

It tore her apart from the inside out, she shook and her balance wavered as her hands settled over her churning stomach and broken heart, her anger dissolving instantly in to pain and distress. Henry went to her without a moment to lose. Between her corset and her heartbroken sobs, she couldn't breathe even the smallest breath without strain but Henry knew it was incomparable to the pain she was feeling over losing David.

Without a word more spoken between them, Henry urged his daughter in to a hug and she crumbled in to him without a moment's hesitation. And once she was held in his arms, she only seemed to cry more as she clung to him with shaky arms and her cries muffled by his neck.

"Oh child," he repeated with more sorrow than before and felt her slump in to him even more, "I know you love him," he shook his head softly and she hugged him tighter as more sobs wracked her tired body and tormented soul, "I am so sorry, Regina."


End file.
